wife beaters, what makes them tick?

soups05 · 14-01-2021 8:53pm

A woman is like a good garden, every now and then they need a good dig.

But really lads, don't knock it till ya try it. Tis great for geting your own way.

(it's after hours, you did not expect a serious answer did you?)

14-01-2021 8:54pm

BrianD3 wrote: »

There's an element of women being drawn to violent men with some marrying them. Before everyone piles on top of me and accuses me of being a neckbeard misogynist, I'm not victim blaming here just stating how things are.

Nerds who wouldn't hurt a fly - little or no success with women. No wife = no wife beating.
Gangsters, thugs, drug dealers, sociopaths, bullies, assholes - plenty of success with women.

So what makes wife beaters tick, in many cases it's just them being their usual asshole if not thug selves. Same individuals likely to engage in animal cruelty IME.

I've only one close personal experience of domestic abuse.

My aunt (mams sister) used to get the sh1t beaten out of her and the kids by her waste of organs dead beat husband. She'd stay with us a while, my dad would go up and threaten him, cops would be called, but she always went back to him.
Total alcoholic, spent every bit of money on booze. Kids often hungry, rarely heating, poor school attendance etc.. We could only support with food/clothes safe place to come when she needed. Man was always trying to get her to leave him.
But she always went back. He'd doo foxers for people for cash,and hide it from his family.

I asked dad why she stayed with him. Dad used to say, he was always a cnut, he never liked him. He was captain of the local GAA team growing up, the big man strutting about small country town. fighting and drinking from an early age (It was the 80s), and that she was delighted to have him as her boyfriend before they were married, she was the envy of her circle!

Some women are unfortunately attracted to the "bad boy", its too late sometimes when they realise what they've gotten into, that the bad boy is just a useless, selfish thug.

If someone lays a finger on my daughters, ill do time.

katiek102010 · 14-01-2021 8:55pm

grassylawn wrote: »

People with low self esteem or bad backgrounds are much more likely to accept it or perceive it as normal though.

Not necessarily. Many people with low self esteem do escape DV. The issue is if the low self esteem is not addressed, they may become trapped in a cycle of abuse by another abuser.

I know of one person who experienced years of psychological abuse. They never even realised it. It started so subtle. This person ended up being seriously bullied at work by a new manager. This reinforced to them that they were useless and incompetent just like their spouse said.

It wasn't until the bullying at work was unconvered that the abuse at home was copped.

The bully had targeted the victim due to basically recognition of an easy victim due to low self esteem

pgj2015 · 14-01-2021 9:05pm

katiek102010 wrote: »

Not necessarily. Many people with low self esteem do escape DV. The issue is if the low self esteem is not addressed, they may become trapped in a cycle of abuse by another abuser.

I know of one person who experienced years of psychological abuse. They never even realised it. It started so subtle. This person ended up being seriously bullied at work by a new manager. This reinforced to them that they were useless and incompetent just like their spouse said.

It wasn't until the bullying at work was unconvered that the abuse at home was copped.

The bully had targeted the victim due to basically recognition of an easy victim due to low self esteem

The likes of the bully at work should do time in prison for that in my opinion.

I was reading about a court case lately about some scumbag "team leader" in a warehouse in Dublin, he made several disgusting racist remarks at someone working under him. all that happened the team leader was he got a written warning, I mean come on.

pgj2015 · 14-01-2021 9:10pm

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

I've only one close personal experience of domestic abuse.

My aunt (mams sister) used to get the sh1t beaten out of her and the kids by her waste of organs dead beat husband. She'd stay with us a while, my dad would go up and threaten him, cops would be called, but she always went back to him.
Total alcoholic, spent every bit of money on booze. Kids often hungry, rarely heating, poor school attendance etc.. We could only support with food/clothes safe place to come when she needed. Man was always trying to get her to leave him.
But she always went back. He'd doo foxers for people for cash,and hide it from his family.

I asked dad why she stayed with him. Dad used to say, he was always a cnut, he never liked him. He was captain of the local GAA team growing up, the big man strutting about small country town. fighting and drinking from an early age (It was the 80s), and that she was delighted to have him as her boyfriend before they were married, she was the envy of her circle!

Some women are unfortunately attracted to the "bad boy", its too late sometimes when they realise what they've gotten into, that the bad boy is just a useless, selfish thug.

If someone lays a finger on my daughters, ill do time.

Did you ever see the episode of danny dyers deadliest men with mo teague?
mo teague is ex army, ex bouncer/hard man etc, a guy you wouldnt want to get on the wrong side of. his daughter was going out with a guy who was beating her, mo said the guy was minutes away from being shot dead, he had arranged it with some lads he knew. he reckoned the wife beater guy got a kick out of the fact mo was her father, makes you wonder do these guys have a brain at all.

The J Stands for Jay · 14-01-2021 9:12pm

Cerveza wrote: »

Tiny penis more than likely. The government should provide free penis pumps.

Their local TD calls round once a month to **** them off?

14-01-2021 9:48pm

pgj2015 wrote: »

Did you ever see the episode of danny dyers deadliest men with mo teague?
mo teague is ex army, ex bouncer/hard man etc, a guy you wouldnt want to get on the wrong side of. his daughter was going out with a guy who was beating her, mo said the guy was minutes away from being shot dead, he had arranged it with some lads he knew. he reckoned the wife beater guy got a kick out of the fact mo was her father, makes you wonder do these guys have a brain at all.

Thats the kind of guy you want looking out for you

Pyridine · 14-01-2021 10:51pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knkYoT_11OY

Wanderer2010 · 14-01-2021 11:03pm

tayto lover wrote: »

They’re bullies basically and control freaks.

And cowards. They wouldnt beat up a man the same way they would a woman, which makes them filthy cowards as well as scum.

Thelonious Monk · 14-01-2021 11:06pm

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

And cowards. They wouldnt beat up a man the same way they would a woman, which makes them filthy cowards as well as scum.

Mike Tyson: Hold my beer

Wanderer2010 · 14-01-2021 11:10pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Mike Tyson: Hold my beer

He had fame and money and adulation to prop him up. Im talking about the garden variety of wife beater who release their rage on females who they know cant fight back when they couldnt throw a punch at a man in a million years.

Quantum Erasure · 14-01-2021 11:16pm

What makes them tick? Nothing, they just are thick

Hellokitty1212 · 14-01-2021 11:16pm

A long time ago a colleague was clearly being abused by her husband who worked in the factory too. Tiny wee girl she was, looked like a frightened kitten most of the time. Heartbreaking.

Came to a head one Christmas party night where he grabbed her by the collar to take her home because she laughed at someone’s joke. Couple of the younger guys had a quiet word with him and “explained” why he should probably try picking on someone his own size.

He started crying that he grew up without a dad and he didn’t have role models etc - a pathetic sight. A complete coward. I genuinely believed he’d have killed the poor girl.

Mrsmum · 14-01-2021 11:21pm

Hellokitty1212 wrote: »

A long time ago a colleague was clearly being abused by her husband who worked in the factory too. Tiny wee girl she was, looked like a frightened kitten most of the time. Heartbreaking.

Came to a head one Christmas party night where he grabbed her by the collar to take her home because she laughed at someone’s joke. Couple of the younger guys had a quiet word with him and “explained” why he should probably try picking on someone his own size.

He started crying that he grew up without a dad and he didn’t have role models etc - a pathetic sight. A complete coward. I genuinely believed he’d have killed the poor girl.

And then he went home and probably gave her an extra kick for embarrassing him.

AllForIt · 14-01-2021 11:22pm

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/nov/08/man-died-in-euthanasia-clinic-after-acid-attack-trial-told

PEOPLE are often screwed up. That's life. Don't worry, none of us are around that long to suffer such abuses, thankfully.

14-01-2021 11:34pm

Walking home from salthill years ago, a few of us, pints on board, no joy in the Warrick etc came across a chap throwing a few slaps on a woman by the Tatch
We pulled him off her, she gets up and starts beating into us.

We left them at it

Hellokitty1212 · 14-01-2021 11:39pm

Mrsmum wrote: »

And then he went home and probably gave her an extra kick for embarrassing him.

I’d hope not but you never know with these lunatics. She did finish with him a few months later after he got sacked but he waited round after work for weeks after - poor kid’s dad had to collect her.

Vestiapx · 14-01-2021 11:52pm

completedit wrote: »

It probably happens more than we care to admit.
Women don't really like nice men but even nice men can be abusive. I've had one or two relationships and while I've never been violent or close to it, I can see how situations can deteriorate before you even know it. Sometimes my feeling of ineptness would spiral out of control and I'd just want to fly off the handle. With me, it manifested itself in defensiveness. I think men who are more prone to being aggressive but have the same insecurities would react by being physically violent.

Women don't like nice men? That's a fallicy if I ever heard one, women love nice men who are tall athletic and confident in themselves. Too many lads kidding themselves that it's the nice that gets them ignored while it's actually the crippling inability to just be themselves.
The angry violent and therefore seemingly or perhaps actually confident bad boys are often simply seen as confident and confident goes a long way.

Vestiapx · 14-01-2021 11:54pm

Pyridine wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knkYoT_11OY

In the movie he hits the blond and her mother, wonder if that ever happened .

Strumms · 14-01-2021 11:58pm

Buddy Bubs wrote: »

Has anyone thrown out the mental health excuse yet, the poor divils have mental health issues God bless them. It's not their fault

You have a mental health issue, if you are diagnosed by a psychologist or psychotherapist... bollocks about felling xyz and using that or past events in your life to indulge in cruel and downright ****ty violent behavior is not acceptable. Unfortunately society tends to be warming to the fact that person A.. by virtue of being victim of falling of their skateboard at 13... can basically do what the fûck they like to people in life...

pgj2015 · 15-01-2021 12:02am

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

Thats the kind of guy you want looking out for you

I heard of a guy who lives local to me, a real piece of dirt. beats his partner, left her in hospital a few times, she is a bit simple. she has 7 brothers, none of them gave yer man a hiding, like id nearly do it myself and I dont even know the woman. what kind of brothers are they?

15-01-2021 12:16am

pgj2015 wrote: »

I heard of a guy who lives local to me, a real piece of dirt. beats his partner, left her in hospital a few times, she is a bit simple. she has 7 brothers, none of them gave yer man a hiding, like id nearly do it myself and I dont even know the woman. what kind of brothers are they?

Useless men?

Any man throwing slaps, digs or kicks into any woman, deserves multiples of the same from any man within beating distance of him. I mean, a beating he wouldn’t forget, ever.

As far as I’m concerned, all the talk about equality of the sexes and similar guff goes out the window and that situation boils down to being a man and dealing with the scum who lays a finger on a woman with a violent response.

Too big to take on? You should know someone else who will join you in beating seven shades out of the dirtbag. Or two someones. Domestic abuse when it’s hidden is one thing. If you know and you don’t deal with someone like that, shame on you if you call yourself a man.

I’m not a scapper, but some situations are worth breaking bones in your hands to stop a pig from hurting a woman. A small price to pay if it comes to that.

Buddy Bubs · 15-01-2021 6:06am

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

Walking home from salthill years ago, a few of us, pints on board, no joy in the Warrick etc came across a chap throwing a few slaps on a woman by the Tatch
We pulled him off her, she gets up and starts beating into us.

We left them at it

Same thing happened to me too

15-01-2021 7:30am

Buddy Bubs wrote: »

Has anyone thrown out the mental health excuse yet, the poor divils have mental health issues God bless them. It's not their fault

I would be careful of mixing up "excuse" and "explanation". It is perfectly valid to seek explanations for the behavior of any given individual - especially if our goal is to seek to treat or change that behavior. But finding the reasons and motivations and causes of someone's behavior does not mean "excusing" it.

As for "poor divils" - well you mentioned "God bless them". I would keep non existent characters out of it myself - but the Christians do have a concept of "hate the sin not the sinner" and in mental health issues I would take a similar approach.

I can despise the act and still have empathy for both the perpetrator and the victim. And if I were to seek to explain - understand - and treat the perpetrator I would be doing so from a starting point of human empathy. I can despise that person's actions without impacting my sympathies for any underlying physical or mental or other conditions that might have led them to it.

I fear too many people think that it's one or the other. That somehow doing one curtails - or should curtail - the other. I have never found this to be a reality.

zanador · 15-01-2021 11:44am

Mad_maxx wrote: »

much truth in that , traveller men beating their wives is as common as muck , unfortunately for the traveller women , feminists wont call this out as travellers are a sacred cow of progressives

its also common in muslim societies but again they are a progressive left sacred cow so better to focus on the " toxic masculinity " of european whites

I don't normally answer to these kind of posts but as this is a serious topic I'm going to.

Huge work done with Traveller women around this issue. It's a known problem and the people who are in these communities and working in these communities are tirelessly trying to change it rather than sitting on the internet giving opinion about it. It is talked about ALL THE TIME.

I dunno where you got that assumption about Muslims because it's not a cultural thing at all, depends on the man same as here.

Imo opinion being that 'rare' ( I think it happens way more than we think) breed of woman who used to get physical with partners before I learned (I grew up in an abusive household and that's just how anger was manifested) I can tell you it's unregulated emotions and no boundaries that then become rage at the slightest thing. I was never like beat the **** out of someone but I would have given a slap no problem until my mid twenties when I copped.

Mad_maxx · 15-01-2021 12:09pm

zanador wrote: »

I don't normally answer to these kind of posts but as this is a serious topic I'm going to.

Huge work done with Traveller women around this issue. It's a known problem and the people who are in these communities and working in these communities are tirelessly trying to change it rather than sitting on the internet giving opinion about it. It is talked about ALL THE TIME.

I dunno where you got that assumption about Muslims because it's not a cultural thing at all, depends on the man same as here.

Imo opinion being that 'rare' ( I think it happens way more than we think) breed of woman who used to get physical with partners before I learned (I grew up in an abusive household and that's just how anger was manifested) I can tell you it's unregulated emotions and no boundaries that then become rage at the slightest thing. I was never like beat the **** out of someone but I would have given a slap no problem until my mid twenties when I copped.

i dont see anything wrong with giving a slap to someone beyond ones twenties , certainly not unless its a last resort but some people are complete feral animals or at the least neandethrals and cannot be reasoned with

a local jackass left me with a damaged shoulder blade back in 2013 , he came up behind me in the local and punched me as hard as he could while i was facing the bar , thought it was hilarious and done the same kind of thing with several others for sh1ts and giggles , this guy was mid fifties at the time and like i said a shaved ape

i gave him a few clatters a few weeks later as he cost me the guts of seven hundred quid in physio bills and other medical expenses , add to that i was not long recovered from a back injury and the last thing i needed was someone using me for target practice

some guys are just utter morons their entire life

zanador · 15-01-2021 12:19pm

Mad_maxx wrote: »

i dont see anything wrong with giving a slap to someone beyond ones twenties , certainly not unless its a last resort but some people are complete feral animals or at the least neandethrals and cannot be reasoned with

a local jackass left me with a damaged shoulder blade back in 2013 , he came up behind me in the local and punched me as hard as he could while i was facing the bar , thought it was hilarious and done the same kind of thing with several others for sh1ts and giggles , this guy was mid fifties at the time and like i said a shaved ape

i gave him a few clatters a few weeks later as he cost me the guts of seven hundred quid in physio bills and other medical expenses , add to that i was not long recovered from a back injury and the last thing i needed was someone using me for target practice

some guys are just utter morons their entire life

I am a woman (not that that makes a difference to intent) and was doing it through rage with no justification.

pgj2015 · 15-01-2021 12:25pm

Mad_maxx wrote: »

i dont see anything wrong with giving a slap to someone beyond ones twenties , certainly not unless its a last resort but some people are complete feral animals or at the least neandethrals and cannot be reasoned with

a local jackass left me with a damaged shoulder blade back in 2013 , he came up behind me in the local and punched me as hard as he could while i was facing the bar , thought it was hilarious and done the same kind of thing with several others for sh1ts and giggles , this guy was mid fifties at the time and like i said a shaved ape

i gave him a few clatters a few weeks later as he cost me the guts of seven hundred quid in physio bills and other medical expenses , add to that i was not long recovered from a back injury and the last thing i needed was someone using me for target practice

some guys are just utter morons their entire life

if I was in your position, I would have pressed charges for assault, you would get your 700 and more back in court.

Mrcaramelchoc · 15-01-2021 12:26pm

Ask Johnny Depp

Bobblehats · 15-01-2021 12:27pm

It’s the elasticity.

Wanderer2010 · 15-01-2021 12:35pm

Mrcaramelchoc wrote: »

Ask Johnny Depp

The two of then were as bad as each other. She played on the poor me woman card heavily during the trial when she was as much of an abuser as him.

Hellokitty1212 · 16-01-2021 9:24am

Mrcaramelchoc wrote: »

Ask Johnny Depp

Absolutely, good to get a victim’s perspective.

16-01-2021 2:01pm

The is no one size fits but there are common traits to all of the issues.

Controlling personality.

Issues with emotional regulation, anger management.

May have grown up with violence so it has become normalised to them.

There might be social anxiety involved, they feel extreme shame and anger when their partner does something they think will embarrass them.

16-01-2021 2:11pm

Mental ill-health.

They may have Borderline Personality Disorder or other mental illness and Self-Conscioushionious which make them prone to too much shame and not enough guilt

Boomer Rant · 16-01-2021 2:52pm

Some are psycho bullies

Some are normal men who have been nagged to death and lash out

Others are just following their culture

Witcher · 16-01-2021 2:58pm

JayZeus wrote: »

Useless men?

Any man throwing slaps, digs or kicks into any woman, deserves multiples of the same from any man within beating distance of him. I mean, a beating he wouldn’t forget, ever.

As far as I’m concerned, all the talk about equality of the sexes and similar guff goes out the window and that situation boils down to being a man and dealing with the scum who lays a finger on a woman with a violent response.

Too big to take on? You should know someone else who will join you in beating seven shades out of the dirtbag. Or two someones. Domestic abuse when it’s hidden is one thing. If you know and you don’t deal with someone like that, shame on you if you call yourself a man.

I’m not a scapper, but some situations are worth breaking bones in your hands to stop a pig from hurting a woman. A small price to pay if it comes to that.

Boomer Rant · 16-01-2021 3:00pm

Edgware · 16-01-2021 6:37pm

zanador wrote: »

I don't normally answer to these kind of posts but as this is a serious topic I'm going to.

Huge work done with Traveller women around this issue. It's a known problem and the people who are in these communities and working in these communities are tirelessly trying to change it rather than sitting on the internet giving opinion about it. It is talked about ALL THE TIME.

I dunno where you got that assumption about Muslims because it's not a cultural thing at all, depends on the man same as here.

Imo opinion being that 'rare' ( I think it happens way more than we think) breed of woman who used to get physical with partners before I learned (I grew up in an abusive household and that's just how anger was manifested) I can tell you it's unregulated emotions and no boundaries that then become rage at the slightest thing. I was never like beat the **** out of someone but I would have given a slap no problem until my mid twenties when I copped.

I heard last week of a local Traveller girl getting married, age 17 and already the boyfriend had hit her a few slaps before getting married. She did the Junior Cert and the school reckons she's good enough to get 400 points plus in the Leaving.
But no, she must get married and start producing kids.
We don't hear Bacik, Ruane etc condemming this.

Hellokitty1212 · 16-01-2021 8:00pm

Edgware wrote: »

I heard last week of a local Traveller girl getting married, age 17 and already the boyfriend had hit her a few slaps before getting married. She did the Junior Cert and the school reckons she's good enough to get 400 points plus in the Leaving.
But no, she must get married and start producing kids.
We don't hear Bacik, Ruane etc condemming this.

I often wonder how feminists square their beliefs that women should be treated equally (I prefer to treat my wife like a queen - I’m too old for Tinder!!) and supporting a culture where girls with ambition are crushed underfoot sometimes literally as well as figuratively.

16-01-2021 10:01pm

mariaalice wrote: »

Mental ill-health.

They may have Borderline Personality Disorder and Self-Conscioushionious which make them prone to too much shame and not enough guilt

Borderline Personality Disorder and feeling self conscious does not necessarily equal an abusive person. In fact those with BPD tend to direct pain on to themselves and as for self-consciousness, that's not the same as the kind of shame that comes with self loathing.

16-01-2021 10:09pm

katiek102010 wrote: »

I have worked in the area of DV for a long time.

There are just as many female abusers out there as male.

It is predominantly due to some underlying MH issue that causes the abuser to not recognise their limits when it comes to anger management or narcissistim. Many people also grow up in that environment and believe it to be normal.

I saw another poster mention that many people seem to be drawn to abusers. That is not the case.

What is the case is that many victims suffer from severe self esteem issues. This is easily recognised in body language, facial expressions etc. The correct way to phrase it would be.

May abusers deliberately seek out partners with low self esteem to control them and abuse them.

I've experienced it a little differently. Women and men, who are stuck a pattern of unhealthy and abusive relationships due to their own lack of self worth. Even more than that, there's often a constellation of factors at play.

When it comes to who remains and who walks away? That difference often comes down to how much you value yourself.

wife beaters, what makes them tick?

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