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I am new to this country and want to know why everyone is so rude.

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Comments

  • #2


    Thanks everyone for your replies, I am starting to learn re the American/other ways of talking vs typical Irish ways. No I am not a troll not even sure how you could get that from what I wrote and the ways I've written it. I am trying to adjust and know it takes time, my way of talking and engaging with people is very different o the Irish way which is a shock to me and has been hard for me as I really thought it would be an easy transition and people here would love me - but they haven't at all and I've had racism and rudeness and a very tough time. As I said though, I am trying and will continue to do so.

    You may be getting close to the root cause.

    It's difficult to give any useful feedback or advice when your posts are filled with vague generalities. It's quite possible that what you perceive as rudeness and/or racism is nothing more since than a clash of differing cultural norms. If you take offence where none is intended and react accordingly then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

    As an example, in a professional context I've heard of it said by a non-Irish colleague that they found it difficult to figure out who was who's manager in a staff meeting as it lacked the social cues relating to status and heirarchy they would be used to in their own environment. What's normal here would have been viewed as insubordination, disrespectful and rude where they were from. Even though we might have our rituals Irish are less formal than a lot of other cultures.

    You need to view your interactions with people through Irish cultural norms, not your own.

    Without some concrete examples of the rudeness and racism and some idea where you are from it's impossible to give anything but a vague general reply to your posts but if your perception is that everyone is being rude and racist to you it is more likely to be your perception than everybody.


  • #2


    Above is more of the same, anyone with any actual ideas welcome instead of the same drool. Gwen thank you for your words interesting you found it nice, I am curious how anyone can have a nice experience here I really am, genuinely. Going to any shop and asking for anything here is the rudest I have experienced anywhere in the world.

    That sounds like you're on the big towns or cities. I really wouldn't look for friendliness at the tesco checkout. I come from a small village and people stop and chat, get the news, ask about the family.

    If you're looking for southern American 'friendliness' from a checkout person, calling you sir and looking fora tip, you won't get that in Ireland. I find that kind of friendliness false and patronising.

    In a big town I'd much prefer to get the messages (shopping) and leave without any chat rather than pretend chat for the sake of it.

    Everyone is rushing and busy in cities because... everyone is busy and in a rush. Not conducive to sparking up chat with strangers.

    I'd say Ireland is relatively friendly but in its place own ways. For example you can often chat with strangers in a pub in Ireland.


  • #2


    If this is not a wind up I think the OP's basic problem is his own outlook. From things he has said he very deeply believes that his way is right and learning to accommodate local customs is a concession on his part, something he should be given credit for, since it is evidently wrong but he will do it because...why?

    He is looking for an entire population to be aware of his efforts and to appreciate them, at which stage he will feel free to point out the errors of local ways and expect everyone to jump and say, yes you are right, we never realised what a mess we were making of things, we will look to you for your wisdom.

    As some people have already said, this is real culture shock stuff, but only he can sort it. Society is not going to adjust to his requirements, either he accepts the things that annoy him and try and see the best of them, or he takes his Irish wife off to wherever he is from and she will surely appreciate the perfection of that place.

    There is also the point that I can call my brother an ass**** but don't you dare agree with me, or call him that yourself!

    I don't think there is a lot of hope for the OP, he is way too blinkered, unimaginative and unaware to live outside his own bubble.

    I would add that looking back over my many years here, the majority of people I would consider friends are not Irish. Not a conscious choice, just that Irish people, while friendly and easy to deal with, are very difficult to get to know personally unless there is a family connection or a contact from childhood and teens. My children, having grown up here, have mostly Irish friends that they have known since schooldays.

    It can take a long time to realise that the rapport you have with someone you have met in a social setting does not go beyond the environment in which it is created, there will never be casual admittance to the family or home situation. I suspect this is not an entirely Irish thing, its just that if you come to live here it is what you will experience as apparently Irish. It is something you accept and adapt to, and get on with your life.


  • #2


    looksee wrote: »
    It can take a long time to realise that the rapport you have with someone you have met in a social setting does not go beyond the environment in which it is created, there will never be casual admittance to the family or home situation. I suspect this is not an entirely Irish thing, its just that if you come to live here it is what you will experience as apparently Irish. It is something you accept and adapt to, and get on with your life.

    I've lived outside of Ireland but don't have as much experience as many of my friend but from what I hear this is a thing that is common in many countries.


  • #2


    may i ask you a question? this is not a spam or something, but have you ever used a SwitchOnShop? if yes, then what do you think about it? as for me it is a really good shop,but i just wanted to read some reviews about it. thank you.


  • #2


    If you don’t like it then why stay here?



    may i ask you a question? this is not a spam or something, but have you ever used a SwitchOnShop? if yes, then what would you say about it? I think it is a really good shop but i just wanted to read some reviews about it.


  • #2


    arria_5 you are in the wrong forum, suggest you click on the 'topics' tag at the top of this page and find a more suitable one.


  • #2


    looksee wrote: »
    arria_5 you are in the wrong forum, suggest you click on the 'topics' tag at the top of this page and find a more suitable one.

    It's a spam bot.


  • #2


    Doh! Need more coffee.


  • #2


    5uspect wrote: »
    My PhD supervisor once told an American collaborator we were working with to ‘Mind himself’ when ending a call. Some years later when working for that American I had to explain to him how it wasn’t rude or a threat to his personal safety.

    On other occasions I’ve found myself ‘translating’ for visiting European students who are asking technicians for something. We had a wonderful machinist from darkest Tipp who was incomprehensible to your typical french intern. For example a student once came in with a drawing for something to be made and the reply was along the lines of, “please god, sure leave it up there and I’ll give it a shake’.

    As a nation we often speak a very different form of english to what most other do. In the lens of the hyper false American approach it can come across as rude.

    Americans use a more direct simpler form of English it's not false.

    In Ireland we invented the wonderful Hiberno English.. it's English...But not as you know it. ðŸ˜


  • #2


    CrankyHaus wrote: »
    In Ireland we follow the UK in seeing it, rightly or wrongly, as an exclusionary term of privilege.


    .

    No we don't.
    Middle class is just middle class.
    How is the middle class privileged in Ireland, for one they pay a shocking amount of tax and get very few benefits for it .


  • #2


    tuxy wrote: »
    I've lived outside of Ireland but don't have as much experience as many of my friend but from what I hear this is a thing that is common in many countries.

    Yea it is common to almost all countries.
    You'll struggle as a foreigner to create deep friendships with locals.


  • #2


    looksee wrote: »
    I don't think there is a lot of hope for the OP, he is way too blinkered, unimaginative and unaware to live outside his own bubble.

    Nah I don't think that's fair. He's already conceded only in the space of this thread that he is learning about different cultural communication.

    There certainly is hope, but it's worth noting to the OP that very well mannered conversation "Hello Sir, how are you today", IMO, is generally reserved for formal or business situations. I think the "friendliness" of the Irish is down to how casual we are when speaking to a total stranger.

    I suspect this will also explain the casual racism (or perhaps xenophobia would be a more accurate term?). In my experience, Irish humour/ sarcasm/ banter which tends to be insulting really doesn't translate well at all to non Irish. This is something I myself need to be aware of when travelling so as not to get misunderstood.

    As another poster said, I think it's culture shock and I think it will just take some time.


  • #2


    maninasia wrote: »
    No we don't.
    Middle class is just middle class.
    How is the middle class privileged in Ireland, for one they pay a shocking amount of tax and get very few benefits for it .




    Yeah I'm not talking about the reality, but the perception.
    Go into a pub, or anywhere in Ireland, and tell people that you're middle class and enjoy the reaction.
    For many if not most people here it carries negative overtones of poshness and snobbery, which we absorbed from British culture with it's intense class consciousness.

    In the US the term middle-class generally doesn't have these negative overtones.


  • #2


    dontpanic wrote: »
    I suspect this will also explain the casual racism (or perhaps xenophobia would be a more accurate term?). In my experience, Irish humour/ sarcasm/ banter which tends to be insulting really doesn't translate well at all to non Irish. This is something I myself need to be aware of when travelling so as not to get misunderstood.

    Yes, this is mostly harmless but can sometimes go a bit far if the Irish person realises the foreigner just doesn't get it so they push it more for their own amusement. This can be a bit rude but it's not in anyway sinister.


  • #2


    dontpanic wrote: »
    Nah I don't think that's fair. He's already conceded only in the space of this thread that he is learning about different cultural communication.

    Yes he is, but he is learning it in a distant, theoretical way, something that has to be taken on board by him and dealt with as a foreign and therefore incorrect concept.


  • #2


    Hi New to Ireland,
    I used to be new too, many years ago, it's hard to be foreigner in general, everywhere. I'd say give Ireland a chance, you'll get to know people and maybe change your opinion. Maybe some things you take as rudeness are really not, but cultural differences. Like talking/ behaving more openly vs hiding your true thoughts, emotions etc. so many different cultural norms. There are people from many different cultures in Ireland, also different generations engage in different way with people they don't know, there are many factors. Personal circumstances are colouring our view of others too. People who don't know you neither hate or love you, we're all busy with our lives. And it's not strangers job to make anyone's day, even if it sounds brutal. Life is not tv series, but, in general, Irish people are very nice and warm and helpful, in my opinion, but as in every culture, they need to know you a bit closer, it's human nature not to trust strangers.


  • #2


    maninasia wrote: »
    I'm not getting the connection to Ahascragh, maybe I'm missing something ?

    I have experience of culture shock and what the OP is describing are the CLASSIC symptoms of culture shock.

    He reminds me of myself a year into a move to a foreign country with vastly different culture.

    Look it up !

    https://www.communicaid.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Culture-Shock.jpg

    Symptoms of Culture Shock
    Extreme homesickness.
    Feelings of helplessness/dependency.
    Disorientation and isolation.
    Depression and sadness.
    Hyper-irritability, may include inappropriate anger and hostility.
    Sleep and eating disturbances (too little or too much)
    Excessive critical reactions to host culture/stereotyping.


    This is great thanks @maninasia


  • #2


    Alun wrote: »
    There's a whiff of a previous banned poster off his posting style, but I can't put my finger on it. He quotes really long, and helpful posts with a simple one liner, and then quotes shorter posts with yet another long rambling post about how rude everybody is. I just recall another similar thread thst followed a similar pattern.
    This is great thanks @maninasia

    ;)


  • #2


    looksee wrote: »
    Yes he is, but he is learning it in a distant, theoretical way, something that has to be taken on board by him and dealt with as a foreign and therefore incorrect concept.

    Which is completely and absolutely fine. People learn in their own ways and in their own time. Some like to understand the theory first, and other like to jump in straight away.

    I'd argue that understanding the how and why the culture is the way it is would be more helpful in the scenario than blind trial and error


  • #2


    5uspect wrote: »
    My PhD supervisor once told an American collaborator we were working with to ‘Mind himself’ when ending a call. Some years later when working for that American I had to explain to him how it wasn’t rude or a threat to his personal safety.

    On other occasions I’ve found myself ‘translating’ for visiting European students who are asking technicians for something. We had a wonderful machinist from darkest Tipp who was incomprehensible to your typical french intern. For example a student once came in with a drawing for something to be made and the reply was along the lines of, “please god, sure leave it up there and I’ll give it a shake’.

    As a nation we often speak a very different form of english to what most other do. In the lens of the hyper false American approach it can come across as rude.


    Thank you, agree. I found mind yourself threatening also, you are onto it at least.


  • #2


    It’s a myth that Irish people are friendly, most likely this understanding came from foreign countries we migrated too, they misunderstood us, we are not genuinely friendly, when we are living in other countries then we are friendly for a reason, which is to survive abroad.

    Basically, we are lickarses.


  • #2


    dontpanic wrote: »
    Which is completely and absolutely fine. People learn in their own ways and in their own time. Some like to understand the theory first, and other like to jump in straight away.

    And some like to completely avoid questions about where they are from and where they are now living. Things that are essential to giving good advice on a matter such as this.


  • #2


    tuxy wrote: »
    And some like to completely avoid questions about where they are from and where they are now living. Things that are essential to giving good advice on a matter such as this.

    Yes it would have been helpful to know to give more specific advice but I suspect had he told us this thread would have focussed more on the country he's from, rather than the country he is in.

    Wherever he is from, learning to communicate with the Irish is going be like learning a new language.


  • #2


    CrankyHaus wrote: »
    Yeah I'm not talking about the reality, but the perception.
    Go into a pub, or anywhere in Ireland, and tell people that you're middle class and enjoy the reaction.
    For many if not most people here it carries negative overtones of poshness and snobbery, which we absorbed from British culture with it's intense class consciousness.

    In the US the term middle-class generally doesn't have these negative overtones.

    All the middle class people I know would never describe themselves as working class. I don't come from a particularly rich area or background either. They'd probably laugh if you said you were working class or vice versa as they know it's simply not true.

    Seems like there's a lot more diversity out there than you think .


  • #2


    dontpanic wrote: »
    Yes it would have been helpful to know to give more specific advice but I suspect had he told us this thread would have focussed more on the country he's from, rather than the country he is in.

    I suspect that this may be correct but I don't see the downside in saying which county they moved to or even if it was rural or urban.


  • #2


    If you look at the Irish fans that travel for the Irish national team, Rugby team, Conor McGregor fights etc, we generally have a great reputation as fans. Good people that don't cause much trouble.
    I think thats a good representation of Irish people.

    Obviously its more difficult to be that way day to day. We all have jobs, commutes etc.

    Then you have the junkies and scumbags bringing us all down.

    Not to mention that globalization for all its benefits, it has an impact on our identity.


  • #2


    Then you have the junkies and scumbags bringing us all down.

    Not to mention that globalization for all its benefits, it has an impact on our identity.

    Is there a modern western country that does not have these issues?


  • #2


    How do i find post 159?
    Start counting from post 1?


  • #2


    Peatys wrote: »
    How do i find post 159?
    Start counting from post 1?

    Posts are numbered on the top right. It takes a few clicks to get the right page.


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