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I am new to this country and want to know why everyone is so rude.

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  • ayzeb123 wrote: »
    Hi New to Ireland

    Sorry you're struggling to settle in here. I'm Irish and I've lived in different European countries for long periods and always settled in well and made friends easily. However when I started dating a man (whom i later married) i found it harder to feel accepted and to fit in. I found the more i made an effort the more awkward i felt. I'm pretty easy going and would talk to anyone, I wanted to fit it and join in but i felt like i didn't, this wasn't because people were horrible to me but was due to cultural differences and the fact that i missed Ireland & our ways. Like you i started to find fault in lots of everyday things i experienced there, albeit small silly things but they would really get under my skin. I think I was homesick for the first time.

    My husband moved to Ireland with me and we made our life here. He loved Ireland when we came on holidays but living here was a different story. He also struggled with many of our ways. And honestly, the Ireland i missed so much and was homesick for was not the place i remembered. We caught the tail end of the Celtic Tiger and i couldn't get over how changed the Irish people were. Ireland became very Cosmopolitan, the humble people were no more, replaced with overconfident sometimes cocky people, there was lots of money, everyone had new cars and were building bigger houses than the neighbours. We had supermarket snobs(seriously:) your car couldn't be seen at LIDL or ALdi or people felt sorry for you (back then).

    After a few months, when the novelty wore off, My husband also got very down/depressed for a while with little things that bugged him. Some things still irk him but they are the things that annoy everyone. We are here 18 years now and very happy and wouldn't go back even though i really love going back to his country and family & friends for holidays.

    I suppose my point is, you made a big decision to move to Ireland, you're only here 6 months so are still in a transitional stage. It seems that you may be Homesick and just miss what you are used to. Irish people are generally friendly, polite and love a chat. You just need to give yourself time to settle in and don't try too hard with people, it'll happen naturally when you feel better yourself and are content with your decision to move here. Think of yourself and do things you and your wife enjoy.

    Only you are in control of your thoughts. The mind is a powerful thing. I hope you settle in and meet some genuine Irish people.

    Good Luck.:)


    Thank you :)




  • I actually do think that some service industries in Ireland have a problem with the staff being a bit cold and unhelpful.
    But as said the U.S has a big problem with some of the service industry being overly superficial and fake.
    It would be interesting to find out what country the OP had worked as part of the service industry but there is simply no way to find out.




  • Irish people please give your opinion.

    Things I have noticed as an outisider visiting and living in this country as a middle-class white, educated, middle-aged man, Irish are NOT friendly or funny despite an outdated reputation, everyone is selfish and in a rush, will take everything they can get, hate manners and social etiquette like hello, please and thank you, love English things more than their own Irish culture, think that WE are rude as nice, polite outsiders, have no accountability and love to whinge at the pub about everything (a reputation given to the English funny enough).

    Please enlighten me, give me something, i have completely lost my love of this country and am now just beginning to hate it which I don't want. You

    Why does no one want to help anyone here, or have meaningful, progressive conversations? Why is hating on everyone, being angry and rude ok but then call anyone else who cares arrogant?


    See Mod note @ Post #159

    You said " everyone is selfish"

    Many are but not "everyone", perhaps




  • dd973 wrote: »
    A lot of the famed friendliness OP is just the gushy verbal diarrhea that makes us look friendly compared to the English, (the English stereotype that is that's based on Londoners and the Posho's), people in the North West of England where I currently live are miles friendlier than the Irish.

    The Irish are incredible snobs as well, instant judgement without empirical knowledge or interaction, I lost count of the amount of times I was a 'Knacker' or a 'Queer' according to some random Colin Hunt who knew Jack S**t about me.

    Going back home in a few days for a visit, still love the place, the place trumps the people though.


    :)




  • elefant wrote: »
    Having lived in mainland Europe for the guts of a decade now, I'm shocked that someone would have negative feelings about the Irish service industry.

    Whenever I return home I find it an absolute breath of fresh air to experience the genuineness around friendly interactions in pubs, cafes, restaurants, shops etc.

    I think the issue for some people (not many) is that often people in the service industry will tell you if they are having a bad day and not simply force a fake smile.


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  • You've never met me NTI, I'm very friendly.




  • You've never met me NTI, I'm very friendly.

    How do you know, I'm almost sure they are living in Ahascragh, it's a small town and if you live there you have probably bumped into them.




  • Again it is incredible to me how people are having a positive experience, at all anywhere in the service industry. I have tried different approaches and I myself have worked in the service industry before as well but this country (well my limited experience of it so far) is by far the worst I have ever experienced, especially when I am smiley and nice and try and engage in any kind of formality which again lends to my point of Irish hating serving, talking, and manners and basically give me the impression that they hate life, hate their jobs and the job should be with someone else who wants and needs these jobs in this economy. People are in need of jobs why are these current service people allowed to continue in their jobs? Again, this is part of the bigger problem I am trying to address, no accountability here, try complaining here, the Irish people who are flat out rude to you will be in shock (even though they are completely comfortable to treat everyone like ****), their managers don't actually action anything as they themselves are whatever and then higher government bodies for complaining simply don't exist or care. And so the industry runs rife. It is extremely frustrating and I genuinely think to myself how does anything actually get done here. Furthermore, you might think I, or anyone else, is rude for having manners and having a normal, direct (to me) conversation with manners, but the whole point is here - everyone - is that to me it is rude when someone talks a hundred miles and hour and doesn't let you talk, talks in a way that is empty and meaningless and is basically racist, rude, close-mindedness blah and still this is what I am expected to engage in and adjust to? What if I want a real conversation? About real things, and want to show feelings and emotions, instead of throw my friend and anyone around me under the bus for social approval.

    What do you mean by the service industry and why are you so hung up on it?
    Just buy what you have to buy and get out of there.




  • tuxy wrote: »
    How do you know, I'm almost sure they are living in Ahascragh, it's a small town and if you live there you have probably bumped into them.

    No, I'm not from ahascragh, that explains it.




  • Apologies if you’ve said this already but where are you from?


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  • Thanks everyone for your replies, I am starting to learn re the American/other ways of talking vs typical Irish ways. No I am not a troll not even sure how you could get that from what I wrote and the ways I've written it. I am trying to adjust and know it takes time, my way of talking and engaging with people is very different o the Irish way which is a shock to me and has been hard for me as I really thought it would be an easy transition and people here would love me - but they haven't at all and I've had racism and rudeness and a very tough time. As I said though, I am trying and will continue to do so.




  • No, I'm not from ahascragh, that explains it.

    You're lucky, terrible service industry here after Biddy past, the new management are only blow in's.




  • bubblypop wrote: »
    Well your first few replies have proved you right!

    Personally I think Irish people are just basically racist & full of themselves.
    If you're foreign on holidays here, you will be welcomed by strangers. If you're foreign living here, maybe not so much.

    Also, Irish people love reland & cannot hear a bad word about it, although they are allowed to complain themselves about it, but no outsiders should ever say anything bad about the country.

    Rubbish generalization.
    As someone who works in IT, which is full of foreigners, any I have met have almost entirely the opposite experience.




  • Thanks everyone for your replies, I am starting to learn re the American/other ways of talking vs typical Irish ways. No I am not a troll not even sure how you could get that from what I wrote and the ways I've written it. I am trying to adjust and know it takes time, my way of talking and engaging with people is very different o the Irish way which is a shock to me and has been hard for me as I really thought it would be an easy transition and people here would love me - but they haven't at all and I've had racism and rudeness and a very tough time. As I said though, I am trying and will continue to do so.

    That's a fair comment and makes sense.
    What part of Ireland are you in?
    I'm only in Tipperary and would find it difficult to adapt to Dublin




  • I really thought it would be an easy transition and people here would love me

    I'm sorry for your troubles OP, but that is a bit much




  • tuxy wrote: »
    Well city life is not for everyone, especially with big cities but the OP has an issue with the country as a whole not just Dublin.
    For all we know they could live in the mighty Ahascragh!

    Yeah OP needs to put some meat to the bones..As a long time Irish emigrant I still find Ireland overall a very friendly and sociable place. The issue now is the commuting and busy lives of modern Ireland.

    Also there are a ****load of immigrants, many of them with patchy social and English language skills. Many people that the OP interacts with may not be Irish !




  • Again it is incredible to me how people are hPeople are in need of jobs why are these current service people allowed to continue in their jobs? Again, this is part of the bigger problem I am trying to address, no accountability here, try complaining here, the Irish people who are flat out rude to you will be in shock (even though they are completely comfortable to treat everyone like ****), their managers don't actually action anything as they themselves are whatever and then higher government bodies for complaining simply don't exist or care. And so the industry runs rife. It is extremely frustrating and I genuinely think to myself how does anything actually get done here. Furthermore, you might think I, or anyone else, is rude for having manners and having a normal, direct (to me) conversation with manners, but the whole point is here - everyone - is that to me it is rude when someone talks a hundred miles and hour and doesn't let you talk, talks in a way that is empty and meaningless and is basically racist, rude, close-mindedness blah and still this is what I am expected to engage in and adjust to? What if I want a real conversation? About real things, and want to show feelings and emotions, instead of throw my friend and anyone around me under the bus for social approval.

    So.... just to parse some of your rant above (and sorry, but that is a rant and nothing else). You think that in addition to "everyone" here being rude (does that include all of the foreigners working in the service industry here by the way, or are they fine?) you also find that we:
    • Talk 100 miles an hour
    • Won't let you speak
    • Are "basically" racist
    • Closed minded
    • Are vapid (we don't talk about "real things" and don't show "real feelings or emotions"
    • Etc. etc.

    You are a troll or are having some sort of breakdown. It takes a lot for me to say that. I tried to politely engage with you above as did many others. I had my doubts about you from the beginning but was genuinely curious to see what if there was anything genuine to what you were saying.

    I'm reporting this to the mods, thread should be closed as you don't deserve any more eyeballs for your little performance. Like I say, you're either trolling or having an episode.




  • Thanks everyone for your replies, I am starting to learn re the American/other ways of talking vs typical Irish ways. No I am not a troll not even sure how you could get that from what I wrote and the ways I've written it. I am trying to adjust and know it takes time, my way of talking and engaging with people is very different o the Irish way which is a shock to me and has been hard for me as I really thought it would be an easy transition and people here would love me - but they haven't at all and I've had racism and rudeness and a very tough time. As I said though, I am trying and will continue to do so.

    Irish culture and American culture share some aspects but in some ways are vastly different .

    In the USA it's okay to big up yourself directly in conversations and talk about yourself for ten mins at a time to total strangers.

    Now Irish do the same but you can't big up yourself directly. You big up your kids...Grandkids achievements ..Local football team instead...ðŸ˜ðŸ˜Ž


    One thing in Ireland that's important, or at least was in Ireland years gone by is to appear self effacing...even if you are really aren't.

    Also you cant be too loud in conversation except for a pub when everybody is talking at once !


    Another tip...
    Ask people some questions about local stuff, people in small towns and villages love that outside folks take an interest in their homeland . In the big city it's always hard to get to know folks...I don't know if you've moved around much before but it's just the way it is . I moved to a foreign country and had to learn a whole new language and culture that is not even Western.


    In reality your challenge isn't that difficult to deal with compared to what I faced...I am telling you that for a fact. You are living in an English speaking country with good incomes and standard of living and huge population of immigrants .




  • Jackman25 wrote: »
    Rubbish generalization.
    As someone who works in IT, which is full of foreigners, any I have met have almost entirely the opposite experience.


    These threads are always catnip for the spacers who have a weird hatred of their own country and people and jump all over the chance to vent.




  • So.... just to parse some of your rant above (and sorry, but that is a rant and nothing else). You think that in addition to "everyone" here being rude (does that include all of the foreigners working in the service industry here by the way, or are they fine?) you also find that we:
    • Talk 100 miles an hour
    • Won't let you speak
    • Are "basically" racist
    • Closed minded
    • Are vapid (we don't talk about "real things" and don't show "real feelings or emotions"
    • Etc. etc.

    You are a troll or are having some sort of breakdown. It takes a lot for me to say that. I tried to politely engage with you above as did many others. I had my doubts about you from the beginning but was genuinely curious to see what if there was anything genuine to what you were saying.

    I'm reporting this to the mods, thread should be closed as you don't deserve any more eyeballs for your little performance. Like I say, you're either trolling or having an episode.

    I think it's genuine it doesn't need to be closed down at all.....I'm reporting you to the mods for trying to shut down a good discussion!


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  • Just as someone who came back after years away, I'd say Ireland has definitely changed over the last few decades.
    It is a more suspicious place than it was, there's definitely more unsociable behaviour and violent episodes than there were.
    You won't walk in doors that are unlocked as much anymore.
    But it's still a friendly place. Most people are warm and welcoming if you're genuine with them.




  • Just because Ireland is Anglophone doesn't mean moving from another English speaking country will be an easy transition. There are huge cultural differences between Ireland and England, never mind Ireland and North America.

    I lived in Vancouver for years. Yes I was understood but I had to adjust how I spoke so nuances, phrases and colloquialisms were dropped. Culturally I found the people there to be friendly and polite but at the same time many were two faced at work and would throw you under the bus at the first opportunity. Maybe that's Canadian culture, maybe that's the culture of the workplace I was in.

    In general, I find Irish people open and friendly. Certainly blowing your own trumpet is looked down on and I'll admit other places are more frindly than Dublin, but Dublin is by no means an unfriendly place. I say this as a Nordie.

    Either you've had a bad experience and you're allowing that to colour all other experiences, maybe you just expected to drop right in without knowing of cultural differences or maybe you're just taking the piss.




  • Thanks everyone for your replies, I am starting to learn re the American/other ways of talking vs typical Irish ways. No I am not a troll not even sure how you could get that from what I wrote and the ways I've written it. I am trying to adjust and know it takes time, my way of talking and engaging with people is very different o the Irish way which is a shock to me and has been hard for me as I really thought it would be an easy transition and people here would love me - but they haven't at all and I've had racism and rudeness and a very tough time. As I said though, I am trying and will continue to do so.

    Are you white, for our reference or you didn't like some casual references to race in conversations ?




  • CrankyHaus wrote: »
    These threads are always catnip for the spacers who have a weird hatred of their own country and people and jump all over the chance to vent.

    I don't hate my country! But I can see it without rose tinted glasses




  • maninasia wrote: »
    I think it's genuine it doesn't need to be closed down at all.....I'm reporting you to the mods for trying to shut down a good discussion!

    Did you read the entire thread? He is seriously saying "everyone" is like this. He has been asked REPEATEDLY where he has moved from so that people can try to understand what sort of culture clash problems he is having but he has ignored every question. Go ahead and report me, there was a mod warning above already and there's one in his OP. Of course there are problems in this country, like any other, but the broadness of his generalizations and the ridiculous level of the vitriol puts him firmly in either nutbag or troll territory.

    He's taking the p!ss, and it's pretty obvious at this point. It's as simple as that.




  • maninasia wrote: »
    Are you white, for our reference or you didn't like some casual references to race in conversations ?

    Read the thread. For whatever reason he lets us know that he is "white" and "educated" in the very first post. You are feeding a troll.




  • Read the thread. He says that he is "white", "middle class" and "educated" in the very first post. You are feeding a troll.

    Or maybe if the OP hadn't said that people would start asking the OP about his ethnicity and blaming any rudeness they think they are encountering on latent racism, or poor command of English. Catch 22.

    Personally I think the posts about the 'indirect' and informal way Irish people approach conversations are probably what the OP should be focusing on, as they appear to come from an English speaking country that are more direct and formal.




  • Read the thread. For whatever reason he lets us know that he is "white", "middle class" and "educated" in the very first post. You are feeding a troll.

    Thanks for reminding me, I picked up some dissatisfaction on racial stuff with him.

    Why is he a troll ? He seems to be venting his real feelings.

    And what's wrong with saying white , middle class and educated exactly ?

    This is a good discussion .




  • You are a troll or are having some sort of breakdown. It takes a lot for me to say that. I tried to politely engage with you above as did many others. I had my doubts about you from the beginning but was genuinely curious to see what if there was anything genuine to what you were saying.

    I once read a blog from a teenager who had come to Cork for one year to study.
    She complained about everything and came across as so self absorbed and self entitled.
    Her last post was a day where she had a total breakdown because she did not like the coffee in the Cork coffee shops.
    This was what caused her to leave and return to Canada after less than one month.
    At that point I had nothing but pity and empathy for her, it was clear she had serious mental health issues.


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  • I think the OP is highly inflammatory . Posting that ALL Irish are rude or unfriendly must go against the charter ? Then I am quite sure if I started a thread that ALL Germans , or ALL French were anything it would be shot down .I am quite surprised that people entertained this thread


This discussion has been closed.
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