Anybody have a sibling who's a complete waster?

MichaelKnee

Over Christmas all five siblings were back. We're all professionals, paying rent, mortgages etc. And there's a middle brother who is a complete waster. He's been on the dole since graduation, but a very clever guy, who talks incessantly about all these great ideas, but does none of them. Still living at home and my parents are more or less at their wits end with him. It's infuriating.

cryptocurrency

Could he not join the army

MichaelKnee

cryptocurrency wrote: »

Could he not join the army

He would view himself as above such things. He's the type of guy who waits for everything to be handed to him.

touts

MichaelKnee wrote: »

Over Christmas all five siblings were back. We're all professionals, paying rent, mortgages etc. And there's a middle brother who is a complete waster. He's been on the dole since graduation, but a very clever guy, who talks incessantly about all these great ideas, but does none of them. Still living at home and my parents are more or less at their wits end with him. It's infuriating.

No mortgage. No Rent. No Work stress. Can't help thinking he is the smart one and the rest of us are the fools.

Car99

Is he happy and content ? Does he ask his siblings or parents for handouts?

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Did you not give up working yourself last year?


But to answer the question in the title: No I can't say any of my siblings were wasters. All sorts of paths in life, many different philosophies and aims but all worked to their own ends.

MichaelKnee

Car99 wrote: »

Is he happy and content ? Does he ask his siblings or parents for handouts?

In the past, everyone of us has bailed him out at some point or another .

skooterblue2

MichaelKnee wrote: »

Over Christmas all five siblings were back. We're all professionals, paying rent, mortgages etc. And there's a middle brother who is a complete waster. He's been on the dole since graduation, but a very clever guy, who talks incessantly about all these great ideas, but does none of them. Still living at home and my parents are more or less at their wits end with him. It's infuriating.

What are his social skills like?
How old is he?
What did he study at college?
Does he have special interests?
What is his Irish level like?
Can he drive?
Whats he like with projects?
There might be an answer there

corner of hells

Nah , I'm the waster in my family.

MichaelKnee

What are his social skills like? Great, very active social life
How old is he? Late 20s. Older than me.
What did he study at college? Philosophy
Does he have special interests? Philosophising
What is his Irish level like? Decent I would say.
Can he drive? Yep. My parents bought him a car out of desperation.
Whats he like with projects? He finished college so I'm assuming yes

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

cryptocurrency wrote: »

Could he not join the army

If he's genuinely a "very clever guy" then probably not...

cryptocurrency

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

If he's genuinely a "very clever guy" then probably not...

Sandhurst, great network, great career, during and afterwards.

Andrea B.

one out of five isn't bad. Consider yourselves lucky. Also consider yourselves lucky that he is still with ye.

MMXX

corner of hells wrote: »

Nah , I'm the waster in my family.

No your not! You might be something that's different to the rest of your family - but you're not a waster!

Grumpypants

I don't have a sibling who is a waster but my brother does.

corner of hells

MMXX wrote: »

No your not! You might be something that's different to the rest of your family - but you're not a waster!

I feckin well am.

skooterblue2

MichaelKnee wrote: »

What are his social skills like? Great, very active social life
How old is he? Late 20s. Older than me.
What did he study at college? Philosophy
Does he have special interests? Philosophising
What is his Irish level like? Decent I would say.
Can he drive? Yep. My parents bought him a car out of desperation.
Whats he like with projects? He finished college so I'm assuming yes

Not the same thing social skills and social life.
Does he every have a melt down or a mini breakdown from time to time?
Does he shift blame onto everyone else or have conflict with Superiors?
You might want pursue a diagnosis of Higher Functioning Autism.
This is well passed the date for doing it, there may not be a positive result.
Can you get the complete guide to Aspergers Syndrome by Attwood.
It is only €20 delivered. Underline what you think is relevant. I read it cover to cover over two weekends.
Hope this helps.
Teachers, Nurses and Doctors are pure useless as they are ashamed to share this information that their own children might have it or have it themselves.

MichaelKnee

corner of hells wrote: »

I feckin well am.

Probably not. In my experience, wasters think that they're contributing in a more "meaningful" way.

Purple Mountain

skooterblue2 wrote: »

Not the same thing social skills and social life.
Does he every have a melt down or a mini breakdown from time to time?
Does he shift blame onto everyone else or have conflict with Superiors?
You might want pursue a diagnosis of Higher Functioning Autism.
This is well passed the date for doing it, there may not be a positive result.
Can you get the complete guide to Aspergers Syndrome by Attwood.
It is only €20 delivered. Underline what you think is relevant. I read it cover to cover over two weekends.
Hope this helps.
Teachers, Nurses and Doctors are pure useless as they are ashamed to share this information that their own children might have it or have it themselves.

Or he could be just plain lazy?

ceadaoin.

Has Aongus von B not showed up yet?

Gekko

He might get a job with Dominic Cummings 🤣😜

Better Than Christ

Is he happy? Because that's the most important thing. What does he do with his time? Does he have hobbies?

Stop bailing him out. That's doing him no favours at all.

skooterblue2

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Orhe could be just plain lazy?

That is part of the diagnosis.
I often got a lot of stick for this from my family.
It was only when it emerged that I had Aspergers that none of them want to accept any responsibility. They are mostly health care professionals, teachers and the like. All about as useful as tits on a boar.

MichaelKnee

Not the same thing social skills and social life. - you should have outlined your criteria more clearly. He has better social skills than I do.
Does he every have a melt down or a mini breakdown from time to time? - Nope. Other than getting defensive and sulky when any of us bring up his work situation. Other than that, no.
Does he shift blame onto everyone else or have conflict with Superiors? Nope.

He's not autistic.

MichaelKnee

MichaelKnee wrote: »

Over Christmas all five siblings were back. We're all professionals, paying rent, mortgages etc. And there's a middle brother who is a complete waster. He's been on the dole since graduation, but a very clever guy, who talks incessantly about all these great ideas, but does none of them. Still living at home and my parents are more or less at their wits end with him. It's infuriating.

You should keep in mind that your sibling and your parents are adults and can sort this out between them. You can hold an opinion but you don’t get to decide anything for them. Keep on your own path and let them pick theirs.

boardise

MichaelKnee wrote: »

He would view himself as above such things. He's the type of guy who waits for everything to be handed to him.

Anyone try a bucket and brush ?

Purple Mountain

skooterblue2 wrote: »

That is part of the diagnosis.
I often got a lot of stick for this from my family.
It was only when it emerged that I had Aspergers that none of them want to accept any responsibility. They are mostly health care professionals, teachers and the like. All about as useful as tits on a boar.

I get what you're saying in your situation but realistically there's a lot more lazy people than people who have Aspergers out there.

corner of hells

MichaelKnee wrote: »

Over Christmas all five siblings were back. We're all professionals, paying rent, mortgages etc. And there's a middle brother who is a complete waster. He's been on the dole since graduation, but a very clever guy, who talks incessantly about all these great ideas, but does none of them. Still living at home and my parents are more or less at their wits end with him. It's infuriating.

It's you OP , isn't it ?
You're the waster in the family.

MichaelKnee

Better Than Christ wrote: »

Is he happy? Because that's the most important thing. What does he do with his time? Does he have hobbies?

Stop bailing him out. That's doing him no favours at all.

How is that the most important thing when he's making my parents miserable? He doesn't do much productive things. I guess he reads more than the rest of us, because he has the time.

Mad_maxx

MichaelKnee wrote: »

Over Christmas all five siblings were back. We're all professionals, paying rent, mortgages etc. And there's a middle brother who is a complete waster. He's been on the dole since graduation, but a very clever guy, who talks incessantly about all these great ideas, but does none of them. Still living at home and my parents are more or less at their wits end with him. It's infuriating.

Yes, youngest sister, 530 in the leaving in 2006 but bi polar so claims to be too ill to get a job

MichaelKnee

boardise wrote: »

Anyone try a bucket and brush ?

I got him an interview with the company I work for, he didn't even show up.

MichaelKnee

Mad_maxx wrote: »

Yes, youngest sister, 530 in the leaving in 2006 but bi polar so claims to be too ill to get a job

That's excusable though.

skooterblue2

MichaelKnee wrote: »

Not the same thing social skills and social life. - you should have outlined your criteria more clearly. He has better social skills than I do.
Does he every have a melt down or a mini breakdown from time to time? - Nope. Other than getting defensive and sulky when any of us bring up his work situation. Other than that, no.
Does he shift blame onto everyone else or have conflict with Superiors? Nope.

He's not autistic.

Just because he doesnt "look" autistic doesnt mean he couldnt have it.
I should have said does he appear to have a network of friends?
That is what I wanted to hear about the sulkiness.

Talk to someone about it, Prof Fitzgerald (Frances Fitzgerald husband) in D15, is supposed to be a lovely man and will happily give free advice on pre diagnosis over the phone.

Better Than Christ

MichaelKnee wrote: »

How is that the most important thing when he's making my parents miserable? He doesn't do much productive things. I guess he reads more than the rest of us, because he has the time.

Why are they miserable if he's happy? It's his life. You should accept that everyone's different. Also, he's still quite young, so there's plenty of time for him to find something he wants to do.

Rather than getting him interviews for jobs that he doesn't want, try finding out what he does want to do.

freshpopcorn

If your looking for advice you'd probably be better in Personal Issues.
Basically your parents are allowing this to go on.
Some parents love having a grown child at home with and them.
It depends on your parents point of view. They might vent to you but they may be happy with the situation.
However if you get overly involved and anything goes wrong. It may all be turned back on you.

Pawwed Rig

MichaelKnee wrote: »

How is that the most important thing when he's making my parents miserable? He doesn't do much productive things. I guess he reads more than the rest of us, because he has the time.

Your parents are making themselves miserable by enabling him as are you and your siblings by bailing him out. He needs some tough love and be given a set period of time to sort himself out. Needs to be followed up on by your parents though.
Month 1 - rent €100 per month. Month 2 - rent €150 and so on up €6-700. Stop cooking for him, get rid of wifi and TV or put passwords on them.

Kick in the balls is what the lad needs.
If your parents won't do this then they are making themselves unhappy and doing him no favours either.

Strumms

MichaelKnee wrote: »

How old is he? Late 20s. Older than me.
Can he drive? Yep. My parents bought him a car out of desperation.

I thought initially reading I was going to see you say he was 23/24 and maybe just cruising around and chilling after college but almost 30 and doing SFA with his time to earn a living and pay his way is unsat....unless he has health issues or something.

He is able, mobile with a car and independent, he just needs some ‘tough love’ (a kick in the ass) from somewhere to inspire him back out and back responsible as every adult should be . It’s probably better coming from the parents than you.. In reality he needs to be the one helping the folks at their stage in life.... more then them helping him certainly anyway..

topmanamillion

MichaelKnee wrote: »

How is that the most important thing when he's making my parents miserable? He doesn't do much productive things. I guess he reads more than the rest of us, because he has the time.

Your parents shouldn't be putting up with this. You're all enabling him.
Your parents need to start making him pay rent and you and the rest of your siblings need to stop bailing him out.
When he's trying to get by on €100 every week his motivation will increase to stop sh1t talking and get a job.

rizzodun

MichaelKnee wrote: »

I got him an interview with the company I work for, he didn't even show up.

If one of my siblings got me an interview at their place of work I wouldn't turn up either.

pablo128

Count yourself lucky he's not a drunk or a drug addict.

Mad_maxx

MichaelKnee wrote: »

That's excusable though.

Could well be, very hard on our mam though

Still waters

For anyone saying as long as he's happy that's the main thing, that's bullshıt, no one is happy all the time just the same as no one is sad all the time, happy is the opposite of sad, therefore we can only try to find a place somewhere in the middle and take the good with the bad.

Stop bailing him out and stop worrying about your parents, they're all adults and make their own beds, it's what I'd to do with my brother, happy to live at home rent free with his ever ready Instagram wife and getting my mother to run around after them like a fool, although he is employed, all they want is free time and free living and expect it like the faux celebrity couples they idolise, just face the fact that people like these have life down to a tee and will not lift a finger to help themselves as long as theres some other fool to do it if they can, and it works

misterme123

skooterblue2 wrote: »

What are his social skills like?
How old is he?
What did he study at college?
Does he have special interests?
What is his Irish level like?
Can he drive?
Whats he like with projects?
There might be an answer there

"What is his Irish level like?"


Why is this on your list of questions? Seems kind of a random one.

Fanny Wank

MichaelKnee wrote: »

I got him an interview with the company I work for, he didn't even show up.

But on another thread you said you gave up working a year ago & you're sorry you didn't do it sooner

1/10 for this trolling effort

skooterblue2

misterme123 wrote: »

"What is his Irish level like?"


Why is this on your list of questions? Seems kind of a random one.

Irish is particularly difficult language to learn if you are on the Autistic spectrum, unless it is your speciality (I know one and he is untreated and undiagnosed and has lead a trainwreck life). Hence new early diagnosis get exemptions from Irish.

Please ask more questions if you like, I have no problem answering.

MMXX

skooterblue2 wrote: »

Irish is particularly difficult language to learn if you are on the Autistic spectrum, unless it is your speciality (I know one and he is untreated and undiagnosed and has lead a trainwreck life). Hence new early diagnosis get exemptions from Irish.

Please ask more questions if you like, I have no problem answering.

An bhfuil céad agam dul go dtí an leithreas?

Still waters

So he's autistic is he, or is every lazy bastard autistic now, a very convenient excuse

skooterblue2

Still waters wrote: »

So he's autistic is he, or is ever lazy bastard autistic now, a very convenient excuse

He could very well be and it is part of the diagnosis. Part due to a shorter gut and part due to psychological reasons.

MMXX

skooterblue2 wrote: »

He could very well be and it is part of the diagnosis. Part due to a shorter gut and part due to psychological reasons.

Shorter gut!? Please and thank you...

misterme123

skooterblue2 wrote: »

He could very well be and it is part of the diagnosis. Part due to a shorter gut and part due to psychological reasons.

You've caught my attention again...

skooterblue2

MMXX wrote: »

Shorter gut!? Please and thank you...

One of the theories they are investigating. less space for absorbing nutrition, according to a PhD in Psychology I know. I think it is due to other factors