Advertisement
Help Keep Boards Alive. Support us by going ad free today. See here: https://subscriptions.boards.ie/.
https://www.boards.ie/group/1878-subscribers-forum

Private Group for paid up members of Boards.ie. Join the club.
Hi all, please see this major site announcement: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058427594/boards-ie-2026

Anybody have a sibling who's a complete waster?

245678

Comments

  • #32
    MichaelKnee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 39 ✭MichaelKnee


    Mad_maxx wrote: »
    Yes, youngest sister, 530 in the leaving in 2006 but bi polar so claims to be too ill to get a job

    That's excusable though.


  • #33
    skooterblue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,816 ✭✭✭skooterblue2


    MichaelKnee wrote: »
    Not the same thing social skills and social life. - you should have outlined your criteria more clearly. He has better social skills than I do.
    Does he every have a melt down or a mini breakdown from time to time? - Nope. Other than getting defensive and sulky when any of us bring up his work situation. Other than that, no.
    Does he shift blame onto everyone else or have conflict with Superiors? Nope.

    He's not autistic.

    Just because he doesnt "look" autistic doesnt mean he couldnt have it.
    I should have said does he appear to have a network of friends?
    That is what I wanted to hear about the sulkiness.

    Talk to someone about it, Prof Fitzgerald (Frances Fitzgerald husband) in D15, is supposed to be a lovely man and will happily give free advice on pre diagnosis over the phone.


  • #34
    Better Than Christ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,135 ✭✭✭Better Than Christ


    MichaelKnee wrote: »
    How is that the most important thing when he's making my parents miserable? He doesn't do much productive things. I guess he reads more than the rest of us, because he has the time.

    Why are they miserable if he's happy? It's his life. You should accept that everyone's different. Also, he's still quite young, so there's plenty of time for him to find something he wants to do.

    Rather than getting him interviews for jobs that he doesn't want, try finding out what he does want to do.


  • #35
    freshpopcorn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,284 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    If your looking for advice you'd probably be better in Personal Issues.
    Basically your parents are allowing this to go on.
    Some parents love having a grown child at home with and them.
    It depends on your parents point of view. They might vent to you but they may be happy with the situation.
    However if you get overly involved and anything goes wrong. It may all be turned back on you.


  • #36
    Pawwed Rig
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,502 ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    MichaelKnee wrote: »
    How is that the most important thing when he's making my parents miserable? He doesn't do much productive things. I guess he reads more than the rest of us, because he has the time.

    Your parents are making themselves miserable by enabling him as are you and your siblings by bailing him out. He needs some tough love and be given a set period of time to sort himself out. Needs to be followed up on by your parents though.
    Month 1 - rent €100 per month. Month 2 - rent €150 and so on up €6-700. Stop cooking for him, get rid of wifi and TV or put passwords on them.

    Kick in the balls is what the lad needs.
    If your parents won't do this then they are making themselves unhappy and doing him no favours either.


  • Advertisement
  • #37
    Strumms
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,192 ✭✭✭✭Strumms


    MichaelKnee wrote: »
    How old is he? Late 20s. Older than me.
    Can he drive? Yep. My parents bought him a car out of desperation.

    I thought initially reading I was going to see you say he was 23/24 and maybe just cruising around and chilling after college but almost 30 and doing SFA with his time to earn a living and pay his way is unsat....unless he has health issues or something.

    He is able, mobile with a car and independent, he just needs some ‘tough love’ (a kick in the ass) from somewhere to inspire him back out and back responsible as every adult should be . It’s probably better coming from the parents than you.. In reality he needs to be the one helping the folks at their stage in life.... more then them helping him certainly anyway..


  • #38
    topmanamillion
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,642 ✭✭✭topmanamillion


    MichaelKnee wrote: »
    How is that the most important thing when he's making my parents miserable? He doesn't do much productive things. I guess he reads more than the rest of us, because he has the time.

    Your parents shouldn't be putting up with this. You're all enabling him.
    Your parents need to start making him pay rent and you and the rest of your siblings need to stop bailing him out.
    When he's trying to get by on €100 every week his motivation will increase to stop sh1t talking and get a job.


  • #39
    rizzodun
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,598 ✭✭✭rizzodun


    MichaelKnee wrote: »
    I got him an interview with the company I work for, he didn't even show up.

    If one of my siblings got me an interview at their place of work I wouldn't turn up either.


  • #40
    pablo128
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,210 ✭✭✭pablo128


    Count yourself lucky he's not a drunk or a drug addict.


  • #41
    Mad_maxx
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,496 ✭✭✭✭Mad_maxx


    MichaelKnee wrote: »
    That's excusable though.

    Could well be, very hard on our mam though


  • Advertisement
  • #42
    Still waters
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭Still waters


    For anyone saying as long as he's happy that's the main thing, that's bullshıt, no one is happy all the time just the same as no one is sad all the time, happy is the opposite of sad, therefore we can only try to find a place somewhere in the middle and take the good with the bad.

    Stop bailing him out and stop worrying about your parents, they're all adults and make their own beds, it's what I'd to do with my brother, happy to live at home rent free with his ever ready Instagram wife and getting my mother to run around after them like a fool, although he is employed, all they want is free time and free living and expect it like the faux celebrity couples they idolise, just face the fact that people like these have life down to a tee and will not lift a finger to help themselves as long as theres some other fool to do it if they can, and it works


  • #43
    misterme123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 82 ✭✭misterme123


    skooterblue2 wrote: »
    What are his social skills like?
    How old is he?
    What did he study at college?
    Does he have special interests?
    What is his Irish level like?
    Can he drive?
    Whats he like with projects?
    There might be an answer there


    "What is his Irish level like?"


    Why is this on your list of questions? Seems kind of a random one.


  • #44
    Fanny Wank
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,374 ✭✭✭Fanny Wank


    MichaelKnee wrote: »
    I got him an interview with the company I work for, he didn't even show up.

    But on another thread you said you gave up working a year ago & you're sorry you didn't do it sooner

    1/10 for this trolling effort


  • #45
    skooterblue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,816 ✭✭✭skooterblue2


    misterme123 wrote: »
    "What is his Irish level like?"


    Why is this on your list of questions? Seems kind of a random one.

    Irish is particularly difficult language to learn if you are on the Autistic spectrum, unless it is your speciality (I know one and he is untreated and undiagnosed and has lead a trainwreck life). Hence new early diagnosis get exemptions from Irish.

    Please ask more questions if you like, I have no problem answering.


  • #46
    MMXX
    Closed Accounts Posts: 193 ✭✭MMXX


    skooterblue2 wrote: »
    Irish is particularly difficult language to learn if you are on the Autistic spectrum, unless it is your speciality (I know one and he is untreated and undiagnosed and has lead a trainwreck life). Hence new early diagnosis get exemptions from Irish.

    Please ask more questions if you like, I have no problem answering.
    An bhfuil céad agam dul go dtí an leithreas?


  • #47
    Still waters
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭Still waters


    So he's autistic is he, or is every lazy bastard autistic now, a very convenient excuse


  • #48
    skooterblue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,816 ✭✭✭skooterblue2


    Still waters wrote: »
    So he's autistic is he, or is ever lazy bastard autistic now, a very convenient excuse

    He could very well be and it is part of the diagnosis. Part due to a shorter gut and part due to psychological reasons.


  • #49
    MMXX
    Closed Accounts Posts: 193 ✭✭MMXX


    skooterblue2 wrote: »
    He could very well be and it is part of the diagnosis. Part due to a shorter gut and part due to psychological reasons.
    Shorter gut!? Please and thank you...


  • #50
    misterme123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 82 ✭✭misterme123


    skooterblue2 wrote: »
    He could very well be and it is part of the diagnosis. Part due to a shorter gut and part due to psychological reasons.


    You've caught my attention again...


  • #51
    skooterblue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,816 ✭✭✭skooterblue2


    MMXX wrote: »
    Shorter gut!? Please and thank you...

    One of the theories they are investigating. less space for absorbing nutrition, according to a PhD in Psychology I know. I think it is due to other factors


  • Advertisement
  • #52
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 3,713 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    skooterblue2 wrote: »
    One of the theories they are investigating. less space for absorbing nutrition, according to a PhD in Psychology I know. I think it is due to other factors

    Some people seem to try to find any reason they can in other peoples behaviours to ‘pre-diagnose’ them as being on the autistic spectrum.

    Another malformed agenda, no doubt.


  • #53
    Still waters
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭Still waters


    skooterblue2 wrote: »
    One of the theories they are investigating. less space for absorbing nutrition, according to a PhD in Psychology I know. I think it is due to other factors

    What qualifies you to think it may be down to other factors, apart from knowing someone with a PHD in psychology with an interest in nutrition


  • #54
    lainey_d_123
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,385 ✭✭✭lainey_d_123


    Still waters wrote: »
    So he's autistic is he, or is ever lazy bastard autistic now, a very convenient excuse

    I have a brother exactly like OP's and it's maddening.

    He *is* autistic, but so am I, and I have a good job and have been working since college (and also worked while at college). The difference is that I wasn't enabled and treated as a golden child. I was told that I was not going to get any second chances and that I was expected to be out of the door and working full time as soon as the degree was finished. I graduated right into the 2008 recession and yet I have never been unemployed. I spent the first few years of my working life cleaning hotel toilets, answering phones, whatever I could get, and I often had to go abroad to get it. I truly believed that I was on my own in life and that I would not be bailed out, so I worked my hole off to ensure I could support myself.

    My brother has never worked a day in his life, is 33 and can barely function as an adult. He's got a Master's and was doing a PhD but dropped out as he couldn't hack it. Doesn't seem to consider working a normal job. Constantly boasts about how intelligent he is and criticises all the people he considers beneath him, yet lives at home and on the dole. My parents have enabled and coddled him to the point that I genuinely think he can't function now. They could simply never see it themselves, how they treated him so differently to the rest of us. There was always an excuse why he got bailed out when we didn't, why he got second chances when we didn't.

    Plenty of people with high functioning autism hold down jobs and lives, even if it's tough. I find work very hard and spend loads on therapy to cope with my social anxiety and other issues, but I do it. He seems to be at the point where he's totally delusional. He seems to believe that he's genuinely so special and so different and that the rules don't apply to him.


  • #55
    misterme123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 82 ✭✭misterme123


    lainey_d_123 wrote: »
    I have a brother exactly like OP's and it's maddening.

    He *is* autistic, but so am I, and I have a good job and have been working since college (and also worked while at college). The difference is that I wasn't enabled and treated as a golden child. I was told that I was not going to get any second chances and that I was expected to be out of the door and working full time as soon as the degree was finished. I graduated right into the 2008 recession and yet I have never been unemployed. I spent the first few years of my working life cleaning hotel toilets, answering phones, whatever I could get, and I often had to go abroad to get it. I truly believed that I was on my own in life and that I would not be bailed out, so I worked my hole off to ensure I could support myself.

    My brother has never worked a day in his life, is 33 and can barely function as an adult. He's got a Master's and was doing a PhD but dropped out as he couldn't hack it. Doesn't seem to consider working a normal job. Constantly boasts about how intelligent he is and criticises all the people he considers beneath him, yet lives at home and on the dole. My parents have enabled and coddled him to the point that I genuinely think he can't function now. They could simply never see it themselves, how they treated him so differently to the rest of us. There was always an excuse why he got bailed out when we didn't, why he got second chances when we didn't.

    Plenty of people with high functioning autism hold down jobs and lives, even if it's tough. I find work very hard and spend loads on therapy to cope with my social anxiety and other issues, but I do it. He seems to be at the point where he's totally delusional. He seems to believe that he's genuinely so special and so different and that the rules don't apply to him.


    Does he drive?


  • #56
    lainey_d_123
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,385 ✭✭✭lainey_d_123


    misterme123 wrote: »
    Does he drive?

    Yes. Wrote his car off but 'wasn't his fault' and my parents bought him a new one.

    Why?


  • #57
    skooterblue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,816 ✭✭✭skooterblue2


    Still waters wrote: »
    What qualifies you to think it may be down to other factors, apart from knowing someone with a PHD in psychology with an interest in nutrition

    Good question. Nothing qualifies me. I am not a psychologist, a doctor, psychiatrist, or educational specialist. However I have a degree in Computing, studied Biomedical engineering, city and guilds in plant processing, Acupuncture, Chinese Medicine spent two years as a psychologist assistant (not to be read as an assistant psychologist), and 20 years searching for my own diagnosis. Currently pursuing immunology.

    What qualifies you to question that I have a theory that I have not discussed? Are you some sort Autism specialist or Psychiatrist?


  • #58
    skooterblue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,816 ✭✭✭skooterblue2


    lainey_d_123 wrote: »
    Yes. Wrote his car off but 'wasn't his fault' and my parents bought him a new one.

    Why?

    poor time distance skills and shifting the blame onto others.


  • #59
    misterme123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 82 ✭✭misterme123


    lainey_d_123 wrote: »
    Yes. Wrote his car off but 'wasn't his fault' and my parents bought him a new one.

    Why?


    Just because you said he was autistic and it was on skooterblue2's list of ASD related questions.


  • #60
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 3,713 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    skooterblue2 wrote: »
    Good question. Nothing qualifies me. I am not a psychologist, a doctor, psychiatrist, or educational specialist. However I have a degree in Computing, studied Biomedical engineering, city and guilds in plant processing, Acupuncture, Chinese Medicine spent two years as a psychologist assistant (not to be read as an assistant psychologist), and 20 years searching for my own diagnosis. Currently pursuing immunology.

    What qualifies you to question that I have a theory that I have not discussed? Are you some sort Autism specialist or Psychiatrist?

    A bit of common sense is enough to see that there is no real way you have enough information about the OP’s brother to make anything other than an odd speculation that autism may be a factor. It could be. So could all sorts of things though. Cart before the horse stuff.


  • Advertisement
  • #61
    skooterblue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,816 ✭✭✭skooterblue2


    misterme123 wrote: »
    Just because you said he was autistic and it was on scooterblue's list of ASD related questions.

    There are 22 different criteria for a diagnosis of HFA, you need to be having severe problems with 4 of them.

    You dont need to fulfill all 22 conditions.


Advertisement
Advertisement