Have you heard of BPD/What do you know of it?

nothing

nothing wrote: »

And thus an opportunity to bash them?

Provide evidence of where I "bashed" people who are struggling with their mental health? I stand over everything I posted here.

nothing

nothing wrote: »

A simple observation based on the opinion of depressed people that you posted. What else would I base it on except what you've said yourself that clearly shows that.

Please don't assume anything about me. I haven't done the same with you.

Trigger Happy

nothing wrote: »

And thus an opportunity to bash them?

You must be reading the wrong thread. She did not bash them.
Or perhaps you are been argumentative for arguments sake...

nothing

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Provide evidence of where I "bashed" people who are struggling with their mental health? I stand over everything I posted here.

Persepoly wrote:

I encounter people who are filled with self pity. They also struggle with depression and anxiety. Yet you could offer them the moon and they will find a reason not to take it. Pain can be seductive to some. Why get up and face your demons when you can lie in a heap all day? Why take charge of your life when you can blame the world?

Speaks for itself that you have no empathy for people who are depressed/anxious and unable to accept help for whatever reason.

nothing

nothing wrote: »

Speaks for itself that you have no empathy for people who are depressed/anxious and unable to accept help for whatever reason.

You are correct. I am cold and heartless. My empathy for those who suffer is non existent.

Right. Now that that's out of the way.

PoisonIvyBelle

I know someone with BPD so I know a bit about it, and I was diagnosed with PTSD myself a few years ago which leads to some similar issues with anxiety, emotional regulation, and dissocation.

With regards to the stigma in terms of any mental health issues, it does still exist, but you can control how much it affects you. A lot of people just won't understand it and it's not your job to make them understand, it's often a losing battle TBH. It's very hard for people to understand something they haven't experienced themselves. I'd also be careful about who you talk to about it, and I know a lot of people will argue and say you should be open with everyone, but honestly - that can just lead to more stress. I'd say you only need to tell people on a need to know basis. It's your business.

One thing I would say is that I think that it's always good to have the clarity of a diagnosis in terms of treatment and understanding your own behaviour, but don't let it become a noose around your neck either. What I mean by that, is that you shouldn't let it define you. You're still you, you just have a name for what's going on with you now.

MrAbyss

Deleted User wrote: »

Not necessarily. There are many many people who have a mental illness and who also engage in self pity and victim behaviour.

I don't quite understand the first part of your post.

You get this with the Professionally Depressed types. They can turn it on and off like a switch.

Fr_Dougal

Wibbs wrote: »

I dunno about high level FD, but I'll give it a go(I went out with another but she was undiagnosed, though fitted the profile to a tee. Almost identical trajectories). *generalisation alert* women(tm) tend to be more obviously emotional and up and down in relationships, well imagine a normal level amped up by the power from an atomic reactor.

In the early stages it's pretty good to great, almost overwhelming in the attention you get. You're carpet bombed with passion and the sex is off the charts. It's quite "addictive" in a way and in the rearview mirror of hindsight can look planned to be, to get you "hooked" as it were. And it does. If you were an inexperienced guy you'd be screwed I'd imagine as she'd feel like the Perfect Girlfriend. I'd been around the block and it fooled me for a time. It's not planned as such, more the condition I'd imagine, the need to get themselves hooked on the emotionals as that seems to be the drug involved.

Then with time - and not so long in from my recall, a few months - the emotionals begin to get more obviously negative, more obviously manipulative in keeping the emotionals tap open for the hit they needed. It was a rare day where something, some issue wasn't in play, lurching from extremes of positive to negative. The need for attention was a constant and the natural reaction, or mine anyway, was to feel like I should supply it. It was never enough and could never be enough. Actually at the tail end of one I largely switched off and funny enough that calmed things and her right down. I wasn't playing the game. I can see how someone with this condition could end up with a cold bastard, or the other extreme of someone who would keep supplying the emotional hits to their personal detriment.

Emotionally manipulative would be my biggest takeaway. Though not in a I dunno psychopath type way. It's not so much to their advantage overall. Though major headmelt sums it up and no way would I stick around if I even got the sniff of that again. Put it this way, after those two - and this is donkey's years ago - I'd still be so sensitive to it that even perfectly normal women's normal emotional stuff gets my hackles up to a degree. If I had a friend involved with someone with this - and I have. One guy's life nearly went around the U bend over it - I'd tell them to run as far and as fast away as possible. Which itself can be bloody difficult as the emotionally manipulative stuff can be focussed ever harder on what weaknesses they perceive in you if they think you're moving away.

My 2cents anyway FD.

Similar enough to my own experience with one.

She craved attention, if you didn’t reply to her straight away she would accuse you of ghosting her etc, we’re talking about hours here.

It got to the stage where I had to block her WhatsApp messages, she’d text at 3/4am when most normal people would be asleep.
Maybe 6 months after no contact from her she’s send a text message, trying to start an argument calling me a narcissist. This was after me completely ignoring her. Had to block text messages after that.

Then out of the blue came an apology for her behaviour, via email. Immediately I knew what was going to happen. I accepted her apology and then left it at that. Couple of days later what happens? Boom! Dramalama, Calling me a narcissist again etc.

You have to cut these people completely out of your life, or call the cops on them when they get to that level of crazy.

Alecto

It's been interesting to hear people's opinions, some open minded, some disheartening. I would say though that someone texting you in the middle of the night doesn't exactly warrant calling the guards

Fr_Dougal

Alecto wrote: »

It's been interesting to hear people's opinions, some open minded, some disheartening. I would say though that someone texting you in the middle of the night doesn't exactly warrant calling the guards

It does when they’re abusive and won’t stop!

Alecto

Alecto wrote: »

It's been interesting to hear people's opinions, some open minded, some disheartening. I would say though that someone texting you in the middle of the night doesn't exactly warrant calling the guards

Reminds me of a time back in my twenties when I turned up bright and early at the door of a new boyfriend. Had a little note written just in case he didn't answer. Why? I hadn't heard from him in about a day.

Alecto

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

It does when they’re abusive and won’t stop!

Well fair enough, you made it sound like the unreasonable part was that she texted you at 3am.

PmMeUrDogs

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Reminds me of a time back in my twenties when I turned up bright and early at the door of a new boyfriend. Had a little note written just in case he didn't answer. Why? I hadn't heard from him in about a day.

Some call that stalking, but personally speaking I feel like it's romantic. :pac:

Fr_Dougal

Alecto wrote: »

Well fair enough, you made it sound like the unreasonable part was that she texted you at 3am.

Texted at 3am out of the blue on a work night to try to draw me into her drama. Not normal behaviour.

PmMeUrDogs

PmMeUrDogs wrote: »

Some call that stalking, but personally speaking I feel like it's romantic. :pac:

We were together for years and he remains an important part of my life so he must have thought the same

Wibbs

Alecto wrote: »

It's been interesting to hear people's opinions, some open minded, some disheartening. I would say though that someone texting you in the middle of the night doesn't exactly warrant calling the guards

I'd agree there. Unless someone was about to get destructive of my stuff, or of themselves. Otherwise a very clear and understandable please sod off now, with less agreeable phrasing. Though I have found down the years that some, if not most people are too polite or more, too afraid of direct confrontation to do this. I've also noted that certain personality types, from out and out abusive bullies through those who have a mental condition of varying degrees will tend to specifically seek out those who will enable them and are less likely to push back. Like I said earlier, with one, I did push back, by basically ignoring her button pushing and she stopped. I suspect temporarily until normal push buttons, get emotional fix service was resumed.

On the disheartening comments A, yeah I can well understand someone feeling negative reading them. I'd say this though if you've been involved with someone with the extremes of this kinda thing it's incredibly wearing and negative in emotional impacts on you. To the degree that I could see how a partner could get mentally feckered themselves. But yeah I would stick with my advice if a friend was in such a setup. Major caution, or walk the hell away. I've worn the tee shirt, which to be fair would tend to make one overly cautious maybe.

Alecto

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Texted at 3am out of the blue on a work night to try to draw me into her drama. Not normal behaviour.

Abusing you over text is definitely not acceptable behaviour, I'm sorry she did that. I get texts in the middle of the night all the time though, I just keep my phone on silent.

Beeping Kitchen Appliances

Deleted User wrote: »

I have a touch of it myself

So it's kind of borderline.

Beeping Kitchen Appliances

Beeping Kitchen Appliances wrote: »

So it's kind of borderline.

Haha..

Yeah..I've BBPD..

I'm just out there man..

Someone contact the DSM..

Earthhorse

Wibbs wrote: »

*it seems to be much more a female condition, or maybe it's about equal between men and women, but men present different symptoms? I've certainly known enough men with compulsive and emotionally damaging behaviour. Though men tend to be more about harming others than obvious self harm.

Interesting. I looked this up as it's counter to my own experience of it but you're right; the ratio is 3 to 1, women to men for BPD. I couldn't find any explanation for this or whether it might be a diagnostic issue rather than a meaningful difference.

It's speculated that Steve Jobs may have had it or perhaps NPD. I sympathise with people who think there are too many labels thrown around these days but believe me when you meet someone engaged in split thinking it's really obvious once you see it again. And I agree that the labels aren't so important as much as understanding the underlying symptoms is (and labels are just way to cluster symptoms together).

Deleted User wrote: »

Just to provide a bit of balance against how difficult it is to have a relationship with a person who has BPD. One of the closest people in my life has a diagnosis. She's like a sister to me. I don't see her as having a personality disorder I see a person who struggles. She has a huge capacity for empathy and understanding of other people. The person she hurts is herself.

That may be true of your friend but sadly it's not true of all people with BPD. Unfortunately the harm caused to others can be very real. The burnt bridges, the ridiculous recriminations; it's incredibly exhausting and confusing, and ironically experienced the most by the people who are most empathic towards them (people who are not empathic to them will tell them to f*ck off in double time). Of course, these people are also hurting themselves, they just don't realise it.

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MrAbyss wrote: »

It is also hard hard to feel sorry for them as most of the false rape and sexual assaults are by BPD women as a result of the man having had enough and left them or they fell in love on the first date and there was no second date..

It's a crazy and dangerous condition and it is very real.

Careful. There is quite a stigma towards BPD in the psychology field, and the whole false accusation thing is more cultural than individualistic.

Alecto

It is no doubt a condition that can lead to causing harm to others. I don't think it's usually malicious or intentional though. I know that doesn't help if you end up getting hurt yourself of course. It's just from my own experience whenever I've ****ed up I've hated myself so much and I've wanted nothing more than to be dead so I could never inflict myself on anyone again. I think for me anyway, I'm usually causing damage to myself though sometimes others do get dragged into my sh1t and I do feel awful when that happens. One thing I do is try to limit how much I drink if I go out because that is what ends up causing me the most trouble with others.

Gynoid

Alecto wrote: »

It is no doubt a condition that can lead to causing harm to others. I don't think it's usually malicious or intentional though. I know that doesn't help if you end up getting hurt yourself of course. It's just from my own experience whenever I've ****ed up I've hated myself so much and I've wanted nothing more than to be dead so I could never inflict myself on anyone again. I think for me anyway, I'm usually causing damage to myself though sometimes others do get dragged into my sh1t and I do feel awful when that happens. One thing I do is try to limit how much I drink if I go out because that is what ends up causing me the most trouble with others.

Why not quit drinking altogether? It is not a compulsory or helpless activity (personally, beyond an occasional small glass of nice red wine, I find it rather boring), and if it causes you and potentially others such severe suffering, why not just let it go completely. You have mentioned it several times and each time I wondered why you persist with it. Sounds like quitting it is the first and most important step you could take.

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Foweva Awone wrote: »

I don't know if this is true, but I do know that many BPD women (including myself) are survivors of childhood sexual abuse. False rape claims as an adult may be the result of misinterpreting a situation due to past trauma - rather than coming from any maliciousness on the woman's part.

I know that doesn't make it in any way okay, it's just that so many people (even some mental health professionals) view BPD sufferers as pure evil, poisonous people. There is so much stigma attached to it. Not every sufferer displays all of the symptoms, in fact I believe you only need to hit 5 of the 9 markers on the DSM-5 criteria to get a diagnosis. It's quite unfair to write off all people/women with the diagnosis, just because of your experience of a few.

Bit of downplaying no offense :O

Alecto

Gynoid wrote: »

Why not quit drinking altogether? It is not a compulsory or helpless activity (personally, beyond an occasional small glass of nice red wine, I find it rather boring), and if it causes you and potentially others such severe suffering, why not just let it go completely. You have mentioned it several times and each time I wondered why you persist with it. Sounds like quitting it is the first and most important step you could take.

Getting drunk is a very very nice way to block out the world.

Gynoid

Alecto wrote: »

Getting drunk is a very very nice way to block out the world.

It is also a very irresponsible thing to do if it causes you and others drama.
You could go surfing to block out the world. Or wall climbing. Or kayaking. Drinking to block pain is bad medicine.

Alecto

Gynoid wrote: »

It is also a very irresponsible thing to do if it causes you and others drama.
You could go surfing to block out the world. Or wall climbing. Or kayaking. Drinking to block pain is bad medicine.

I feel like you haven't been listening to what BPD is at all. Sure I'll just cut out all of my coping mechanisms and go for a walk. That'll do it.

Gynoid

Alecto wrote: »

I feel like you haven't been listening to what BPD is at all. Sure I'll just cut out all of my coping mechanisms and go for a walk. That'll do it.

Drink does not seem to be a coping factor, but rather a major factor in causation. Ethyl alcohol is a cheap common drug, that ruins many lives. There is very little groovy about it when used as bad medicine. If you dont want to quit it, at least look it face on and honestly accept it causes you a lot of your problems and then carry on.

My point is you are not as helpless as you believe you are. Im not being harsh with you for kicks. Life goes by very fast. Grab the reins earlier rather than later.

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Alecto wrote: »

I feel like you haven't been listening to what BPD is at all. Sure I'll just cut out all of my coping mechanisms and go for a walk. That'll do it.

It's up to you how you want to live your life.