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Have you heard of BPD/What do you know of it?

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    #62
    Alecto
    Closed Accounts Posts: 201 ✭✭Alecto


    Lillyfae wrote: »
    For all those talking about “undiagnosed”, how do you know you have it without a diagnosis?


    When it was suggested to me when I was 21, I looked up the symptoms and refused to believe it, but then by the time I was 30 I was saying it to the psychiatrists myself, and they confirmed it, sometimes you know you have it. I had some refuse to label me as such and others hint at it until finally one came out and said it. They seem to want to avoid labelling people these days but I found it gave me a lot of clarity and understanding. I was very confused by my behaviour before I looked into BPD and began to understand myself so much more.


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    #63
    Lillyfae
    Registered Users Posts: 1,813 ✭✭✭Lillyfae


    GeetarPick wrote: »
    Trust me I know :).

    But there are diagnostic tools these days, we don’t have to guess if we have it, or self diagnose, you’re receiving some kind of professional guidance, right?


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    #64
    MrAbyss
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 426 ✭✭MrAbyss


    Foweva Awone wrote: »
    I don't know if this is true, but I do know that many BPD women (including myself) are survivors of childhood sexual abuse. False rape claims as an adult may be the result of misinterpreting a situation due to past trauma - rather than coming from any maliciousness on the woman's part.

    I know that doesn't make it in any way okay, it's just that so many people (even some mental health professionals) view BPD sufferers as pure evil, poisonous people. There is so much stigma attached to it. Not every sufferer displays all of the symptoms, in fact I believe you only need to hit 5 of the 9 markers on the DSM-5 criteria to get a diagnosis. It's quite unfair to write off all people/women with the diagnosis, just because of your experience of a few.


    It is unfair but it is common sense.


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    #65
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    MrAbyss wrote: »
    It is unfair but it is common sense.

    I await your evidence of your previous claim.


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    #66
    metaoblivia
    Registered Users Posts: 2,256 ✭✭✭metaoblivia


    I have a friend who is married to a woman with BPD. Apparently their relationship is very tumultuous and probably not dissimilar to what Wibbs was describing. It's an open marriage as she's bisexual and early on he learned she was cheating on him with a woman. He's said there are months where it's incredible and then months when she absolutely hates him, and that they both have the ability to bring out the most toxic parts of each other. I can see where that sort of roller coaster would be both exhausting and exhilarating, especially if the non-BPD person is the saving type.

    Her condition got very bad right after they married and she wasn't able to work for a few years (and she worked in a creative field - think theater) and is only now starting to slowly get back into a part time job (which has nothing to do with her original job).

    I think having a partner with BPD would be very challenging because my father had similar emotional instability and being involved with someone like that would dredge up bad memories and prove very toxic for me.


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    #67
    Alecto
    Closed Accounts Posts: 201 ✭✭Alecto


    metaoblivia wrote: »
    I have a friend who is married to a woman with BPD. Apparently their relationship is very tumultuous and probably not dissimilar to what Wibbs was describing. It's an open marriage as she's bisexual and early on he learned she was cheating on him with a woman. He's said there are months where it's incredible and then months when she absolutely hates him, and that they both have the ability to bring out the most toxic parts of each other. I can see where that sort of roller coaster would be both exhausting and exhilarating, especially if the non-BPD person is the saving type.

    Her condition got very bad right after they married and she wasn't able to work for a few years (and she worked in a creative field - think theater) and is only now starting to slowly get back into a part time job (which has nothing to do with her original job).

    I think having a partner with BPD would be very challenging because my father had similar emotional instability and being involved with someone like that would dredge up bad memories and prove very toxic for me.


    That's eerily familiar to me, I'm also bi-sexual and have had issues with infidelity in the past. I think the highs are extremely high when you're with someone with BPD and that's really addictive and intoxicating, but the lows are also extremely low, and that's tough. I have a new found understanding of this since I'm in a relationship with someone who also has BPD.


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    #68
    nothing
    Registered Users Posts: 1,697 ✭✭✭nothing


    One of the big issues with BPD is the catch-all of the symptoms in diagnosing it. It's possible to have two people diagnosed with BPD to have only one overlapping symptom. This is part of what makes it so difficult to treat, not to mention that the "gold standard" treatment of DBT is shown to only work in certain areas (suicidal tendency, anger) for certain types of BPD, which is unsurprising when you know it was all just cherry picked elements of CBT and mindfulness by someone who self diagnosed as BPD.

    It's also easily misdiagnosed as a type of bipolar, as depression, as some kind of generalised anxiety disorder, depending on which symptoms you present with, meaning it can be years before you get an "accurate" diagnosis and referred for appropriate treatment. It can also be co-existing with other disorders, and teasing out which symptoms are for which disorder - nightmare.

    I agree with OP, it's not curable, but it is manageable. Unfortunately no two cases of BPD are the same, so finding the right amount and type of treatment is a struggle.

    Diagnosed over 10 years ago, after 6 years with a generalised depression/anxiety diagnosis. Have a friend with it too, we have great chats about things that may or may not be due to our BPD or that we just happen to have in common, and debates about what are "normal" or BPD reactions.

    For those who don't have it, but have dealt with people they suspect have it, first I'd say don't try to diagnose someone else, you never know what's going on in someone's head and you're not their psychiatrist, secondly, if someone does have it, it makes life incredibly difficult and it would do no harm to be just a tiny bit more empathetic.

    https://forumofgames.com/



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    #69
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Its important to know the type of person we want to have in our lives. Labels can be dangerous however because they bunch individuals under the one umbrella. They can also take away personal responsibility. I'm a big fan of taking ownership for who we are and what we do. A diagnosis can be liberating but it can also an excuse.


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    #70
    nothing
    Registered Users Posts: 1,697 ✭✭✭nothing


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Its important to know the type of person we want to have in our lives. Labels can be dangerous however because they bunch individuals under the one umbrella. They can also take away personal responsibility. I'm a big fan of taking ownership for who we are and what we do. A diagnosis can be liberating but it can also an excuse.

    Having a label after many many years of not knowing what was wrong gives an amazing way to understand what's going on, how to treat it, how to recognise unhelpful behaviours and actions, how to understand past behaviours and how to recover. Its no more an excuse than, say, a diabetes label. It is a useful medical diagnosis.

    https://forumofgames.com/



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    #71
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    nothing wrote: »
    Having a label after many many years of not knowing what was wrong gives an amazing way to understand what's going on, how to treat it, how to recognise unhelpful behaviours and actions, how to understand past behaviours and how to recover. Its no more an excuse than, say, a diabetes label. It is a useful medical diagnosis.

    Yes I can see that. I can also see how it can give some people an "out" and excuse hurtful behaviour.


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    #72
    nothing
    Registered Users Posts: 1,697 ✭✭✭nothing


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Yes I can see that. I can also see how it can give some people an "out" and excuse hurtful behaviour.

    That kind of person doesn't need a label to find an excuse, and it's certainly not a good reason to dismiss a diagnosis (or label as it's being unhelpfully referred to by several on this thread)

    https://forumofgames.com/



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    #73
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    nothing wrote: »
    That kind of person doesn't need a label to find an excuse, and it's certainly not a good reason to dismiss a diagnosis (or label as it's being unhelpfully referred to by several on this thread)

    They don't but yet they do exist because I've encountered them. Diagnoses in my experience can cause some people to be trapped by their struggles. They can become fixated on it and see it as their identity. Look at the words I am using; 'some' 'can' 'my experience'.

    Nowhere am I saying that all people who have BPD use it to hide or that the diagnosis is bad for all those who have it.


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    #74
    mariaalice
    Registered Users Posts: 12,412 ✭✭✭✭mariaalice


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Yes I can see that. I can also see how it can give some people an "out" and excuse hurtful behavior.

    I would say that people with severe levels of the disorder or other severe personality typer disorders are possible to chaotic to be organised enough to look for an excuse for their behavior they have disordered thinking as part of the condition.

    The self pity and blaming others, looking for an excuse is probably a personality type related to low levels of empathy its not a mental illness.


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    #75
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    mariaalice wrote: »
    I would say that people with severe levels of the disorder or other severe personality typer disorders are possible to catholic to be organised enough to look for an excuse for their behavior they have disordered thinking as part of the condition.

    The self pity and blaming others, looking for an excuse is probably a personality type related to low levels of empathy its not a mental illness.

    Not necessarily. There are many many people who have a mental illness and who also engage in self pity and victim behaviour.

    I don't quite understand the first part of your post.


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    #76
    nothing
    Registered Users Posts: 1,697 ✭✭✭nothing


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    They don't but yet they do exist because I've encountered them. Diagnoses in my experience can cause some people to be trapped by their struggles. They can become fixated on it and see it as their identity. Look at the words I am using; 'some' 'can' 'my experience'.

    Nowhere am I saying that all people who have BPD use it to hide or that the diagnosis is bad for all those who have it.

    I understand that you don't mean all those with the diagnosis. What I find frustrating is that people (not just you) refer to a diagnosis of a mental health condition as a label, when the same doesn't apply to, say, cancer, diabetes, broken leg. It's part of the struggle those with mental health issues face every day. That somehow their diagnosis shouldn't be or isn't valid as its dismissed.

    https://forumofgames.com/



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    #77
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I encounter people who are filled with self pity. They also struggle with depression and anxiety. Yet you could offer them the moon and they will find a reason not to take it. Pain can be seductive to some. Why get up and face your demons when you can lie in a heap all day? Why take charge of your life when you can blame the world?


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    #78
    nothing
    Registered Users Posts: 1,697 ✭✭✭nothing


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Not necessarily. There are many many people who have a mental illness and who also engage in self pity and victim behaviour.

    I don't quite understand the first part of your post.

    It's certainly not restricted to those with mental illness, plenty of mentally healthy people are well adept at playing the victim.

    https://forumofgames.com/



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    #79
    nothing
    Registered Users Posts: 1,697 ✭✭✭nothing


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I encounter people who are filled with self pity. They also struggle with depression and anxiety. Yet you could offer them the moon and they will find a reason not to take it. Pain can be seductive to some. Why get up and face your demons when you can lie in a heap all day? Why take charge of your life when you can blame the world?

    Sounds like you could use more empathy in your life

    https://forumofgames.com/



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    #80
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    nothing wrote: »
    I understand that you don't mean all those with the diagnosis. What I find frustrating is that people (not just you) refer to a diagnosis of a mental health condition as a label, when the same doesn't apply to, say, cancer, diabetes, broken leg. It's part of the struggle those with mental health issues face every day. That somehow their diagnosis shouldn't be or isn't valid as its dismissed.

    It isn't my intention to dismiss or invalidate diagnoses in mental health. I'm just not sure of they are always helpful.


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    #81
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    nothing wrote: »
    Sounds like you could use more empathy in your life

    Ha.

    Sounds like you don't know a damn thing about me.


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    #82
    nothing
    Registered Users Posts: 1,697 ✭✭✭nothing


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    It isn't my intention to dismiss or invalidate diagnoses in mental health. I'm just not sure of they are always helpful.

    Is a cancer diagnosis unhelpful in any circumstances? People need to understand that a mental health diagnosis is no less helpful than a physical one.

    https://forumofgames.com/



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    #83
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    nothing wrote: »
    It's certainly not restricted to those with mental illness, plenty of mentally healthy people are well adept at playing the victim.

    They absolutely are. I agree.


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    #84
    nothing
    Registered Users Posts: 1,697 ✭✭✭nothing


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Ha.

    Sounds like you don't know a damn thing about me.

    Sounds like you don't know a thing about depression.

    https://forumofgames.com/



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    #85
    nothing
    Registered Users Posts: 1,697 ✭✭✭nothing


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    They absolutely are. I agree.

    Then why focus only on those who happen to be mentally unwell?

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    #86
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    nothing wrote: »
    Sounds like you don't know a thing about depression.

    Sounds like you are making a personal judgement against one person based off a few posts on a forum.


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    #87
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    nothing wrote: »
    Then why focus only on those who happen to be mentally unwell?

    Because this thread is about mental ill health.


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    #88
    mariaalice
    Registered Users Posts: 12,412 ✭✭✭✭mariaalice


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Not necessarily. There are many many people who have a mental illness and who also engage in self pity and victim behaviour.

    I don't quite understand the first part of your post.

    The person will think differently when they are ill verses when well so in a way there is not point in saying they are acting the victim or looking for excuses because to them when they are unwell it does not seem like that, now when they are well they may be open to the idea.

    For some insight is crushing and very hard to deal with so in a sense they may know they are looking for excuses but full awareness of that would be too much.


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    #89
    nothing
    Registered Users Posts: 1,697 ✭✭✭nothing


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Sounds like you are making a personal judgement against one person based off a few posts on a forum.

    A simple observation based on the opinion of depressed people that you posted. What else would I base it on except what you've said yourself that clearly shows that.

    https://forumofgames.com/



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    #90
    nothing
    Registered Users Posts: 1,697 ✭✭✭nothing


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Because this thread is about mental ill health.

    And thus an opportunity to bash them?

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    #91
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    mariaalice wrote: »
    The person will think differently when they are ill verses when well so in a way there is not point in saying they are acting the victim or looking for excuses because to them when they are unwell it does not seem like that, now when they are well they may be open to the idea.

    For some insight is crushing and very hard to deal with so in a sense they may know they are looking for excuses but full awareness of that would be too much.

    Yes I take that point. The world is made up of many different types of people all worth their own uniqueness and way of coping.


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