Have you heard of BPD/What do you know of it?

Alecto

So, I found out last year I have Borderline Personality Disorder, also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. Think Winona Ryder in Girl, Interruped :pac: There seems to be huge stigma/ignorance around it. Have you heard of it? Do you know anyone with it? NB, I promise I won't boil your bunnies


Link to what it is for those who don't know





https://www.nami.org/learn-more/mental-health-conditions/borderline-personality-disorder

Thought this was going to be about some korean boy band..

Alecto

Deleted User wrote: »

Thought this was going to be about some korean boy band..

I think that's K-Pop :P

On a more serious note though, tbh I think there's a distinct possibility I have a touch of it myself..How has being diagnosed changed things for you?..how do you feel about it?

bilbot79

What sort things do you do that are due to bpd?

Alecto

Deleted User wrote: »

On a more serious note though, tbh I think there's a distinct possibility I have a touch of it myself..How has being diagnosed changed things for you?..how do you feel about it?

It was first suggested when I was 21 but I refused to believe it, by the time I was told again at the age of 30 I believed it. I guess I felt a lot of things, guilt, feeling like I'm a toxic awful person no one should engage with, but also feeling relieved, I finally knew why I felt so different to everyone else, why I'd always felt so different, I've had years and years of therapy. I don't think BPD can be cured, to be honest I think it's just who I am, but it's nice to finally know what's wrong with me. If you ever want to chat about why you think you have it you know where I am

Alecto

bilbot79 wrote: »

What sort things do you do that are due to bpd?

I binge eat, I cut, I have promiscuous sex, I drink until I black out, I overspend, I isolate myself from others or I overshare, I don't know who I am but somehow I hate myself, it goes on :P

Suicide attempts are also pretty common.

Ubbquittious

I used to know the parents of some girl that allegedly had it. One day she hopped on the back of some fellas motorbike just pure out of the blue and ended up living in Spain and this disorder was allegedly the cause but I reckon what really happened is that she was just sh1t sick of living with the parents as they were as odd as two left shoes.

This is often the case with all these modern disorders, people rarely stop to think it might be their own fault a child is acting a certain way and feel the need to pin some disorder to their chest

dartboardio

Alecto wrote: »

I binge eat, I cut, I have promiscuous sex, I drink until I black out, I overspend, I isolate myself from others or I overshare, I don't know who I am but somehow I hate myself, it goes on :P

Sounds exactly like me. I have randomly abandoned so many good friends for no reason, then go out of my way to avoid them due to imaginary situations I've created in my head. Like never walking down a street ever again that I've walked down the past five years to avoid them, even though they'd be happy to see me.

Often seeing myself as a certain type of person, and the next day another..

Cant really get past the formal part of friendships due to random anxiety or perceptions in my own head.

Struggle alot with this actually. I've never been diagnosed with anything but then again have never spoken out. Just live my life in my head to be honest

bilbot79

Alecto wrote: »

I binge eat, I cut, I have promiscuous sex, I drink until I black out, I overspend, I isolate myself from others or I overshare, I don't know who I am but somehow I hate myself, it goes on :P

Don't cut missis please. The rest is pretty common.

I've met a few people with such characteristics. Can't really advise other than to say if you can restrain yourself enough to meet a solid person, they can be a guiding hand for you.

Ubbquittious

Alecto wrote: »

I binge eat, I cut, I have promiscuous sex, I drink until I black out, I overspend, I isolate myself from others or I overshare, I don't know who I am but somehow I hate myself, it goes on :P

Suicide attempts are also pretty common.

The binge eating and the sex are a good thing. I was worried about you, thought you were always just sitting there in your tiny house isolated from the rest of the world being entertained by pixels and characters. I'm glad that isn't the case.

Alecto

Ubbquittious wrote: »

I used to know the parents of some girl that allegedly had it. One day she hopped on the back of some fellas motorbike just pure out of the blue and ended up living in Spain and this disorder was allegedly the cause but I reckon what really happened is that she was just sh1t sick of living with the parents as they were as odd as two left shoes.

This is often the case with all these modern disorders, people rarely stop to think it might be their own fault a child is acting a certain way and feel the need to pin some disorder to their chest

Well BPD is partially caused by environmental factors, so something in the child's upbringing. So yeah I'd say she fecked off because she's impulsive as part of BPD but also because she was sick of their shyte

Ubbquittious

Alecto wrote: »

Well BPD is partially caused by environmental factors, so something in the child's upbringing. So yeah I'd say she fecked off because she's impulsive as part of BPD but also because she was sick of their shyte

I'd say it was 100% the upbringing in this case. Sure their holidays consisted of delving into the depths of Austria to find Hitler's supposed grave and the apocolypse was always just around the corner for them.

Alecto

Ubbquittious wrote: »

I'd say it was 100% the upbringing in this case. Sure their holidays consisted of delving into the depths of Austria to find Hitler's supposed grave and the apocolypse was always just around the corner for them.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/matter-personality/201109/the-family-dynamics-patients-borderline-personality


These are the family dynamics that tend to create the disorder. Unfortunately I had to move back home last year and I get to experience them all over again with people who deny they ever did anything wrong

HamSarris

People with BPD experience very intense emotions, find them intolerable and do bad stuff to try to regulate their emotions – drugs, sex, cutting, clinginess etc,. with suicide as the ultimate fantasy of escaping emotional pain. Goal is to substitute these will better ways of managing emotions.

Often has an association with poor or unstable childhood attachments. Maybe there’s some evolutionary function to ramp up emotions in unstable environments and cling to anyone, even if the relationship is dysfunctional.

Alecto

HamSarris wrote: »

People with BPD experience very intense emotions, find them intolerable and do bad stuff to try to regulate their emotions – drugs, sex, cutting, clinginess etc,. with suicide as the ultimate fantasy of escaping emotional pain. Goal is to substitute these will better ways of managing emotions.

Often has an association with poor or unstable childhood attachments. Maybe there’s some evolutionary function to ramp up emotions in unstable environments and cling to anyone, even if the relationship is dysfunctional.

Yeah this is pretty accurate. I guess I'd see people on TV getting upset and eating a tub of ice cream over a break up or whatever and I thought it was normal. The problem is that I'd attach to someone very quickly and be eating a tub of ice cream if they didn't text me back for a few hours because I'd be fully convinced I'd never hear from them again. The rational part of my brain would say oh they're busy but the emotional part would feel immediately abandoned, of course you can't say that stuff to people without looking like a lunatic so you end up eating/cutting/take substances/whatever gets you through.

Do you have any creative outlet at all?..If so, does it help at all?

Alecto

I get addicted to basically anything I like so that can be good and bad. I like to game, read, watch films/tv shows, those things to tend to take my mind off things and distract me.

The chan chan man

Can I ask, is there any history of childhood abuse/sexual abuse?

Alecto

The chan chan man wrote: »

Can I ask, is there any history of childhood abuse/sexual abuse?

There usually is, or at the very least emotional neglect/abuse which is what I experienced.

Raconteuse

Ubbquittious wrote: »

The binge eating and the sex are a good thing.

Binge eating very regularly is hardly a good thing. Promiscuous sex - depends on the context. If it's to numb pain/due to being damaged, hardly good either.

seamus

Ubbquittious wrote: »

This is often the case with all these modern disorders, people rarely stop to think it might be their own fault a child is acting a certain way and feel the need to pin some disorder to their chest

That's fairly dismissive tbh. Just because someone had a ridiculous upbringing, doesn't mean they don't have a disorder.

There are many factors at play in most mental illness. Upbringing can be a big one - the developing human is shaped by the chemicals that are present during that upbringing. Different combinations of chemicals in the developing brain (and body), result in different tendencies, different physical developments, and produce a different human.

Thus a stressful or odd upbringing can result in mental illnesses later in life. Excessive amounts of toxins (like nicotine, lead, etc) can have other outcomes.

And then you have genetic factors.

And throw on top of that the actual learning and conditioning that goes on through the person's childhood that's virtually impossible to reverse.

So while you may be correct to say that someone's difficulties come from their upbringing, it's dismissive to imply that it means they don't have a disorder. Their upbringing has caused permanent, often irreperable changes to the individual.

It can't just be fixed by pointing out that their parents are sh1tty; "Oh right, I'll stop being anxious so, thanks for that".

Fr_Dougal

This sounds like a girl who I know, down to a T.

She wouldn’t have had great family support when she was young.

Wibbs

I've known a few down the years, all women*, some diagnosed, some not, but would serve well as clinical definitions of BPD. One worked very hard on it throughout her twenties and certainly seemed to come out of it to a great degree. She's like a different person The others not so much. Age seems to dull its edges though. I was in a relationship with one and never again, no debate on that. The very definition of a headmelt.




*it seems to be much more a female condition, or maybe it's about equal between men and women, but men present different symptoms? I've certainly known enough men with compulsive and emotionally damaging behaviour. Though men tend to be more about harming others than obvious self harm. The cutting aspect is interesting. As a symptom of mental illness it has increased massively over the last couple of decades. It was a rare thing to present with before the 80's and 90's.

GeetarPick

As someone who has it (undiagnosed) it truly is a ****show. You alienate everyone around you as you take everything to heart and think about something someone says for days on end. Simple things like food shopping seem like such a huge ordeal and you have to build yourself up to it. I dont drink often but if I'm going out I binge and sometimes do stupid things due to being blackout drunk.

My family used to think I was just lazy which compounded the issue until I became a basket case in my teens and twenties. Luckily I've got it somewhat under control but little things such as leaving the apartment seem like such big tasks.

Fr_Dougal

Wibbs wrote: »

I've known a few down the years, all women*, some diagnosed, some not, but would serve well as clinical definitions of BPD. One worked very hard on it throughout her twenties and certainly seemed to come out of it to a great degree. She's like a different person The others not so much. Age seems to dull its edges though. I was in a relationship with one and never again, no debate on that. The very definition of a headmelt.




*it seems to be much more a female condition, or maybe it's about equal between men and women, but men present different symptoms? I've certainly known enough men with compulsive and emotionally damaging behaviour. Though men tend to be more about harming others than obvious self harm. The cutting aspect is interesting. As a symptom of mental illness it has increased massively over the last couple of decades. It was a rare thing to present with before the 80's and 90's.

Would you mind giving a high level view of what is was like dating this girl?

Wibbs

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Would you mind giving a high level view of what is was like dating this girl?

I dunno about high level FD, but I'll give it a go(I went out with another but she was undiagnosed, though fitted the profile to a tee. Almost identical trajectories). *generalisation alert* women(tm) tend to be more obviously emotional and up and down in relationships, well imagine a normal level amped up by the power from an atomic reactor.

In the early stages it's pretty good to great, almost overwhelming in the attention you get. You're carpet bombed with passion and the sex is off the charts. It's quite "addictive" in a way and in the rearview mirror of hindsight can look planned to be, to get you "hooked" as it were. And it does. If you were an inexperienced guy you'd be screwed I'd imagine as she'd feel like the Perfect Girlfriend. I'd been around the block and it fooled me for a time. It's not planned as such, more the condition I'd imagine, the need to get themselves hooked on the emotionals as that seems to be the drug involved.

Then with time - and not so long in from my recall, a few months - the emotionals begin to get more obviously negative, more obviously manipulative in keeping the emotionals tap open for the hit they needed. It was a rare day where something, some issue wasn't in play, lurching from extremes of positive to negative. The need for attention was a constant and the natural reaction, or mine anyway, was to feel like I should supply it. It was never enough and could never be enough. Actually at the tail end of one I largely switched off and funny enough that calmed things and her right down. I wasn't playing the game. I can see how someone with this condition could end up with a cold bastard, or the other extreme of someone who would keep supplying the emotional hits to their personal detriment.

Emotionally manipulative would be my biggest takeaway. Though not in a I dunno psychopath type way. It's not so much to their advantage overall. Though major headmelt sums it up and no way would I stick around if I even got the sniff of that again. Put it this way, after those two - and this is donkey's years ago - I'd still be so sensitive to it that even perfectly normal women's normal emotional stuff gets my hackles up to a degree. If I had a friend involved with someone with this - and I have. One guy's life nearly went around the U bend over it - I'd tell them to run as far and as fast away as possible. Which itself can be bloody difficult as the emotionally manipulative stuff can be focussed ever harder on what weaknesses they perceive in you if they think you're moving away.

My 2cents anyway FD.

Larbre34

HamSarris wrote: »

Often has an association with poor or unstable childhood attachments. Maybe there’s some evolutionary function to ramp up emotions in unstable environments and cling to anyone, even if the relationship is dysfunctional.

Yeah its called the evolutionary function of 'no one should have to endure such environments as they are very damaging to people'

And its not really BPD is it? Thats just the symptoms of psychological damage and probably psychiatric illness caused by said environment.

Labels for these things are just red herrings and give comfort to those who caused the damage. They may have suffered the same environment cyclically, but the point still stands.

Its not their personality that has a disorder, they have a mental illness brought on by external factors amounting to mental torture and abuse.

GeetarPick

Larbre34 wrote: »

Yeah its called the evolutionary function of 'no one should have to endure such environments as they are very damaging to people'

And its not really BPD is it? Thats just the symptoms of psychological damage and probably psychiatric illness caused by said environment.

Labels for these things are just red herrings and give comfort to those who caused the damage. They may have suffered the same environment cyclically, but the point still stands.

Its not their personality that has a disorder, they have a mental illness brought on by external factors amounting to mental torture and abuse.

Exactly. Diagnosing it imo (this is my opinion please do not follow my line of thinking) can actually hinder future job prospects, relationships etc. Even getting a mortgage can be hampered due to life companies not wanting to touch the mentally ill with a barge pole.

It's a horrible cycle. I have grown to accept my issues and have gotten control of it. I know my social life will never be great so I've taken up hobbies that an introvert can enjoy.

Gynoid

Gonna sound like a horrid bitch, but it is meant as positive help - it is not good to attach labels to yourself if it can be at all helped. There are too many diverse labels, they can be narcissistic and are a therapists dream. It creates learned helplessness, victim status, and in fact reinforces the suffering identity day in day out. Drop the identification with this disorder, or you will use it as an excuse and a crutch to your dying day and will thus severely limit your potential for freedom and happiness.

This disorder is likely due to childhood neglect or abuse, it is a trauma reaction. I had a different trauma reaction, so called PTSD, it was very severe due to assault, and absolutely fcuked me for a while. The best way I found was to not allow the mental or emotional groove to be deepened again and again. Of course it is hard work, not saying otherwise BUT! Dont make a story for yourself out of bad things, begin to be acutely cognitively aware and responsible, disciplined even, so that you can nip negative or destructive thought processes in the bud. Move away completely from labeling yourself, be creative.

Look for good things in life, flow activities, absorption outside yourself, joy, movement, beauty, simple pleasures - maximise those to make them potent. Shun drama, addiction to sorrow. Your crappy past will always be part of you but it can become a much smaller part of the narrative of a great big adventurous life.

Mad_maxx

something wrong with everyone nowadays

i cant leave well enough alone , constantly thinking i need to tinker with every aspect of my life from the car , house , finances

convince myself i need to have something done by a particular deadline all the time too , often end up making rushed poor decisions as a consequence and regret them almost instantly , then spend the next six months wondering what on earth possessed me to make such a decision , complete clarity follows the foolish choice but then another foolish choice is made a few years later again

never left me in dire straits or anything but bad choices have certainly cost me tens of thousands down the years