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Is Adult Children Living in the Family Home a Good Thing?

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    #122
    foodie86
    Registered Users Posts: 73 ✭✭foodie86


    lainey_d_123 wrote: »
    I just don't believe you can develop into a proper, fully functioning, independent, mature adult while living at home past about 25. I have yet to meet a single person in this situation who has made me think otherwise. It's one thing to return to the family home to be a carer for family members or to get back on your feet after a divorce or job loss or whatever reason, but to have a well-paid job and never have left home at the age of 30+? Sorry, it's not conducive to normal development, IMO. If someone is willingly doing this, there's something not quite right there.


    I’m a fully functioning adult in my 30s living at home. Moved home for work reasons a few years ago and decided it was a great way to save for the future so I stayed.
    Large house so some evenings I hardly see my parents. I often bring work home and will spend my evenings doing that. I share household tasks, help out, bring the shopping, cook family meals etc. At this stage I would hate to rent with strangers and while I haven’t a deposit for a house yet but not far off it. Had I stayed renting it would have been a nightmare as a single person to get a mortgage on my wage.

    I can’t understand why people take such offence to others living at home. If it suits both parties then why let it bother you?

    I’m due to get married next year and will move out then, yea that’s not for everyone but it suits us fine. None of my friends view it as strange but perhaps they know how ‘normal’ I am and can also see the benefits of being able to save well and still have a good standard of living.


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    #123
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    AulWan wrote: »
    And others have posted that its a country thing, living with the mammy and having her cook your dinner and do your washing until you eventually build your own house on the next field over.

    I really never get the big deal that’s made out of cooking dinner and washing. Do you really expect that dinner would be cooked for the house but a person living at home left out and arrive home to cook their own dinner? You would swear dinner was being cooked especially.

    Similar for washing, gets all thrown in together and done other times you might stick on your own load if doing an individual wash.
    Ballso wrote: »
    I give my folks 400 a month as they are semi retired and in their 70's now, even though I've moved out from the family home decades ago. I'm well paid and can afford it, in large part due to their sacrifices in supporting me while I got my education. People in that generation did not have the opportunities we had.

    The idea that they would support me at this stage of their lives is outrageous!

    That’s not the case for many though, their parents are very comfortable and in many cases are actually moving money in the other direction be it house deposits, giving land for building on or simply maxing the yearly small gift exemption to minimise any potential inheritance tax in future etc (you will see this situation discussed often in tax advise sites/articles).
    lainey_d_123 wrote: »
    I just don't believe you can develop into a proper, fully functioning, independent, mature adult while living at home past about 25. I have yet to meet a single person in this situation who has made me think otherwise. It's one thing to return to the family home to be a carer for family members or to get back on your feet after a divorce or job loss or whatever reason, but to have a well-paid job and never have left home at the age of 30+? Sorry, it's not conducive to normal development, IMO. If someone is willingly doing this, there's something not quite right there.

    Total nonsense to be fair.


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    #124
    Cyrus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,907 ✭✭✭✭Cyrus


    Alyssa Substantial Mastiff wrote: »
    I really never get the big deal that’s made out of cooking dinner and washing. Do you really expect that dinner would be cooked for the house but a person living at home left out and arrive home to cook their own dinner? You would swear dinner was being cooked especially.

    Similar for washing, gets all thrown in together and done other times you might stick on your own load if doing an individual wash.



    That’s not the case for many though, their parents are very comfortable and in many cases are actually moving money in the other direction be it house deposits, giving land for building on or simply maxing the yearly small gift exemption to minimise any potential inheritance tax in future etc (you will see this situation discussed often in tax advise sites/articles).



    Total nonsense to be fair.

    You’d know all about it nox if you were the one doing the cooking and washing . The way you say it a few extra people are no big deal where does that stop 2,3,4,5?


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    #125
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Cyrus wrote: »
    You’d know all about it nox if you were the one doing the cooking and washing . The way you say it a few extra people are no big deal where does that stop 2,3,4,5?

    I do and have done plenty of cooking and washing but the fact I’m out of the house far longer during the day means it’s not really practical to do the cooking and washing for other people. Certainly not the cooking anyway as I barely get home in time eat with other people never mind be just getting things started.


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    #126
    foodie86
    Registered Users Posts: 73 ✭✭foodie86


    Cyrus wrote: »
    You’d know all about it nox if you were the one doing the cooking and washing . The way you say it a few extra people are no big deal where does that stop 2,3,4,5?

    I’m gonna jump in here and tbh coming from a farming background there’s always extra in the pot which if u eaten is had at supper time cold. It’s As easy cook for a large group than it is for one or two, nothing worse than eating leftovers for a few days.

    At one stage all 4 adults were still living at home here, not a problem we all did our own bit to keep the house. Rent free means that we all managed to save away a bit to help us build/buy.

    Extended families are still commonplace in Ireland and I’m not living in a very rural area at all. Living with or close by to family when you work at home or near home is a norm still for many.


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    #127
    Cyrus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,907 ✭✭✭✭Cyrus


    Alyssa Substantial Mastiff wrote: »
    I do and have done plenty of cooking and washing but the fact I’m out of the house far longer during the day means it’s not really practical to do the cooking and washing for other people. Certainly not the cooking anyway as I barely get home in time eat with other people never mind be just getting things started.

    Handy that


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    #128
    AulWan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,653 ✭✭✭AulWan


    I can't imagine anything worse then getting on in years, and still cooking and washing for some big useless lump of a manchild. (or woman).


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    #129
    foodie86
    Registered Users Posts: 73 ✭✭foodie86


    AulWan wrote: »
    I can't imagine anything worse then getting on in years, and still cooking and washing for some big useless lump of a manchild. (or woman).


    Peoples circumstances differ through, might not be for you but personally I would have no problem with it.

    I love to entertain and cook so seeing people enjoy a meal means a lot to me. If parents are gone I feed the workers here at home, it’s not a big deal, it’s just how we were brought up. I hate cooking for myself alone.

    I’d hate to be on my 80s and have to go to the bother of cooking for just myself, I’d much prefer to have a crowd in and have dinner, tea and a chat.

    I hate the thought of how lonely would it be otherwise.


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    #130
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    AulWan wrote: »
    I can't imagine anything worse then getting on in years, and still cooking and washing for some big useless lump of a manchild. (or woman).

    I assume that’s aimed at me? Couldn’t be further from the truth and just shows the assumptions that are made. I can guarantee you I do a serious amount for my parents so you can forgot your misconceptions.


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    #131
    Assetbacked
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,969 ✭✭✭Assetbacked


    It's been brought up a few posts ago, but relationships alone is enough of a reason to move out. Not coming home after a night out and having to answer a question as to where you were in your 20s or older is pathetic. Alternatively, not bringing someone back because your parents are there would be humiliating.


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    #132
    AulWan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,653 ✭✭✭AulWan


    Anyone who would allow an aging parent to still be cooking or washing for them should feel utterly ashamed of themselves, especially a parent in their eighties.


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    #133
    AulWan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,653 ✭✭✭AulWan


    Alyssa Substantial Mastiff wrote: »
    I assume that’s aimed at me? Couldn’t be further from the truth and just shows the assumptions that are made. I can guarantee you I do a serious amount for my parents so you can forgot your misconceptions.

    What assumptions? You've posted as much, on this and other threads.

    So no, there are no misconceptions here.


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    #134
    foodie86
    Registered Users Posts: 73 ✭✭foodie86


    AulWan wrote: »
    Anyone who would allow an aging parent to still be cooking or washing for them should feel utterly ashamed of themselves, especially a parent in their eighties.

    Ashamed, Why? In my 70/80s what else would I have to do during the day? Isn’t it good to keep active, great for mental health aswell to have something to look forward to doing.

    You seem awfully bothered by the simple tasks of cooking and washing.


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    #135
    AulWan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,653 ✭✭✭AulWan


    In my 70s and 80s if I live that long, I will be lounging by a pool or on a sandy beach somewhere hot with a cocktail in my hand, hopefully.

    I absolutely guarantee you I won't be at home running around slaving after my grown up kids, doing their washing or cooking for them.

    There is a life to be had after raising kids - or there should be.


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    #136
    dreamers75
    Registered Users Posts: 20,558 ✭✭✭✭dreamers75


    In "normal" households its 20% of wages, call it hand up money/ rent/ board whatever but if you are an adult and working and living at home and not handing up. well you were raised well.....


    We have 2 adults at home both handing up, I am building an extension and a cabin type thing next eyar to give them their space, they are getting a loan to pay for it whilst I maintain the mortage. They get the house eventually.


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    #137
    foodie86
    Registered Users Posts: 73 ✭✭foodie86


    AulWan wrote: »
    In my 70s and 80s if I live that long, I will be lounging by a pool or on a sandy beach somewhere hot with a cocktail in my hand, hopefully.

    I absolutely guarantee you I won't be at home running around slaving after my grown up kids, doing their washing or cooking for them.

    That lifestyle doesn’t appeal to me at all. I like being at home, can’t wait to have my grandchildren calling, baking, giving them their dinner. Having their aunts and uncles around to mind me.

    Works both ways, I’ll have no problem minding my mother when she can’t. For now she loves having us all around and if she didn’t she’d certainly say so.

    God the day I’ll have to sit on a beach would be the end of me, sounds utterly boring.


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    #138
    AulWan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,653 ✭✭✭AulWan


    Lanzarote is lovely. I can recommend it.

    I have ageing parents I look after too but when they are gone and I retire, I have an extensive and well planned out bucket list, and I can't wait to live it.

    I've been a parent since my twenties, my retired years are going to be mine, for me to do whatever I want. No dependants.


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    #139
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    AulWan wrote: »
    What assumptions? You've posted as much, on this and other threads.

    So no, there are no misconceptions here.

    A bit of cooking and washing, yeah big deal. Managing a farm along side a very busy and stressful full time job so my parents can get away on holidays a few time’s a year is one example of how these tasks are repaid.

    Like when you cook dinner and you make a curry is adding an extra chicken breast to the pot really “slaving”?? Maybe is pouring out the extra 100g of rice?


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    #140
    lainey_d_123
    Registered Users Posts: 2,385 ✭✭✭lainey_d_123


    Alyssa Substantial Mastiff wrote: »
    I really never get the big deal that’s made out of cooking dinner and washing. Do you really expect that dinner would be cooked for the house but a person living at home left out and arrive home to cook their own dinner? You would swear dinner was being cooked especially.

    Similar for washing, gets all thrown in together and done other times you might stick on your own load if doing an individual wash.

    This is simply untrue. It's considerably more time, effort and expense to cook and wash for extra people, especially 3 rather than 2. There are two of us living in my flat and if one of us has someone staying for a few days, it makes a massive difference to meal planning and washing.
    Total nonsense to be fair.

    Not really. You don't seem to have had any kind of a life outside your family and their farm. How can you possibly know what you've never experienced?


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    #141
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    lainey_d_123 wrote: »

    Not really. You don't seem to have had any kind of a life outside your family and their farm. How can you possibly know what you've never experienced?

    Well I have but when I make these points they are ignored. I spent quite a few years living out of home. Even now I don’t live at home all the time, some of the week is spent at my wives house but work location makes staying at home more convenient most of the week.


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    #142
    foodie86
    Registered Users Posts: 73 ✭✭foodie86


    AulWan wrote: »
    Lanzarote is lovely. I can recommend it.

    I have ageing parents I look after too but when they are gone and I retire, I have an extensive and well planned out bucket list, and I can't wait to live it.

    I've been a parent since my twenties, my retired years are going to be mine, for me to do whatever I want. No dependants.


    Lanza, I’ve been and hated it too touristy and tacky for my liking.
    A few days break in Ireland would suit me just fine.

    Everyone is entitled to live out their older years as they like, I don’t have kids, I may never have them but I have every intention of enjoying my life as best I can and if for me that’s looking after my future husband or family that’s ok with me.

    If my parents want me to live rent free and save away that’s their decision, no point in looking down on or demeaning people because of it.

    That sort of attitude won’t get anyone very far.


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    #143
    AulWan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,653 ✭✭✭AulWan


    foodie86 wrote: »
    I don’t have kids, I may never have them but I have every intention of enjoying my life as best I can and if for me that’s looking after my future husband or family that’s ok with me.

    You don't even have kids? And here was I with the impression you had a full house of them, not that you were the adult still living at home.

    Maybe come back and revisit the subject of living with adult children when you actually are in that position, having raised a couple of them, instead of just fantasizing about what it will be like.


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    #144
    beauf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,651 ✭✭✭✭beauf


    lainey_d_123 wrote: »
    This is simply untrue. It's considerably more time, effort and expense to cook and wash for extra people, especially 3 rather than 2. There are two of us living in my flat and if one of us has someone staying for a few days, it makes a massive difference to meal planning and washing....

    One child or babies washing is the equivalent of 3 adults who play rugby 4 times a week. So if you think it's bad now....


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    #145
    foodie86
    Registered Users Posts: 73 ✭✭foodie86


    lainey_d_123 wrote: »
    This is simply untrue. It's considerably more time, effort and expense to cook and wash for extra people, especially 3 rather than 2. There are two of us living in my flat and if one of us has someone staying for a few days, it makes a massive difference to meal planning and washing.


    Really?
    I cook a lot and would see no great difference in boiling potatoes or pasta for two versus four. Veg is probably the only place you would have to prep more.

    Cost may increase with meat but we’re so used to roasting say a loin of pork it’d always be a large piece anyways and leftovers would suffice for lunches/suppers. I tend to buy fish etc and cook that for myself but there would always be extra veg left from dinner here.

    Washing up.. dishwasher is a great piece of equipment.


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    #146
    beauf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,651 ✭✭✭✭beauf


    AulWan wrote: »
    Anyone who would allow an aging parent to still be cooking or washing for them should feel utterly ashamed of themselves, especially a parent in their eighties.

    ... this reminds me of father Ted when he buys Mrs Doyle a tea maker...


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    #147
    foodie86
    Registered Users Posts: 73 ✭✭foodie86


    AulWan wrote: »
    You don't even have kids? And here was I with the impression you had a full house of them, not that you were the adult still living at home.

    Maybe come back and revisit the subject of living with adult children when you actually are in that position, having raised a couple of them, instead of just fantasizing about what it will be like.

    Gosh, your so narrowed minded about other adults lifestyles choices. I certainly wouldn’t fantasise about having offspring if they turn out with an attitude like yours.


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    #148
    AulWan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,653 ✭✭✭AulWan


    beauf wrote: »
    ... this reminds me of father Ted when he buys Mrs Doyle a tea maker...

    At least he was trying to make less work for her! :D


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    #149
    AulWan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,653 ✭✭✭AulWan


    foodie86 wrote: »
    Gosh, your so narrowed minded about other adults lifestyles choices. I certainly wouldn’t fantasise about having offspring if they turn out with an attitude like yours.

    Very unlikely, given your own attitude. Keep dreaming.


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    #150
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 14,344 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    foodie86 wrote: »
    Gosh, your so narrowed minded




    To be fair, you wrote:



    foodie86 wrote: »
    That lifestyle doesn’t appeal to me at all. I like being at home, can’t wait to have my grandchildren calling, baking, giving them their dinner. Having their aunts and uncles around to mind me.




    Which makes it sound like you very much do have a load of kids.


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    #151
    beauf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,651 ✭✭✭✭beauf


    AulWan wrote: »
    At least he was trying to make less work for her! :D

    The point was she loved making tea. She didn't want less work, she saw it as her identity, her purpose, to be useful. A lot of people are like this. Which is why people identify with Mrs Doyle character.

    I'm sure other people have been in the position to make up jobs for parents, to keep them involved, and trying to make life easier for them by taking jobs away from them actually caused resentment.

    Everyone isn't going to have the same experience as everyone is different. Which is why sweeping generalisations aren't always that useful.


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