How is a man supposed to find a woman in the 21st century

CelticRambler

OMM 0000 wrote: »

My final point:

A woman asks: What do you do for fun?

Guy 1 says: I go to the gym, play soccer on a Saturday morning with my friends, I like art and dancing...

Guy 2 says: I like to play online games. I like anime.

I hope you can admit Guy 1 is going to appeal to significantly more women.

Stacking the deck, a bit, aren't you?

Guy 1 says: I go to the gym, play online games, I like art and dancing...

Guy 2 says: I like to watch soccer and read anime.

I'm not really into guys, but I'd pick No.1 of those two.

Anyway, like yourself, I'm off out into the real world for a bit, now that temperature has dropped below 30°C ... :cool:

Church on Tuesday

OMM 0000 wrote: »

This is going to be my last comment on this, as I can see both of you have your mind made up on this and aren't willing to compromise.

Do you understand how social modern gaming is?

Chatting to (mostly) other men online is far inferior to other social events like going to a pub, going to a dance class, going to an art class, etc.

Even on a simple level: the ratio of men to women.

What's the difference between me spending six hours dancing with my friends on a Saturday night and my son spending six hours playing with his friends on a Saturday night?

I'm not sure how to answer this.

Nearly everything?

Spending entire evenings or weekend days playing games? so what? plenty people spend the day in the pub of a weekend or veg out watching TV of an evening eating crap.

In the pub you can meet real females.

I agree sitting at home all the time watching TV and eating crap isn't going to help you meet women.

To meet women you need to get outside and meet them. Yes we all know someone who met a woman online and they're now in a long distance relationship. But if you want to have a higher chance of getting a partner, you need to go outside and meet them.

My final point:

A woman asks: What do you do for fun?

Guy 1 says: I go to the gym, play soccer on a Saturday morning with my friends, I like art and dancing...

Guy 2 says: I like to play online games. I like anime.

I hope you can admit Guy 1 is going to appeal to significantly more women.

OK, that's it.

I can think of a least half a dozen places that are better than the pub for men to meet women.

But sure it's Ireland, so the pub it must be.

As for the other examples; Loads of women like anime too.

People tend to go for, and are attracted to, people that are like them in any event, so a conversation such as the above never happens in real life anyways.

Honestly I think there is a generational gap at play here.

Richard Hillman

Strazdas wrote: »

I would disagree here. I was watching an episode of First Dates UK recently and there was a 43 year old guy on it who had slumped into a negative mindset like you're suggesting and given up on ever meeting anyone. But he eventually had a rethink and said to himself 'there is someone for everyone out there' (and did meet a nice woman on the show).It's impossible to meet anyone if you have already given up......you're self sabotaging by doing this.

He'll be a right mess if/when she dumps him.

The "someone for everyone" theory is very dangerous for young men. It's filling a false narrative. We're not penguins. And even then, not all penguins get to mate.

Men have to accept, it's a battleground out there. Women don't have the same martial expectations set upon them anymore. They are not getting desperate in their late 20s, early 30s anymore and settling down with anything remotely suitable, like the olden days. If you were a single lady aged 30-40 in the 70s, 80s even 90s, you'd be married off to any old pisshead. It's a different game now. And there really isn't somebody for everybody. There are many people (and an increasing number) that will have to go without.

Church on Tuesday

Richard Hillman wrote: »

He'll be a right mess if/when she dumps him.

The "someone for everyone" theory is very dangerous for young men. It's filling a false narrative. We're not penguins. And even then, not all penguins get to mate.

Men have to accept, it's a battleground out there. Women don't have the same martial expectations set upon them anymore. They are not getting desperate in their late 20s, early 30s anymore and settling down with anything remotely suitable, like the olden days. If you were a single lady aged 30-40 in the 70s, 80s even 90s, you'd be married off to any old pisshead. It's a different game now. And there really isn't somebody for everybody. There are many people (and an increasing number) that will have to go without.

Best put your best foot forward then and stop whinging about it.

If you go about your business, concentrate first and foremost on yourself and have the impression that you could care less about all the other stuff (because really why would you?) then things will work out just fine on nearly every other front and that includes the fairer sex.

Strazdas

Richard Hillman wrote: »

He'll be a right mess if/when she dumps him.

The "someone for everyone" theory is very dangerous for young men. It's filling a false narrative. We're not penguins. And even then, not all penguins get to mate.

Men have to accept, it's a battleground out there. Women don't have the same martial expectations set upon them anymore. They are not getting desperate in their late 20s, early 30s anymore and settling down with anything remotely suitable, like the olden days. If you were a single lady aged 30-40 in the 70s, 80s even 90s, you'd be married off to any old pisshead. It's a different game now. And there really isn't somebody for everybody. There are many people (and an increasing number) that will have to go without.

I'm not suggesting it's easy for a moment for older people to meet someone. The odds are definitely stacked against them and their options are not as good. But just to give up and "accept" your fate is totally self defeating. It almost sounds like a cop out.

silverharp

from a guys perspective its all about self improvement, the more you improve yourself, at a minimum the gals will meet you half way. the guys that are going to have the most problems are ones that end up in some version of failure to launch or do absolutely nothing to make themselves stand out.

Church on Tuesday

silverharp wrote: »

from a guys perspective its all about self improvement, the more you improve yourself, at a minimum the gals will meet you half way. the guys that are going to have the most problems are ones that end up in some version of failure to launch or do absolutely nothing to make themselves stand out.

Or are angry and bitter about that one gal that got away don't you know and don't have the balls to go out and do something about whatever predicament is making them feel ****ty.

Strazdas

silverharp wrote: »

from a guys perspective its all about self improvement, the more you improve yourself, at a minimum the gals will meet you half way. the guys that are going to have the most problems are ones that end up in some version of failure to launch or do absolutely nothing to make themselves stand out.

I would also say being too needy or desperate is an attraction killer. If you're trying too hard, then you're already losing. If you come across as normal and relaxed and not desperate to be with someone, you're already dong well.

Hedgelayer

I'm in the opposite scale of the OP I don't need a partner, don't want a partner and quite content that way.

My life is pretty much complete apart from a few tweaks here and there,add some self motivation now and again....

The freedom of not being compelled to want a man or a woman in my life or feeling inadequate because I'm single is great.

I don't think I'm gay straight bi or A sexual, It's just a time in my life where sorting out vegetable seeds and chopping timber is more challenging...

Zero motivation to get laid or have a partner....

This new way of living creeped up on me in the early 40's

It's like a new emotion.

CelticRambler

Richard Hillman wrote: »

Men have to accept, it's a battleground out there. Women don't have the same martial expectations set upon them anymore.

That's true. My son was raised to think that hitting girls was not a good thing ... which was a real handicap for him when he was up against one in jujitsu, getting the sh1te bate out of him.









Oh ... did you mean marital expectations .... :pac:

pauliebdub

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Loads of women are into gaming, granted I'm not but I remember chatting to a girl online a while back and she was big into it.

Very very few I would say. In fact it's a typical trait of the man child that a lot of women would actively avoid: a lad in their late 20s wearing a super Mario Bros t-shirt sitting at home playing video games all night.

Church on Tuesday

pauliebdub wrote: »

Very very few I would say. In fact it's a typical trait of the man child that a lot of women would actively avoid: a lad in their late 20s wearing a super Mario Bros t-shirt sitting at home playing video games all night.

If he has all the qualities that a woman is after it won't matter a single jot.

What's the difference between that and some pot bellied lad in a jersey shouted at a match on a TV screen?

The difference? sport is slightly more mainstream.

Nobelium

Zorya wrote: »

I think you can decide to be content. But happiness does to a certain extent depend on other people and external things so it is much more fragile than contentment.
If your other half or your child or a close loved one/friend starts being really mean, or cheats on you, or gets really sick, maybe gets schizophrenia, and becomes someone completely different than you counted on, or if you got run over and lost limbs or a million other possible external things you might not feel happy. In fact you mightvery naturally feel inclined to be miserable.

Given how unstable life actually is, it is probably better to try cultivate some kind of stoic middle way called contentment. And endurance for the crap times. Of course one might be occasionally happy even in the most gruelling circumstances. And occasionally one might even be miserable when everything is going very well. But contentment and endurance is more sustainable than striving for happiness.

If you continually decide to make your happiness dependent on other people and external things that in reality you have no control of, you'll never be happy.

cian68

I'm no gamer but it's wild how judgmental people are of it. It seems so normal to me. My two friends who would be the most in to it also do great with women because women in their 20s realise it's a completely normal, average healthy hobby.

Nobelium

Nobelium wrote: »

If you continually decide to make your happiness dependent on other people and external things that in reality you have no control of, you'll never be happy.

if you continually pretend that externalities have zero impact the same result will occur

its almost as if theres a middle ground

for what its worth op, out of the list posted a few pages back you can skip the bits about going to the gym and not w*nking to manga

im living proof (hi ladies)

Nobelium

Deleted User wrote: »

if you continually pretend that externalities have zero impact the same result will occur

its almost as if theres a middle ground

There's no pretending . . if you are resilient enough to handle any external event. Handing over control of your happiness to other people, and making it dependent on what they do, material items, and on other external events you have no control over, isn't the path to happiness.

Nobelium

Nobelium wrote: »

There's no pretending . . if you are resilient enough to handle any external event. Handing over control of your happiness to other people, and making it dependent on what they do, material items, and on other external events you have no control over, isn't the path to happiness.

sounds a lot more like fear than resilience to me

i wish you luck in the approach. i couldnt say it sounds like good advice to the OP or anybody else

Greyfox

cian68 wrote: »

I'm no gamer but it's wild how judgmental people are of it. It seems so normal to me

The fact is there's loads of married men and men in long term relationships who regularly play computer games, the vast majority of gamers don't let it impact there life. Unfortunately putting gaming as a hobby on your tinder profile is not a good idea so men are better off putting in hobbies they do a few times a year instead. Getting a girlfriend requires a considerable effort and an acceptance of rejection but guys also have to make sure they don't completely neglect the hobbies they most enjoy

Nobelium

Deleted User wrote: »

sounds a lot more like fear than resilience to me

i wish you luck in the approach. i couldnt say it sounds like good advice to the OP or anybody else

No bother, I don't rely on luck, but if you think resilience is fear, you have no concept of it, and if you make your happiness dependent on other people and external factors you have no control of, you're in for a disappointing time. I certainly wouldn't advise making you happiness dependent on same.

glimmering

I highly recommend going to Youtube and looking up a guy called 'Corey Wayne'. He has tons of videos about dating/women, how to get what you want out of life etc. Also read his book: 'How to be a 3% man'.

Mongfinder General

Wibbs wrote: »

The very first sentence in the blurb: American society has become anti-male. America. Ireland is not America. We have a much lower divorce rate for a start. For all the young wans sounding like valley girls, it's a very different culture.

What's your point? Divorce rates are lower because of different rules in each jurisdiction. The op seems disheartened because he hasn't yet settled down. No sane person would get married if they knew what goes into making a marriage work and raising a family.

Zorya

Nobelium wrote: »

There's no pretending . . if you are resilient enough to handle any external event. Handing over control of your happiness to other people, and making it dependent on what they do, material items, and on other external events you have no control over, isn't the path to happiness.

I think you are talking about contentment. Happiness, ie existing in some kind of constant state of joy, is not possible because suffering exists. Being joyful in extremity is the preserve of the very very few. But being stoic, enduring, being patient, resilient, maintaining equanimity, this can be cultivated. And indeed only in the context of self reliance. I honestly don't think we are disagreeing, just think the definition of terms is different

Nobelium

Zorya wrote: »

I think you are talking about contentment. Happiness, ie existing in some kind of constant state of joy, is not possible because suffering exists. Being joyful in extremity is the preserve of the very very few. But being stoic, enduring, being patient, resilient, maintaining equanimity, this can be cultivated. And indeed only in the context of self reliance. I honestly don't think we are disagreeing, just think the definition of terms is different

I've never used the word joy, and then if changing it to joy wasn't enough, you jumped it to "joyful in the extremity." Nope, just nice simple happiness. "being stoic, enduring, being patient, resilient, maintaining equanimity" are stepping stones that underpin happiness, and guess what, as I've explained these are all internal, and about not making your happiness dependent on uncontrollable externals such as people and events (which you dispute : "happiness does to a certain extent depend on other people and external things" - no it doesn't, quite the opposite.

CelticRambler

Seeing as there's no word for "happy" in the Irish language, those of us that are pure-blooded Irish are at a distinct disadvantage as it was obviously not in written into our ancestors' DNA.

Can't say I'd find either side of the argument great as a chat-up line, though.

Nobelium

CelticRambler wrote: »

Seeing as there's no word for "happy" in the Irish language, those of us that are pure-blooded Irish are at a distinct disadvantage as it was obviously not in written into our ancestors' DNA.

I can trace my ancestry on both sides of my family to at least 6th century Ireland, so that's a bit of a self limiting myth you've invented for yourself i'm afraid.

Zorya

Nobelium wrote: »

I've never used the word joy, and then if changing it to joy wasn't enough, you jumped it to "joyful in the extremity." Nope, just nice simple happiness. "being stoic, enduring, being patient, resilient, maintaining equanimity" are stepping stones that underpin happiness, and guess what, as I've explained these are all internal, and about not making your happiness dependent on uncontrollable externals such as people and events (which you dispute : "happiness does to a certain extent depend on other people and external things" - no it doesn't, quite the opposite.

Joyful in extremity is not the same as joyful in the extremity

Ally Dick

I'd pay a matchmaking site like Elite. Don't go for the free stuff. It's all full of messers

Wibbs

Mongfinder General wrote: »

What's your point?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8p5QiOPtX14

Divorce rates are lower because of different rules in each jurisdiction.

No, divorce rates are lower because Ireland is a different culture and one where the divorce rates are around four times lower than the US. That stat that no doubt you've read on your interwebs travels of nearly 50%? It doesn't even apply to America and certainly doesn't apply here. I do wish people, particularly men and young men and particularly who for whatever reason have ended up isolated, would stop absorbing the Yank nonsense on the internet, of which there is much. On all sides. All this MGTOW, Red Pill, radical feminism, retarded political viewpoints bollocks.

The op seems disheartened because he hasn't yet settled down. No sane person would get married if they knew what goes into making a marriage work and raising a family.

And yet the vast majority of us have come from a long line of "insane" people and "insane" people are still getting married and raising families(or no, as the individual cases may be) on a very regular basis. The fact is the average and normal - and yep I said normal - route for the majority of folks in Ireland today is to get loved up, get hitched, or live together indefinitely and raise little copies of themselves. Sure, it can require effort, all worthwhile endeavours do. We don't get medals in life for just showing up and breathing.

And for the record: I'm not married, nor do I have kids. I have a fair few long and short term relationships under my belt and while some of those women were utter bloody head melts and heart scalds who rarely stopped bloody whinging about some trivia or other, there were others, most actually, who were sound and didn't. I'm not hitched because of circumstances, timing and yep I'm not really suited to long termers in a few ways, but guess what, that makes me abnormal(which I'm fine with BTW. it is what it is). The vast majority of normal people can and do do it.

riclad

Before consoles were invented ,people would watch tv.
i do,nt think theres a big stigma now about adult males playing pc or console games .
theres some articles in newspapers that say 40 per cent of gamers are women .
IF you make a profile on a dating website put in lots of info,
what book,s ,music , tv programs you like .
do you drink or smoke .are you a big fan of football,rugby, gaa etc
most males over 20 play games on pc or console, I don,t think women
will be put off by that as long as you are friendly, and a have a sense of humour , and a good personality.