What's the etiquette here??

partyguinness

Hal3000 wrote: »

Real leadership here. He can muzzle up and wait for more appropriate time in the future. You'll make a gentleman of him yet !

Do you see this type of leadership being added to MBA business courses?

partyguinness

Christ I had a flash back last night driving home

Date: 27 April 1988...you don't forget these things.

Basically togged out for a under age football match and I shat myself...:o:o

It was the U-12s and I was a sub (don't worry I was a late bloomer and 2 more years to go). Like all 9-10 year old subs I fcuk all interest in the actual game and was playing ball with the other subs.

Anyway all uneventful until out of the blue my stomach starting gurgling and I knew I was about to get an attack of diarrhea . I glanced down to the dressing rooms and I was the opposite end of the pitch. I could not have been further away from the dressing rooms and a full size GAA pitch is huge space to cross with 10 year old legs. The dressing rooms faint in the distance.

I tentatively started to make my way down as best I could while clenching my ass as tight as I could.

I made it to the car park but I knew I wasn't going to make it. So I decided to go for a piss behind a car hoping to release some pressure until I got to the dressing room.

Now, my logic seemed sound and I stand by it to this day but unfortunately clenching for dear life and going for a piss simultaneously is just not compatible. Yes, the back door floodgates opened.

I waddled my way to the dressing room and amazingly they were not locked so made my way to a cubicle.

If anyone remembers GAA dressing rooms in the 1980s they were very very basic- bare concrete walls and floor, urinals that would not have been cleaned for years and broken toilets, toilet paper- having a laugh, showers would not have worked and usually no running water.

So there I am in the cubicle with **** all down my legs and just a mess. There is no toilet paper and being 10 I would not have had any towel or wash kit. It was a fcuking nightmare scenario- it was also an away game.

I had to use my jersey to clean my myself as best I could (no water) and went all Bobby Sands on it.

Next thing I hear the dressing room doors open and the players piling in- game was finished. And to this day I can hear one of the lads say: "There is an awful smell of **** in here.". Anyway I managed to sneak out unnoticed having stuffed all my ****ty gear into my bag.

In the car back the driver remarked more than once about the smell of ****. I said I had stepped on something (I was clinging to my bag on my knees). No more was said.

Stayed at the grandmothers that night and left my gear bag there and put the whole sorry experience behind me.

Ps. A few days later I was back at the grandmothers and I got an awful bollocking. She had to open my gear bag and wash it.

Jesus I can now remember...I was actually praying to God during the long walk down to allow me to hold out. Fcuker let me get to the car park.

partyguinness

Just made a deposit at Tesco. Perfect conditions.

Toilets just cleaned
Completely empty
Good tune on the sound system
Abundance of toilet paper

Beautiful.

AndrewJRenko

Hector Savage wrote: »

I think JohnnyFlash is spoofing about talking to the lad...

You could have cut the last five words off that sentence.

Former Observer

I do hate when people start loitering around the toilet when I'm dropping loaves in work. There is usually three or four just chatting. It's one of those flimsy cubicles with several feel of air both below and above the door so they can hear everything the dirty buggers. Just to mess with them I asked one of them for a fresh roll a few weeks back thinking they'd piss off, but he goes away and finds one and passes it beneath the door. These are colleagues of mine and they don't think anything strange about listening to a fellow worker's pellets smacking into bog water with the odd sigh and groan and tinkle?? plp are phuked in the head.

topper75

partyguinness wrote: »

I had to use my jersey to clean my myself as best I could (no water) and went all Bobby Sands on it.

The worst of NI screws wouldn't match what some of the ould lads in our club would do to you if it was our dressing rooms you were in.

Ragnar Lothbrok

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

There was a rule in the civil service up until very recently, all grades below Executive officer would have to wait until higher grades (Principal Officers, Dept Secretarys etc.) had completed their business in a bathroom and left until they could enter, in case they overheard anything.

Complete and utter sh!t.

Assetbacked

Would never poop in a normal cubicle. It has to be the wheelchair-friendly cubicle. A private bathroom with comfort and no intrusions is optimal for a good poo as unpredictability with poos is common. Noises, moisture, textures, residue etc. all vary.

partyguinness

Assetbacked wrote: »

Would never poop in a normal cubicle. It has to be the wheelchair-friendly cubicle. A private bathroom with comfort and no intrusions is optimal for a good poo as unpredictability with poos is common. Noises, moisture, textures, residue etc. all vary.

Yeah they are great or the Baby changing cubicle which sometimes have a toilet. You feel like you are ****ting in First Class.

I used one a few weeks ago and there was two sets of mothers waiting outside with pushchairs. I just looked straight ahead no eye contact on leaving. Brazened it out away from the dagger looks. Men's were being cleaned.

TomSweeney

I went to college in a university in Dublin, anyway in a certain building there - even when it was relatively empty the mens jax was always packed.
One time I was taking a dump, and I had to cover the poxy glory holes (who the actual f*ck makes these??!!!) and some lad was trying to get in to the cublicle .... lots of AHEEEM AHEM still didn't send him away, eventually had to just tell him to f*ck off!!

Found out years later that the jax there were a notorious cruising spot for gay lads.

Knex*

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I’ll tell you something, Brendan, it’s unsavoury behaviour alright but I’m loathe to condemn it outright as I was the “bad guy” in a situation close to that.

I’d been drinking pretty heavily in a pub called “The Pale”, it’s a hipster bar now from what I gather. Great pub at the time, a real “spit on the floor” place, even used to let you smoke in the lower part even after the smoking ban was in.

Anyway, there was a little person, a dwarf not a child, running around from table to table having “de craic” as they say. He had the terrible misfortune of sidling up beside me at the urinal, the galvanised sheet metal type. When the pressure was up the spray was too. This lad was just over hip height and took a considerable amount from head to toe. Didn’t seem to bother him one iota, not a jot.

Over to the sink, a quick wipe down with some paper towels and off he went back into the fray. Didn’t say a word, guess he was well used to it.

It appears the poor fellow was completely pissed in almost every aspect of the word.

JohnnyFlash

TomasMacR wrote: »

You’re talking about a ‘ghostie’ there. Rare enough, have only experienced it 2 or 3 times max when I was eating healthily and off the sauce. Slips out of your hole with zero effort, disappears up the jacks pipe like a torpedo so you’ll never even see it and then jacks roll hasn’t a trace of shįte on it after the wipe. The ghostie is as rare as a set of hens teeth in my experience.

Known as a Houdini over Stateside. And as the ‘event horizon’ or Schrodinger’s Scat by theoretical physicists.

Was out meeting a client earlier, and by the end of it the breakfast had grown up and wanted to make its own way in the world. Told the fat fúcker I needed to use the facilities before I hit the road - don't want to hit the golf links later with a 'meerkat' popping out just as you're about to sink a tricky 10 footer for birdie. Anyways, into the commode, let off a few loud blasts of the Bottom Bugle, then unloaded a 'King Kong's Thumb' in the throat of the U-bend. Solid Armitage Shanks construction meant I was never concerned about 'the poseidon's kiss' , ' or 'shelving the product'. It's easy to forget the impact that flushable toilets had on humanity.

Roger Hassenforder

Ragnar Lothbrok wrote: »

Complete and utter sh!t.

...

Former Observer

Lads I've enjoyed all these stories and can relate to each and every one. From my early years in college cubicles perforated with peep holes to my current employment where light and dark pubic hairs effortlessly commingle on the altar of sacrifice (civil service job) I've seen it all. But there is a darker and more worrisome topic we must turn to: that of the cubicle masturbator, the office rope weaver- he who leaves pearl necklaces floating in the toilet bowl and calamari sized rings of semen clogging up the hand basin or smeared onto the taps and mirror. This would have been in same place where some of the other lads used to brush their teeth. Absolutely abominable.

Roger Hassenforder

partyguinness wrote: »

Just made a deposit at Tesco. Perfect conditions.

Toilets just cleaned
Completely empty
Good tune on the sound system
Abundance of toilet paper

Beautiful.

Count your blessings.

360 excavator outside rattling the stall, low on fodder (ill be ok, but the next chap...), sounds through the stud partition wall of some young lass forcing a 5" shıt through a 2"ø bore, and the light just timed out.
Have to wipe me hoop with the glow of the phone, or wait until someone comes in and activates the lights...

FFS.

Roger Hassenforder

Former Observer wrote: »

Lads I've enjoyed all these stories and can relate to each and every one. From my early years in college cubicles perforated with peep holes to my current employment where light and dark pubic hairs effortlessly commingle on the altar of sacrifice (civil service job) I've seen it all. But there is a darker and more worrisome topic we must turn to: that of the cubicle masturbator, the office rope weaver- he who leaves pearl necklaces floating in the toilet bowl and calamari sized rings of semen clogging up the hand basin or smeared onto the taps and mirror. This would have been in same place where some of the other lads used to brush their teeth. Absolutely abominable.

I want to wash my fone and bleach my eyes after reading that.
Sounds very FAS training centre-ish

Ah, someone just came in.
Im off

partyguinness

Former Observer wrote: »

But there is a darker and more worrisome topic we must turn to: that of the cubicle masturbator, the office rope weaver- he who leaves pearl necklaces floating in the toilet bowl and calamari sized rings of semen clogging up the hand basin or smeared onto the taps and mirror. This would have been in same place where some of the other lads used to brush their teeth. Absolutely abominable.

WHAT.....

Hal3000

partyguinness wrote: »

Just made a deposit at Tesco. Perfect conditions.

Toilets just cleaned
Completely empty
Good tune on the sound system
Abundance of toilet paper

Beautiful.

Stunning !

EmmetSpiceland

partyguinness wrote: »

WHAT.....

You can’t say you’ve never heard them. Bashing away at themselves in the stall. You hear the rhythmic pump, the muffled sighs, and that familiar and yet so strange “tic-tic-tic-tic-tic” clacking out the motions and you know.

The action should never be continued if someone enters or is already in there. It’s an incredibly uncomfortable experience for any innocent toilet user, especially if they don’t stop after you’ve given out a signalling cough to let them know you’re there.

Best bet is to hit the handicapped toilet if you’re getting into that sort of territory, less stress more success.

partyguinness

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

You can’t say you’ve never heard them. Bashing away at themselves in the stall. You hear the rhythmic pump, the muffled sighs, and that familiar and yet so strange “tic-tic-tic-tic-tic” clacking out the motions and you know.

The action should never be continued if someone enters or is already in there. It’s an incredibly uncomfortable experience for any innocent toilet user, especially if they don’t stop after you’ve given out a signalling cough to let them know you’re there.

Best bet is to hit the handicapped toilet if you’re getting into that sort of territory, less stress more success.

No. I can safely say I have not experienced such worldly delights.

Having said that I think giving out a signalling cough when someone is on the vinegar stroke is a little mean spirited. If the man is desperate enough to **** in a public toilet then his needs should be respected. It could happen to any of us.

TomasMacR

partyguinness wrote: »

WHAT.....

It happens. I’d say the advent of smartphones has turned this practice into what was probably once a rare occurrence by the office oddball into something quite regular. Worked in a shockingly boring job once and one of the lads said he’d knock one out at least twice a day in the jacks and didn’t see anything much wrong with admitting as much. His excuse being the job was so monotonous. He wasn’t what you’d imagine either, not some unibrowed cock-eyed Dara O Briain looking fat mess. Very normal sound lad. He was engaged at the time.

This job was so shįt and mindlessly boring that in my last few months there I used bring in one of those wrap around the neck blow up flight pillows in with me and sleep on the jacks for about an hour between 11 and 12. I was fully aware that my colleague could well have been next door to me pulling the skeleton out of himself but the apathy that I felt at the time due to being so bored had taken over completely.

partyguinness

TomasMacR wrote: »

It happens. I’d say the advent of smartphones has turned this practice into what was probably once a rare occurrence by the office oddball into something quite regular. Worked in a shockingly boring job once and one of the lads said he’d knock one out at least twice a day in the jacks and didn’t see anything much wrong with admitting as much. His excuse being the job was so monotonous. He wasn’t what you’d imagine either, not some unibrowed cock-eyed Dara O Briain looking fat mess. Very normal sound lad. He was engaged at the time.

This job was so shįt and mindlessly boring that in my last few months there I used bring in one of those wrap around the neck blow up flight pillows in with me and sleep on the jacks for about an hour between 11 and 12. I was fully aware that my colleague could well have been next door to me pulling the skeleton out of himself but the apathy that I felt at the time due to being so bored had taken over completely.

I get the whole cheeky **** in the toilet. We have all done it (don't leave me hanging here).

But it's leaving the evidence in the toilet bowl and wash basin stuns me.

TomasMacR

partyguinness wrote: »

I get the whole cheeky **** in the toilet. We have all done it (don't leave me hanging here).

But it's leaving the evidence in the toilet bowl and wish basin stuns me.

Oh, that surprised me also. Bit like a serial killer leaving clues, what kind of a horrible c*nt would leave jizz in a sink or the jacks. That’s pure filth.

Absolutely nothing wrong with having a **** on the jacks if it’s in your own home, especially if it’s after a shįte...I believe it’s called a ‘crank’ (crap + ****)...but having a **** in your work place is out of bounds in my opinion. Not a line I want to cross.

EmmetSpiceland

partyguinness wrote: »

Having said that I think giving out a signalling cough when someone is on the vinegar stroke is a little mean spirited. If the man is desperate enough to **** in a public toilet then his needs should be respected. It could happen to any of us.

No way, Jose. He’s the one who needs to respect the shítter, once the hand dryer sounds or the door closes he can resume.

TomasMacR wrote: »

...but having a **** in your work place is out of bounds in my opinion. Not a line I want to cross.

I’m sure it’s a good stress reliever and there might be an element of the “taboo” being that you’re on the clock so technically being paid while you do it.

If the tosser doesn’t make a mess, hopefully using some form of wankerchief or a spunk rag, even though the idea of the latter disgusts me, and doesn’t leave a sweaty arse print on the seat it’s a case of “no harm, no foul” for me.

Ray Bloody Purchase

What began as a serious thread on an important topic has now descended into farce!

No one wants to hear some lad pulling the skeleton out of himself when they're taking an introspective dump.

Extremely crude.

Boom_Bap

What's the etiquette for when you take a single poop so ferocious that it flushes itself and you have a clean wipe. Do you still flush the toilet or not?

DEFTLEFTHAND

Ray Bloody Purchase wrote: »

What began as a serious thread on an important topic has now descended into farce!

No one wants to hear some lad pulling the skeleton out of himself when they're taking an introspective dump.

Extremely crude.

Women and children could be reading.

EmmetSpiceland

Ray Bloody Purchase wrote: »

What began as a serious thread on an important topic has now descended into farce!

No one wants to hear some lad pulling the skeleton out of himself when they're taking an introspective dump.

Extremely crude.

For me it falls under the whole “etiquette” milieu.

As long as the guy pulling the pope’s cap off holds his peace, or maybe “piece” as the case my be, then the person dropping logs shouldn’t be an the wiser and thoroughly unaffected.

Ray Bloody Purchase

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

For me it falls under the whole “etiquette” milieu.

As long as the guy pulling the pope’s cap off holds his peace, or maybe “piece” as the case my be, then the person dropping logs shouldn’t be an the wiser and thoroughly unaffected.

But if he's at himself like he's trying to start a petrol chainsaw on a cold winters morning, it's a whole different thing, so on this point i beg to differ. :cool:

Hal3000

partyguinness wrote: »

I get the whole cheeky **** in the toilet. We have all done it (don't leave me hanging here).

But it's leaving the evidence in the toilet bowl and wash basin stuns me.

We've a shadow between cubicles. Few staff members haven't figured that out yet. Gross !!