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What's the etiquette here??

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  • #2


    Need to put the toilet roll in the freezer prior to bunting out that saw dust.

    This occurred in the work toilets so had to make do with the cheap sandpaper that’s supplied here.

    Have to admit I was a little perturbed by the sandy residue that silted the bottom of the bowl after the flush had settled.

    He/him/his

    “When you're used to privilege, equality feels like oppression”.

    #bekind



  • #2


    Can I ask what's the story with jacks in civil service offices ?
    Why have they such a rep. for awful scutter ?

    Are the jacks in Google sweet scented perfumed heavens that are always empty ?
    It's still very much in practice in traditional departments like DFA, Department of Finance, Dept of Justice and Dept of Agriculture. Can't speak as to whether places like DPER and other newer departments have adopted the practice.

    It's not written down anywhere explicitly however any time I've heard the issue raised people normally refer to Standing Orders relating to discipline which call on subordinates to defer to their superior officers and other general rules regarding interpersonal relations.

    Wonder does it cause resentment ?


  • #2


    Wonder does it cause resentment ?

    You’d have to imagine it would give them something to aspire to.

    He/him/his

    “When you're used to privilege, equality feels like oppression”.

    #bekind



  • #2


    Need to put the toilet roll in the freezer prior to bunting out that saw dust.

    Is this effective? Is the jacks roll soothing? I stopped Indian take aways a while back. Loved spicy food but something packed in in the gut or it just couldn’t cope anymore. Vile farts that would make even yourself sick up til about midday and then the inevitable stomach cramp and sudden rush to the jacks. I’d take the dry dorrito cream cracker sock mix previously described any day versus this, not worth it. Wish I’d known freezer jacks roll technique then though.


  • #2


    TomasMacR wrote: »
    Is this effective? Is the jacks roll soothing? I stopped Indian take aways a while back. Loved spicy food but something packed in in the gut or it just couldn’t cope anymore. Vile farts that would make even yourself sick up til about midday and then the inevitable stomach cramp and sudden rush to the jacks. I’d take the dry dorrito cream cracker sock mix previously described any day versus this, not worth it. Wish I’d known freezer jacks roll technique then though.

    I think it’s an age thing - I love Indian food, but my lower digestive system does be in bits afterwards - a morning of farts that would strip paint from a trawler, followed by something that feels like you’re squirting shît through the eye of a needle.


  • #2


    TomasMacR wrote: »
    ...genuine question, is this civil service toileting priority given according to seniority a real thing or is it some kind of urban myth? and if so, is there actual provision made for this where it is explicitly written in some kind of office rule or is just the usual hierarchical nonsense that still exists in the civil service to a large extent and thus just etiquette that you'd step aside for your senior?


    In fairness it has to be.
    No point being an APO in the HSE on the 10 point of the scale, if you cant drop a deuce, catch up on a few emails from the Dept., take a call or two, without having to worry about some low level new entrant CO (or worse an EO who isnt a team player) coming in and hearing shît way above their pay grade, and shooting off their mouths. Usually APOs stand a trusted SSO outside to ward off such potential situations , but with the cutbacks...and now a staff moratorium.


    The 4.30 run in the OPW can be a particularly grim affair. Bowel evacuations prior to lé grand depart ,after an "In for Lunch' platter of egg salad sandwiches and a chicken tikka wrap pouring over drainage drawings, and two grapes, the resultant perstilaic forces can overwhelm even the most obdurate colon of any engineer. No regard to rank in such circumstances. Its panic stations, every man for themselves. Smells like 12.00 mass in Killybegs.


  • #2


    I'm not sure if I mentioned it before but in the summers my family uses an outhouse built over a three metre pit. My wife and I are very much concerned about the environment.

    Last summer we went on holiday to Killarney for a week of running and cycling, leaving our (adult) daughter alone in the house. Unfortunately she spent the whole week throwing party after party, culminating in a very sobering return for my us: The house was surrounded by a halo of horrible fag butts, and overflowing with boxes upon boxes of empty Dominos cartons, Chinese takeaway packets and cans of Bulmers.

    The air around our yard rich with the pungent, tangy smell of the excrement from fifteen obese girls in their twenties, exacerbated by the hottest summer in twenty years generated by the climatial holocaust of industrialisation. It really was "one of those days!"


  • #2


    Woke Hogan wrote: »
    I'm not sure if I mentioned it before but in the summers my family uses an outhouse built over a three metre pit. My wife and I are very much concerned about the environment.

    Last summer we went on holiday to Killarney for a week of running and cycling, leaving our (adult) daughter alone in the house. Unfortunately she spent the whole week throwing party after party, culminating in a very sobering return for my us: The house was surrounded by a halo of horrible fag butts, and overflowing with boxes upon boxes of empty Dominos cartons, Chinese takeaway packets and cans of Bulmers.

    The air around our yard rich with the pungent, tangy smell of the excrement from fifteen obese girls in their twenties, exacerbated by the hottest summer in twenty years generated by the climatial holocaust of industrialisation. It really was "one of those days!"

    Haven't heard much from females in the thread actually. It's as of they don't take sh1tes at all. Have heard from a friend of mine who used to work in a bar and had to clean the women's conveniences every evening. Said the place was like a nuclear wasteland. A total biohazard. Wasn't uncommon for him to find some cailin had missed her mark and squitted all over the seat. Dark reddish brown stained cotton bullets discarded on the ground with no concern.

    Occasionally came across a bolus that couldn't be flushed and required a hard extraction. King Kongs finger type situation. Residing fully above and below the water line.

    Thankfully haven't had cause to visit the little ladies room at closing time meself.


  • #2


    please someone post the link to that brown wedding post !

    I think I remember JohhnyFlash or pintman posted a story about some lad that passed out in the jacks at a wedding, toilet door left open, sitting atop o bowl of pebbledash scutter ?

    Found it, Ihatecuddles was the poster who posted this. :)https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=90747832&postcount=17

    Follow up with more details. :D:D https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=90748656&postcount=34


  • #2


    Agree with the OP, if you're going to pinch out a loaf then wait your god damn turn. I literally leg it when a co-worker gets in the adjoining cubicle. Even though I let the same sounds as them, it's gross, disgusting and I can't bear to hear or look at them after it. I don't embarrass myself by setting foot in a cubicle adjoined to an occupied unit.


  • #2


    Haven't heard much from females in the thread actually. It's as of they don't take sh1tes at all. Have heard from a friend of mine who used to work in a bar and had to clean the women's conveniences every evening. Said the place was like a nuclear wasteland. A total biohazard. Wasn't uncommon for him to find some cailin had missed her mark and squitted all over the seat. Dark reddish brown stained cotton bullets discarded on the ground with no concern.

    Occasionally came across a bolus that couldn't be flushed and required a hard extraction. King Kongs finger type situation. Residing fully above and below the water line.

    Thankfully haven't had cause to visit the little ladies room at closing time meself.




    Funny you should post this and mention the lack of girls taking ****es, I live in Spain, and the attitude to sh1t here is well, a bit too comfortable.
    In Catalunya at Christmas they have the "poo uncle" - it's a log that sh1ts presents
    (yes really), they put a blanket on it and the kids surround it with sticks singing a song commanding it to SH1T presents, and if he doesn't they threaten him and beat him up more with the sticks, meanwhile the parents sneak gifts and sweets under the blankets.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ti%C3%B3_de_Nadal

    "Caga tió,
    caga torró,
    avellanes i mató,
    si no cagues bé
    et daré un cop de bastó.
    caga tió!"

    ****, log,
    **** nougats (turrón),
    hazelnuts and mató cheese,
    if you don't **** well,
    I'll hit you with a stick,
    ****, log!

    And also at christmas they have the little pooing man in the crib.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caganer

    8269589945_1761be4b95.jpg

    Typical scene at a Christmas shop :

    46857788524_034fae5558_z.jpg

    One day we took our kid to some free class at the natural history museum,
    it was about animals, so at one point they started showing photos of cowsh1te, horsesh1te, pigsh1te etc ... and saying this is the poo of said animals... haha okkkaaaaayyy .. move along now ... next!!!
    Nope, proceded to continue to show different photos of animal sh1t and animal arses.... like WTAF!!!!
    - Hosted by 2 girls that seemed to love talking about the sh1t.

    *OBSESSED* with SH1T!!!

    If all this wasn't enough, the other day I was at the playground with my son, and one of the dads took his daughter (about 3) to the toilet, assumed it was a wee of course, they went to a tree nearby, went back to keeping an eye on my kid, and happened to glance back to see the girl taking a massive massive dump - I mean this thing was bigger then one of my own, I could not f*cking believe it, and the dad laughing away, myself and the mother of one of my sons friends just couldn't f*cking believe what we were seeing.

    At least the dad cleaned it up!!!

    Also, another fairy tale
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patufet
    (I'm in the ox's tummy/ Where it doesn't snow or rain./ When the ox farts/ Patufet will get out). After a while they hear Patufet's little voice and his mother feeds the ox with herbs that make it fart faster.

    Obsessed with sh1t.


  • #2


    Woke Hogan wrote: »
    The air around our yard rich with the pungent, tangy smell of the excrement from fifteen obese girls in their twenties, exacerbated by the hottest summer in twenty years generated by the climatial holocaust of industrialisation. It really was "one of those days!"

    Sounds like you had to live like you were at a music festival. Well, with the smell of one anyway.

    He/him/his

    “When you're used to privilege, equality feels like oppression”.

    #bekind



  • #2


    I knew an A/secp once. After a sitting of pints, ham and egg buffet sandwiches he nearly cleared the Goblet pub on a retirement night out for a colleague years back. It was so bad, it lingered throughout the fair well speech too. Next Monday I asked for a transfer.


  • #2


    Hal3000 wrote: »
    I knew an A/Sec once. After a sitting of pints, ham and egg buffet sandwiches he nearly cleared the Goblet pub on a retirement night out for a colleague years back. It was so bad, it lingered throughout his fair well speech too. Next Monday I asked for a transfer.

    ? The stench left the jacks and hung around the main pub ??


  • #2


    Back in school there was some guy that would shit on the toilet floor and seats, we used to call him the phantom dumper - never found out who it was.
    Always would feel bad for the cleaning ladies that would have to sort it - and why the f*ck would someone do this ?
    If he's trying to get back at a teacher - or the school itself, again not working, just some poor cleaning lady on min. wage had to clean it up.


  • #2


    Pero_Bueno wrote: »
    ? The stench left the jacks and hung around the main pub ??

    Stench was confined to the jacks, but he was crop dusting on the dance floor apres.


  • #2


    Hal3000 wrote: »
    Stench was confined to the jacks, but he was crop dusting on the dance floor apres.


    Crop dusting ! :D

    Took me a while to figure that one out!
    I imagine him, mid 50's bald, kind of looks like Steve Ballmer, thinks he's God's gift to women, on the dance floor busting moves out ...


  • #2


    Can't believe I also forgot this.
    We were in a national park there a few years back - Montsec, ~50miles north of Lleida nice place.


    Anyway taking a walk and anytime I just go a bit of the beaten track for a photo or whatever, ****ty toilet roll and scutter everywhere.


    f*cking disgusting, I have been to national parks all over the US and there is a code there, sure there are no toilets but you dig a hole or cover your crap with stones.

    In Spain it seems they just drop their cacks and drop a load.
    We were in Iceland a few years ago, and it's very popular with Spanish

    hmmmm .. I wonder ...

    https://www.reddit.com/r/VisitingIceland/comments/63s47a/please_dont_be_this_guy/


    https://www.reddit.com/r/VisitingIceland/comments/64mz8p/visiting_and_have_no_sense_of_decency_please_read/


  • #2


    I work on a mine site in rural Australia where it can often be 45c during the day and the schitters are all portacabins with 3 thrones and no aircon. Sometimes there is the luxury of an extractor fan but more often not.

    Mid December and it was sweltering. I was sweating like a priest at a wiggles concert and that was before I entered the sauna that is our dunny.
    Camp food is rough, and I’d had gurgles and hot farts that caused the sweat between my arse cheeks to bubble all morning, I knew there was trouble brewing. That’s what I get for eating seafood 800km from the nearest sea..

    I always take the furthest from the door, force of habit and had barely dropped the trousers when this smelly **** er from the stores proceeds to take the middle stall beside me. This hoor eats nothing but Mrs Macs pies and Masters choc milk.
    It sounds like he is gutting a badger in there and dropping the entrails from a height. My shirt is stuck to my back with sweat at this stage and no matter how hard I strain the sour slurry just keeps eeking out of me.
    Meanwhile halitosis with a limp next door is playing candy crush and no sign of him to fûck off.

    Needless to say, the cheap bog roll and sweat is a deadly combination and as soon as I start to wipe I nearly give me self a prostate exam when the paper lets go.

    Was nothing but dry toast for a few days after that outing


  • #2


    Slideways wrote: »
    I work on a mine site in rural Australia where it can often be 45c during the day and the schitters are all portacabins with 3 thrones and no aircon. Sometimes there is the luxury of an extractor fan but more often not.

    Mid December and it was sweltering. I was sweating like a priest at a wiggles concert and that was before I entered the sauna that is our dunny.
    Camp food is rough, and I’d had gurgles and hot farts that caused the sweat between my arse cheeks to bubble all morning, I knew there was trouble brewing. That’s what I get for eating seafood 800km from the nearest sea..

    I always take the furthest from the door, force of habit and had barely dropped the trousers when this smelly **** er from the stores proceeds to take the middle stall beside me. This hoor eats nothing but Mrs Macs pies and Masters choc milk.
    It sounds like he is gutting a badger in there and dropping the entrails from a height. My shirt is stuck to my back with sweat at this stage and no matter how hard I strain the sour slurry just keeps eeking out of me.
    Meanwhile halitosis with a limp next door is playing candy crush and no sign of him to fûck off.

    Needless to say, the cheap bog roll and sweat is a deadly combination and as soon as I start to wipe I nearly give me self a prostate exam when the paper lets go.

    Was nothing but dry toast for a few days after that outing

    *Vomits

    I got as far as a mine in rural Australia....


  • #2


    Slideways wrote: »
    I work on a mine site in rural Australia where it can often be 45c during the day and the schitters are all portacabins with 3 thrones and no aircon. Sometimes there is the luxury of an extractor fan but more often not.

    Mid December and it was sweltering. I was sweating like a priest at a wiggles concert and that was before I entered the sauna that is our dunny.
    Camp food is rough, and I’d had gurgles and hot farts that caused the sweat between my arse cheeks to bubble all morning, I knew there was trouble brewing. That’s what I get for eating seafood 800km from the nearest sea..

    I always take the furthest from the door, force of habit and had barely dropped the trousers when this smelly **** er from the stores proceeds to take the middle stall beside me. This hoor eats nothing but Mrs Macs pies and Masters choc milk.
    It sounds like he is gutting a badger in there and dropping the entrails from a height. My shirt is stuck to my back with sweat at this stage and no matter how hard I strain the sour slurry just keeps eeking out of me.
    Meanwhile halitosis with a limp next door is playing candy crush and no sign of him to fûck off.

    Needless to say, the cheap bog roll and sweat is a deadly combination and as soon as I start to wipe I nearly give me self a prostate exam when the paper lets go.

    Was nothing but dry toast for a few days after that outing


    F*cking Gold!
    This thread is like the AH of old, f*cking hilarious !!


  • #2


    Topical incident there today.

    Went to the jax in work to drop the kids off at the pool and was settling in nicely. Plenty of stalls free and I always leave a buffer zone of a free stall between meself and any occupied.

    So then in comes some thick ankled culchie and bursts in the stall next to me. He was that close I could feel a waft of cold air off him. Proceeds to violently pebble dash the bowel and then takes a call from his accountant! "Will the taxman get off my back if I give them 10 grand Tommy?"

    I was that put out that I had to pinch up and snap it off mid Grogan, which we all know can be a messy affair, but I had to do something and then complete the ablut at a later stage. Inconsiderate fecker.


  • #2


    Ush1 wrote: »
    Topical incident there today.

    Went to the jax in work to drop the kids off at the pool and was settling in nicely. Plenty of stalls free and I always leave a buffer zone of a free stall between meself and any occupied.

    So then in comes some thick ankled culchie and bursts in the stall next to me. He was that close I could feel a waft of cold air off him. Proceeds to violently pebble dash the bowel and then takes a call from his accountant! "Will the taxman get off my back if I give them 10 grand Tommy?"

    I was that put out that I had to pinch up and snap it off mid Grogan, which we all know can be a messy affair, but I had to do something and then complete the ablut at a later stage. Inconsiderate fecker.

    Interrupted mid coil-tus, so to speak. :mad:


  • #2


    I actually posted this a few weeks ago on another thread but I would like to share again:


    "On a train from Cairo to Aswan about 15 years ago which took 12 hours. I had a dodgy stomach as well which did not help and spent hours clinging to my seat with the sweats. I heard others say the toilets were a disgrace but the word disgrace in no way shape or form comes close to describing this- cannot think of a suitable word.

    Bottom line is that there was no toilet. It was essentially a normal train toilet cubicle but with no actual physical toilet. Instead there was a hole in the floor and you could see the train track literally 2-3 feet below you whizzing by.

    When I got to the door I saw a mother with her son who was about 5-6 and she basically had him standing in the corridor pissing into the cubicle on to the floor.

    So it came to my turn and I went in but clearly my head was not right- it actually seemed okay for the first 1 second but what came at me was a Tsunami of piss as the train carriage rocked back and forth- the piss on the floor collected at one end several inches deep and then just came at you.

    I was wearing sandals and with nowhere to go my feet were awash with 2-3 inches of Egyptian piss until it rolled back again. I manfully straddled the hole in the ground and had my piss.

    Later on my stomach had enough I had an attack of the trots. Bang out of options I had to tackle the piss filled cubicle and squat. So poor me squatting over the hole in the carriage, clinging to the wall, piss washing back and forth over my bare feet every 10-15 seconds and then I started simultaneously dry retching due to the conditions.

    I can safely say it was the worst journey of my life and a little emotional thinking about it- I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and I wasn't even hungover or drinking. What's more we were in first class"


  • #2


    I actually posted this a few weeks ago on another thread but I would like to share again:


    "On a train from Cairo to Aswan about 15 years ago which took 12 hours. I had a dodgy stomach as well which did not help and spent hours clinging to my seat with the sweats. I heard others say the toilets were a disgrace but the word disgrace in no way shape or form comes close to describing this- cannot think of a suitable word.

    Bottom line is that there was no toilet. It was essentially a normal train toilet cubicle but with no actual physical toilet. Instead there was a hole in the floor and you could see the train track literally 2-3 feet below you whizzing by.

    When I got to the door I saw a mother with her son who was about 5-6 and she basically had him standing in the corridor pissing into the cubicle on to the floor.

    So it came to my turn and I went in but clearly my head was not right- it actually seemed okay for the first 1 second but what came at me was a Tsunami of piss as the train carriage rocked back and forth- the piss on the floor collected at one end several inches deep and then just came at you.

    I was wearing sandals and with nowhere to go my feet were awash with 2-3 inches of Egyptian piss until it rolled back again. I manfully straddled the hole in the ground and had my piss.

    Later on my stomach had enough I had an attack of the trots. Bang out of options I had to tackle the piss filled cubicle and squat. So poor me squatting over the hole in the carriage, clinging to the wall, piss washing back and forth over my bare feet every 10-15 seconds and then I started simultaneously dry retching due to the conditions.

    I can safely say it was the worst journey of my life and a little emotional thinking about it- I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and I wasn't even hungover or drinking. What's more we were in first class"

    I suppose you could take solace that most of that slash was probably make up of sugary mint tea. If a similar stall was on the 17.00pm to Mallow I'd be more concerned.


  • #2



    Later on my stomach had enough I had an attack of the trots. Bang out of options I had to tackle the piss filled cubicle and squat. So poor me squatting over the hole in the carriage, clinging to the wall, piss washing back and forth over my bare feet every 10-15 seconds and then I started simultaneously dry retching due to the conditions.

    you should've just dropped your bags in the carriage and let loose. none of those f*ckers would bat an eye lid.

    I went from Cairo to Dahab on a bus about 15 years ago where there was less chance of getting your head hacked off at some make shift check point in the middle of the desert. We stopped at a designated rest stop which was basically just some kind of goat and rotten fruit/veg market. There was a public toilet, I went in and I still have a still shot in my head clear as day. Basic concrete one story concrete building. The whole room looked like a bomb had gone off, everything was broken, no doors on the traps, no sign of a jacks...and to top it off it was just covered in sh*te and piss, floors, walls, looked like there was some kind of sink system which was full of sh*te. 30-40c heat, instant wretch and gag reflex. I can't for the life of me understand why someone would want to use it unless they are prohibited from ****ting in the nearby vast desert. Horrific stuff. There must be some kind of scat fetish in those parts. They sh*te everywhere except for where they are supposed to, animals.


  • #2


    Never understood how some people cant **** in toilets with other people in the cubicles next to them.. you're both there to spend some time on your phone and drop a log, dont see the need for this reaction lol each to their own I guess..


  • #2


    I had to open my business today for a few hours, and asked one of the lads to come in and give me a hand. I was out last night watching the Liverpool game, and I've a stage 6 hangover as a result. :(



    Anways, it got to about half 10 and I felt my 'sheriff's badge' starting to twitch. Headed into the jacks and dropped a serious anchor into Brown Water Bay. I was sitting there afterwards on my phone when what do I hear but the jacks door opening, and someone heading into the stall beside mine. Down go the trousers, a slight groan, a string of watery farts, and then a noise that sounded like a box of old boots being thrown out of an attic. A smaller fart to finish up, and a deep exhalation of breath. :eek:



    I was shocked, and very angry. Am I overreacting, or should the fúcker have waited until I had finished using the boombox before he decided to go and pinch one out? He's an Eastern European, so don't know if they have different cultural norms. I didn't say a word to him for the rest of the morning, and am in a shocker of a mood since. :mad:

    So let me get this clear. You want to fire him. The reason is the poor fecker comes in on his day off. You are skiving off on your phone in the toilet. He holds it as long as he physically can waiting for you to finish up on various boards threads before he can't hold it in any more and has to use the toilet to shock HORROR go to the toilet (rather than surf the net).

    Best of luck in the work place relations hearing.


  • #2


    Troaway wrote: »
    Never understood how some people cant **** in toilets with other people in the cubicles next to them.. you're both there to spend some time on your phone and drop a log, dont see the need for this reaction lol each to their own I guess..

    I think you are missing the point. On any given day I can be in a stall next to an occupied one.

    But if there’s two of you in work and one goes in the other should wait. Keep some of the mystery going.

    Before I had my own office I wouldn’t dare get up at the same time as the guy beside me if he was heading in. It’s a basic common courtesy.

    He/him/his

    “When you're used to privilege, equality feels like oppression”.

    #bekind



  • #2


    It always seems to be the older fellas in work that ignite the brown brass band, an avalanche of farts, grunts, rumbles and groans to mix in with the turgid stench.

    Is this the future? Are all men consigned to this fate, or is there a path to follow? A path of enlightenment, with green food choices and morning probiotics.

    It's a beautiful thing to cocoon a **** out in 1 go, and hear the solitary splash like an Olympic Diver with a perfect score. At what age does the 6 get removed from your dice and this is no longer a possibility? Knowing you once had perfection, but here, yet again, age shall cripple your abilities.


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