What's the etiquette here??

cj maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120671853#Comment_120671853

Good idea . Spoon it into me and jump up and down 😷

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120671699#Comment_120671699

That’s unusual. I’m a son of the soil originally and still work down the country a fair bit. The diet of the True Gael (lamb stew, bacon and cabbage, homemade soup, apple tart etc) has me dropping absolutely textbook logs within a day or two. Now some of that is probably to do with not having to work with Jackeens for a while, but the diet certainly plays a part.

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120672962#Comment_120672962

Left a shiny well marbled coil of ripe midden in the ‘wall stall’ down at the club this am.

Perfect execution, strides down, check clearance, fully established, little push, and out like an otter from a riverbank.

Helga won’t have to bother about any damage in the pot area, neither streak nor skid to be seen.

Slideways

Great to hear the runway is in tip top shape Bren.

Eased out a brown Prince Rupert’s drop this morning. Wonder would it explode upon breaking the tail end of it, not an experiment one would conduct lightly without the correct PPE at least. And preferable in some dingy pub stall

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120675842#Comment_120675842

Yes Mr S, nicely recovered from a rather turbulent period, same can’t be said,I would suggest, from from the todger about two traps down.

Jangle of keys when the strides descended, heavy sighs, grunts, and suddenly a “Jaysus” when a spatther of runny scutther blew out at high pressure followed be the peleton like a bucket of offal into an empty bin.

Checked the results later and the fcuker won the competition by four points with 44.

The clean out obviously paid dividends…. Jammy kernt

You the man

Just had a particularly violent and putrid smelling evacuation.

Stank of offal and cabbage.

Young fella has just roared his displeasure from the servants quarters.

Must have been something I ate..

Larbre34

Must have been the liver, fried onions and gravy with a side of wilted savoy you had yesterday.

A fine meal to be sure, but by God it'll make you pay.

Got a complimentary ticket to the Lionel Richie gig in St Anne’s Park last night. Place was crawling with cackling hags. I’d had a rough enough weekend and soon felt a need to need to make room for the breakfast the next morning.

There was a sizeable queue for the womens cubicles and some of them had started to use the portaloos assigned for men. Was next in line at the queue when this auld battleaxe emerged from one of them. You know the sort - Jackeen head on her, bottle blonde with black roots showing, mouth like a tomcat’s arsehole, fat arse poured into a pair of leather trousers, leopard skin cowboy boots, face etched with the impact of years of heavy wine and fag consumption.

Headed into the cubicle after she left and immediately got the vile whiff of fresh shíte in a warm portaloo. But worse was to come. The disgusting harridan hadn’t even bothered to use the handle yoke to open the trapdoor. A huge coil of mustardy shite was just staring up at me.

Not a good start to the night. Lionel was soon on stage singing one of his 200 songs about boning good looking women and you could smell the oestrogen and fanny batter. Front row was said to be wetter than a Labrador’s nose.

Brendan Bendar

Getting a ‘fizz’ up were they?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120679922#Comment_120679922

Fanny like a skydiver’s mouth no doubt.

Larbre34

'The fanny batter of cackling hags.'

A 21st Century Joyce is born. 😂

Nevin Parsnipp

Jest to take this erudite discussion back on track as it were ...spent a few well deserved days on the continent recently to recharge the batteries.

The Spanish beer is like quaffing warm pi$$ and the manners of some of the native bar staff would make you be thankful for the fine staff we have here in the green and misty.

After a long walk in the sun called into this little Spanish bar in Punto Prima...got the vibe that "Gringos" was not particularly welcome and your poster was ignored while the natives were being well looked after.

Eventually got a pint of Dorada more or less slung at me and an immediate demand for payment...luckily I felt a rumble in the bilges half was down the pint....

Ambled casually to the single stall Aseos ...ankled the skunns and blew out a sour arse bomb of runny dung ...most of which missed the target and left a nice stippling effect on the surrounding walls.

I surveyed the results of my arse geyser proudly and figured that the bang would soon begin to seep back to the main Bar.

So I ambled back as I thought "Consuela will need the heavy Marigolds for that one" bid the sour looking barman a cheery "Adios" and resumed my journey......

Floppybits

Had the unfortunate experience of having one of those one sheet dispensers in the stall I was using. What sick person(s) decided that they would make a bog roll dispenser but only let the person in the stall pull out one sheet at a time?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120650291#Comment_120650291

about time the toilet rushed to me for a change.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120681271#Comment_120681271

Sociopaths, Floppy.

Grouptherapy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120681271#Comment_120681271

They've been condemned here before.

About as much use as balls on a dildo.

useeme

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120681271#Comment_120681271

Some bean counter, somewhere decided one sheet per wipe..............

Larbre34

I'll give him some beans to count.

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120681271#Comment_120681271

Sympathies Floppy, however the serious ‘midden maister’ will always check what we call ‘the recovery kit’.

The ‘handbook’ says “ When confonted by insufficienct material off site to complete the projected task, first survey the blast area,then evaluate the expected condition of the ‘drop’.”

They then go on to suggest to the occupant to blow enough hazy midden to cause a wide damage footprint.

In the case of a ‘solid round’ they suggest the ‘resting sea lion’ position across the lid.

Just a few pointers lad…..

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/showbiz/inbetweeners-james-buckley-forced-ring-30209301?utm_source=twitter.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=sharebar

This dude had to call the NHS helpline to deal with an enormous shïte that was lodged and not for moving.

”After his 111 call, James took laxatives and got back on the bog for another marathon squeezing session”.

He added: “I was on that toilet for six hours. I was on that toilet for so long that laxatives started to kick in.

“My God, was it a relief. I felt like crying, I was so relieved. I was at my lowest ebb, that was me at my lowest.”

thinking it’s about time to open a new prison in Ireland but the only inmates are people who keep knocking on a bathroom door as though behind it lies the leprechauns gold.

Knocking on the door, jimmying the handle, doing both at the same time, lads if the fcuking thing doesn’t open you don’t need to get a battering ram like

and don’t come at me “sure just shout occupied” cmere you when you’re working on Michelangelo’s David in the toilet you can’t be stopping to let every fcuker know it’s occupied, in fact I don’t need to, the doors locked that’s all you need to confirm it’s in use.

But no some boys feel the need to get out a plasma welder just to check.

“sorry didn’t know you were in there” no, I gathered as much with you acting like the toilet was a drug tent and you’re the DEA

Excellent rant. This is a safe space for exactly that.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120704607#Comment_120704607

thanks I feel safe here. Unlike the petrol station toilet…

You the man

Great to see the mods get 'agitated'..

Speaking of such, I'd a nasty nasty 'pour' this morning that would, under normal circumstances cause concern..

A 100 metre hose and dribble bar would have just about been enough to drain the system - there was no need to agitate it..

Bloody pork ribs n cider have me guts in a heap..

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120706324#Comment_120706324

Pear or Apple cider? Heard of Bulmers handing out free pints of their new pear cider at some country and western festival up in Monaghan or Longford or one of those places a few years back.

The pear cider and not enough portaloos lead to very many pairs of bootcut wranglers being put beyond use.

You the man

Apple this time doc... I had the pear experience when it was hip. Christ, it was a spiritual dose. Had 3 pints of pear cider in Cork airport en route to Oporto years back. I didn't know what was happening... Waddling up the aisle of the 737-800 wasn't fun with that dog barking at the back door..

PTH2009

When did all this craze start with all the 'pop irish folk bands' who dress like something from the poor section of the Titanic. Doing all the usual classics like 'Travellin Soilder', 'Galway Girl', 'Dirty Old Town' etc. Real culchie night out type stuff

The Kilkennys

The Whislin Donkeys

The Tumbling Paddies

The Highstool Prophets

Have a listen and youll notice they sound very similar

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120706797#Comment_120706797

What has all this to do with the etiquette of discharging a splutther of loose arse mulsh in the downstairs dunny?

Slideways

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120707933#Comment_120707933

Fucked if I know Bren.

Got nostalgic for the old sod and went to see the Whistlin Donkeys here a few weeks ago.

If the lead vocalist was singing for shyte he wouldn’t even get a fart. I’ve made better sounds meself on the throne after a few spoons of psyllium husk..

Baba Yaga

been banned from the ensuite...got up,hit the kitchen,pot of coffee on,milk warming,usual routine...first couple of sips of the coffee and milk going down nicely...felt what i thought was the usual round in the chamber starting to move...nope...oh ****...up the stairs 3 at a time,just managed to drop the jocks and get my arse on the pot....holy shite,twas like one of them russian rocket launchers going off!!fcukin hell!!fooshfooshfooshfooshfooshfoosh!!! took a good 4or5 flushes to clear,surprisingly a light enough clean up...herself was just about to hit the shower,tried to warn her to leave that settle for 10mins or so...nope...that was followed by about 10-15mins of Italian swearing and a ban from that jacks...usually have good solid rounds dont know where that came from...im blameing the vegatarian ice cream she picked up somewhere she said would be healthy...