What's the etiquette here??

Grouptherapy · 18-05-2023 2:30pm

Just sent a real bowl-buster on it's way there.

Was going to mail the crew in Ringsend but thought better as they can probably handle it anyway.

I'm also hearing they've updated procedures at the works. They were getting a lot of well-meant mails advising them of incoming torpedoes, and dispatching response crews with cutting tools as a result. Turns out though that the system could handle all but a very few logs without assistance. What they're doing now is just having an operative on standby with a long pole to direct any floaters which might get jammed at the inlet. Said operative can call for backup if required.

I suggested they maybe run some kind of public information campaign so that people would better understand when a warning / courtesy mail is required.

Under consideration with management at the moment I believe.

Count Dracula · 18-05-2023 11:23pm

Hello all.

I was wondering if anyone can help me with some terminology over a particular lodgement I made a few evenings ago?

I had a marvelous healthy eating patch, all good foods and only a few glasses of Drambuie and blackcurrant dash. I went for a sit down pee and felt a fart so rather than leave it for the morning i picked up a Nat Geo and decided to go for a completely no effort heave. It kind of felt like I was delivering a long python like deposit, sublime viscosity and really smooth, it was a pleasure in all truth.

I was reading an interesting article about the murder rate in Central America and was only keeping one anal sensory perception on the slowly dropping log that was developing. I am pretty sure it actually touched the trap meniscus before dropping cleanly into the bowl. i felt amazing and smiled with a great conceited oeuvre.

After I finished the article I instantly decided that as there was no need for wiping and went for a neat lift off and whipped around to have a good gawking inspection of what I was hoping was at least a solid 12 - 18 incher. To my utter dismay, when I peered, apart from some minor dry shavings my entire dump had completely disappeared !!!!

I felt a tinge of disappointment as I was hoping to admire its thickness and coil and maybe adore its hue of brown amid a mirroresque gloss finish floating in the bowl. But nothing was there, no payoff whatsoever?

What is this phenomena colloquially known as ?

the best I could come up with were " The Phantom Menace " , an " invisible shight" I even stretched to calling my Kazi " The Bermuda Triangle"

Grouptherapy · 19-05-2023 7:55am

I've heard them referred to as a Ghostie. Known and appreciated for the lack of clean up required.

19-05-2023 8:17am

There might be an engineering / mechanical momentum type explanation for that. The sheer length & weight of it had snaked it up and over the u-bend and it took all of itself right down the down-pipe. It depends on its weight, length, composure and density. Remember those “slinky” coils, popular back in the 70s, that would take themselves down a stairs; similar principal.

Sgt Hartman · 19-05-2023 8:45am

Speaking of those fat binding pills, I took them for a period when I was 19 as I wanted to trim a few pounds. I made the mistake of eating a fresh cod and chips one day while I was taking the pills. After a few hours I had to hit the jacks, and for the next ten minutes I emitted a mixture of oily orange coloured grease and lots and lots of gas. I had to scrub the oil from my crack afterwards with a soapy sponge which I had to discard of afterwards as it was ruined with oil. The oily flatulence continued for an hour afterwards. I learned the hard way not to eat anything fatty while on those pills.

rojito · 19-05-2023 12:43pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120615161#Comment_120615161

And thus was named, hence this day forth, the "Slinky"

When future students of the scatological arts ponder this same question in that most contemplative moment, they will consult with their ChatGPT and herewith find this, the original reference, the source material and the wisdom shared in this group will pervade forever.

Enjoy this moment folks, we are witnessing history.

19-05-2023 4:04pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120616112#Comment_120616112

If that were deposited, so to speak, at the edge of the top of the stairs it would make its way neatly down to the hallway, where the dog could be blamed on it.

21-05-2023 11:56am

Just back from a few days holidays in Italy. I’m a regular visitor and have always noticed something interesting- within a day or two I’m producing lovely smooth velvety logs of substantial length and girth. As regular and timely as a Japanese train as well.

Has any other visitor to Italy noticed the same thing? It might be the enormous amount of carbs they eat, but I’d be interested in getting opinions.

Brendan Bendar · 21-05-2023 12:26pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120623327#Comment_120623327

No ‘Fraid not pal….was visiting Rome on important company business and staying in a hotel close to the catacombs thingies

Ate well and fully so on a visit to the Vatican no surprise there was an emergency developing.

Panicked a bit and approached a Swiss Guard dude with a desperate “Nearest shïtter pal” plea, pointing to the muzzle .

Luckily on two counts ..one he understood and …two.. there was one close by or otherwise I would have plastered the chinos with a load resembling a pot of spaghetti bolognaise which I eventually left most of in the pot.

Left the area fairly quickly ……breathing heavily at my lucky escape.

Slideways · 21-05-2023 9:59pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120623408#Comment_120623408

The facilities there have been upgraded in since I last visited.

Rumour has it old Pope Benny dropped off loads like a rhinos leg twice a day and the Roman pipe work just wasn’t able. They brought in experts from Detroit to spec the facilities to American dimensions

Baba Yaga · 22-05-2023 4:05pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120623327#Comment_120623327

regular visitor myself,3/4 times a year and can confirm the same,dont know what it is....though ive been on the Italian grub for about 15yrs since i met herself but the logs get better for some reason when there...anyone with a more scientific explanation?

Gremlinertia · 22-05-2023 4:14pm

It's gotta be the oil content. I had a period with work where the only time I could really eat was a proper greasy spoon breakfast, wouldn't partake of the toast or juice In case of gaseous explosions on the tube so I feel like it was a matter of a well oiled machine.

PTH2009 · 23-05-2023 5:09pm

Up to see John Fogerty in the 3Arena

Visting a few pubs In Parkgate Street, Nancy Hands a bit meh and playing depressing music. Duggans a good spot but a place I wouldn't be drawing much attention taking photos etc

Ha Long Bay · 23-05-2023 7:27pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120632263#Comment_120632263

This is one thread where photo taking is not recommended.

PTH2009 · 23-05-2023 7:56pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120632717#Comment_120632717

I guess not a fan of vlogs

hynesie08 · 24-05-2023 12:07am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120632799#Comment_120632799

What vlogs have random people dropping the kids off at the pool?

Malbac · 25-05-2023 2:23am

ozzie osborne was he asked are you into black magic? Soft centre he said.

hahaha site gone american, with its color, and its fertilizer.

mfceiling · 27-05-2023 8:39am

https://twitter.com/miller_element/status/1661795056452288513?t=wPBX26ATbeORwYpvwVaECA&s=19

Any of you lads on important company business in England?

You the man · 27-05-2023 5:20pm

Like something a fella would bring home from the bog...

padd b1975 · 27-05-2023 5:30pm

Looks like an Eastern European diet.

28-05-2023 2:59pm

Nevin will be ordering it while waiting on the 6th tee down at the pitch and putt club.

Brendan Bendar · 28-05-2023 6:36pm

Fcukking thing wouldn’t be able to take off after ‘the Nev’ dropped the load into it.

As you mention golf we should be careful out there in this heat.

Was giving a slippery ten footer my full attention on the 15th green when I felt quite a ‘buttery rissole’ between the butt

cheeks.

Seems a good clump of arse raisins were melting in the heat and beginning to ‘show’.

Straight into the showers afterwards and scoped out a serious nest of arse kelp and bag brie, which was basting

and marinating in the extreme heat.

Bad things can happen in this weather, best give extra attention to hoop area and avoid carrying around a load of ‘muzzle mulch’

Count Dracula · 28-05-2023 7:11pm

I would leave a full toilet scrub in your locker Bendar. Very handy for scrubbing your substantive arse, I prefer a normal bar of soap, it has a soothing impact on cheeks cemented together by Re-hydrated, Dry, Semi Push-through Brenshight, which lets face it Bren only your lower and upper hoop, mainly consisting of whatever cheap Crisps you crushed into your gob last night, washed down with a few Karpackie. Come to think of it Brendan I think it might be time that an intervention was made on your ringpiece? I have considered contacting Social Services about it a few times?

It could be for the best.

Maybe get in touch with the Mater private about maybe getting a decent Proctologist to do a survey of what ever has bean going on around the Bren Zone lately? Come on Bren, it should be raising a few eyebrows once they start trying to rationalise your blowhorn pal? We are all with you and want to see this out, know what I mean?

I can only imagine the club showers evacuate fairly rapidly, once they get the first waft of your cheap Grey tweed Guineas, infested with 4 hours of Sunday morning blow fart and follow though drip down..., that not even your overflowing hairy arse can struggle to maintain? Lets call it what it is Bren, a highly sensitive area, capable of producing some of the most hazardous form of sceptic fecal arrangements seen any side of St Anns Park? The hairs on either side of your ring must be due a holiday this summer moi padron. They have earnt it.

Brendan Bendar · 28-05-2023 8:08pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120651410#Comment_120651410

In fairness good advice Count, I’ll certainly give it serious consideration..

Had to dump two very reasonable quality Pennys (white and light blue) shorts recently due to dark burnt ochre stains on the area around the arse crack.

I have to blame a recent road trip to Donegal though, as going through Emyvale distinct ‘run’ of drittle in the crotch area was evident..

Had to get the air con topped up too so I did.

29-05-2023 3:41pm

Brendan must be down there playing in the Over-75’s 24-36 handicap medal.

Dirty bastard.

Brendan Bendar · 29-05-2023 8:03pm

Full of Yanks with arses like the gable end of a public building.

And ‘cute hoors’ driving them around in pony an’ traps, Ashton Gate need to get down there an sort out the fcukkers

and the caddies too.

kernts need a good bang of the tax stick, soften their logs for a while so it would.

Thats what I was told anaway.

Baba Yaga · 30-05-2023 8:12am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120646216#Comment_120646216

holeeee sh1t!!!! what ever dropped that probably still cant walk straight! would that be a world record contender?

Brendan Bendar · 30-05-2023 12:43pm

Hoop like the sleeve of an overcoat!

cj maxx · 02-06-2023 8:38pm

I need to go to the doctor.! I’ve been eating beef / chicken dinners with potatoes every time i go to the toilet its a pure scour with the consistency of curry. It’s been like that for 12 months. Im terrified to fart its that bad 😡

You the man · 02-06-2023 9:23pm

You wouldn't try some cornflour to help 'thicken the dung'?

What's the etiquette here??

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