What's the etiquette here??

Utter Consternation

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Agreed, U. Let them “have at it” in the disabled toilet if they can’t keep their hands off each other. No problem with that.

Tell, where would you “stand” on people taking phone calls while on the pot?

It’s a bit of a “bug bear” of mine, if I’m honest, but only in public toilets.

It's very rude for someone to be on the phone in a public jacks.

If i'm talking to someone on the phone and i know they're in the jacks, i find it very off putting. It's the height of poor manners. Especially if you can hear the stream of piss or loose farts being emitted.

No one wants to hear that.

EmmetSpiceland

Utter Consternation wrote: »

I'd don't want this serene time to be interrupted by a dude giving another dude a rusty trombone.

What if he was humming to theme tune of ‘Star Wars’, ‘Indiana Jones’ or, even, ‘Police Academy’?

You know, something “toe-tapping”.

EmmetSpiceland

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

I'll be honest, i couldn't have a dump with anyone else in the toilets, whether that be urinal or any other trap let alone someone else on the phone. Thankfully there are a number of extremely comfortable and spacious disabled toilets scattered around this building.

Also i get disturbed when someone chats to me in next urinal when having a piss. Just fcuk off with your small talk

Is it a “shy colon” you suffer with, S?

It’s more common than you think. I’ve heard if you bring headphones in and listen to some “relaxing” sounds, like of a river or forest setting, you can get past that. If you so desire.

Urinal chat is, indeed, an incredible breach of “etiquette”. Unless, of course, you’re steaming drunk.

Generally speaking, at a urinal, a nod is all the “conversation” you need.

Stevieluvsye

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Is a “shy colon” you suffer with, S?

It’s more common than you think. I’ve heard if you bring headphones in and listen to some “relaxing” sounds, like of a river or forest setting, you can get past that. If you so desire.

Urinal chat is, indeed, an incredible breach of “etiquette”. Unless, of course, you’re steaming drunk.

Generally speaking, at a urinal, a nod is all the “conversation” you need.

I'll be honest E the whole ****eing thing is something i am uncomfortable with (Other people) I had a bad experience with a one night stand where i walked in on her giving it 100% face strain and this was pre bonk. The fact she was a bit of a munter made things worse.

Also agreed with the Nod while at the Urinal

Hector Savage

Sorry to go off topic, but these last few pages are reminding me of a lad we knew back in college, he didn't score much with the ladies and when he did score it was with big big BIG ladies he'd meet online - he even went to America for a few....

Anyway, he told us one day that he'd been meeting priests in toilets in dublin city centre to get blowjobs.

We were flabbergasted, like WHAT !!! ???
He didn't seem to mind, his argument was it's the same as a womans mouth ..... jaysus!!

I mean, I've no problem with him if he's gay fair enough, but his justification to convince us he was straight was creepy ...


Didn't meet him much after that.

EmmetSpiceland

Hector Savage wrote: »

Didn't meet him much after that.

Surprised to hear that, H.

Had you pegged a real “a mouths a mouth” merchant, yourself.

Duly noted you’re not though. Or at least, you say you’re not.

partyguinness

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

I'll be honest E the whole ****eing thing is something i am uncomfortable with (Other people) I had a bad experience with a one night stand where i walked in on her giving it 100% face strain and this was pre bonk. The fact she was a bit of a munter made things worse.

Also agreed with the Nod while at the Urinal

Fcuk me that's not good. Reminds me of this: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-41167296

I pulled a munter from Botswana a few years ago in Dublin. TBH she ate me without salt and spat me out. Way too much woman for me to handle.

I was staying in a B&B with an en suite. In the morning, she unloaded in the bathroom and I mean proper unloading- no attempt to mask out sounds or anything. Like she emptied a tonne of potatoes into a bath of water. The room being so small I heard everything. I did not go back for round two and walked her into O'Connells Street to get the airport shuttle by 8:30am PDQ.

Hector Savage

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Surprised to hear that, H.

Had you pegged a real “a mouths a mouth” merchant, yourself.

Duly noted you’re not though. Or at least, you say you’re not.

Definetely not E, the feel of a beard or stubble around the one eyed trouser snake would surely be a boner killer for me ...

Stevieluvsye

partyguinness wrote: »

Fcuk me that's not good. Reminds me of this: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-41167296

I pulled a munter from Botswana a few years ago in Dublin. TBH she ate me without salt and spat me out. Way too much woman for me to handle.

I was staying in a B&B with an en suite. In the morning, she unloaded in the bathroom and I mean proper unloading- no attempt to mask out sounds or anything. Like she emptied a tonne of potatoes into a bath of water. The room being so small I heard everything. I did not go back for round two and walked her into O'Connells Street to get the airport shuttle by 8:30am PDQ.

Condolences to you P. Can't have been a pleasent event.

I also recall another "oner" from St Helens. She obviously went in for a post bonk crap and i was advised "wouldn't go in there for a while, i have the runs and it stinks"

Just why? I didn't need to know. Anyway, like you said, round two was firmly off the cards

partyguinness

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Condolences to you P. Can't have been a pleasent event.

I also recall another "oner" from St Helens. She obviously went in for a post bonk crap and i was advised "wouldn't go in there for a while, i have the runs and it stinks"

Just why? I didn't need to know. Anyway, like you said, round two was firmly off the cards

Mother of God. Northerners have no shame. No sense of decorum. I suppose that's the thing about a "oner"- by and large you are slumming it.

That is why I hate en suites. I would always make my excuses to go downstairs for water and duck into the downstairs WC even for a piss.

Mango Joe

This thread is still running?

I always imagined the boards.ie demographic to mainly consist of educated, intelligent, articulate, technologically aware people.

......Turns out they just love poop, stories about poop and generally discussing poop....indefinitely it seems.

partyguinness

Mango Joe wrote: »

This thread is still running?

I always imagined the boards.ie demographic to mainly consist of educated, intelligent, articulate, technologically aware people.

......Turns out they just love poop, stories about poop and generally discussing poop....indefinitely it seems.

This thread has the legs to run forever as there are good poop stories everyday. Everyone has one.

Don't fight it. Join us- you know you want to.

Hector Savage

poop ?

Piss off with your American English shyte here, this is a respectable thread ...

sligojoek

Mango Joe wrote: »

This thread is still running?

I always imagined the boards.ie demographic to mainly consist of educated, intelligent, articulate, technologically aware people.

......Turns out they just love poop, stories about poop and generally discussing poop....indefinitely it seems.

Yes. And 'trotting' and 'Goosestepping'

Utter Consternation

This thread is a valuable resource for all of the members of boards.ie. As it stands it has had nearly a quarter of a million views.

A figure not to be sniffed at. :cool:

tgdaly

We seem to get lads like Mango Joe every couple of hundred posts, with the aul "is this thread still going" crap.

Some people can't appreciate art

partyguinness

tgdaly wrote: »

Will seem to get lads like Mango Joe every couple of hundred posts, with the aul "is this thread still going" crap.

Some people can't appreciate art

They are called "lurkers". They take in all the info and say nothing.

I bet Mango Joe has some great knowledge to impart. Just needs a little coaxing. Come on Mango, come to the Dark Side.

dulpit

Had spicy chicken for lunch. My jaysus but the smell of emissions has been woeful for the last hour, makes me happy the office is empty today (1 other lad here, and he's in a different area entirely). It's beyond the point where you can be proud of the smell and to the point where you'd be a little worried. :pac:

Sharp MZ700

Lads and ladies, a question I could never pose outside of this thread.
How far into a shìt would ye normally piss? Varies here, but it always seems to mark the end of the initial relief before I settle in to releasing the upper curd from the tank. Kind of a "round one and a round two"
Just round one is never a constant. I'm thinking it might have to do with pressure points on the inner 24 spoke being activated due to extra mass and once this mass has been shifted these points are relieved and triggers sent to the bladder to open the dams let's say.
I'm sure there's a science to it or is it just the greater needs first. I firmly believe it's the former but who's to say?

fuerte1976

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

Lads and ladies, a question I could never pose outside of this thread.
How far into a shìt would ye normally piss? Varies here, but it always seems to mark the end of the initial relief before I settle in to releasing the upper curd from the tank. Kind of a "round one and a round two"
Just round one is never a constant. I'm thinking it might have to do with pressure points on the inner 24 spoke being activated due to extra mass and once this mass has been shifted these points are relieved and triggers sent to the bladder to open the dams let's say.
I'm sure there's a science to it or is it just the greater needs first. I firmly believe it's the former but who's to say?

Generally for me once the pace car has left the pits and all the other cars follow on rather closely, the dam breaks and road gets flooded.

Hal3000

So, last week was a quiet one in the 1st floor stalls. Bar one or two mornings, the smell from the stalls was pleasant, pleasant in a very deranged sense, but pleasant nonetheless. I assumed the letter from HR had invoked some type of a cease fire with our processed food eating friend. Some of us assumed perhaps he had got the message and was laying low considering a possible diet change. Well, the cease fire is now definitely over and his rancid diet of processed - tinned silage is alive and well. The main man went into today and threw a crap that would rival the smell from a Bombay sewer system. Several normally very reserved staff members made comments after walking by the toilet, and the smell even got a mention at our morning team meeting. I think it’s time now to up the stakes and potentially approach him with offers of a health check or balanced diet. I’m not going to do it, might suss out a intern for the task.

pinkyeye

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

Lads and ladies, a question I could never pose outside of this thread.
How far into a shìt would ye normally piss? Varies here, but it always seems to mark the end of the initial relief before I settle in to releasing the upper curd from the tank. Kind of a "round one and a round two"
Just round one is never a constant. I'm thinking it might have to do with pressure points on the inner 24 spoke being activated due to extra mass and once this mass has been shifted these points are relieved and triggers sent to the bladder to open the dams let's say.
I'm sure there's a science to it or is it just the greater needs first. I firmly believe it's the former but who's to say?

I presume you're a man asking this question because as a woman this is not even a question, the piss has to come before the shyte, just happens as soon as you sit down.

Sharp MZ700

pinkyeye wrote: »

I presume you're a man asking this question because as a woman this is not even a question, the piss has to come before the shyte, just happens as soon as you sit down.

Christ that's handy. A kind of steam sauna to relax the sphincter for effortless irrigation.They're highly advanced and complex machines in fairness.

pinkyeye

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

Christ that's handy. A kind of steam sauna to relax the sphincter for proficient irrigation.They're highly advanced and complex machines in fairness.

True enough, it provides some lubrication.

sligojoek

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

Lads and ladies, a question I could never pose outside of this thread.
How far into a shìt would ye normally piss? Varies here, but it always seems to mark the end of the initial relief before I settle in to releasing the upper curd from the tank. Kind of a "round one and a round two"
Just round one is never a constant. I'm thinking it might have to do with pressure points on the inner 24 spoke being activated due to extra mass and once this mass has been shifted these points are relieved and triggers sent to the bladder to open the dams let's say.
I'm sure there's a science to it or is it just the greater needs first. I firmly believe it's the former but who's to say?

I never mix the two. Once I take two steps out of the bed, whoever is brushing their teeth in the main bathroom "gets to fúck out of Dodge" before the sluice gates of Ardnacrusha [(C) Joe Duffy] open. Strain the spuds, so to speak. After that it's downstairs for coffee, a fag and empty the main chamber.

Never mix the grape with the grain.

EmmetSpiceland

Jesus, lads, I’m torn. Ripped. Burst. The “works”.

Found out what was, very likely, causing that “nasty” smell I’ve been emitting for the few days.

Haven’t had a proper clear out since the time I posted about feeling good in here. It’s all been coming out like hot “mousse” or even foam. You the type, it sort of over-flows onto the ring itself before falling directly down. Like lava.

Anyway, I was expecting more of the same, and it started out that way, but then something changed. You know that feeling you get when you know it’s going to be big and you actually say “oh shít” out loud? I did that.

I could feel it coming and it was not fun. It moved too slowly. Can something like that be stuck in some bend of the intestines? It was dry, and dense. The closest analogy I can give you is like a medium sized pine cone coming out “point” first.

It was hell passing it. Hell. Had to do that “Lamaze” breathing, tried cupping under my knees but that didn’t help much. When it was finally out it was as if it was due to gravity as opposed to anything I was doing and it felt like it was trying to stay in by dragging its “claws” into me.

The relief was short lived, replaced by shock. There was some, intense, “spotting” on the paper. Intense. I stayed long enough, tamping up and hoping the “flow” would have stopped. It took awhile but it did.

I’ve lined the boxers with folded paper for the night but I’m worried about facing the day if it doesn’t “abate”, or if it starts up again.

I do not fancy a trip to the docs complaining of a “burst” ring. Anyone here know if there’s light at the end of that tunnel?

I should point out that there’s no stinging pain or anything. There was during the initial “birthing” but after that it was fine. Bar the, intense, “spotting”.

Hector Savage

Hal3000 wrote: »

So, last week was a quiet one in the 1st floor stalls. Bar one or two mornings, the smell from the stalls was pleasant, pleasant in a very deranged sense, but pleasant nonetheless. I assumed the letter from HR had invoked some type of a cease fire with our processed food eating friend. Some of us assumed perhaps he had got the message and was laying low considering a possible diet change. Well, the cease fire is now definitely over and his rancid diet of processed - tinned silage is alive and well. The main man went into today and threw a crap that would rival the smell from a Bombay sewer system. Several normally very reserved staff members made comments after walking by the toilet, and the smell even got a mention at our morning team meeting. I think it’s time now to up the stakes and potentially approach him with offers of a health check or balanced diet. I’m not going to do it, might suss out a intern for the task.

It must be absolutely f*cking rank!
Are the toilets badly ventilated or is it just that that bad ? or a combo of both ?

I'm imagining this is worse then the 4 week old chicken we forgot about and found still in a shopping bag under the stairs - the smell literally burnt my nose
- it was easily the most vile thing I have ever smelt, we had to bury the f*cker...

Utter Consternation

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Jesus, lads, I’m torn. Ripped. Burst. The “works”.

Found out what was, very likely, causing that “nasty” smell I’ve been emitting for the few days.

Haven’t had a proper clear out since the time I posted about feeling good in here. It’s all been coming out like hot “mousse” or even foam. You the type, it sort of over-flows onto the ring itself before falling directly down. Like lava.

Anyway, I was expecting more of the same, and it started out that way, but then something changed. You know that feeling you get when you know it’s going to be big and you actually say “oh shít” out loud? I did that.

I could feel it coming and it was not fun. It moved too slowly. Can something like that be stuck in some bend of the intestines? It was dry, and dense. The closest analogy I can give you is like a medium sized pine cone coming out “point” first.

It was hell passing it. Hell. Had to do that “Lamaze” breathing, tried cupping under my knees but that didn’t help much. When it was finally out it was as if it was due to gravity as opposed to anything I was doing and it felt like it was trying to stay in by dragging its “claws” into me.

The relief was short lived, replaced by shock. There was some, intense, “spotting” on the paper. Intense. I stayed long enough, tamping up and hoping the “flow” would have stopped. It took awhile but it did.

I’ve lined the boxers with folded paper for the night but I’m worried about facing the day if it doesn’t “abate”, or if it starts up again.

I do not fancy a trip to the docs complaining of a “burst” ring. Anyone here know if there’s light at the end of that tunnel?

I should point out that there’s no stinging pain or anything. There was during the initial “birthing” but after that it was fine. Bar the, intense, “spotting”.

Sounds like you passed a wire brush out your hole.

Hotblack Desiato

Sounds like the gas and air would've come in handy, maybe forceps

Utter Consternation

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

Sounds like the gas and air would've come in handy, maybe forceps

Probably required a ventouse delivery.