What would you do

Neyite

Digs wrote: »

He said that he finds the difference between how the girls and boys are coached is huge. The girls have a much nicer environment whereas the boys, it’s very different. Competitive and quite aggressive. Would most find this to be true?

I'm not sure about the older children's groups but as far as I know it's mixed in our locality up to a certain age - not sure what that is though.

shesty wrote: »

Do you all hang around for football or rugby training?

By the looks of it locally here (we have all three, GAA, soccer and rugby), most parents don't.

Gymnastics here, most parents don't hang around.Depending on where they live relative to the training place, for some its too far to bother going home.

We would I think - but we have only the one child so no clashing of hobbies at different times going on.

I stay for swimming, but I know a few parent's that don't and tbh, that isn't something I'd be comfortable doing, and it's only 40 mins so you can get sod all done in that time anyway might as well settle in with a coffee and watch.

With GAA, my partner trains the U6's so our son is in his group, and there are other parents from the school that the family have known all their lives there so maybe when he's a bit older I'd be comfortable leaving him to train with neither parent but that's because we would know the coaches all their lives. I think it would be different if we didn't know them. And the local GAA club has got people running it who love the sport but who balance that with remembering that they are kids and making it fun for them.

I think it might depend on the hobby. If my presence would put the child off I think I'd make myself scarce rather than be an audience but I'd probably sit in the car outside with a book or knitting.

For parent's who have a few kids doing different activities at the same time they generally carpool here so there's one parent who drives and stays for the duration that would be the go-to if anything happened the child. Literally everyone knows everyone here where I live and helps each other out like that.

Digs

Neyite wrote: »

I'm not sure about the older children's groups but as far as I know it's mixed in our locality up to a certain age - not sure what that is though.

Yes I do think he was referring to older children and onwards. He had two of his sons with him and they were 10+. Again though it could be just his experience! Our club are mixed until age 8. The atmosphere is very fun and my daughter loves it. I suppose they wouldn’t agree to go at that age if it weren’t!

SAMTALK

lazygal wrote: »

Remove your child immediately. Why the hell would you ever want them in that environment?

Sorry it's not the child who should be removed, it's the adult !

If you remove the child it's the child who will miss out on sports / mixing with his friends and the adult will just do the same to another child.

decky1

Forget the club, straight to the Police. personally i'd be having a word with him at the back of the clubhouse.

SAMTALK

Charles Ingles wrote: »

That completely changes the situation you never said your child was on the autism spectrum.
My sister is autistic and the hustle and bustle of football or gaa would be too much for her.
Is the coach aware of his difference if so he is a jerk

So 2 kids standing together one on autism spectrum and one not.

The coach can push one child to the ground because he/she isnt on autism spectrum. ?
Most ridiculous thing ever.

Dravokivich

SAMTALK wrote: »

Sorry it's not the child who should be removed, it's the adult !

If you remove the child it's the child who will miss out on sports / mixing with his friends and the adult will just do the same to another child.

If a coach acts like that and the club do nothing, parents should take their kids out of the club.

SAMTALK

Dravokivich wrote: »

If a coach acts like that and the club do nothing, parents should take their kids out of the club.

No you take it further if the club do nothing.

Tombo2001

SAMTALK wrote: »

No you take it further if the club do nothing.

Can you remind me what the allegation is again?

And in respect of that - what are are you taking further, and why?

Genuine question.

cyning

shesty wrote: »

Do you all hang around for football or rugby training?

By the looks of it locally here (we have all three, GAA, soccer and rugby), most parents don't.

Gymnastics here, most parents don't hang around.Depending on where they live relative to the training place, for some its too far to bother going home.

We aren’t allowed stay for gymnastics, Irish dancing, music or when we were doing drama we weren’t allowed stay for that. Soccer we can stand on side lines but very very few do. U6 football every parent hangs around (or I might watch friends kids etc this week them next week), but U8s they don’t tend to stay.

Hannibal_Smith

jlm29 wrote: »

Sorry for the Off topic posts OP, this will be my last.
I sometimes leave my oldest child at training and don’t watch, but I also bring him to school where he plays hurling, and I don’t stay to watch that. He went to cul camp last year, and I certainly wasn’t on the sidelines all day every day watching him. I don’t always stay at his cousins house while he plays in their garden and could fall off their slide. He sometimes goes to the playground with his childminder and I’m not there.
In all of the situations, he could get hurt. He never has, beyond a cut knee, but yes, I do take the risk that he might get hurt and I might not be the one there to comfort him.
I do, however, never leave them anywhere that I’m not happy that there’s a competent, reliable adult there to give him either comfort or minor medical attention if he needs that. I stuck around for a lot of Saturday morning training sessions to be make sure I was confident About this before I ever considered going home for the hour.
I’m not the only parent with that attitude, and I’m certainly not in a minority, in our own club anyhow.

Training is not the same as school and cul camps. Who js the competent adult you are leaving to look after your kid? The coaches who are there to coach? The parents who stayed to be there for their own kids?

Going home is your choice and your choice alone and who cares if youre not on the minority. It doesnt make it cool.

porsche boy

Oh my god, the exact same thing happened to my lad in GAA last year. Some auld lad brought in as a guest one week grabbed the ball of my 5 y/o and told him to go stand beside his daddy and wait to be called. He patiently waited. He wasnt called.
I approached the lad after and said these kids are only here to learn and get confidence and my lad being singled out and told to stand at the sidelines has upset him. The auld lad didn't care at all and my boy never went back to GAA. Some of them are almost militant.

Hannibal_Smith

Digs wrote: »

Now to be honest I’m just quoting him from the few minutes I spoke with him! He just maintained they were much harder on the boys so I’m assuming he means swearing and shouting, possibly pressure too. Just thought it was an interesting comment, possibly club specific.

Re the dropping and going. With GAA naturally they’re outdoors on pitches. The coaches are there to coach so if my daughter needed the toilet, she would need one of us there to bring her, across the pitches, the carpark and into the clubhouse etc I wouldn’t want someone I didn’t know bringing her anyway. To be honest until she’s a good bit older there’s no way we’d leave her.

I think its kind of drilled into the coaches that for the early years its meabt to be fun. But maybe as it becomes more serious they get tougher...we've yet to find out!

Hannibal_Smith

Are u6s going to specific training sessions? Our club doesnt sort into teams until u8s. Theres a macra/nursery for 4-6s where everyone is chucked in together.

luketitz

ax530 wrote: »

Speak to the club child protection officer

After beating the **** out of the coach.

SAMTALK

Tombo2001 wrote: »

Can you remind me what the allegation is again?

And in respect of that - what are are you taking further, and why?

Genuine question.

The allegation of coach pushing child.
Obviously if you cant prove it didnt happen you cannot do much about it.

I don't believe in mollycoddling kids but you cannot have coaches putting their hands on kids like has been stated.

Dravokivich

SAMTALK wrote: »

No you take it further if the club do nothing.

If a club doesn't care, I don't want to be associated with them. That's it.

SAMTALK

Dravokivich wrote: »

If a club doesn't care, I don't want to be associated with them. That's it.

I understand what you're saying but I feel its the kids who would suffer in the long term and some posts here seem to think it's okay and it will toughen the kid up.

If a teacher pushed a pupil to the ground would it be ok?

I understand that these coaches give up their free time to help out but it does not give them the right to do and speak to kids like this

iamwhoiam

Anyone who thinks its ok for a mentor , volunteers or highly paid , to push a kid and swear and shout at children should be ashamed of themselves .
Nothing justifies pushing and 8 year old and using bad language . If a mentor needs to use those methods he has no place in any club that deals with kids

cyning

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

Are u6s going to specific training sessions? Our club doesnt sort into teams until u8s. Theres a macra/nursery for 4-6s where everyone is chucked in together.

Our club has a specific training for under 6s, and then they move to under 8s. Under 6s are mixed boys and girls, u8s are sorted. Although tbh they play very little football more fun through obstacle courses and play games but they love it!

Dravokivich

SAMTALK wrote: »

I understand what you're saying but I feel its the kids who would suffer in the long term and some posts here seem to think it's okay and it will toughen the kid up.

If a teacher pushed a pupil to the ground would it be ok?

I understand that these coaches give up their free time to help out but it does not give them the right to do and speak to kids like this

You are paying too much attention to a small amount of noise.

If I had an issue, reported it to a club and nothing came from it, I'm not going to send my kid back to that club. There would be a systemic issue there, with no one to handle it appropriately. Let'em starve, due to lack of membership.

SAMTALK

Dravokivich wrote: »

You are paying too much attention to a small amount of noise.

If I had an issue, reported it to a club and nothing came from it, I'm not going to send my kid back to that club. There would be a systemic issue there, with no one to handle it appropriately. Let'em starve, due to lack of membership.

If the child wanted to play the sport then it would seem like the child was being punished
I get what you're saying about lack of membership but not everyone will walk from club

Hannibal_Smith

cyning wrote: »

Our club has a specific training for under 6s, and then they move to under 8s. Under 6s are mixed boys and girls, u8s are sorted. Although tbh they play very little football more fun through obstacle courses and play games but they love it!

That must be why we're not seeing any girls on other teams

Dravokivich

SAMTALK wrote: »

If the child wanted to play the sport then it would seem like the child was being punished
I get what you're saying about lack of membership but not everyone will walk from club

The kid punished? Do you think the kid would not understand why they are withdrawn from a club?

SAMTALK

Dravokivich wrote: »

The kid punished? Do you think the kid would not understand why they are withdrawn from a club?

Of course the kid would understand !.

You tell an 8 year old that he can't play the sport he loves because the adult pushed you over which is not acceptable and yet the adult can still coach team ?

Of course it's the kid who suffers and yes, to an 8 year old it would seem that he was the one losing out for something someone else did

Dravokivich

SAMTALK wrote: »

Of course the kid would understand !.

You tell an 8 year old that he can't play the sport he loves because the adult pushed you over which is not acceptable and yet the adult can still coach team ?

Of course it's the kid who suffers and yes, to an 8 year old it would seem that he was the one losing out for something someone else did

You're looking at the arguement far more simply than a kid would.

SAMTALK

Dravokivich wrote: »

You're looking at the arguement far more simply than a kid would.

Care to expand?

Tombo2001

In sum

Talk to the Child Protection Officer about it.

I think in the scheme of things - pushing a child could mean a lot of things.

For example - we might have a situation where the team is playing a match, its due to start, the other team is standing in position, the ref is waiting, and our lads our chatting about Fortnite or Nintendo or whatever. You've told them once, twice, three times.....lads the game is about to start, you have to run out to your positions. They arent listening. They're 9 years old, lost in the moment. So you put your hand on their shoulder, turn them around and say - you're a forward, out you go.

What happens if a child then says - well that Mentor put his hand on my shoulder, pushed me around......

Do you just leave them there to chat instead? And let the other team pack up their bags and go home after trekking across the county?

I think OP you have to behave and react as if the CHILD is 100% right. You have to follow through. And the next step is the Child Protection Officer. But .......in practice, the fact is that you dont know what actually happened, so I dont think it can necessarily be assumed that the mentor behaved inappropriately vis a vis the push. Vis a vis the language, thats not in question.

spurious

Interesting article by Paul Kimmage in the Sindo today.

https://www.independent.ie/sport/soccer/paul-kimmage-my-name-is-ailbhe-i-have-been-kicked-out-of-tulla-united-for-two-years-now--37990157.html

Different sport, but similar issue.

granturismo

@OP, What did you do?