Sh*te your co-workers say

mistersifter

partyguinness wrote: »

On a slightly different note, I have experienced ex employees coming in to say "Hello" and just hanging around sometimes years after they left. If you want to catch up meet in the pub or something not in the place of work. It is just weird.

Fcuk off.

David Brent got a bollocking for doing that - was made redundant but arrived back into the office with his dog Nelson (i.e. after Mandella )

Says it all!

Stevieluvsye

mistersifter wrote: »

David Brent got a bollocking for doing that - was made redundant but arrived back into the office with his dog Nelson (i.e. after Mandella )

Says it all!

So the dogs barred too then?

mistersifter

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

So the dogs barred too then?

"dont worry, he cant understand ya" :pac:

Stevieluvsye

mistersifter wrote: »

"dont worry, he cant understand ya" :pac:

Work colleagues who constantly pick their noses or fiddle with their crotches! The men are just as bad!:D

Feisar

"We are going to blow this up!"

No, no we won't. We'll make a few informed decisions and take advantage of the situation.

Ragnar Lothbrok

I've just witnessed this:

Bloke opposite me comes around and shows his rash to the woman sat next to me :eek:

(It's on his arm and probably caused by washing powder, but FFS)

Ragnar Lothbrok

Ragnar Lothbrok wrote: »

(It's on his arm and probably caused by washing powder, but FFS)

I sincerely hope that you are right!

DeanAustin

Had someone today tell me they wanted to "socialise an idea".

Who comes up with that wanky language and who ****ing talks like that. Cretin.

gypsy79

DeanAustin wrote: »

Had someone today tell me they wanted to "socialise an idea".

Who comes up with that wanky language and who ****ing talks like that. Cretin.

One of the biggest **** I have ever worked with came up with that one before Xmas

Realt Dearg Sec

DeanAustin wrote: »

Had someone today tell me they wanted to "socialise an idea".

Who comes up with that wanky language and who ****ing talks like that. Cretin.

Do they just mean they want to share an idea?

Tosser.

Realt Dearg Sec

Zero-tasking.

I'll be zero-tasking tomorrow morning.

Never has doing **** all sounded so professional.

Tarzann

Using *TLA's when they don't know what it stands for!


*Three Letter Acronym!

partyguinness

Tarzann wrote: »

Using *TLA's when they don't know what it stands for!


*Three Letter Acronym!

Apostrophe abuse right there.

worded

Tarzann wrote: »

Using *TLA's when they don't know what it stands for!


*Three Letter Acronym!

Missing out on VDT now working late ...

Valuable Drinking Time

Lewis_Benson

DeanAustin wrote: »

Had someone today tell me they wanted to "socialise an idea".

Who comes up with that wanky language and who ****ing talks like that. Cretin.

Did they tell you they would "revert" to you.

threetrees

The guy that sends a message to say he's WFH today.

(Working from home)

Realt Dearg Sec

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

Did they tell you they would "revert" to you.

Ah Jesus Christ you're after getting me in a bad mood now on a Friday. ****ing hate that term. Why do people talk like this?

I'm lucky in one way, I work in a university and the professors don't tend to use all these bull**** phrases, but as soon as you're talking to anyone in the upper administration, it's raining ****e-talk and people are circling round and reverting back and we;re hearing about core competencies and scalable ideas and best practice.

But the worst is when they start forcing you to adopt these meaningless buzzwords. The one they love most is "impact". They want you to have research "impact" and they want it to be measurable. They even rate journals on their "impact factor". It's. Just. Bollocks.

But it is what it is. Right?

Right, I'm off to drink.

Laurali

'LET ME PUT ON THE CRAZY LIGHT HERE'

industry accountant

Oh where to start...

I can't wait until probation is over so I can be myself.

The weak in society should be wiped out.

If you're on social welfare and have several kids you should be sterilised.

I don't trust men.

I'm getting a dog trained for protection because I don't trust men.

If there was a burning building and there was a cat in one window and a child in the other I'd rescue the cat.

Children are filthy.

Spar workers are idiots.

Going on a business trip to an Asian country "I'm not staying there any longer than I have to, I don't trust those Asians."

If you're in this country speak our language.

I was adopted and met my birth mother once, want nothing to do with her.

Person killed themselves jumping in front of a train "wouldn't you think they'd fcuk off and do it somewhere else".

Bring back the death penalty.


All.of this and much more all said in an open plan office. I could probably describe the inside of her house in perfect detail and I've never been there, talks about it non stop, absolute psycho.

industry accountant

industry accountant wrote: »

Oh where to start...

I can't wait until probation is over so I can be myself.

The weak in society should be wiped out.

If you're on social welfare and have several kids you should be sterilised.

I don't trust men.

I'm getting a dog trained for protection because I don't trust men.

If there was a burning building and there was a cat in one window and a child in the other I'd rescue the cat.

Children are filthy.

Spar workers are idiots.

Going on a business trip to an Asian country "I'm not staying there any longer than I have to, I don't trust those Asians."

If you're in this country speak our language.

I was adopted and met my birth mother once, want nothing to do with her.

Person killed themselves jumping in front of a train "wouldn't you think they'd fcuk off and do it somewhere else".

Bring back the death penalty.


All.of this and much more all said in an open plan office. I could probably describe the inside of her house in perfect detail and I've never been there, talks about it non stop, absolute psycho.

I think it’s called “projection”....:D

Wombatman

In every job I've worked in I've come across this type.

Nice as pie. Ask you for a little help. Explain that for some reason they can't get their head around something that's a core part of their job. Something pretty straight forward, that they explain like it's quantum physics. You start to show them how to do it but they glaze over like. You decide it's easier for everybody if you just do it for them, out of pity more than anything else.

Walk away wondering are they super thick, just lazy or on another level of intelligence because you just did their work for them.

They manage to leave it just long enough to hit you up again, that you've let their last instance go.

DeanAustin

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

Did they tell you they would "revert" to you.

There is a girl in my office, same level as me, and she's a thundering ****. She uses this phrase all the time. And she uses it as if she's more intelligent than the people she manages despite the fact every single one of them is more intelligent than her. Sadly, being a **** and kissing the right holes gets you promoted and allows you to use wanky language incorrectly.

More worryingly, our boss reverts to everyone on everything too. A little bit of me dies inside every time I hear or read it.

DeanAustin

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

Do they just mean they want to share an idea?

Tosser.

Couldn't agree more. Had someone last year who wanted to "sunset a system."

Wanker. I particularly enjoy when these ***** are giving a presentation and using this **** language because they think they sound clever. Unless someone is talking like a real person, I'm zoning out and so do most people.

mr.anonymous

DeanAustin wrote: »

There is a girl in my office, same level as me, and she's a thundering ****. She uses this phrase all the time. And she uses it as if she's more intelligent than the people she manages despite the fact every single one of them is more intelligent than her. Sadly, being a **** and kissing the right holes gets you promoted and allows you to use wanky language incorrectly.

More worryingly, our boss reverts to everyone on everything too. A little bit of me dies inside every time I hear or read it.

Revert:
return to (a previous state, practice, topic, etc.).

Oh, you mean reply!

It's so frustrating to see so many well paid professional people being so inarticulate.

Salvation Tambourine

I try my hardest not to called PowerPoint slides a 'deck', not even sure why it irritates me but it does.

People using the word 'Delta' to instead of 'Difference'.

Also, 'Sprint'. "We plan to integrate that during our next sprint". Hadn't heard of it until a recent meeting and just screams BST (Business ****e Talk)

salonfire

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

Why do people talk like this?

Because people are in a professional environment and might be talking on loud-speaker phones, talking to people who are not used to Irish accents, who first language may not be English, etc. A type of formal language has to be used.

Or do you think 'I'll gerra back ta ya on tha' wan guv' in a thick Dub accent is an appropriate response to someone sitting on the other end of the phone in Asia?

Realt Dearg Sec

salonfire wrote: »

Because people are in a professional environment and might be talking on loud-speaker phones, talking to people who are not used to Irish accents, who first language may not be English, etc. A type of formal language has to be used.

Or do you think 'I'll gerra back ta ya on tha' wan guv' in a thick Dub accent is an appropriate response to someone sitting on the other end of the phone in Asia?

So, if you're speaking to someone whose first language is not English, your instinct is to use words and phrases whose meaning is completely not intuitive even to native speakers, and whose main effect is apparently to completely confuse people?

Saying you'll "revert" to someone isn't "a type of formal language", quite the contrary: it's a misuse of a word that is confusing and off-putting, in place of a perfectly simple term that any speaker of English will understand.

What we're talking about here has nothing to do with "accents" either. Whether you say you'll "revert" to someone in a Dublin accent or in a Zambian accent, it's still complete nonsense.

Nobody here is suggesting replacing business ****e talk with sounding like you're in a badly written Roddy Doyle rip off by someone who doesn't know how Dublin people speak (which is what your quote sounds like). They're suggesting using normally understood language instead of making up jargon to sound important and smart, when it's really either an obvious cover for ineptitude, or a way of feeling superior to people.

Dude you're the one who mentioned the guy talking about a bio-break, that was a great example, you know already what we're talking about here!

salonfire

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

So, if you're speaking to someone whose first language is not English, your instinct is to use words and phrases whose meaning is completely not intuitive even to native speakers, and whose main effect is apparently to completely confuse people?

Saying you'll "revert" to someone isn't "a type of formal language", quite the contrary: it's a misuse of a word that is confusing and off-putting, in place of a perfectly simple term that any speaker of English will understand.

What we're talking about here has nothing to do with "accents" either. Whether you say you'll "revert" to someone in a Dublin accent or in a Zambian accent, it's still complete nonsense.

Nobody here is suggesting replacing business ****e talk with sounding like you're in a badly written Roddy Doyle rip off by someone who doesn't know how Dublin people speak (which is what your quote sounds like). They're suggesting using normally understood language instead of making up jargon to sound important and smart, when it's really either an obvious cover for ineptitude, or a way of feeling superior to people.

It's not perfect no.

But it's used in a lot of work-places and anyone who has heard it knows what it means.

So it gets the point across.

Realt Dearg Sec

salonfire wrote: »

It's not perfect no.

But it's used in a lot of work-places and anyone who has heard it knows what it means.

So it gets the point across.

But it has nothing to do with accents. And it's no better at getting the point across than the word it replaced (reply).