Sh*te your co-workers say

Stevieluvsye

facehugger99 wrote: »

I work with a guy called William, who insists on being called Willie.

I feel weird using the word 'willie' multiple times a day and have to really concentrate on not letting my eyes drift down to his crotch when using his name.

I mean what's wrong with using 'William'? - it's a perfectly good name without any of the 'word for cock' connotations.

I feel the same about any Richards who want to be Dicks - I basically point blank refuse to engage with that nonsense.

Ye i hear ye. Bit pedantic

I get called everything from Ste, Stevie, Stevo, Steph, Pr!ck face (Mrs) and i couldn't care less

facehugger99

Rufeo wrote: »

You sound obsessed with cock.

I'm 8hrs a day sitting opposite a 6ft willie FFS!

05eaftqbrs9jlh

facehugger99 wrote: »

I'm 8hrs a day sitting opposite a 6ft willie FFS!

BJ is another one. I can't say with without internally skitting.

seagull wrote: »

The heating bill would be nothing compared to the penalties when H&S come calling

A quarter of staff were out sick last week, so chickens, roost etc

the purple tin

I had a snotty boss who once told me 'it's not rocket surgery', when I was having trouble grasping something new.

optogirl

It's sitting upstream

It's 'in train'

The extant work


All ways of saying I'm doing sweet FA

"Everyone's signed off on this" = nobody told me not to do it

seagull

Deleted User wrote: »

"Everyone's signed off on this" = nobody told me not to do it

Alternatively, nobody in authority could be bothered to read the request, and signed off on something they really shouldn't have.

optogirl

seagull wrote: »

Alternatively, nobody in authority could be bothered to read the request, and signed off on something they really shouldn't have.

we're all aligned

Lonesomerhodes

I have a colleague who says

"I'm not being funny with ya but.............................


He must say it to me 10 times a day.

Sound out lad but my God does he say this alot!

Wanderer2010

Lonesomerhodes wrote: »

I have a colleague who says

"I'm not being funny with ya but.............................


He must say it to me 10 times a day.

Sound out lad but my God does he say this alot!

Yeah I work with someone like this. Anytime someone says something he disagrees with, he throws in "Now im not being funny but..." or "Look im not being funny but". Its a slightly bullying way to try and bend someone else to his will or opinion, which of course is the only opinion that is valid, in his head.

Irony is, he is the least funny person I have ever met.

optogirl

Lonesomerhodes wrote: »

I have a colleague who says

"I'm not being funny with ya but.............................


He must say it to me 10 times a day.

Sound out lad but my God does he say this alot!

I also work with a lad who says this A LOT. I always reply with 'No, you're not being funny at all'

dancingqueen

OH LOOK! It's 5 o'clock and not a child in the house washed.

Every. Single. Day.

Deebles McBeebles

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Its not something that is said but....smileys in work emails. No, no, no.

Both here aand in the last place I worked we used the inadequately named Skype for Business. It has emojis turned on by default with no way of turning them off. Sometimes I work with log file snippets, and if a colon or semi-colon is in an unfortunate position, Skype for 'business' translates it automatically into its emoji, so instead of:

Sat 12:13:48.33 Protocol :(Some boring protocol error )

You might get

Sat 12:13:48.33 Protocol : Some boring protocol error )

And sometimes its an emoji you aren't familiar with and have to go and find what makes that emoji, because the charachters might be relevant to the log.

In a business setting it looks so unprofessional, and is a real pain in the a$$.


A few of us went for a drink on a friday night a few weeks ago. Just 2 or 3 quiet drinks, nothing mad. Young guy in the office, I always assumed he was 21 because he acts 21, or even younger. Turns out he's 26, says he can't go because his parents don't allow him drink. Fair enough, but it doesn't end there, he goes on to explain why, because he used to get hammered in college and have blackouts, and did stupid stuff.

Come 5pm, he announces he is coming but he'll just have one, and what would be something he could have that they wont smell off him, opts for a budweiser, and starts telling us about his cousin who is going through a psychotic episode, including things he's said and stuff. Around an hour later, everyone is finishing their second and debating a final one, yer man is finishing his 4th. "Oh I figured, might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb".

26. Acts more like 16.

Bullocks

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Both here aand in the last place I worked we used the inadequately named Skype for Business. It has emojis turned on by default with no way of turning them off. Sometimes I work with log file snippets, and if a colon or semi-colon is in an unfortunate position, Skype for 'business' translates it automatically into its emoji, so instead of:

Sat 12:13:48.33 Protocol :(Some boring protocol error )

You might get

Sat 12:13:48.33 Protocol : Some boring protocol error )

And sometimes its an emoji you aren't familiar with and have to go and find what makes that emoji, because the charachters might be relevant to the log.

In a business setting it looks so unprofessional, and is a real pain in the a$$.


A few of us went for a drink on a friday night a few weeks ago. Just 2 or 3 quiet drinks, nothing mad. Young guy in the office, I always assumed he was 21 because he acts 21, or even younger. Turns out he's 26, says he can't go because his parents don't allow him drink. Fair enough, but it doesn't end there, he goes on to explain why, because he used to get hammered in college and have blackouts, and did stupid stuff.

Come 5pm, he announces he is coming but he'll just have one, and what would be something he could have that they wont smell off him, opts for a budweiser, and starts telling us about his cousin who is going through a psychotic episode, including things he's said and stuff. Around an hour later, everyone is finishing their second and debating a final one, yer man is finishing his 4th. "Oh I figured, might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb".

26. Acts more like 16.

What stands out most to me there is how mad was he to think they wouldn't smell Budweiser off him?

I’m afraid that I think Skype for Business should be called Shyte for Business

Bullocks

Bullocks wrote: »

What stands out most to me there is how mad was he to think they wouldn't smell Budweiser off him?

I imagined the conversation when he got home was straight out of Fr Ted:

Him: "Im 26! But you still treat me like I was 22!"
His ma: "I'll start treating you like you are 26, when you start acting like you are 26. Now go upstairs and have your bath"
Him: "A bath! Ah no! This is so unfair!"

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

I’m afraid that I think Skype for Business should be called Shyte for Business

Or just Shyte.

nthclare

Tipping away there, are ye lads

Titclamp

Feisar wrote: »

I've met one or two lads like that in my time. Some eye contact and "I don't fancy your chances however if you want to give it a go..." Has settled it.

One lad threatened to put me out the window, it was in a stacked porta cabin on a building site temp office. I locked the door and said, window's the only option now. Soon softened his attitude.

Haha brilliant.

Titclamp

Mutilated corpse.

Vita nova

When I heard "working hard or hardly working?" I thought it was clever word play but hearing it for the fiftieth time makes me want to kill my colleagues.

anewme

We have someone who stops by the bosses door every time they are going home at 5pm and says "I'm going now on a half day" as if he's always in the place.

05eaftqbrs9jlh

[Deleted User] wrote: »

"Everyone's signed off on this" = nobody told me not to do it

I operate a policy in work of "It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission".

We have rules about the most trivial things (even moreso now with "GDPR") and don't have policy on extremely important things.

anewme

Giana Rich Condo wrote: »

I operate a policy in work of "It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission".

We have rules about the most trivial things (even moreso now with "GDPR") and don't have policy on extremely important things.

They are on a mission in my office to eliminate the forgiveness type people. Policies being created left right and centre to outfox them.

It's like watching a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

the purple tin

Every morning- happy monday, happy tuesday etc F*ck off!

Seamai

We have one who says " another day, another dime" no matter how many times we tell her it's "dollar" she wont change.

L1011

Bullocks wrote: »

What stands out most to me there is how mad was he to think they wouldn't smell Budweiser off him?

Because its so close to water anyway?

1800_Ladladlad

the purple tin wrote: »

Every morning- happy monday, happy tuesday etc F*ck off!

These types should be forced to drink bleach

AllForIt

the purple tin wrote: »

Every morning- happy monday, happy tuesday etc F*ck off!

Like they know you're more than likely to be utterly depressed working for them.

TaurenDruid

anewme wrote: »

They are on a mission in my office to eliminate the forgiveness type people. Policies being created left right and centre to outfox them.

It's like watching a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

They'll likely fail?

Our office introduced a policy that says you can't work without supervision - your manager must be present.

Lovely policy in some young graduate's head.

Then you point out that HR's new policy effectively means nobody can start work until the CEO is in their office.

"Ah, now, we didn't mean it to be taken so literally." "Then why did you literally write it that way." "Er..." "Shall we just ignore it, then, and go on as we were?"

Which unfortunately means the few good bits in the new policy get ignored, as well as the many dumb bits.