Wedding guests not giving gifts (Mod note in 1st post!)

StupidLikeAFox

Bannasidhe wrote: »

And this is why I don't go to weddings.

Son - if you are reading this - you have been warned.
Mammy of the groom will be washing my hair that day.
What ever date you decide. Hair washing. :cool:

"Mam, why aren't you coming to my wedding?"

"A woman on the internet was being greedy son, I'd rather wash my hair"

ChikiChiki

The sense of entitlement is strong in this one. Good luck to your o/h.

twowheelsonly

A wedding, at it's most basic, needs a celebrant, a witness and a couple. Anything after that is fluff.

You chose to invite 300 people so obviously enough you can afford to pay for that. I'm absolutely gobsmacked that you actually took the time to sit down afterwards and mark down all the people that gave you gifts and those that didn't. You either wanted them at your wedding or you didn't - the gifts should be totally irrelevant.
If things are so tight that you were depending on these people to give you gifts ( obviously money going by your very demeaning 'photo frames' comment) then maybe you shouldn't have planned such an extravaganza.

BTW, I'd be very wary of saying that 'John and Mary' or whoever didn't give you anything. Despite your military like collection arrangements there's always a chance that one or two cards could be gone missing.

Necro

Hoboo wrote:

Poor planning on your behalf OP. You should have been upfront and not send intvites, but instead sold tickets.

Well technically they did, in the form of accommodation costs for the guests.

I have a few mates who are like this sadly. Saw the weddings as money making exercises and judged the guests by the gift or amount of money given.

Sad really.

My own wedding had 60 people of close friends and family and I never even thought about what gifts or whatever people gave us.

In fact at the time my best man was a bit down on his luck, was very embarrassed he couldn't give us a gift for the wedding. I took him aside and told him not to be so stupid that we didn't expect anything and the thing he was more worried about was the same mates above judging him on it.

So when the usual question came up I told them he gave us 500 quid :P

Tipp Red

I've never got married, but just wondering if this is a number's game, law of averages thing.....where a certain % of a certain number of guests are never going to buy a gift?

Snotty

Don't invite them to your next wedding.

AuldDaysul

Ha where's the OP gone, I want to hear more about the scroungers with their picture frames

Suckit

I was at a wedding last year (two nights in Kilkenny). Cost a fair bit as it was on the same time as Kilkenny Arts festival. Anyway, on the 2nd night, the bride approached me and said that she hadn't got my card. I had met the groom in the street the day before and had given it to him as I had it on me (after getting the card in the shop) and he put it in his car.
I told her I gave it to him.
30 minutes later she came back to me and said he says he never got it (everyone was fairly cut) We had to go to him, and I was asked in front of him and about 5-10 other people "did you give him the card yesterday?"
The groom stared straight at me in kind of shock (as he wasn't expecting to be confronted and knew I wasn't).
Long story short, we got the card out of the car, but the thing that shocked me most, was that she had already gone through the cards and was working out who hadn't given anything and decided that the best thing to do was confront them all the night before we all went home.

Noo

Suckit wrote: »

I was at a wedding last year (two nights in Kilkenny). Cost a fair bit as it was on the same time as Kilkenny Arts festival. Anyway, on the 2nd night, the bride approached me and said that she hadn't got my card. I had met the groom in the street the day before and had given it to him as I had it on me (after getting the card in the shop) and he put it in his car.
I told her I gave it to him.
30 minutes later she came back to me and said he says he never got it (everyone was fairly cut) We had to go to him, and I was asked in front of him and about 5-10 other people "did you give him the card yesterday?"
The groom stared straight at me in kind of shock (as he wasn't expecting to be confronted and knew I wasn't).
Long story short, we got the card out of the car, but the thing that shocked me most, was that she had already gone through the cards and was working out who hadn't given anything and decided that the best thing to do was confront them all the night before we all went home.

This is why I love lurking in the wedding forum, you get some absolute gems.

twowheelsonly

Suckit wrote: »

I was at a wedding last year (two nights in Kilkenny). Cost a fair bit as it was on the same time as Kilkenny Arts festival. Anyway, on the 2nd night, the bride approached me and said that she hadn't got my card. I had met the groom in the street the day before and had given it to him as I had it on me (after getting the card in the shop) and he put it in his car.
I told her I gave it to him.
30 minutes later she came back to me and said he says he never got it (everyone was fairly cut) We had to go to him, and I was asked in front of him and about 5-10 other people "did you give him the card yesterday?"
The groom stared straight at me in kind of shock (as he wasn't expecting to be confronted and knew I wasn't).
Long story short, we got the card out of the car, but the thing that shocked me most, was that she had already gone through the cards and was working out who hadn't given anything and decided that the best thing to do was confront them all the night before we all went home.

Poor fella.... Caught with his secret stash on the very first day !!

Seriously though, that's just sad.. I'm picturing all these couples sitting down on the laptop with their spreadsheets and marking off all the cards and gifts against their guest lists.

Third_Echelon

teednab-el wrote: »

I got married in the first few weeks of 2019 and going through the wedding cards and gifts there were at least 15 couples out of 300 people who didn't give a gift.

And to those who say guests don't have to give anything. Have you got married recently and if so did you mind the experience of forking the bill for guests that didn't cough up the cash?

You pay for your guest's dinner and entertainment! That's how it works.... If you didn't want to pay for their dinner, why did you invite them?

If a guest decided to give a physical or cash gift, that's a bonus. Planning on receiving money to pay for the wedding means that you couldn't afford your wedding. If you can't afford something, you don't do it. Simple.

Deja Boo

You sound as if you were throwing them a party and tsk tsk, how ungrateful they were not to foot the bill.

At your next big event, remember to pre-inform your guests of host expectations on the invite “rsvp accepted only with a cash advance, minimum 500 quid cover charge for admission.” ...Will no doubt affect that 17 out of 300 gift ratio you are so displeased with (and avoid any unnecessary hard feelings for sure*)

You can use your wedding as an expense basis - tally up each guests food and drink consumption, then add in a proper “disappointment percentage fee” to make up for any perceived guest entitlement allowance (like, did they enjoy the music too much, etc.)

…..or you could simply unfriend the 17 disappointmants on facebook, that’ll teach ‘em!


*sarcasm, without a picture frame - my gift to you.

Sir Oxman

teednab-el wrote: »

I got married in the first few weeks of 2019 and going through the wedding cards and gifts there were at least 15 couples out of 300 people who didn't give a gift.

On the day we had a system in place that the groommen and bridesmaids give the cards directly to the mothers of the bride and groom and all people involved here were very responsible people and all cards went directly to the bride and grooms safe in the room. The system of cards going missing didn't occur because everyone was on the ball and I know that with the bridesmaids and groomsmen and both mothers.

However there were 15 couples in total that gave no gifts. Out of these 15 couples, 5 of them said they had gifts for us, which we haven't received yet (not going to, receive now).

1 or 2 guests turned up on the day with just picture frames (10 euro job) . I am not trying to sound like I'm miserable but it's bad form that 17 couples couldn't even cover the cost of having them there. People know the cost of things these days. At the end of the day we paid for them. They don't have to give anything I know but most people know thats pretty miserable thing to do and rude especially if they are going to drink eat and enjoy the entertainment at the bride and grooms expense.

Anyone have similar experience? And to those who say guests don't have to give anything. Have you got married recently and if so did you mind the experience of forking the bill for guests that didn't cough up the cash?


I'm sure there are many people on here who have experienced this and I know exactly what I'm talking about.

What did people do as a result as a matter of interest?

Jesus Christ.:mad:

kayevajo

teednab-el wrote: »

I got married in the first few weeks of 2019 and going through the wedding cards and gifts there were at least 15 couples out of 300 people who didn't give a gift.

On the day we had a system in place that the groommen and bridesmaids give the cards directly to the mothers of the bride and groom and all people involved here were very responsible people and all cards went directly to the bride and grooms safe in the room. The system of cards going missing didn't occur because everyone was on the ball and I know that with the bridesmaids and groomsmen and both mothers.

However there were 15 couples in total that gave no gifts. Out of these 15 couples, 5 of them said they had gifts for us, which we haven't received yet (not going to, receive now).

1 or 2 guests turned up on the day with just picture frames (10 euro job) . I am not trying to sound like I'm miserable but it's bad form that 17 couples couldn't even cover the cost of having them there. People know the cost of things these days. At the end of the day we paid for them. They don't have to give anything I know but most people know thats pretty miserable thing to do and rude especially if they are going to drink eat and enjoy the entertainment at the bride and grooms expense.

Anyone have similar experience? And to those who say guests don't have to give anything. Have you got married recently and if so did you mind the experience of forking the bill for guests that didn't cough up the cash?


I'm sure there are many people on here who have experienced this and I know exactly what I'm talking about.

What did people do as a result as a matter of interest?

i am just wondering if any of the people who did give you a present and that present was a life?

because if they didnt , you need to go off and get one.

lbc2019

Is the OP a wind up?

Pawwed Rig

twowheelsonly wrote: »

Seriously though, that's just sad.. I'm picturing all these couples sitting down on the laptop with their spreadsheets and marking off all the cards and gifts against their guest lists.

You kinda have to do that though as when you're writing the thank you letters to everyone it might look petty to thank someone for a gift who didn't give one.

teednab-el

There is alot of foolish people on here. The same people would act the same if They found out some of their guests screwed them over. Oh you should enjoy your day because the people who turned up without gifts turned up to celebrate your day. The irony. There are some really stupid people in here I must say. Jump on the bandwagon.

teednab-el

Third_Echelon wrote: »

You pay for your guest's dinner and entertainment! That's how it works.... If you didn't want to pay for their dinner, why did you invite them?

.

How was I to know they wouldn't pay for their dinner?

teednab-el

Paddy The Pirate wrote: »

This post would make me take second thought as to the intentions of anyone who invited me to their wedding.

As previous posters have said, many of your guests may have already forked out decent chunks of cash.

Are you genuinely so petulant and shallow, that you would go as far as to figure out each guest who didn't contribute adequately to your feast?

Genuinely felt sick reading your post. How could you call yourself a friend to these people ?

If they saw this post, how would they feel?

It doesnt work that way unfortunately.

Deja Boo

teednab-el wrote: »

How was I to know they wouldn't pay for their dinner?

you have got to be kidding me...

lbc2019 wrote: »

Is the OP a wind up?

...the more he posts, the more it appears so!

teednab-el

teednab-el wrote: »

There is alot of foolish people on here. The same people would act the same if They found out some of their guests screwed them over. Oh you should enjoy your day because the people who turned up without gifts turned up to celebrate your day. The irony. There are some really stupid people in here I must say. Jump on the bandwagon.

It's a wedding you absolute clown.

Do you really think 300 people actually thought your shltty day was worth a 200euro ticket for a couple? I could go to a concert and not some selfish bridezilla's bash who only has me invited to get a bigger bulk discount in the hotel.

I hope you throw those friends away. They'll be better off without someone who thinks they screwed them over for not buying a ticket. Maybe take them to the small claims court for scamming you?

bee06

OP wedding etiquette dictates that guests have up to a year to give a gift after the wedding. One guest at my wedding gave a gift a year and a half after and I was mortified they had felt it was hanging over them the whole time.

You chose to have the wedding, who chose who to invite (any ransomed you ever met by the sounds of it) and the guest chooses to attend and what to gift as a gift. That’s the way weddings work. You don’t know what the financial circumstances of some of your guests are. Maybe they were naive enough to think you actually wanted them at your wedding for themselves rather than their wallet.

uck51js9zml2yt

I'm 10 years married and still waiting on some wedding presents from people. We're still the best of friends.
I've been been to their family weddings and given a present. Life's to short OP.

L'prof

Your wedding was clearly a money making scheme for you op cram as many people into a standard hotel that gave a good rate per person. 300 x €50 = €15k bill to the hotel. 283 x €100 = €28.3k leaving you with €13.3k for the rest of your “expenses”. How are my maths? Maybe you were hoping for €150 a head because it’s 2019 now afterall, people are flush again. You have a terrible attitude, there’s no telling whether cards got mislaid or if those people could afford a gift

Sir Oxman

teednab-el wrote: »

How was I to know they wouldn't pay for their dinner?

!
FFS


Is that all your wedding meant? Huh?

Midnight Sundance

Whilst I agree it’s bad manners to go to someone’s party and not bring something with u, I wouldn’t visit someone without even bringing a packet of bikkies, I would not get offended if someone else didn’t.
I got married last year and was amazed at how generous some people were . Waaay beyond what I would have ever expected from them. Some people gave us picture frames and others nothing . I can’t remember right now who gave me money, frames or nothing as I was just delighted they all came and would never dream of holding it against them.
My own brother didn’t get us anything for months and I knew he didn’t have it and was embarrassed at him feeling the need to get us anything at all . You never know if people can afford a present and perhaps they blew their budget on paying for an outfit, hotel and drink for YOUR wedding. Be happy they came!!

Midnight Sundance

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

You kinda have to do that though as when you're writing the thank you letters to everyone it might look petty to thank someone for a gift who didn't give one.

I wrote cash beside my list - the people who gave 50 were thanked and appreciated just as much as those who gave more. I wrote the gift down just so i could mention it in the thank you card. Not to compare who gave the best gift. I really only cared that people came and enjoyed themselves. I would hate to think that I’d invited people so they’d pay for my wedding.

ted1

Op your attitude stinks.

However you only got married within in the past ten weeks. Many people give presents after the wedding. Sometimes up to a year after.

In our group when people first started getting married presents were very generous, however once kids starting appearing couples found money much tighter. And only couple less couples could afford to keep giving generous gifts.

You choose to get married in the new year when people are broke after Christmas, probably hadn’t even got paid yet. I’m sure people spent a fortune to meet your Dress code , travel, fuel , possible pay for accommodation . Give them a break and get over yourself

uck51js9zml2yt

Midnight Sundance wrote: »

I wrote cash beside my list - the people who gave 50 were thanked and appreciated just as much as those who gave more. I wrote the gift down just so i could mention it in the thank you card. Not to compare who gave the best gift. I really only cared that people came and enjoyed themselves. I would hate to think that I’d invited people so they’d pay for my wedding.

I never even kept a list. Everyone got a thank you card before they went home.

teednab-el

ted1 wrote: »

Op your attitude stinks.

However you only got married within in the past ten weeks. Many people give presents after the wedding. Sometimes up to a year after.

In our group when people first started getting married presents were very generous, however once kids starting appearing couples found money much tighter. And only couple less couples could afford to keep giving generous gifts.

You choose to get married in the new year when people are broke after Christmas, probably hadn’t even got paid yet. I’m sure people spent a fortune to meet your Dress code , travel, fuel , possible pay for accommodation . Give them a break and get over yourself

Your attitude stinks.