CNN Writes Article On Cuckolding | Describe it as "Largely Positive"

Gimme A Pound

Billy86 wrote: »

They're not hurting anyone in doing so, which makes me wonder why some people have strong, insistent and negative views against it, and makes me wonder if it says more about those judging this kink than it does those who practice it.

But why though? It is a weird, messed up preference and having that view need not be symptomatic of anything deeper at all. I'm not gonna try to stop them, it doesn't affect me, but I still have a view on it. And I wonder also whether there is damage there already that facilitates such a preference - but then again as I've already alluded to, there may be nothing deeper going on.

eagle eye

How is anybody having a serious discussion about this?

splashuum

Smell of cuck in this thread.

nullzero

nullzero wrote: »

What s load of self righteous nonsense.

And yet you can not rebut a single line of it. Telling.

nullzero wrote: »

I have no problem with people doing it, I take issue with the notion that it's "healthy".

Which - as has been pointed out to you time and time again - is not exactly what the article or people like me have been claiming.

You are focused too narrowly on a single word without unpacking either it - or what it is being applied to - or how. To the point you had to actually lie about what the article said in order to force it to conform to the thing only you have invented and taken issue with.

nullzero wrote: »

I couldn't care less what people do in bed, the only issue I have is it bring normalised.

Which again no one appears to be doing. There is a difference between "normalising" something and writing an article that suggests that the something is _already_ likely to be more common and normal than we might previously have thought.

nullzero wrote: »

People will always do this type of thing and that's their business but it needs to be treated as what it is.

Then do that! But so far you have not been treating anything, right down to the text of the article itself, as "what it is" but what you have pretended it to be. And _that_ is the thing here that is not "healthy" I would say.

nullzero wrote: »

It's literally in the title of the article, you can read can't you?

The word appears literally nowhere in the title actually.

You can read can't you?

LETHAL LADY

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

It's the initial conversation between spouses (given my understanding of the terminology) which puzzles me.
How would you break the ice?

Different couples communicate differently when it comes to sex it seems. Some of them - as you allude to above - have to break the ice on certain subjects from a starting point rather far from where they want the conversation to be.

Other couples however have an ongoing conversation on sex and sexuality and so conversations on specific subjects such as this one do not need any ice breaking. It is just a further extension of a conversation they are already frequently having.

I would fall into the latter group. Not just with my partners but with my greater social circle. I throw a monthly house party and loads of friends come every month and we almost invariably end up talking about sex and sexual topics. Including fantasies and interests we have that we have or have not yet realised.

And it is always interesting especially how deeply thought out the fantasies of the women are. Men usually have the usual ones that can be explained in a one liner. Things like "threesomes" and so on. But the women I have noticed have very unique fantasies, intricate, that they have clearly thought out and explain in great detail and complexity.

So in short (hah, am I ever) it really depends what kind of communication already exists for such people before the topic comes up.

sbsquarepants

Deleted User wrote: »

I throw a monthly house party .

Why am I picturing some sort of occult tinged, esoteric, eyes wide shut style masked ball!:D:D

nullzero

[Deleted User] wrote: »

And yet you can not rebut a single line of it. Telling.



Which - as has been pointed out to you time and time again - is not exactly what the article or people like me have been claiming.

You are focused too narrowly on a single word without unpacking either it - or what it is being applied to - or how. To the point you had to actually lie about what the article said in order to force it to conform to the thing only you have invented and taken issue with.



Which again no one appears to be doing. There is a difference between "normalising" something and writing an article that suggests that the something is _already_ likely to be more common and normal than we might previously have thought.



Then do that! But so far you have not been treating anything, right down to the text of the article itself, as "what it is" but what you have pretended it to be. And _that_ is the thing here that is not "healthy" I would say.



The word appears literally nowhere in the title actually.

You can read can't you?

You're correct, the word was "positive" with "healthy" being used a number of times in the article.

I don't mind people indulging in whatever paraphilia they want (bar paedophilia), but it isn't reasonable to normalise something that people can easily get involved in without truly understanding the effects of.
If you're into swinging or whatever it is you're into surely you understand that it isn't something for the average person. You may well enjoy the lifestyle you lead but the majority of people are neither interested nor equipped to deal with it.

sbsquarepants

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Why am I picturing some sort of occult tinged, esoteric, eyes wide shut style masked ball!:D:D

I do not do themed parties. But if I start - you just set the first theme!

<snip>

nullzero wrote: »

You're correct, the word was "positive" with "healthy" being used a number of times in the article.

Jesus Horracious Christ this is getting seriously weird now. You already claimed the article called it healthy. I pointed out to you this was a lie and the word "healthy" did not even appear in the article once anywhere at all. And you admitted to having taken liberties with the article.

And now you are back barely a couple of days later claiming _once again_ that not only does it appear but it appears "a number of time"?

And you have the sheer face and gall to ask others about their ability to read?

Wow.

Just absolute wow.

Your ability to engage with this topic calmly and rationally and honestly is just entirely non-existent. Why do you feel this issue compromises you emotionally so deeply that you are not only seeing things not there - but still seeing them after being literally shown they are not there?

Again: The word healthy - and the claim this sexual preference is healthy - is simply not in the article. It is not what the article is for. It is not what the article is stating. It is not the agenda of the article. It is simply not there.

It is _entirely_ what you want the article to be saying that you are taking a reaction to.

Renegade Mechanic

What in the - good feckin Jaysus...
If I were in a relationship and my darling suggested to me ;'oh honey, would ye mind awfully if I let another man satisfy me?', it'd be a straight no. And to watch?

You want someone else? I can't stop you there, but we'll close up shop here first...
I do chuckle tho at the thoughts of her face if the roles were reversed; ' Hayor would ye mind awfully watching me shag this better looking woman for a bit?'.
I would fully expect to be shown the road and taken for half my stuff..

Feck sake I can't imagine too many people are into this..

Zorya

Renegade Mechanic wrote: »

What in the - good feckin Jaysus...
If I were in a relationship and my darling suggested to me ;'oh honey, would ye mind awfully if I let another man satisfy me?', it'd be a straight no. And to watch?

You want someone else? I can't stop you there, but we'll close up shop here first...
I do chuckle tho at the thoughts of her face if the roles were reversed; ' Hayor would ye mind awfully watching me shag this better looking woman for a bit?'.
I would fully expect to be shown the road and taken for half my stuff..

Feck sake I can't imagine too many people are into this..

Ya fecken square. You'd be useless at a party. No juicy details at all either when the bottle spins your way. Pffft.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

TaxAHCruel, with the greatest of respect I would not take your opinions seriously as to what’s healthy or normal in regards to sex. I don’t think you realise how creepy some of your posts are coming across.

wakka12

What is the difference between cuckolding and cheating? Your partner is just aware of it happening?

Wibbs

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Why am I picturing some sort of occult tinged, esoteric, eyes wide shut style masked ball!:D:D

That's the Hollywood spin on it with Tom and Nicole, in my experience, which to be fair was a brief encounter on the edge of a swingers group it's more likely to be Paddy and Fedelma in the semi dee.

Wibbs

wakka12 wrote: »

What is the difference between cuckolding and cheating?

Consent.

Briar Wrong Tribune

Briar Wrong Tribune wrote: »

TaxAHCruel, with the greatest of respect I would not take your opinions seriously as to what’s healthy or normal in regards to sex. I don’t think you realise how creepy some of your posts are coming across.

And yet you address not a single thing I have written - so it seems the one not sure would be you in that case. If there is something wrong with anything I have expressed by all means highlight it directly. I am all ears. I fear accusations without substance are done with the intention of leaving the target nothing to defend against - so no defence is possible because no actual accusation has been made.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Deleted User wrote: »

And yet you address not a single thing I have written - so it seems the one not sure would be you in that case. If there is something wrong with anything I have expressed by all means highlight it directly. I am all ears. I fear accusations without substance are done with the intention of leaving the target nothing to defend against - so no defence is possible because no actual accusation has been made.

I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m stating an observation. I find it creepy.

One eyed Jack

I’m not as au fait as some posters here with the latest shenanigans of the sexual libation front*, but isn’t the difference between cuckolding and your average old vanilla swinging, that cuckolding requires that your partner (or partners, if that’s what floats your boat), is unwillingly the subject of their own sexual humiliation? That’s why cuckolding has the negative image it has, and precisely why it’s considered emotionally unhealthy anyway regardless of the number or gender of the people involved - it’s defined by the fact that a person gets off on humiliating their sexual partners. When involving other sexual partners is consensual, that’s much more akin to your old garden variety swingers party.

Nothing says “I’m bored with you” to your sexual partner like wanting to invite someone else into the relationship, and the authors of that study using gay men who fantasied about subjecting their sexual partners to humiliation, using that to imply that cuckolding is more common in reality among both homosexual and heterosexual couples than previously thought, is hardly worth serious consideration, unless of course you were already invested in telling yourself or trying to convince anyone else that the practice is in any way normal. People generally don’t get off on humiliating other people, let alone their sexual partners.


*People who induce an altered state of mind akin to drunkenness, from sniffing their own farts

Briar Wrong Tribune

Briar Wrong Tribune wrote: »

I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m stating an observation. I find it creepy.

Ah so it is a comment about you not me. That is certainly ok That would be an issue with you and not at all with me. I can live with that

But no I struggle to find anything at all creepy about anything I wrote. Nor do the people who know me who read my posts here. If there is by all means point it out some time and I can either address it - or change it.

"Creepy" is too subjective without specifics. Some people can say things genuinely creepy. Some people can say things entirely normal but their way of saying it makes it creepy (I remember Joey in Friends saying "Grandmas chicken Salad!"). And without knowing what is what, I can help the issue no further.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Deleted User wrote: »

Ah so it is a comment about you not me. That is certainly ok That would be an issue with you and not at all with me. I can live with that

But no I struggle to find anything at all creepy about anything I wrote. Nor do the people who know me who read my posts here. If there is by all means point it out some time and I can either address it - or change it.

"Creepy" is too subjective without specifics. Some people can say things genuinely creepy. Some people can say things entirely normal but their way of saying it makes it creepy (I remember Joey in Friends saying "Grandmas chicken Salad!"). And without knowing what is what, I can help the issue no further.

Yes. You may be correct, maybe it is more about me than it is about you. I am just perplexed at how leery your posts come across, the constant references to your monthly sex parties, your unconventional studying of all things sex related and of course, the relationship situation you somehow manage to shoehorn into every topic you take part in. I only ever see you posting about sex, so when I see you here talking about what’s healthy and what’s not, please don’t mind if I don’t take your word on it.

sbsquarepants

Wibbs wrote: »

That's the Hollywood spin on it with Tom and Nicole, in my experience, which to be fair was a brief encounter on the edge of a swingers group it's more likely to be Paddy and Fedelma in the semi dee.

Fidelmas rarely look like Nicole Kidman in my experience. I've known a few swingers over the years and to be blunt, most of them wouldn't look out of place swinging from a tree, never mind a nice semi d in templeogue!

But sure whatever floats their boat is fine by me.

One eyed Jack wrote: »

*People who induce an altered state of mind akin to drunkenness, from sniffing their own farts

Sweet Jesus, please tell me this is not an actual thing!

One eyed Jack

One eyed Jack wrote: »

but isn’t the difference between cuckolding and your average old vanilla swinging, that cuckolding requires that your partner (or partners, if that’s what floats your boat), is unwillingly the subject of their own sexual humiliation?

The meaning of the word seems to be quite variable over time so it is hard to pin any one meaning down.

For example the article in the OP in no way describes cuckolding in a way that would match your impression here. Consent is a big part of the article.

However older definitions of the word require not just no consent - but not even knowledge on the part of the "cuck". So sure in the older usages of the word the "cuck" would be cheated on and ignorant of it and this was the source of shame and humiliation.

So sure perhaps the source of some of the issues people have with it is they are taking older connotations of the word and applying it to a modern context where people are actually consenting and entirely happy to engage in it.

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Nothing says “I’m bored with you” to your sexual partner like wanting to invite someone else into the relationship

And yet the actual agendas and experience of people in swinging, partner sharing, cuckolding and so forth do not seem to match with that so often. Which feeds into what I have said in the thread that it is not cuckolding that needs to be questioned as healthy or unhealthy - but the motivations one might have for pursuing it.

I am sure many people try to bring other people into the relationship because of the situation you describe. And that is of course not healthy and somewhat concerning. But I doubt it is representative of the whole or even the majority.

But it is interesting that I have seen sentences almost identical to yours here in discussions of bringing sex toys into the relationship, or floating the idea of watching porn together. To name but two. And I think the concept no less valid there than here. And the article said the same thing too that: Bringing in change or exploration is by no means a sign of problems in the relationship.

Floating ideas of trying something different _can_ be saying "I am bored with you" but it also _can_ be saying "I am entirely comfortable and safe with you in this sexual relationship and you are the one I want to further explore sex and sexuality with in the following ways together:"

One eyed Jack wrote: »

and the authors of that study using gay men who fantasied about subjecting their sexual partners to humiliation, using that to imply that cuckolding is more common in reality among both homosexual and heterosexual couples than previously thought

100% with you here and I said as much in the thread already! I think it very odd that the article appears to be taking one single study on gay men and talking about entirely different things off the back of it. They left it entirely unclear as to what other sources they were drawing on.

As a piece of science journalism the article is a heap of poo to be honest. But alas most science journalism I see these days is

One eyed Jack wrote: »

People generally don’t get off on humiliating other people, let alone their sexual partners.

The entire world of BDSM, dom/sub, naughtyness and punishment tools, sex workers working as "dominatrixes" and much more would seem to suggest that "generally" is a rather vague word to be using here. It would seem to be a minority but perhaps a significant minority that enjoy this kind of thing out there.

Zorya

Briar Wrong Tribune wrote: »

Yes. You may be correct, maybe it is more about me than it is about you. I am just perplexed at how leery your posts come across, the constant references to your monthly sex parties, your unconventional studying of all things sex related and of course, the relationship situation you somehow manage to shoehorn into every topic you take part in. I only ever see you posting about sex, so when I see you here talking about what’s healthy and what’s not, please don’t mind if I don’t take your word on it.

It's the juicily detailed fantasies women regularly share with him that I wonder about. I have a keen imagination and can express details well enough but I would want to be completely toasted out of my tiny mind to share even the hint of a sexual fantasy for the education/entertainment of random others at a party. I blame the cocaine

El_Duderino 09

nullzero wrote: »

I have no problem with people doing it, I take issue with the notion that it's "healthy".
I couldn't care less what people do in bed, the only issue I have is it bring normalised.
People will always do this type of thing and that's their business but it needs to be treated as what it is.

You could just a easily be talking about any kink. Sex is just one aspect of a relationship. It takes UK less time than most other things couples do.

Gay Sex isn't something I like the idea of. But Sex us just one part of a relationship between 2men. I've no problem with gay relationships becoming normalised. I don't want to have sex with another man and I'm confident I won't. No matter how normalised it becomes.

Same with cuckolding. I don't get it. I don't like the idea of it. But that's not my business. As long as everyone involved is having a good time and not causing harm to anyone else, good on them. I'll bet most people spend more time cooking than having sex.

Let people have the sex life they enjoy (normal caveats apply).

Briar Wrong Tribune

Briar Wrong Tribune wrote: »

Yes. You may be correct, maybe it is more about me than it is about you. I am just perplexed at how leery your posts come across, the constant references to your monthly sex parties

Ah then it maybe is more about you than me because I have never, not once, ever had a sex party let alone a monthly one. And I have never refered to having one let alone "constantly".

So it would appear you are modifying my posts in your head into a creepy version of them - and then getting creeped out by - well yourself it would seem!

Briar Wrong Tribune wrote: »

your unconventional studying of all things sex related

Actually I am more interested in studying all things Human Psychology related. And human sexuality is a significant subsection of that for sure. But here I fear you are "seeing what you want to see" and merely noticing one type more than others and thinking it is more significant than it is.

Briar Wrong Tribune wrote: »

shoehorn into every topic

Again here you appear to be seeing what you want to see and if you go over my posts you find it barely gets mentioned at all and when it does it is because it is _relevant_ generally.

I think there is basically a selection bias going on. Kinda like when someone gets cut up on the road 10 times and 2 of them are by taxis they only notice the taxis and say things like "Taxi drivers think they own the road". You imagine a pattern and then simply notice things that conform to it and ignore the rest even if there is a vastly greater quantity of "rest".

Briar Wrong Tribune wrote: »

I only ever see you posting about sex

Again seeing what you want to see. I just clicked "show other posts" on my own user name and there I have posted about Literature, Serial Killers, Theft, CLose up magic, meditation, Human well being, Religion, depression and despair and how to alleviate it, food and cooking, the lottery, towels, veganism, hunting, racism, gun ownership and gender equality. Only in the last 2 weeks.

Selection Bias is a thing it seems. As I said above it seems you are creeping yourself out and projecting it on to me.

Briar Wrong Tribune wrote: »

, so when I see you here talking about what’s healthy and what’s not, please don’t mind if I don’t take your word on it.

Good. I would never want anyone to take my word for anything. I would want them to look at the arguments I present and evaluate them.

nullzero

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

You could just a easily be talking about any kink. Sex is just one aspect of a relationship. It takes UK less time than most other things couples do.

Gay Sex isn't something I like the idea of. But Sex us just one part of a relationship between 2men. I've no problem with gay relationships becoming normalised. I don't want to have sex with another man and I'm confident I won't. No matter how normalised it becomes.

Same with cuckolding. I don't get it. I don't like the idea of it. But that's not my business. As long as everyone involved is having a good time and not causing harm to anyone else, good on them. I'll bet most people spend more time cooking than having sex.

Let people have the sex life they enjoy (normal caveats apply).

The issue i have with cuckolding is the potential it has to be an absolutely catastrophic disaster if delved into by people who aren't equipped to deal with it.
It's a fringe idea even in the realm of the kinky because it requires a level of submissiveness that is alien to most men, even ones who think seeing their missus getting her jollies with another man might be pleasurable (most likely due to watching too much porn) and then finding the reality of seeing their wife and possibly the mother of their children on that situation wasn't what they were expecting,and there's no putting the genie back in the bottle.
Marriage is hard work and the idea of cuckolding is a currently trendy notion but the number of people who can do this successfully is naturally going to be tiny so any attempt to normalise it is inheritly irresponsible.

Cienciano

nullzero wrote: »

Marriage is hard work and the idea of cuckolding is a currently trendy notion but the number of people who can do this successfully is naturally going to be tiny so any attempt to normalise it is inheritly irresponsible.

I really don't think it is. I wonder how many couples in Ireland have actually done it? Probably single figures.

nullzero

nullzero wrote: »

The issue i have with cuckolding is the potential it has to be an absolutely catastrophic disaster if delved into by people who aren't equipped to deal with it.

Here I fully agree with you. And so does the article, which actually lists people and types who should stay away from it.

But I go one further than you. I say this about pretty much _any_ non standard exploration of sexuality. Even watching porn together, trying anal sex, or introducing sex toys _can_ be a disaster.

Which is why I like threads like this. The more we talk about sex and sexuality, the more people in our society learn the risks _and_ rewards of all kinds of things. And we should never - ever ever ever - rush into trying new things sexually without first seeing if we are equipped to do so.

Enjoy sex by all means but remember: Consent. Communication. Consideration. Every time!

A few years ago on the radio, a lady was interviewed. Herself and her partner had started to go to swingers parties, because he was curious and wanted to see what it was all about. He would get off with some other woman and she would do the same with some other guy.

She did it because she said she was mad about him, and was afraid to lose him. She probably knew that he would do this without her anyway so might as well go along with him etc.

The radio show started to take calls from the public with their opinion on her and her partner.

One woman rang in and said straight out 'he doesn't love you'.

That was more or less the end of the interview, I think she had hit the nail squarely on the head.

El_Duderino 09

nullzero wrote: »

The issue i have with cuckolding is the potential it has to be an absolutely catastrophic disaster if delved into by people who aren't equipped to deal with it.
It's a fringe idea even in the realm of the kinky because it requires a level of submissiveness that is alien to most men, even ones who think seeing their missus getting her jollies with another man might be pleasurable (most likely due to watching too much porn) and then finding the reality of seeing their wife and possibly the mother of their children on that situation wasn't what they were expecting,and there's no putting the genie back in the bottle.
Marriage is hard work and the idea of cuckolding is a currently trendy notion but the number of people who can do this successfully is naturally going to be tiny so any attempt to normalise it is inheritly irresponsible.

Doesn't that go for any kink? Particularly any form of dom/sub play? If you're not into it, don't do it. I'm completely confident that cuckolding will pass me by without me trying it because it's not something that appeals to me. Just like no matter how normal gay relationships become, I wont try it because it doesn't appeal to me.

Anything outside the norm needs discussion and agreement between those involved. Kinky stuff isn't for everyone. The more "normal" it is to discuss it the more people are likely to go these things safely and with consent.

Zorya

Deleted User wrote: »

Even watching porn together, trying anal sex, or introducing sex toys _can_ be a disaster.

You have a habit of attempting to make equivalences where none should be made. Which is not a good analytical technique if one wishes to study human psychology. The definition and scope of things is important in study.

Watching a blue movie together or 'introducing' sex toys (Hi there! I'm sex toy, nice to meet you, what's your name? ) is not even comparable to being in the same room watching while your beloved is being rode by another.