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Leinster v Connu.. Connou... Connaubh... Cannaught Build up thread

  • 19-12-2018 1:44pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 19,230 ✭✭✭✭ Venjur


    Bundee filtered through his post as he sipped on some fresh coffee. He had the usual 20 or so letters from the French chapter of Connachts supporters club and Muldoon had sent him copies of his latest photo collection. As usual - it was entirely pictures of just Pat Lam - coaching, eating and occasionally a grainy shot of him on the toilet.

    A large brown envelope piqued his interest, it had a return address to the IRFU offices.

    The note inside was cryptic - but bore all the hallmarks of a typical correspondence from the IRFU.

    Bundee read it twice in an attempt to reconcile the absurdness of the request with his continued desire to represent Connacht and Ireland.
    IRFU wrote:
    Drive north from Galway on the N84, stop one mile outside Ballindooley, get out of your car and put the hood on.

    He looked in the envelope and there at the bottom was a hood. The material was thick, and pitch black - there was no way to see through it. "What the hell is this about", he thought to himself.
    IRFU wrote:
    Be there at 13:00 today or your career is finished. IRFU

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    He was bustled into the back of a car, firmly but with all due care for his welfare. The accents were clearly northern Irish, and through the bottom of his hood Bundee saw a tattoo on one of the men's arms with a red hand and the words "Red Hand Commando".

    Bundee was nervous and when he found himself in such situations he made incessant small talk.

    "Been working for the IRFU long?" he asked.

    "Nah mate, just finished up with KBC last week and this gig came up..."

    "That's enough talk" another voice interrupted.

    There was silence for the rest of the trip. Bundee estimated he was in the car for three hours or so, but it could have been half that or twice as long he was so disoriented by the whole episode.

    "Ok we've arrived" said a gruff and menacing voice.

    "We're going to put you on the side walk and drive away, count to 20 then take off the hood and walk into the hotel, on your left there is a lounge - they'll be waiting for you in there".

    He continued:

    "Before we go - I have to ask... would you have any interest in a wood burner for your home heating needs?"

    Bundee was growing more confused by the minute.

    "Eh.. no, am grand."..."thanks.."

    The men removed Bundee carefully from the car and left him on the sidewalk.

    He removed the hood after half minute or so and there he was, stood directly outside the Shelbourne Hotel.

    Taking a moment to gather himself he surveyed the busy street and then walked in, turned into the lounge as instructed and there sitting at a table was Andy Farrell and what looked like Odo from Deep space nine.

    Bundee walked over to the table, more confused than ever and before he could speak Andy Farrell stood up and said:

    "Bundee, I'm just here for the introduction, Leo wants a word - when you are ready transport will be made available to bring you home".

    With that, the future Ireland coach walked out of the lounge and disappeared into the bustle of a Christmasy Dublin.

    "Bundee", said Leo Cullen, "good to meet with you again - sorry for all the subterfuge but I wanted to talk with you away from the public glare".

    "But... we're in the Shelbourne hotel...???" Protested Bundee politely.

    "Exactly.." said Leo, no one will think to look for us here.

    Bundee's confusion was slowly turning to anger.

    "I still haven't received my contract yet".. said the Leinster bound centre.

    "Yes... that's why we're here. I have some bad news. We can't go ahead with the transfer right now, the timing would upset fans too much".

    Bundee let the cutting silence do the talking for him.

    "We still want to proceed - but we don't want to formalise until after the World Cup" proffered Leo.

    "This isn't what we agreed" said Bundee "I thoug..."

    Leo raised a hand as if to silence Bundee.

    "It's ok - we are still determined to get you on board, we just want to slowly break the news... We want to get the rumour going a bit more public before we sign anything, to gauge the public sentiment"...

    Bundee's quiet fury was interrupted by a familiar voice

    "eeeeh... got any yokes?"

    Leo and Bundee turned their attention to the figure who had conspicuously slid over to their table.

    "Paul Kimmage?!??!?" said Bundee in anxious surprise...

    "any yokes at all lads? between ye even... c'mon ye must have a few roids or something..?

    "Sorry Paul," said Leo, "As I've said before, no one in Leinster has any steroids for you - you have to go and get your own".

    "F***IN JUNKIES THE LOT OF YE" Paul spat the words at them as he stormed away into the function room.

    Before they could recover from the drama a small brown nugget landed on their table. Bundee and Leo leaned in curiously to identify the item.

    Leo took an indirect whiff and recoiled in disgust.

    "Jesus... is that... is that poo?" he said

    "F**KING FOREIGN GAME W**KERS" a scream came from the corner of the lounge.

    Bundee looked around and recognised Ewan McKenna, completely naked bar a small bit of cloth covering his modesty - his eyes red and wild with anger - his hair a tangled mess.

    "PLAY ANY FRIENDLIES LATELY" he roared as he prepared another faecal delight to hurl at the player and coach.

    "F**K ALL COUNTRIES EVEN PLAY THE GAME" screeched the GAA man, as security moved in to remove him.

    The Shelbourne security team pinned his arms behind his back as they led him from the venue. "Stay calm now - we'll get you the help you need" they said in their polite northern accents. "It's all going to be ok".

    McKenna struggled on until he was whisked out of sight. A quiet voice broke the pleasant calm that had suddenly descended:

    "Is Heaslip here...?"

    Leo and Bundee turned from the drama to yet another man standing at their table.

    "Sorry... who are you?" said Cullen

    "I'm Conor, Conor George. Is Heaslip here.. the big fecker."

    Bundee asked "Sorry mate, we've no idea who you are" as Leo nodded in agreement.

    "I'M CONOR GEORGE" said Conor, pointing to his face "The blogger???"

    "No idea mate," said Bundee... Leo echoed "Never heard of you before in my life".

    "Swaggering windbags the pair of you," he said as he made his way towards the function room door "Bloody MOLF's everywhere" he shouted as he disappeared around the corner.

    "What the hell is a MOLF?" Leo asked...

    "PROJECTION" said a voice from across the lounge.

    "Projection" said the voice again. "Tell me the projection for the first fiscal quarter" the business man asked his accountant in a completely unrelated conversation.

    "I've no idea what it means" said Bundee as he stared at the entrance to the function room, his curiosity finally getting the better of him. He stood up to see what everyone was heading into - he could barely make out the panel outside the double doors and squinted to read the words.

    "RTE SPORTS WRITER OF THE YEAR AWARDS"

    ...

    "Jesus" he gasped. "You brought me here during the sports journo awards?"

    Leo retreated... "well.." he hesitated "... like I said - we want to get the idea subtly into the public consciousness. Look - maybe it wasn't a great idea, I'm sorry - we have an extremely discrete bus waiting outside to bring you back to the Sportsground... it's right outside"...

    "I'm ready to go back, this was a terrible idea" said Bundee, clearly frustrated by the whole affair.

    "Follow me out" said Leo, "Your Chariot awaits"

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Comments

  • Moderators, Sports Moderators, Regional West Moderators Posts: 6,715 Mod ✭✭✭✭ connemara man


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,238 Diabhal Beag


    Reminder that this man has never lost in a final to the best non-Jack Carty outhalf in Irish history:
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  • Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 14,138 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Zzippy


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  • Registered Users Posts: 21,035 ✭✭✭✭ Squidgy Black


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  • Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 14,138 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Zzippy


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  • Registered Users Posts: 934 ✭✭✭ Kevski


    I have to admit, Bundee Aki would be a capable replacement for Noel Reid if he does move to Leicester.

    Having said that, would he be happy to play second fiddle to the first choice Irish centre pairing?


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,454 ✭✭✭✭ salmocab


    Zzippy wrote: »
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    Zippy the jpeg is marked red card and the pic is a yellow card. It’s poor preparation for a big week for a mod.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,046 ✭✭✭ arsebiscuits1


    salmocab wrote: »
    Zippy the jpeg is marked red card and the pic is a yellow card. It’s poor preparation for a big week for a mod.

    Gave out all his red cards already during the November internationals :pac:


  • Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 14,138 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Zzippy


    salmocab wrote: »
    Zippy the jpeg is marked red card and the pic is a yellow card. It’s poor preparation for a big week for a mod.

    The thread started in a similarly sloppy vein. Venjur's pic of Bundee was clearly photoshopped. Everyone in Galway knows he drives a big white Skoda Kodiaq.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,046 ✭✭✭ arsebiscuits1


    Leinster guaranteed to rest a good whack of players for this.

    This fixture last season mixed a fairly second string pack with a pretty strong backline and a very inexperienced bench.

    Johnny I suspect will sit this one out but expect Luke, Garry and Larmour to start.

    Josh, despite tackling the entire Connacht team twice and some of their backroom last season, looks to me a bit off the pace. He had a big November and looks like he could do with a week off.

    Fully expect to see Molony, Doris, Deegan, Dooley, B Byrne all to start


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,244 ✭✭✭ bazwraf


    You're just lucky that Ireland's 2nd best #9 is out injured for this game.


  • Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 14,138 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Zzippy


    Josh, despite tackling the entire Connacht team twice and some of their backroom last season, looks to me a bit off the pace. He had a big November and looks like he could do with a week off.

    I heard he tried to tackle a paramedic too. It was the green uniform...


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,861 ✭✭✭ Wegians89


    Zzippy wrote: »
    The thread started in a similarly sloppy vein. Venjur's pic of Bundee was clearly photoshopped. Everyone in Galway knows he drives a big white Skoda Kodiaq.

    Actually I believe bundee gets a new car form Monaghan motors every week or so


  • Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 14,138 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Zzippy


    Wegians89 wrote: »
    Actually I believe bundee gets a new car form Monaghan motors every week or so

    I hope he gets a better trade-in offer than they wanted to give me, the robbin' barstewards... ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,303 ✭✭✭ Dubinusa


    I'd be surprised to see Ringrose this week. He's played a lot this year and could probably use the rest.
    I do expect RK to play and assist TOH with kis work ons.


  • Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 26,314 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Peregrine


    bazwraf wrote: »
    You're just lucky that Ireland's 2nd best #9 is out injured for this game.

    What? Gibson-Park is fine. I think he'll probably start this one, actually.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,440 ✭✭✭ The Rape of Lucretia


    Peregrine wrote: »
    What? Gibson-Park is fine. I think he'll probably start this one, actually.

    He means Marmo.
    Gibbo only becomes Ireland second #9 in June.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,728 Former Former


    Dubinusa wrote: »
    I do expect RK to play and assist TOH with kis work ons.

    How?? He's going to shout "HERE TIERNAN, THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE" every time he makes a tackle?


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,174 ✭✭✭ troyzer


    bazwraf wrote: »
    You're just lucky that Ireland's 2nd best #9 is out injured for this game.

    At least you've got Ireland's second best #12.


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,184 ✭✭✭ Burkie1203


    troyzer wrote: »
    At least you've got Ireland's second best #12.

    In fairness that's only because they just signed Daly this week


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,440 ✭✭✭ The Rape of Lucretia


    troyzer wrote: »
    At least you've got Ireland's second best #12.

    Are you suggesting he is a better 12 than Ringer ?


  • Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 14,138 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Zzippy


    troyzer wrote: »
    At least you've got Ireland's second best #12.

    Well, Leinster couldn't produce one so the Connacht Academy had to step in for ye...


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,861 ✭✭✭ Wegians89


    He means Marmo.
    Gibbo only becomes Ireland second #9 in June.

    Thanks god ye have accepted McGrath isn’t good enough.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,454 ✭✭✭✭ salmocab


    Wegians89 wrote: »
    Thanks god ye have accepted McGrath isn’t good enough.

    He was talking about Ireland’s second best SH, Mc Grath is better than that #1.


  • Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 14,138 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Zzippy


    salmocab wrote: »
    He was talking about Ireland’s second best SH, Mc Grath is better than that #1.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 6,174 ✭✭✭ troyzer


    Zzippy wrote: »
    Well, Leinster couldn't produce one so the Connacht Academy had to step in for ye...

    Connacht can't produce one from its own population to get into the academy so Leinster had to step in for ye and pretend that Athlone is in Connacht. ;)
    yerrahbah wrote: »

    I was reading a while ago how the Munster and Leinster rivalry seems to have gone off the boil a little bit because of how many Ireland internationals are in both squads. Obviously this isn't a problem with Connacht so the rivalry remains....


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,599 ✭✭✭✭ stephen_n


    How?? He's going to shout "HERE TIERNAN, THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE" every time he makes a tackle?

    Won’t be happening very often then :pac:


  • Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 14,138 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Zzippy


    troyzer wrote: »
    Connacht can't produce one from its own population to get into the academy so Leinster had to step in for ye and pretend that Athlone is in Connacht. ;)


    Actually, a large part of Athlone is in Connacht. But don't let your ignorance of geography stop you from making a silly point. Carry on. ;)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,728 Former Former


    Athlone ranks somewhere between Jerusalem and Northern Cyprus as a geopolitical flashpoint. Best just to avoid the issue.


This discussion has been closed.
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