Fortnite

glack

Tombo2001 wrote: »

I'm having same issues with our son.

I'm considering just deleting the game; even though I know it will lead to the daddy of all blow ups.

Fortnite seems to be different to other computer games, and to TV.

It seems more compulsive, more addictive and leads to major mood swings and major tantrums.

I agree-definitely feels different. I’m a teacher and I’ve never seen the levels of addiction that there seems to be with this game. Only you can decide if deleting the game is the answer but from talking to some of the children I teach, some approaches that seem to work (on the outside looking in for sure) include

Limiting play to a max of 1 hour per day.
No play on school nights or maybe only one school night a week
Limiting play to certain number of hours per week.
Play is only permitted if certain chores are completed.

Approaches to managing the above:
Some parents take PS4/Xbox controllers away.
Some unplug and remove the WIFI box or change the password.
If they are playing on a tablet, use the inbuilt time limiters/parental controls.
All devices are removed at a certain time each day - like one hour before bed.
No devices in bedrooms at night-this I think is key. Helps prevent cyber bullying also.
Some parents place computers etc in their own bedrooms at night so the child can’t get up during the night to use them.

Tombo2001

Bryan Nice Anorexic wrote: »

Sounds like you are trying to devalue everybodies advice on here because they are not in the exact same situation as you. The game is irrelevant here. It's the behavior that's important. Take the advice, or don't take the advice, that's your choice, but there's no magic solution here. You are going to have to put in the work.

If you are only interested in hearing from parents with young kids playing this game, you may as well just close the thread.

I am saying - this thread is about kids playing Fortnite - and if you dont have kids playing Fortnite, then what gives you a valid opinion on kids playing Fortnite?

Tombo2001

glack wrote: »

I agree-definitely feels different. I’m a teacher and I’ve never seen the levels of addiction that there seems to be with this game. Only you can decide if deleting the game is the answer but from talking to some of the children I teach, some approaches that seem to work (on the outside looking in for sure) include

Limiting play to a max of 1 hour per day.
No play on school nights or maybe only one school night a week
Limiting play to certain number of hours per week.
Play is only permitted if certain chores are completed.

Approaches to managing the above:
Some parents take PS4/Xbox controllers away.
Some unplug and remove the WIFI box or change the password.
If they are playing on a tablet, use the inbuilt time limiters/parental controls.
All devices are removed at a certain time each day - like one hour before bed.
No devices in bedrooms at night-this I think is key. Helps prevent cyber bullying also.
Some parents place computers etc in their own bedrooms at night so the child can’t get up during the night to use them.

Thank you.

I'd be interested in your thoughts on parents from a classroom having a coordinated approach on the game - because as you say, it is addictive and nearly every child seems to be playing it.

As an example - I regularly hear of kids missing sports training because they wouldnt stop playing it.


(Also with reference to your comment "talking to some of the children".....every house has rules on it, the ones you described.......what the child wont tell you is, how strongly are the rules enforced & how big is the tantrum when they are enforced....talk to the parents and you might get a very different picture).

listermint

Tombo2001 wrote: »

I am saying - this thread is about kids playing Fortnite - and if you dont have kids playing Fortnite, then what gives you a valid opinion on kids playing Fortnite?

Because i have fortnight myself

and i have kids.

And i know more about the game and technology to stop it working than you do.


But if you want easy answers like.

Dont talk to your kid, dont limit the screentime and itll all be grand.

Then fine. live in a bubble.

Tombo2001

listermint wrote: »

Because i have fortnight myself

and i have kids.

And i know more about the game and technology to stop it working than you do.


But if you want easy answers like.

Dont talk to your kid, dont limit the screentime and itll all be grand.

Then fine. live in a bubble.

I drive a car. I have kids.

I dont try to advise parents older than me about how to handle their 19 year old that drives too fast.

I could if I wanted to; but I wouldnt have any experience of it so I dont do it.

listermint

Tombo2001 wrote: »

I drive a car. I have kids.

I dont try to advise parents older than me about how to handle their 19 year old that drives too fast.

I could if I wanted to; but I wouldnt have any experience of it so I dont do it.

This is singly the most ridiculous post youve had so far.

Il ask you again because you failed to answer the last time.

What have you got against sitting down and chatting with your child about this?

And secondly what have you got against agreeing a screen time with them.


You want some magic answer, it wont come. But im perplexed about your unwillingness to use the sound, sage advice given.

You opened up with an attack on all the other posters and offered nothing, not a bean since then.

Tombo2001

listermint wrote: »

This is singly the most ridiculous post youve had so far.

Il ask you again because you failed to answer the last time.

What have you got against sitting down and chatting with your child about this?

And secondly what have you got against agreeing a screen time with them.


You want some magic answer, it wont come. But im perplexed about your unwillingness to use the sound, sage advice given.

You opened up with an attack on all the other posters and offered nothing, not a bean since then.

I will simply say the following:

Yes I have tried 'talking to my kid'.

Yes I have tried regimes around agreeing a screen time.

Yes I have tried negotiations around days of the week it can be played.

I've done all those things, and Fortnite continues to be a disruptive negative influence in our house, due to mood swings and tantrums when the game is turned off.

Can we please end this to-ing and fro-ing?

I have made it clear that I am particularly interested in hearing from parents whose kids play the game.

If thats not you, then please dont feel the need to respond to my post.

listermint

Its a forum everyone is free to respond.

If you are still experiencing problems then you have to remove the game.

As your agreement with the child has not stood up.

(thats if you agreed set time and hours with them that they can clearly understand)


Remove the game and clearly explain the reasons why.

The game can come back if they agree to abide by the set rules and they have a period of time off from it.

TitianGerm

Tombo2001 wrote: »

I will simply say the following:

Yes I have tried 'talking to my kid'.

Yes I have tried regimes around agreeing a screen time.

Yes I have tried negotiations around days of the week it can be played.

I've done all those things, and Fortnite continues to be a disruptive negative influence in our house, due to mood swings and tantrums when the game is turned off.

Can we please end this to-ing and fro-ing?

I have made it clear that I am particularly interested in hearing from parents whose kids play the game.

If thats not you, then please dont feel the need to respond to my post.

Why are you "talking to" and "negotiating" with your child? Your his parent so you tell them how it's going to be.

"Bobby from now on its one hour a day after your homework is done. On the weekends you can have 2 hours a day. If you try to play longer than that you won't play tomorrow."

Don't tell them they can't play and then plonk them in front of the TV. Have them help you around the house (baking or cooking) or go for a walk together or to the shops, or visit relatives.

Get them to join a club. If GAA isn't their thing try a Martial Art (Brazilian Jiu-jitsu is very popular and is a great workout for a kid) or a dance class.

Tombo2001

TitianGerm wrote: »

Why are you "talking to" and "negotiating" with your child? Your his parent so you tell them how it's going to be.

"Bobby from now on its one hour a day after your homework is done. On the weekends you can have 2 hours a day. If you try to play longer than that you won't play tomorrow."

Don't tell them they can't play and then plonk them in front of the TV. Have them help you around the house (baking or cooking) or go for a walk together or to the shops, or visit relatives.

Get them to join a club. If GAA isn't their thing try a Martial Art (Brazilian Jiu-jitsu is very popular and is a great workout for a kid) or a dance class.

Sheesh .....damned if you do and damned if you dont.

My comment on 'talking' was in direct response to Listermint who had said "What have you got against sitting down and chatting with your child about this?"

If you think this is a bad approach.....bring it up with Listermint!!

In the meantime - a direct question - do you have a kid aged 8-14 playing Fortnite? What has been your experience?

TitianGerm

Tombo2001 wrote: »

Sheesh .....damned if you do and damned if you dont.

My comment on 'talking' was in direct response to Listermint who had said "What have you got against sitting down and chatting with your child about this?"

If you think this is a bad approach.....bring it up with Listermint!!

In the meantime - a direct question - do you have a kid aged 8-14 playing Fortnite? What has been your experience?

If your setting ground rules you clearly explain the rules and then explain the consequenses of breaking the rules to your child. You don't negotiate the rules. Your the parent first and foremost not his friend.

Tombo2001

TitianGerm wrote: »

If your setting ground rules you clearly explain the rules and then explain the consequenses of breaking the rules to your child. You don't negotiate the rules. Your the parent first and foremost not his friend.

(i) You are stating the obvious

(ii) You are not reading my post.

What I am saying is - rules are set in place.

What is disruptive is the mood swings and tantrums when the rules are enforced.

As I've said multiple times at this point, I'm interested in hearing from parents whose kids play it, to see how they've handled it.

Wombatman

Most modern routers have Parental Controls built in where you can group devices together and assign access rights to these groups.



It may sound tricky but it is very easy. You just need to login to the routers Admin interface from a browser on the network and follow the menu to configure.

I have the eir F2000 Fibre router. I have set daily times to allow web access from the kids devices. I can change these setting from my phone, granting or revoking access depending on their behaviour \ performance. You can turn this problem into an opportunity as the little addicts will do anything (homework, housework, music practice etc) for an extra half hour of web access.

There will be easy guide on how to login to your routers admin interface in the user manual.

You can access the Huawei Eircom F2000 router admin interface from http://192.168.1.254 for example.



• The Default Huawei F2000 Router Username is: admin
• The Default Huawei F2000 Router Password is: password

TitianGerm

Tombo2001 wrote: »

What is disruptive is the mood swings and tantrums when the rules are enforced.

The mood swings have been allowed to develop because you did not enforce the rules from day one. Everytime you backdown after he/she throws a tantrum you allow them to best you.

You are the parent, they are the child. If they scream and roar you must not back down. The tantrum will stop, they can't keep it up forever. Then the next time the tantrum will be shorter. Eventually they will learn that you won't back down.

Honestly it just sounds like you've been taking the easy option for a quiet life.

facehugger99

I have a 9 year old that's really into it. We noticed that it was starting to affect his mood swings - they worsened after playing for an hour in the evening.

We decided to limit it to 2 days a week - about 1.5hrs each session.

He gets to pick the days - one weekday and one weekend day. This bit is important as it makes him feel that he's in control rather than us just dictating to him. We have a blackboard and he will spend 5 minutes considering which days to 'book'.

Some of his friends seem to be online all the time - literally anytime I log onto the PS4, they will be there playing - it can't be good.

fima

We have a 13 year old that plays after homework is done and only up until 9pm. We always try to ensure he gets time outside also and he will often choose time outside with his friends rather than sitting in playing fortnite.
He respects the rules because the rules have always been enforced and there are consequences if he doesn’t. His phone is taken off him, WiFi code is changed, he’s stopped from going out etc.
Consistency is key and it sounds like you are just going to have to weather the storms while your child adjusts to the rules.

glack

Tombo2001 wrote: »

Thank you.

I'd be interested in your thoughts on parents from a classroom having a coordinated approach on the game - because as you say, it is addictive and nearly every child seems to be playing it.

As an example - I regularly hear of kids missing sports training because they wouldnt stop playing it.


(Also with reference to your comment "talking to some of the children".....every house has rules on it, the ones you described.......what the child wont tell you is, how strongly are the rules enforced & how big is the tantrum when they are enforced....talk to the parents and you might get a very different picture).

Oh absolutely- I take their responses with a grain of salt but it’s still important to have the conversation as I think some children feel that their parents are the only ones imposing rules. Also some households very clearly have no rules. Some students are playing fortnite til the early hours or setting alarms on their phones so they can get back up when parents are asleep and the poor parents in a lot of cases have no idea. Some get up extremely early in the morning to play before school and arrive to school exhausted. Sadly, in some households if the child is being quiet and not bothering anyone they are left to their own devices.

Organising a co ordinated approach sounds like a great idea but is a complete mine field to set up. To be honest I can see it working. But maybe if your child has 3/4 good buddies, you could maybe carefully broach it with those parents. Be careful though as you don’t want to come across as telling them what to do. Maybe say that you are having trouble with your child and ask if they are having any with theirs... Only you know what your relationship with those children’s parents are and if you’re likely to get a good response. Unfortunately school cannot get involved here. Our role is in speaking to the children on the dangers or maybe giving advice to parents when requested.

Remember also, your child will be telling you that Johnny down road is allowed to do X,Y or Z because they’ve been boasting at school. In most cases this is pure fabrication to look cool in front of their friends but it suits your child’s agenda to get more time on Fortnite.

I really don’t envy any parent dealing with this.

punisher5112

Simple solution..... Get rid of the game.

My young one was at all sorts including YouTube etc and we removed it all.

glack

While I agree that removing the game is sometimes the best solution, it isn’t always. If you have no objection to the content of the game, then I don’t think banning it is the answer. Children need to learn the value of will power and self control. They also need boundaries and limitations. While taking it away is the answer in some circumstances there are worse things they can be playing - Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto are just 2 I can think of that are nowhere near appropriate for children of that age but so many are playing them. A complete ban is easier to police, but not always the answer in my opinion.

listermint

glack wrote: »

While I agree that removing the game is sometimes the best solution, it isn’t always. If you have no objection to the content of the game, then I don’t think banning it is the answer. Children need to learn the value of will power and self control. They also need boundaries and limitations. While taking it away is the answer in some circumstances there are worse things they can be playing - Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto are just 2 I can think of that are nowhere near appropriate for children of that age but so many are playing them. A complete ban is easier to police, but not always the answer in my opinion.

as with anything, everything in moderation is fine. But if its too much of one thing its always going to end in problems..


Saw this today, might be something that interests the OP or other posters


https://twitter.com/petercosgrove

dm1979

Hi all. We have 3 children 7, 12 and 15, all of which play fortnite. And I would describe ourselves as hands on parents with a pretty good relationship with our children.
Over the summer months our 15 year old became obsessed with this game. It turned him from a happy gamer, who plays for fun to an angry and at times potentially violent young man. At the time console/wifi time was limited to 2 hours a day, and he would do anything to get extra time, including playing in the middle of the night and there was more than one argument were he squared up to his dad and threatened his brothers.
We were at breaking point as parents, and felt as if we had lost our son.
Come September we had enough, so as a family we sat down and discussed it. We had reduced screen time to an hour a day at this stage, and it wasn't working. So given they were all heading back to school we banned all console time from Monday to Friday during term time and moved all consoles into the kitchen and sitting room. Leaving nothing in their bedrooms, and locked all controllers in the car on weekdays to remove temptation.
It lead to a massive argument, which lasted about 2 weeks! During which we stood our ground, didn't back down which wasn't easy. It was so hard, and more than once I was reduced to tears. What made it harder was we felt as if we were the only ones in the world trying to limit screen time. All their friends were constantly online playing this game.
Now here we are 8 weeks later and all seems to have calmed down, the atmosphere at home has changed completely, he is still fortnite obsessed, but understands the rules. 1 hour each day at weekends and while on midterm. We still get the of casual moan about console time, and get asked for extra or can I just finish this match. But all is good.
That is just my experience with this blasted game.

TitianGerm

dm1979 wrote: »

Hi all. We have 3 children 7, 12 and 15, all of which play fortnite. And I would describe ourselves as hands on parents with a pretty good relationship with our children.
Over the summer months our 15 year old became obsessed with this game. It turned him from a happy gamer, who plays for fun to an angry and at times potentially violent young man. At the time console/wifi time was limited to 2 hours a day, and he would do anything to get extra time, including playing in the middle of the night and there was more than one argument were he squared up to his dad and threatened his brothers.
We were at breaking point as parents, and felt as if we had lost our son.
Come September we had enough, so as a family we sat down and discussed it. We had reduced screen time to an hour a day at this stage, and it wasn't working. So given they were all heading back to school we banned all console time from Monday to Friday during term time and moved all consoles into the kitchen and sitting room. Leaving nothing in their bedrooms, and locked all controllers in the car on weekdays to remove temptation.
It lead to a massive argument, which lasted about 2 weeks! During which we stood our ground, didn't back down which wasn't easy. It was so hard, and more than once I was reduced to tears. What made it harder was we felt as if we were the only ones in the world trying to limit screen time. All their friends were constantly online playing this game.
Now here we are 8 weeks later and all seems to have calmed down, the atmosphere at home has changed completely, he is still fortnite obsessed, but understands the rules. 1 hour each day at weekends and while on midterm. We still get the of casual moan about console time, and get asked for extra or can I just finish this match. But all is good.
That is just my experience with this blasted game.

Well done on not backing down. This is the perfect approach to take.

I would suggest not allowing the consoles back into the bedrooms where they can be unsupervised. Set them up in the kitchen/living room and it'll be much easier to monitor.

glack

dm1979 wrote: »

Hi all. We have 3 children 7, 12 and 15, all of which play fortnite. And I would describe ourselves as hands on parents with a pretty good relationship with our children.
Over the summer months our 15 year old became obsessed with this game. It turned him from a happy gamer, who plays for fun to an angry and at times potentially violent young man. At the time console/wifi time was limited to 2 hours a day, and he would do anything to get extra time, including playing in the middle of the night and there was more than one argument were he squared up to his dad and threatened his brothers.
We were at breaking point as parents, and felt as if we had lost our son.
Come September we had enough, so as a family we sat down and discussed it. We had reduced screen time to an hour a day at this stage, and it wasn't working. So given they were all heading back to school we banned all console time from Monday to Friday during term time and moved all consoles into the kitchen and sitting room. Leaving nothing in their bedrooms, and locked all controllers in the car on weekdays to remove temptation.
It lead to a massive argument, which lasted about 2 weeks! During which we stood our ground, didn't back down which wasn't easy. It was so hard, and more than once I was reduced to tears. What made it harder was we felt as if we were the only ones in the world trying to limit screen time. All their friends were constantly online playing this game.
Now here we are 8 weeks later and all seems to have calmed down, the atmosphere at home has changed completely, he is still fortnite obsessed, but understands the rules. 1 hour each day at weekends and while on midterm. We still get the of casual moan about console time, and get asked for extra or can I just finish this match. But all is good.
That is just my experience with this blasted game.

I don’t think your experience is unique unfortunately. I don’t know what it is about this game that is so unbelievably addictive but it is. But you did the hard parenting and followed through. I know lots of parents who would love to get to where you are now.

dm1979

No, I don't think the consoles we ever be in the bedrooms again! Look ladies and gents, it's not easy, you feel like your failing at being parents, and completely isolated when your in the mist of it all. And to top it off our son was hormonal as Well, he was almost using the game as a tool of rebellion. We did discus it with our children, our argument being that we are all happier when the game was not being played- less arguments, and they agreed in the end even tho they were not happy.

As someone pointed out earlier. You need to set down the ground rules early with all sorts of media these days be it Facebook, Consoles, TV or whatever before things like the OP's problems rear their head. Some people have more addictive personalities than other's.

Tombo2001

DM1979, thanks for that helpful post.

Would be interested in how you manage ' the end of the hour' - the 'five more minutes' conversation that goes part in parcel with fortnite....

How do you manage that?

Also - is it just Fortnite banned on week nights or is it all Console.

If he is allowed play Console other nights - can you monitor he;s not playing Fortnite on the sly?

Tombo2001

glack wrote: »

Oh absolutely- I take their responses with a grain of salt but it’s still important to have the conversation as I think some children feel that their parents are the only ones imposing rules. Also some households very clearly have no rules. Some students are playing fortnite til the early hours or setting alarms on their phones so they can get back up when parents are asleep and the poor parents in a lot of cases have no idea. Some get up extremely early in the morning to play before school and arrive to school exhausted. Sadly, in some households if the child is being quiet and not bothering anyone they are left to their own devices.

Organising a co ordinated approach sounds like a great idea but is a complete mine field to set up. To be honest I can see it working. But maybe if your child has 3/4 good buddies, you could maybe carefully broach it with those parents. Be careful though as you don’t want to come across as telling them what to do. Maybe say that you are having trouble with your child and ask if they are having any with theirs... Only you know what your relationship with those children’s parents are and if you’re likely to get a good response. Unfortunately school cannot get involved here. Our role is in speaking to the children on the dangers or maybe giving advice to parents when requested.

Remember also, your child will be telling you that Johnny down road is allowed to do X,Y or Z because they’ve been boasting at school. In most cases this is pure fabrication to look cool in front of their friends but it suits your child’s agenda to get more time on Fortnite.

I really don’t envy any parent dealing with this.

Thats actually a really helpful thing to do.

glennhysen

I have 2 sons. 11 & 8 who play Fortnite on the XBox and other games.

During School term the rule is that the Xbox is only allowed on between Friday afternoon until Sunday evening. As both my son's play various sports at weekends this means that they can't play with the Xbox for too long. During holidays (like this week) they are allowed to play it but time is limited. The Xbox is in our Kitchen/Dining Area so we can see what they are playing at all times.

The other rule is that they can only have "Xbox friends" who are people they know in real life (school friends, teammates, etc...).

The other thing I would advise all parents to do is try to play the games (I'm terrible at them!!!) as that will allow you to understand what the games they play are like.

Bad behaviour is punished by losing access to the Xbox.

dm1979

Tombo2001 wrote: »

DM1979, thanks for that helpful post.

Would be interested in how you manage ' the end of the hour' - the 'five more minutes' conversation that goes part in parcel with fortnite....

How do you manage that?

Also - is it just Fortnite banned on week nights or is it all Console.

If he is allowed play Console other nights - can you monitor he;s not playing Fortnite on the sly?

Your very welcome, All console games are banned on weeknights, that's Xbox, ps4 and Wii. All controllers and tablets/laptops are locked in our cars during the week. If anyone needs say their laptop for research for homework they can of course have it but we casually check what they are up to on them. The 12 + 15 year old both have a mobile phone, which they are allowed to access the internet on till 8 pm, after that all phones are put in the "Phonebox" in our bedroom.
As for extra time at the end of their hour, if they are at the end of a game and say they need an extra minute or two to finish, this can be given, but only if we have had a good week in terms of behaviour and it is no longer than 10 minutes. If they argue over it then we tell them it's coming off their next hour, that's usually enough of a deterrent to get them off it.
Writing it down makes it all sound so easy, but it's not. You have to really stick to your guns and support each other through it. I can't count the times one of us has said ahh just let them have it. Especially when other children in their social circle are allowed play away to their hearts content.

OneOfThem Stumbled

Tigerandahalf wrote: »

I really think ISPs need to step upto the mark here too in helping parents with this issue.
Those newer ps4 etc games where kids are playing against each other are a bit of a minefield as I am sure they can be communicating with each other as well. The games we grew up with were safer in that way.

Oh ffs. I bet I can find a 1980s article about the dangers of tetris.