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Girlfriend Cheated...sort of

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    #152
    2ygb4cmqetsjhx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 564 ✭✭✭2ygb4cmqetsjhx


    JayZeus wrote: »
    In your 30’s and ‘dating’ for 6 years? Sounds a bit odd.

    She didn’t cheat. Stop looking at her phone, trying to control her and feeding your own paranoia.

    As for the ‘dating’ for 6 years, it’s about time you s*** or get off the pot, IMHO. Don’t be wasting her time with this pettiness.

    What? Seriously. Dating for 6 years isn't uncommon.


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    #153
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,510 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    Alyson Nutritious Paperback wrote:
    What? Seriously. Dating for 6 years isn't uncommon.

    You clearly only read as far as the second post in a 13-page, 3-month-old thread before rushing to reply. It was the use of the word "dating", which implies something very casual altogether and not a committed relationship, that people found a bit odd.


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    #154
    gaynorvader
    Registered Users Posts: 1,630 ✭✭✭gaynorvader


    I'm gonna try and break down what happened from what you said.
    - gf gets unsolicited pics from a coworker
    - gf saves these pics in an album (possibly to hide them from you, possibly to keep as evidence, we don't know)
    - you discover pics and confront gf who assures you nothing is going on
    - man sexually assaults your gf at work
    - gf hides this from you (possibly out of shame, guilt, who knows, victims of this kind of thing react in hard to predict ways)
    - you pose as gf and find out truth
    - you confront gf and she panics and won't open up to you
    - you stew over the fact gf won't trust you with this

    First off, the only thing I can see that you did that was wrong was posing as your gf over text. I can see the justification for it, but at the end of the day it was wrong, which you seem to realise so enough said there.
    Second off, while I understand the hurt you're feeling over the lack of trust your gf is showing to you and the lack of transparency she's given you around this whole situation, I wouldn't recommend breaking up over this.

    Your gf has been put through some pretty emotionally upsetting stuff recently. Not only is she in a new job, but one of her coworkers (possibly someone senior to her) has sexually assaulted her in work. The right thing for her to do is to go to HR and report him. His behaviour is way way over the line. I wouldn't read too much into the fact she tried to hide it from you, she is probably trying to pretend it never happened, hoping it'll just go away. I think what you need to do is be supportive of her right now. She needs you to be on her side, maybe consider couples therapy or even just therapy for herself if she's more comfortable with that.

    To be honest, it sounds like you are perhaps a hard person to open up to as you behave as most men do and try to solve problems. Sometimes people just want to vent and have someone listen and sympathise. It really sounds like the reason she's not being totally honest with you is she's afraid you'll storm in and confront this guy or ring her office or force her to move jobs, taking control of the situation out of her hands. I'd advise you to sit down with her and be honest. Tell her not knowing is hurting you and you need to know what's going on. Tell her you promise not to do anything regarding her job, but just want to be able to be there for her.


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    #155
    Carriexx
    Registered Users Posts: 145 ✭✭Carriexx


    HarryGa wrote: »
    I accept that. I have become very insecure and crazy, no doubt about it.

    I didn't ask for her to explain her camera roll. I was looking through her pictures to find a certain photo, she knew about this and was sitting on the couch next to me. I then came across two selfies of this guy she clearly forgot she had saved. I know her whatsapp media does't back up, neither does mine...I never had to ask her about this.

    I completely accept that most people wouldn't describe themselves as jealous/possessive/controlling...but we've never had a situation like this before where either of us have hid stuff, we've both had messages or texts from the opposite sex trying it on or being inappropriate and there's never been an issue.

    If I thought it was reasonable that she would think that this would be my reaction then I would accept that. But she had no reason to think I'd have gotten annoyed about this guy trying his case, far better looking and better "catches" have tried and it hasn't bothered me.

    I've told the story as fairly as I possible can in the hope of getting some unbiased feedback. I want to believe this is all just a misunderstanding


    You have thought too long and hard about this, if you don't feel after 3 months it is sorted in your mind then let the relationship go.
    I feel she knew you would look in her phone so why leave the pics there if it wasn't innocent. Also you saying 'she messages other men' no she messages her friends who are male. Let her go, let her go have fun in her new job than making her pay for this over and over.


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    #156
    mada82
    Registered Users Posts: 577 ✭✭✭mada82


    It’s a strange situation. I’ve had it in two past relationships and can sympathise with the OP and how he is feeling.

    I wouldn’t like being lied to and I find it bizarre that the co worker was sending selfies. I would be immediately suspicious in that situation.

    I think some people are being far too harsh on the OP.

    Hopefully it works out for you OP.


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