Sopranos best jokes

Remember your first blow job?







Yeah!







Did it take the guy long to come?

mojesius

Not so much a joke but one of my favourite Christopher quotes:

"What's he saying? There were dinosaurs back with Adam and Eve? no way. T-Rex in the Garden of Eden? Adam and Eve'd be runnin' all the time, scared ****less. But the Bible says it was Paradise"

El Weirdo

Paulie: The guy was an interior decorator.

Christopher: Really? His place looked like shit.

buried

McCrack

Junior:

"What did the blind man say when he went to the fish market?"

"Hello Ladies."

chrissb8

When Paulie goes to Italy gets completely blanked at the cafe and just doesn't get the culture.

Comes back and says it was amazing and he had the best time.

also......"TONY MAKING A PARTY FOR ME"

munster87

Not a joke either but my funniest scene was when Paulie couldn’t hear Tony properly on the phone telling him about the Russian that they had to kill and then says to Christopher “You’re not gonna believe this, he killed 16 Czechoslovakians, guy was an interior decorator" and Christopher replies “his house looked like ****”.

munster87

El Weirdo wrote: »

Paulie: The guy was an interior decorator.

Christopher: Really? His place looked like shit.

Ah that really did take me too long to type on this!

King George VI

Shrink: “What line of work are you in?”
Tony Soprano: “Waste management consultant.”

mojesius

chrissb8 wrote: »

When Paulie goes to Italy gets completely blanked at the cafe and just doesn't get the culture.

Comes back and says it was amazing and he had the best time.

also......"TONY MAKING A PARTY FOR ME"

Commendatori!

Are Am Eye

Tony: So, Uncle Junior, How was Boca?
Junior: Wonderful. I don't go down enough.
Carmela: mumbles That's not what I heard.

Tipsy McSwagger

Ralph is dead in the bath.

Christopher Moltisanti: [grabs hold of Ralph's hair and it comes clean off - it's a wig he's been wearing all along to hide his baldness] Aahh! Holy ****! I had no idea. Did you?
Tony Soprano: Course I did. You're so high on scag, you wouldn't know if he had your mother's muff on his head.

DEFTLEFTHAND

chrissb8 wrote: »

When Paulie goes to Italy gets completely blanked at the cafe and just doesn't get the culture.

Comes back and says it was amazing and he had the best time.

also......"TONY MAKING A PARTY FOR ME"

I love when Paulie is in a restaurant with the two Italian Mafia guys in Naples and he starts asking for gravy (basic tomato pasta sauce). The Italians don't know what the fcuk he's on about.

They speak in Italian to each other and say "And I thought the Germans were classless pieces of sh1t" in front of an oblivious Paulie.

brainfreeze

El Weirdo wrote: »

Paulie: The guy was an interior decorator.

Christopher: Really? His place looked like shit.

munster87 wrote: »

Not a joke either but my funniest scene was when Paulie couldn’t hear Tony properly on the phone telling him about the Russian that they had to kill and then says to Christopher “You’re not gonna believe this, he killed 16 Czechoslovakians, guy was an interior decorator" and Christopher replies “his house looked like ****”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsxthFO-HWs&feature=youtu.be

DesperateDan

A few of my favourites, watched for the first time last year:

Junior on Richie Aprile: "He has a tremendous amount of moxy for someone of his stature"
Junior to Tony: "If you're going to lie to me tell me there's a broad waiting in the car to tongue my balls"
Paulie: "Why do ****ting, pissing and ****ing all happen within a 2 inch radius of eachother"
Paulie on Sun Tozoo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YonukB9yPAs
Phil Leotardo on his goth nephew: "The hell is wrong with you? You look like a Puerto Rican whore"

Ipso

Christopher to Adrianna
Hi, I got that new 50 cent movie to watch later. They were giving it away at the gas station.

BoroMan32

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGQ68saNpBA

artanevilla

Meadow: There are more Nobel Prize winners in the San Francisco bay area than anywhere on the planet.

Tony: Nobel Prize for what? Packing fudge?

HandsomeBob

I hear Ginny Sack had a 90 pound mole removed from her ass.

Ipso

If you're gonna lie to me, tell me there's a broad waitin' in the car who wants to tongue my balls.” – Uncle Junior

James Bond Junior

Tony to Mikey Palmice- “Too bad they don't have a telethon for ****faceitis. They found a cure yet?”

James Bond Junior

HandsomeBob wrote: »

I hear Ginny Sack had a 90 pound mole removed from her ass.

I hear her blood type is ragu!

tinpib

I watched this a few years ago, really enjoyed it. Peter Bogdanovich [Dr Elliot in Sopranos, Melfi's shrink] interviewing David Chase.

I don't know where it is in the interview exactly, and I'm paraphrasing from memory here, but Bogdanovich is skirting around, almost afraid to suggest that it is almost possible for people who might think Sopranos could possibly be perceived as more comedy....

I think he was expecting for Chase to explode at him, Chase says straight away "Oh ya, it is". He saw it as a comedy first, not a drama.

At least that was my memory of the exchange.

Anyway, whole interview is good.

Are Am Eye

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQrQcAzMb8E

mojesius

Also, one of the best transitions in the show -

Carmela and Rosalie walking around Paris, taking in the architecture and streets in complete awe...cuts to Sil shouting: "Make sure you clean that **** off her tit" at the fella cleaning the Bing sign.

I cried laughing when I saw that.

Riddle101

Richie Aprile on Christoper "You ever notice he's the only moterhf**cker who can smoke a cigarette in the rain with his hands tied behind his back. That Nose Is Like A Natural Canopy"

PowerToWait

Richie talking about Chris

Did you ever notice he's the only mother****er who can smoke a cigarette in the rain with his hands tied behind his back?

Also Richie when he crippled some guy by running a car over him

Tony " I thought I told you to back off Beansie!"

"I did, then I put it in drive"

Beaten to it

Your Face

Gwynplaine

"She's so fat, her blood type is Ragu"

TerrorFirmer

Already mentioned but that 'Interior Decorator' misunderstanding is one of the best exchanges ever to grace the screen. I'll read a thread like this and remember so much I'd forgotten, but never that scene.

Such a great show. Another few years and I'll have to watch it all again from the start.

Lackey

The scene of Christopher's intervention was classic!
when he curses at his mother and they all jump him, brilliant.