Does this sound reasonable - divorce and mortgage

OldNotWIse

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

You haven't answered: what are you getting from the relationship.

Because honestly, we can all post telling you you don't have to accept the situation etc, but if you are happy with him, really happy with him, and you are willing to find a way of making it work for you and him, then that's nobody else's business.

Are you happy?

Honestly, no. When we are good together we are happy, but when this stuff comes up... No, and I always seem to be the one compromising.

If I put big girl pants on and try to be objective, I likely spend 60-70% of my time since we became serious feeling angry, sad, frustrated, torn, lonely, tired and grumpy!

Tell me how

OldNotWIse wrote:

If I put big girl pants on and try to be objective, I likely spend 60-70% of my time since we became serious feeling angry, sad, frustrated, torn, lonely, tired and grumpy!

Seriously. Do you need people on the internet to tell you what to do in this circumstance?
A relationship should make you feel better about and within yourself.

Sure there will be dark days but 60-70%.

Start walking now. You'll be a step closer to finding happiness.

Emme

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Works unofficially cash in hand, several hours a week I believe - but what she earns is her own for girly holidays, going out with her fella, shopping etc. It's still him that has to take care of all the finances.

Yet she expects her ex and you to pay the bills.

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Honestly, no. When we are good together we are happy, but when this stuff comes up... No, and I always seem to be the one compromising.

If I put big girl pants on and try to be objective, I likely spend 60-70% of my time since we became serious feeling angry, sad, frustrated, torn, lonely, tired and grumpy!

Time to cut your losses OP. Move on and don't be taken for a mug any longer.

SteM

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Big 4 bed house, lots of extra work done on it. Couple of re-mortgages to bail them out because she wasn't working etc....

Well then you're dealing with an idiot. He bought a 4 bed house for 4 people. Hard to feel sorry for him.

Dial Hard

OldNotWIse wrote: »

That's another thing - apparently the solicitor recommended judicial separation instead of divorce, because she can contest divorce and drag things out

Ah here, ONW, he's leading you up the garden path and back down again. There is absolutely no way any solicitor told him that. Judicial separation isn't some kind of easier alternative to divorce, it's just a part of the process that some people choose to do to make the divorce itself quicker & easier. She can contest a JS just as easily as a divorce and all the same things need to be dealt with - affidavits of means, disposal of assets, custody etc.

C3PO

SteM wrote: »

Well then you're dealing with an idiot. He bought a 4 bed house for 4 people. Hard to feel sorry for him.

Oh for Gods sake ... Lots of people buy 4 bed houses with only two children - It doesn't necessarily make them stupid! A bedroom for them, one for each of the children and a spare room for visitors/office. At the time they probably envisaged being together for the the long term - this was to be their long term home! Sometimes things just don't work out!

SteM

C3PO wrote: »

Oh for Gods sake ... Lots of people buy 4 bed houses with only two children - It doesn't necessarily make them stupid! A bedroom for them, one for each of the children and a spare room for visitors/office. At the time they probably envisaged being together for the the long term - this was to be there long term home! Sometimes things just don't work out!

He bought a place that was too big for them, that needed work doing on it and then remortgaged multiple times and you don't think these are stupid decisions. He deserves his ridiculous mortgage repayments.

UsBus

SteM wrote: »

Well then you're dealing with an idiot. He bought a 4 bed house for 4 people. Hard to feel sorry for him.

What are you on about.? Their bedroom, 1 for each of the kids. What if they had a third child..? Or a spare room for guests, storage, office...etc..

Tell me how

UsBus wrote:

What are you on about.? Their bedroom, 1 for each of the kids. What if they had a third child..? Or a spare room for guests, storage, office...etc..

I'm single and I've a 4 bed. That's not the issue here.

Ursus Horribilis

ONW, were you long broken up with your last partner before you got with this guy? Maybe it's time to be single for a while and to concentrate on you? This guy is a step up from the abusive partners you had in the past but you seem to have jumped from the frying pan into the fire. If this man is telling you lies regarding what the solicitor told you, why would you want to build a life with him? If he's telling the truth and doesn't have the guts to stand up to his ex and for you, why would you want to build a life with him? If you're facing into a life of sitting in eating cornflakes on a Saturday evening and never being able to afford to do what you want, why would you want to hook your trailer to his wagon? No matter what way you look at this, the relationship appears to be doomed.

homerjay2005

the father is getting alot of stick here for being a mug but the stark reality is he appears to be caught by the b*lls no matter what he does. that said of course, he is totally over paying and should start to cop on and take a stance.

this is a very worrying tread for any men/fathers who are about to go through a separation, the legal system is very much weighted in favour of the woman.

Daidy2011

OldNotWIse wrote: »

He had his solicitor appointment - and it looks like he's done for.

Because of her illnesses, she can't be compelled to sell the family home, and if he goes to court, he will likely end up paying the full mortgage, an allowance to her and maintenance for the kids. So she gets to stay living in her big house and not having to pay anything towards it while he covers the mortgage of 2200, she gets her social welfare, children's allowance, will get an allowance from him plus maintenance. She won't work. She won't rent.

And we will be left both working our backsides off to keep her in the life she is accustomed to - with bleak prospects for the future.

I've got to give this serious thought...

ONW - I think he needs to get a second opinion.



I am going through something similar and have been for the past 9 years through, to be honest, mostly my softly softly approach to ensure that I kept my kids "on side" and communicating with me (which hasn't worked).


It took me a long time but as you have done to your partner, my partner gave me the proverbial "foot up the ass" and I am currently in divorce proceedings. It has taken 2 years, mostly through her intransigence and failing to engage in the process, but we are close (fingers crossed) to a resolution.


The reason I say that your partner needs a second opinion - and this is NOT legal advice - but in going through this process under the act and therefore the law, the judge MUST make "fair and equitable" provision for both parties.


One of the differences between your partner and me is that my children are no longer deemed to be dependents as laid out in the act as they are over 18 and not in full time education while his are and that is likely to have a bearing on any ruling a judge may make.