Kids. Yes or no ?

Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime

Just a gentle debate to get going here,

I'm a bloke in my mid twenties and it's a question someone threw at me a couple of months ago

Do I want kids ?

After giving it some thought, weighing up the pros and cons etc in leaning towards 90% no kids, and I think that's the way I'd like to go.

Pros of not having: freedom to do more like to on holidays (go out in the evenings etc), get aways, go to peaceful places to relax in peace without noise, not having to worry about a little one, sleep without distraction, financial well being of not supporting another human for food, clothes, toys, crèche, school fees , college etc.

Cons: no child/ non want of child might put off some women in a relationship.

I sometimes get asked by people when am I going to have children and I ask why ? Normally the answer is because you have to !

I think that's just an outdated religious view in my opinion and think we don't have to do anything we don't want to.

So what are the opinions of AH ?


(I'd get a dog though...,..)

Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime

Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime wrote: »

I'm a bloke in my mid twenties...

I sometimes get asked by people when am I going to have children...

:eek::eek:

I think "f**k off" is the answer to that question.

El Weirdo

Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime wrote: »

After giving it some thought, weighing up the pros and cons etc in leaning towards 90% no kids, and I think that's the way I'd like to go.

Which 10% of the child would you prefer? A hand? A foot?

andekwarhola

I have kids now myself but the last thing me and friends were doing in our 20s was interminable navel gazing about probable kids down the line.

Sometimes not having the internet back then as much a boon as a hindrance

danganabu

Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime wrote: »

J

Pros of not having: freedom to do more like to on holidays (go out in the evenings etc), get aways, go to peaceful places to relax in peace without noise, not having to worry about a little one, sleep without distraction, financial well being of not supporting another human for food, clothes, toys, crèche, school fees , college etc.

Cons: no child/ non want of child might put off some women in a relationship.

Well I mean if the non children thing is getting in your way of pulling them its quite clear that the cons massively out weigh the pros!

Fcuk it get two of them just in case :rolleyes:

Game Face MCGee

its your personal choice, but from my experience, all the sleepless nights, missed nights out and exotic holidays are far far far out weighted by the joy my children have given me in the last 3 years

Arghus

No.

frozenfrozen

I'm 22 I don't have kids and it's great. Guy from my secondary school class has a heap of children now already; nightmare fuel.

Hector Bellend

I hate kids.

Faack off kids

me_irl

storker

There's no one-size-fits-all answer to this. It's down to the individual and I would imagine most people already know what they want. However you can't just do a practical pros and cons list as if its a purchase. We're not talking about deciding to buy an SUV or switching from gas to oil.

I was ambivalent about having children and if my wife hadn't wanted them either then I would have been fine that, and would probably be quite happy about the decision today. However, she did want kids and we had them and while nothing can prepare you for the challenges and demands of parenting, particularly in the early years, another thing I wasn't prepared for was how much joy and and sheer entertainment they can give as you watch them figure out the crazy world they've been shoved into and as their personalities develop. So I'm very happy with how things have turned out, and now I wouldn't want to turn back the clock.

That said, someone else in the same situation might deeply regret having kids. I don't think this is something a poll can really enlighten you about.

LirW

Depends on the kind of person you are. Some people want kids, some don't. Also there are people that change their minds once they settle down, others are even more convinced it doesn't suit them. It's 2018, we have plenty of people on this planet, so it's not necessary to have kids and there is enough amazing stuff to do to keep yourself busy for a lifetime.

I have two, I'm quite young but definitely don't want more. I'm very happy with them because I enjoy being their mother. Yet you'll never meet me at mom-coffee mornings because they make me uncomfortable and I am very aware to keep myself up as an individual because they won't be around forever. My older one will be 20 before I hit my 40's, that in itself is pretty cool.

Owta Control

IVF for me, wanted a child and after 6 misfires in the HARI, the 7th attempt produced my daughter...she turned 10 at the weekend and I couldn't imagine my life without her
...
Now AH....do your thing

Boom_Bap

I had no plans for kids, I wanted to travel the world, live in different countries, explore music, have a life of freedom.

But I couldn't care about any of that now, kids rule. It's tough sometimes, but I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm getting on in years now to start a family. It's a funny old life. When I was in my twenties I wanted children definitely but then I had the luxury of time and could say "not right now but in a few years".

If life had turned out differently then yes I'd be a mother now and I carry some pain regarding that. The loss of a life I thought I'd have. Ridiculous really when we only get one shot and it doesn't do to go down the road of what ifs.

The other side of that is I absolutely love my independence. My life is my own and if I want to sleep all day or dance all night then I can do so. I'm sitting on the couch right now working and himself is in his office doing his bit. We'll head out soon to get a coffee and chat for hours just because we can. I like that. Little freedoms.

seamus

storker wrote: »

I don't think this is something a poll can really enlighten you about.

Actually, it really enlightens you about a specific truth - that whatever your decision, people are virtually always certain that it was the right choice for them and they are living a happy life.

A small subset will also be certain that the "other side" are fooling themselves and aren't as happy as they think they are. They see their mates and conclude that their mates are actually very unhappy beneath their facebook veneer and desperately want/regret children.

It's the even smaller subset of people who didn't get the choice, who do/don't have children despite their wishes, who are unhappy.

You don't have to justify it to anyone. The pros and cons list in the OP is naive and simplistic, based on memes and misconceptions about children and people's thoughts on them. If you want kids, then money, freedom and sleep are trivial concerns. If you don't want kids you don't have to come up with reasons why not.

The only advice I ever give to people who don't want children is - don't waste your youth. Don't spend 60 hours a week working a boring job to save money to buy a house so that you can retire at 55 to stare at four walls and go out for dinner 5 times a week and complain about sore knees and backs and "do you know who died".

If there's nobody depending on you, but you, then you can live in a tent at the side of the road, you can take risks, spend carelessly, pick yourself up and start all over again. You don't need to settle down or put down roots, you can go travel the world and experience all of the things that life and youth has to offer, rather than squirreling away your money and spending all your time making someone else wealthy.

If you don't have children, then you only need enough for yourself. Don't waste your time working towards some idea of being rich. You'll never get there.

thierry14

By the age of 30 all noteworthy things in your life have already been done

New experiences after 30 are a lot less common

Kids are a new experience

Society whether we like it or not judge people

A single childless man or women over 50 are seen as weird

A couple over 50 with no kids are seen as weird, cold and lonely, pityed upon in some cases if one of the couple is ill or dies

Its uncommon not to have kids

I don't think that, I know plenty that do

Same people never wanted kids, freedom forever and now that they have kids look down on those still hanging to youth

gstack166

The ‘I have kids & regret it’ option on the poll is absolutely disgusting. No doubt there is people who regretted having kids so early or maybe even so late, but if you regret having them at all, walk away. You don’t deserve them.

Thich Nhat Hanh

I have no kids and am pushing 40 but I'm single, so sometimes I have friends ask me if I'll ever have kids and I tell them that I haven't figured out a way of producing them on my own yet.
I see a lot of people find they give meaning to their life. I guess it's biologically imprinted into us to have kids, thus giving our lives meaning. I would like to think we've evolved beyond that to a certain extent. It must be nice to have a reason for your existence by having kids, but really all you're doing is passing the buck to your kids, who may ask themselves what on Earth they're doing here, suffer a series of existential crises, then have a child and it keeps going on and on...
My only regret is that my poor mother would love Grandkids, and it upsets me that I haven't given her any, but life didn't pan out that way, so what can I do...

Pac1Man

I had a 13 hour sleep the other week so I voted no for kids.

ianm1234

I noticed alot of old people that never had kids are very grumpy and depressed all the time, Maybe it becomes a regret after so long, I'm 24 and I wouldn't mind having kids, I have nieces and nephews so that makes you realise how great they are and just seeing them grow and develop is pretty amazing 😊 they make you forget about the problems in life because they're just so innocent 😊

irelandrover

the poll seems to miss and option for you want kids but dont have them yet.

Knex*

El Weirdo wrote: »

Which 10% of the child would you prefer? A hand? A foot?

Depends on the soup.

sbsquarepants

Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime wrote: »

After giving it some thought, weighing up the pros and cons etc in leaning towards 90% no kids, and I think that's the way I'd like to go

Kids have a funny way a worming their way into your affections. I have 2 adult kids, when I started going out with my current missus about 10 or 11 years ago I was reasonably sure that I didn't want anymore, but she did - so we compromised and done what she wanted:D
Now I have more kids than a Romanian orphanage and I wouldn't change things for all the money or freedom to travel in the world.

Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime wrote: »

Pros of not having: freedom to do more like to on holidays (go out in the evenings etc), get aways, go to peaceful places to relax in peace without noise, not having to worry about a little one, sleep without distraction, financial well being of not supporting another human for food, clothes, toys, crèche, school fees , college etc.

All true.

Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime wrote: »

Cons: no child/ non want of child might put off some women in a relationship. ...,..)

Ha, I love this one!
Cons - the chicks might not like it:D

Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime wrote: »

I think that's just an outdated religious view in my opinion and think we don't have to do anything we don't want to....,..)

I'm an atheist, I'm not so sure about the religious thing. It's more a primal urge, it's pretty much hardwired into every living organism. We're only really temporary DNA stores.

Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime wrote: »

So what are the opinions of AH ?...,..)

Fúck AH - there's only one opinion that matters!



Mine - go churn out a few sprogs while you can still get it up!

Nobody is able to say they regret kids after having them, is the thing.

I don't have kids and it's fine. I'm not virulently against them but I'm not sorry to miss the expense, the hassle, the stress and the mess.

LirW

gstack166 wrote: »

The ‘I have kids & regret it’ option on the poll is absolutely disgusting. No doubt there is people who regretted having kids so early or maybe even so late, but if you regret having them at all, walk away. You don’t deserve them.

If you have kids and everything was easy, then that's good for you, you'll most likely connect that to a lot of joy. But sometimes the process of having children can be incredibly distressing, have a long-term impact on your health, cause relationships to fall apart with the person you absolutely love.

For some people life isn't all ponies and roses.

Or having a disabled child that needs 24-7 care without knowing before. A rare case but if it happens to you, you're f'd.

rainbow kirby

We wanted kids, we have one little boy (2 in March) and a second one due next month. I don't regret anything even though it's bloody hard at times!

draiochtanois

This post has been deleted.

fattymuatty

I have two and it is an absolute privilege to watch and have a hand in them growing up. They are beyond the baby stage now and we have great fun together, we all share the same sense of humour and laugh a lot together. They can fetch my charger for me when it's upstairs and bring me a cup of tea in bed at the weekends after a lie in. Of course there have been times that are more difficult than others and I'm sure we will face lots more challenges in the future but overall it has been a joy to parent them.

I will be in my early 40s when they hit their 20s and I love the fact that my husband and I have lots of adventures awaiting the two of us then as a couple instead of parents.

I used to think maybe we should have waited until we were older to have kids(although the first wasn't planned) but I am so happy with the way things have worked out for us all.

Shenshen

gstack166 wrote: »

The ‘I have kids & regret it’ option on the poll is absolutely disgusting. No doubt there is people who regretted having kids so early or maybe even so late, but if you regret having them at all, walk away. You don’t deserve them.

Society does frown upon abandoning children by the side of the road...

Sky King

Regret having them currently neck and neck in the poll with regret not having them...very simple solution there for both parties!!