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Would you do this to a colleague?

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    #92
    Chancer3001
    Registered Users Posts: 5,480 ✭✭✭Chancer3001


    Aya Sparse Loop wrote: »
    That's far from an adult way of dealing with issues in life. If there is a problem with her then she needs to be told, via a manager if need be, not ostracised by a group who haven't the guts to deal with the real problem in a grown up manner.

    Why does everything have to be talked to death these days.

    We don't like a person so we don't invite them to socialise.

    It really is that simple


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    #93
    Help!!!!
    Registered Users Posts: 2,965 ✭✭✭Help!!!!


    Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »
    There's a person in work who has been pissing people off all year - basically too big for her boots, foists her work onto other people and is just generally full of herself.

    We're planning to go for lunch the day we break up for Christmas and the person organising it wants to leave unpopular colleague out. Several others have agreed with this.

    Personally I think that's a horrible thing to do to someone and particularly just before Christmas when we won't see each other for over a week. I know she's a pain, but it seems a really childish way to carry on. I'd rather not have the lunch at all than do something like that.

    Just wondering how many of you would go along with something like this?

    Invite her but make her sit on her own at a different table;)


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    #94
    bertsmom
    Registered Users Posts: 539 ✭✭✭bertsmom


    To be honest time is too precious to be wasted spent with people you dont like whether they are from work or a sports club or hobby type group. I myself wouldn't organise a work social outing and not invite just one other person. However if it's not you organising the lunch I wouldn't give it much thought to be honest. Go to it if you want to go and don't if it makes you uncomfortable but I'd just stay out of office politics.
    I don't go to work social outings because frankly they are too much like work!
    Work is just to make money to spend on the things you enjoy with the people you like.


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    #95
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Chancer3001 wrote: »
    Why does everything have to be talked to death these days...

    Because talking and making the point directly still works a lot better at getting a message across more quickly and effectively than organising some strange social boycott.

    It's like when an employer has an issue with an employee, they should just say it, not ignore them in the canteen or make them sit in the corner.


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    #96
    yabadabado
    Registered Users Posts: 16,524 ✭✭✭✭yabadabado


    Why has nobody sorted out the main problem of this person passing on their work to others?
    Get that sorted,there is no point acting like kids.

    If she is a cnut,avoid as much as possible but invite her to the lunch.Its only an hour or two.


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    #97
    Teyla Emmagan
    Registered Users Posts: 5,641 ✭✭✭Teyla Emmagan


    Invite her bit make sure you don't end up sitting beside her!!


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    #98
    Ulysses Gaze
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,570 ✭✭✭Ulysses Gaze


    Seriously, can you not put up with her for a couple of more hours one afternoon a year?

    FFS...like kindergarten.


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    #99
    OldMrBrennan83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26,658 ✭✭✭✭OldMrBrennan83


    This post has been deleted.


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    #100
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,991 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Jesus. How b*tchy can you get! Either organise a Christmas lunch and invite everyone. Or dont have one.

    It's work, not a playground. You all should grow up!


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    #101
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,991 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Patww79 wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    It's up to her colleagues to address issues with her work, in work. They have 51 other weeks in the year to Do it. To have a Christmas lunch and leave some one out is just sh*tty.


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    #102
    OldMrBrennan83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26,658 ✭✭✭✭OldMrBrennan83


    This post has been deleted.


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    #103
    yabadabado
    Registered Users Posts: 16,524 ✭✭✭✭yabadabado


    Patww79 wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    How about someone grows a set and says something or brings it to the attention of management?

    Excluding her will only cause more friction in the workplace.OP has said people dont agree with the plan.


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    #104
    OldMrBrennan83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26,658 ✭✭✭✭OldMrBrennan83


    This post has been deleted.


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    #105
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,991 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Patww79 wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    It's nothing to do with sunshine and lollipops. Why be a c*nt because some one else is? That just makes you a c*nt too and in no position to be pointing fingers.


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    #106
    OldMrBrennan83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26,658 ✭✭✭✭OldMrBrennan83


    This post has been deleted.


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    #107
    Mrs OBumble
    Registered Users Posts: 25,810 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    OP, why are you excluding the three directors? Surely they will feel as bad as thing person does when they realise they've been left out?

    (fyi, I will guarantee they're having a directors event at some stage in the Christmas period, and will make sure that you plebs don't even know when it is!)



    On a serious note: it ain't bullying because it's not repeated behaviour. But it's pretty dumb / childish.

    If you really want to go to lunch, break into smaller groups of friends and go for lunch in 6 / 7s in different places.

    But really I'd be thinking about whether I wanted to be socialising with this group of colleagues at all.



    neonsofa wrote: »
    That is so awful though. I wanted to arrange a christmas lunch with those I am very friendly with (3 or 4) but felt bad about others (office of 40 plus) possibly feeling excluded if they thought it was a "thing" with it being christmas so I ended up abandoning the plan. The idea that people would deliberately exclude one person and organise a festive event is just really sad.

    Excluding one person is just sad.

    But it's equally sad that you couldn't sort out to have lunch, in your own time and paid for by you, with your friends from the office. If there's only 3-4 people involved, then it should be 100% possible to organise on the QT without the others even realising what you were doing.


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    #108
    lazybones32
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,647 ✭✭✭lazybones32


    mariaalice wrote: »
    I think it more a case of behaving like the adult they are suppose to be not a bunch of schoolyard bullies.
    I disagree. If it was schoolyard/immature antics, she'd be told there was lunch but she wasn't being invited because she's not liked. This is simply a case where adults don't want to invite someone they don't like. What is wrong with that? Nothing.


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    #109
    lazybones32
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,647 ✭✭✭lazybones32


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Adult behaviour. When someone behaves like a "cvnt", you say to them "you behave like a cvnt". You don't organise some public humiliation by getting the rest to gang up. That's childish behaviour.
    Do you really say to (select) people 'you behave like a cvnt'? People here on boards are great at saying how they'd like to act but not how they actually do act...
    It's not being organised to ostracise the cvnt; it's organised so people who mostly enjoy each others' presence can have lunch together. See the difference?


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    #110
    cml387
    Registered Users Posts: 8,398 ✭✭✭cml387


    If she is such a see-you-next-Tuesday, and you don't invite her, what's she going to be like next year?


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    #111
    yabadabado
    Registered Users Posts: 16,524 ✭✭✭✭yabadabado


    Patww79 wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Of course her hands arent washed of all respnsibility,let the management deal with her for being workshy/a cnut.

    This is beyond childish,there is always going to be a certain amount of personalty clashes in a workplace but whats suggested in the OP isnt going to solve anything and I would say its more likely going to make things worse.


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    #112
    PeterParker957
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,177 ✭✭✭PeterParker957


    I always wondered how the bullies in my school ended up and would they be ad cliquey afterwards.

    Now I know.


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    #113
    lazybones32
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,647 ✭✭✭lazybones32


    Aya Sparse Loop wrote: »
    That's far from an adult way of dealing with issues in life. If there is a problem with her then she needs to be told, via a manager if need be, not ostracised by a group who haven't the guts to deal with the real problem in a grown up manner.

    Since when did her personality become the responsibility of her coworkers or management?
    She is an adult; a citizen of this Republic and she can be whatever type of person she has chosen to be (which in this instance, appears to be a cvnt)
    Her work practices are within the remit of her coworkers, superiors and employers. Her personality and whether people like that personality is her own responsibility.
    She's being excluded because she's not a nice person, according to the OP. That is acceptable, natural and normal human behaviour.

    A cousin of mine had over 40 years teaching experience and she says that when a child complained that no other child would talk to them or play with them, it was because that child was a bully or very unpleasant. People avoid contact and interaction with a$$holes.


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    #114
    marieholmfan
    Registered Users Posts: 2,744 ✭✭✭marieholmfan


    lazybones32 wrote: »
    A cousin of mine had over 40 years teaching experience and she says that when a child complained that no other child would talk to them or play with them, it was because that child was a bully or very unpleasant. People avoid contact and interaction with a$$holes.
    Your cousin sounds like a horrible old bitch. What's bred in the bone eh?


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    #115
    OldMrBrennan83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26,658 ✭✭✭✭OldMrBrennan83


    This post has been deleted.


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    #116
    ytpe2r5bxkn0c1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    lazybones32 wrote: »
    Since when did her personality become the responsibility of her coworkers or management?
    She is an adult; a citizen of this Republic and she can be whatever type of person she has chosen to be (which in this instance, appears to be a cvnt)
    Her work practices are within the remit of her coworkers, superiors and employers. Her personality and whether people like that personality is her own responsibility.
    She's being excluded because she's not a nice person, according to the OP. That is acceptable, natural and normal human behaviour.

    A cousin of mine had over 40 years teaching experience and she says that when a child complained that no other child would talk to them or play with them, it was because that child was a bully or very unpleasant. People avoid contact and interaction with a$$holes.
    Maybe read what was written rather than what your indignation wanted to see. It's her work behaviour that should be brought to task, not her personality. Where did I say to raise her personality with her or management?


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    #117
    corner of hells
    Registered Users Posts: 8,364 ✭✭✭corner of hells


    How bout we all go to the lunch to enjoy the ambience.


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    #118
    Estrellita
    Registered Users Posts: 638 ✭✭✭Estrellita


    Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »
    We're planning to go for lunch the day we break up for Christmas and the person organising it wants to leave unpopular colleague out. Several others have agreed with this.

    What a lovely bunch of people you work with. One bossy up herself colleague and a bunch of two-faced bullies. I say two faced because they clearly have an issue with her but never have the balls to confront her.

    Buy yourself a nice bottle of wine and some nice food on the way home. It will be far more pleasant an evening by the sounds of it.


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    #119
    wakka12
    Registered Users Posts: 9,786 ✭✭✭wakka12


    Honestly no matter how bitchy somebody was( I can't imagine somebody doing stuff thats bad in an office setting), its so horrible and I guarantee you even if she's bitchy and insufferable shell be deeply hurt by it, much more hurtful than anything she's said to any of you. I wouldn't do it to her anyway

    By all means tell her to her face she's being annoying but don't go behind her back this isn't primary school
    My 14 year old sister comes back from school everyday with stories of bitchy teenage girls purposely leaving girls in their group from social gatherings to offend them and other **** like that. Yee are adults, tell your colleagues to cop on OP !


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    #120
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    lazybones32 wrote: »
    Do you really say to (select) people 'you behave like a cvnt'? People here on boards are great at saying how they'd like to act but not how they actually do act...
    It's not being organised to ostracise the cvnt; it's organised so people who mostly enjoy each others' presence can have lunch together. See the difference?

    No, I don't, I used that word as you had. I've told people their behaviour and/or work is unacceptable, not good enough, outrageous etc. It's simply the most effective way of making a point. As you get older, you just get less tolerant of silly stuff like not inviting someone for lunch and hoping this will lead to a moment of self realisation followed by harmony.


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    #121
    lazybones32
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,647 ✭✭✭lazybones32


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    No, I don't, I used that word as you had. I've told people their behaviour and/or work is unacceptable, not good enough, outrageous etc. It's simply the most effective way of making a point. As you get older, you just get less tolerant of silly stuff like not inviting someone for lunch and hoping this will lead to a moment of self realisation followed by harmony.
    Wanna answer the second part that was put to you?


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