Would you do this to a colleague?

Your Face

I wonder did anyone e.g a supervisor, have a word with her about her behavior.

neonsofa

pickarooney wrote: »

So it's the people who have reservations who won't go to the restaurant?

That seems clear enough

I genuinely read the post as if it were table reservations, penny only dropped when I read your post..... I'm a dope.

That is so awful though. I wanted to arrange a christmas lunch with those I am very friendly with (3 or 4) but felt bad about others (office of 40 plus) possibly feeling excluded if they thought it was a "thing" with it being christmas so I ended up abandoning the plan. The idea that people would deliberately exclude one person and organise a festive event is just really sad.

retro:electro

I wouldn't have the heart to do something like this, personally. No matter how much of a gowl a colleague was.

Are Am Eye

neonsofa wrote: »

I genuinely read the post as if it were table reservations, penny only dropped when I read your post..... I'm a dope.

That is so awful though. I wanted to arrange a christmas lunch with those I am very friendly with (3 or 4) but felt bad about others (office of 40 plus) possibly feeling excluded if they thought it was a "thing" with it being christmas so I ended up abandoning the plan. The idea that people would deliberately exclude one person and organise a festive event is just really sad.

Why do Indians have trouble getting into restaurants?

storker

I agree with those who say don't do it. Inviting her is (a) the right/honourable thing to do and (b) won't leave you open to bullying accusations.

If her behaviour is really that bad, then it needs to be raised with her directly, or a superior. If she challenges anyone about it, be up front about what you've done and why. It might even be good timing to follow it up with the invitation, to underscore that this is a professional rather than a personal issue. At the meal, of course, refuse to take any sh!t from her. She'll be outnumbered anyway.

eviltwin

I wouldn't do it either. It's childish and unkind and won't help long term. And it could backfire. I appreciate her behaviour means she's not welcome but there are official channels to address these kinds of issues, deliberately freezing out that person isn't it.

backspin.

Deandre Shapely Tape wrote: »

There's a person in work who has been pissing people off all year - basically too big for her boots, foists her work onto other people and is just generally full of herself.

We're planning to go for lunch the day we break up for Christmas and the person organising it wants to leave unpopular colleague out. Several others have agreed with this.

Personally I think that's a horrible thing to do to someone and particularly just before Christmas when we won't see each other for over a week. I know she's a pain, but it seems a really childish way to carry on. I'd rather not have the lunch at all than do something like that.

Just wondering how many of you would go along with something like this?

If she is foisting her work onto everyone how exactly is she getting away with that. The proper forum to deal with that is through your supervisor. Not by socially excluding them.

Also I'm always suspicious of poorly defined statements like 'too big for their boots' and 'full of themselves'. What exactly do you mean by that?

Well, she may be too big for her boots, whatever that means. But the other 19 will be petty passive aggressive types lacking one backbone between the lot of them to say what they think to her face. Really not covering themselves in glory even thinking of excluding her.

Electric Sheep

backspin. wrote: »

If she is foisting her work onto everyone how exactly is she getting away with that. The proper forum to deal with that is through your supervisor. Not by socially excluding them.

Also I'm always suspicious of poorly defined statements like 'too big for their
boots' and 'full of themselves'. What exactly do you mean by that?

In my experience, it usually means that there is a Queen Bee in the office who has decided that this woman is not part of the "In Crowd", and others in the office are afraid to challenge the Queen Bee in case they themselves become a target. Such behavior should be left behind in school, but it is unfortunately very common in some workplaces.

I've quit jobs where this sort of thing goes on, even though it was not targeted at me. Life is too short to spend 8 hours a day witnessing that sort of behavior.

corner of hells

Have you considered poisoning her at the meal ?
Maybe poison a few more just to make it look accidental.

seachto7

Don't go, and if asked why, say that if not everyone is invited, then you are opting out. F*ck them all then!

neonsofa

Are Am Eye wrote: »

Why do Indians have trouble getting into restaurants?

Whoosh, over my head, sorry no idea what your post is about :pac:

PeterParker957

Deleted User wrote: »

Well, she may be too big for her boots, whatever that means. But the other 19 will be petty passive aggressive types lacking one backbone between the lot of them to say what they think to her face. Really not covering themselves in glory even thinking of excluding her.

It strikes me as a small clique not liking someone and the rest too concerned about themselves to say anything.

Not cool if you leave her out.

diomed

Ir reads like a queen bee was out-queen beed, and wants to take back command of the hive.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

RoboRat

neonsofa wrote: »

I genuinely read the post as if it were table reservations, penny only dropped when I read your post..... I'm a dope.

That is so awful though. I wanted to arrange a christmas lunch with those I am very friendly with (3 or 4) but felt bad about others (office of 40 plus) possibly feeling excluded if they thought it was a "thing" with it being christmas so I ended up abandoning the plan. The idea that people would deliberately exclude one person and organise a festive event is just really sad.

Big difference with 3 or 4 people going for lunch together out of 40 and 19 out of 20 people being invited with one being excluded. There is no definitive answer to what would constitute as exclusion but the latter would definitely be seen as deliberate exclusion.

andekwarhola

Just invite her.

Be better than those you criticize otherwise are you any different.

Plus deliberately excluding somebody like that will flag you to management as a bully far quicker than being overbearing or unpopular like her.

neonsofa

RoboRat wrote: »

Big difference with 3 or 4 people going for lunch together out of 40 and 19 out of 20 people being invited with one being excluded. There is no definitive answer to what would constitute as exclusion but the latter would definitely be seen as deliberate exclusion.

Oh I know, but if I felt bad about the possibility of one of 40 feeling left out when plenty others were too, then these people should feel bad when one person is exclusively gonna feel left out.

SuperSean11

diomed wrote: »

Ir reads like a queen bee was out-queen beed, and wants to take back command of the hive.

Fight !!!

andekwarhola

backspin. wrote: »

Also I'm always suspicious of poorly defined statements like 'too big for their boots' and 'full of themselves'. What exactly do you mean by that?

This.

When I see something like this, I immediately suspect a personality clash between similar (probably dominating) people.

PandaPoo

corner of hells wrote: »

No , that's exclusion.
Almost like bullying.

Invite her and punch the head off her later when your full of drunk.

I found that a lot funnier than it is. I can't stop laughing

No way can you exclude her, that's horrible. Just because she foists her work on other people, doesn't mean you can make her feel left out on her own. Plus, if she leaves the job I'm sure it will be someone else next time.

Galwayguy35

What I can't understand is why they all let her push her workload on to them and let her away with it.

Tell her to do her fair share of the work or get another job, then all head off for lunch and nobody is left out.

Problem solved.

Are Am Eye

Are Am Eye wrote: »

Why do Indians have trouble getting into restaurants?

neonsofa wrote: »

Whoosh, over my head, sorry no idea what your post is about :pac:

They lost their reservations.

paulpd

Bring her out. After several drinks she'll soon know what you think of her without the childish tactics of not inviting her.

lazybones32

It's at the discretion of the one organising the lunch. If he/she doesn't want to invite her, she's not invited.
This is adult behaviour. If a person is a cvnt, they will be isolated. Cause and effect. Feel free to reject the invite to lunch in solidarity with her if you want op, you could have a great time together.bff's!!!!!

I'd prefer honesty than pity any and every time.

darkdubh

Invite her but send her to the wrong location miles away and claim it was a mixup.

mariaalice

lazybones32 wrote: »

It's at the discretion of the one organising the lunch. If he/she doesn't want to invite her, she's not invited.
This is adult behaviour. If a person is a cvnt, they will be isolated. Cause and effect. Feel free to reject the invite to lunch in solidarity with her if you want op, you could have a great time together.bff's!!!!!

I'd prefer honesty than pity any and every time.

I think it more a case of behaving like the adult they are suppose to be not a bunch of schoolyard bullies.

lazybones32

lazybones32 wrote: »

This is adult behaviour. If a person is a cvnt, they will be isolated.

Adult behaviour. When someone behaves like a "cvnt", you say to them "you behave like a cvnt". You don't organise some public humiliation by getting the rest to gang up. That's childish behaviour.

Chancer3001

Do both.

Tell her she didn't get invited cos nobody likes her

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

lazybones32 wrote: »

It's at the discretion of the one organising the lunch. If he/she doesn't want to invite her, she's not invited.
This is adult behaviour. If a person is a cvnt, they will be isolated. Cause and effect. Feel free to reject the invite to lunch in solidarity with her if you want op, you could have a great time together.bff's!!!!!

I'd prefer honesty than pity any and every time.

That's far from an adult way of dealing with issues in life. If there is a problem with her then she needs to be told, via a manager if need be, not ostracised by a group who haven't the guts to deal with the real problem in a grown up manner.