Has your parent died?

Ash.J.Williams

Fizzlesque wrote: »

My mother died when I was three years old. She was buried on my third birthday, such was the timing of her passing. My father told me and my four older brothers that our mother was gone to heaven and that was a great place to be. I missed the story because I fell asleep so three nights later I asked my father where my mother was. He realised then I'd missed the whole story. My father didn’t tell me this until many years later, when I was an adult, and it made so many things that hadn’t made sense start to make sense. Feelings of loss and being left behind. To me she just disappeared. As a teenager, I used imagine she'd run away with another man and was coming back to get me; any day now.

I drank a cup of mushroom tea one night – many years ago now – and a few times during the trip I found myself at a place with trees and a river and my mother standing on the opposite side beckoning me over to join her. I was ecstatic and was immediately made a move to dive into the river to swim over to be with her, when she said to me “wait, you have to go back and get rid of the body (meaning my dead body) first, you can’t leave it for others to sort out” so I’d agree (this happened more than once) and head back along the tunnel in my mind and back to the room I really was in to get rid of my own dead body. Of course, the return journey to normal thinking rendered that idea totally unworkable :-)

My mother’s 45 years gone now, so she’s very far removed from me at this stage. I don’t remember her at all but I remember the feeling of loss and being left behind. My dad is still alive but he’s getting on in years. His passing is going to rip me to shreds. Not looking forward to the fallout of that inevitability. I have no answer to the original question about how to cope. I think we probably just make it up as we go along.

That's an amazing post... I'm going to show it to a friend that's struggling at the minute and I know it will benefit her.

hairyprincess

My father died when I was a toddler. I have no memory of him and that breaks my heart. The knock on effects of his death on my life have been huge. I often wonder would my life would have been like if he hadn't died; a sliding doors type of thing.
My mother is still living, she's not someone that I can be close to for a variety of reasons but as the only girl in the family not living abroad I'm expected to do everything for her. I know when she goes I won't mourn for her passing but for the relationship I never had with her.

Rubberlegs

prinzeugen wrote: »

Take my brother and myself. We are the last two males of a branch of the family tree.

I know I won't have kids and its highly unlikely my brother will either.

So that is our surname gone from the tree as there is nobody to carry the surname forward.

My Dad had only daughters, who have only daughters. Myself and my sister aren't married so still have his surname. Her daughter has her partners surname, while mine have double barrelled surname so Dad's name is still clinging on in there . If either of us had a boy at this stage it would be something as it would be the first boy in our bit of the family tree in 80 years. I might add it won't be me now at this stage !

I probably shouldn't have clicked into this thread. My brother in laws father was cremated this morning. Our families are fairly close so we dropped everything and made our way here when we heard the news the other day just like the in-laws did for us back in 2014 when my own father passed. Was a tough few days this week and my heart breaks for the in-laws because I know exactly what's ahead of them. My condolences to ye who posted here too. Some tough reads there. Some very close to home

Alf Veedersane

I always thought I might give a sh*t about carrying on a name. I dont. I have a happy, healthy daughter.

If my legacy is my daughter grows up and is a good person and has a happy life, that matters more than my surname.

If I've learned anything, its that it's the time spent with my parents that still makes me smile that matters most.

Sam Kade

Fizzlesque wrote: »

My mother died when I was three years old. She was buried on my third birthday, such was the timing of her passing. My father told me and my four older brothers that our mother was gone to heaven and that was a great place to be. I missed the story because I fell asleep so three nights later I asked my father where my mother was. He realised then I'd missed the whole story. My father didn’t tell me this until many years later, when I was an adult, and it made so many things that hadn’t made sense start to make sense. Feelings of loss and being left behind. To me she just disappeared. As a teenager, I used imagine she'd run away with another man and was coming back to get me; any day now.

I drank a cup of mushroom tea one night – many years ago now – and a few times during the trip I found myself at a place with trees and a river and my mother standing on the opposite side beckoning me over to join her. I was ecstatic and was immediately made a move to dive into the river to swim over to be with her, when she said to me “wait, you have to go back and get rid of the body (meaning my dead body) first, you can’t leave it for others to sort out” so I’d agree (this happened more than once) and head back along the tunnel in my mind and back to the room I really was in to get rid of my own dead body. Of course, the return journey to normal thinking rendered that idea totally unworkable :-)

My mother’s 45 years gone now, so she’s very far removed from me at this stage. I don’t remember her at all but I remember the feeling of loss and being left behind. My dad is still alive but he’s getting on in years. His passing is going to rip me to shreds. Not looking forward to the fallout of that inevitability. I have no answer to the original question about how to cope. I think we probably just make it up as we go along.

Same here, my father died when I was 3 years old 50 years ago aged 45, I only have a few faint memories of him. On the other hand my Grandfather lived a year longer and I can remember him well.