What Do I Tell My Mother?

JackTaylorFan

Surreptitious wrote: »

So you go around smashing stuff up and sending her off without knowing exact dates?

I haven't slept since Monday afternoon

jimmycrackcorm

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

I suffer terribly from allergies this time of the year, every year (I blame my father really - it's his fault - he's the one who gave me hayfever)

Please advise how to - I'd like to give my mrs the same because she didn't wash my undies yesterday.

So anyways, I sent my mother away for a few days - to Donegal or somewhere - I don't know - I just picked the cheapest deal I could find on booking.com and helped her pack her bags

I'm from Donegal, I think you're the most thoughtful child I've ever come across.

annascott

How horrid of you to even consider trying to trick your mother into believing that she did not get the flowers when she is already experiencing memory problems.
Go and buy a new vase and some flowers- they do not have to lillies. If your mother asks, tell her you dropped the others and the vase broke. No need for her to know you have anger management issues.
Make sure you clear up all of the broken glass to save animals and birds getting injured.
Get therapy.

JackTaylorFan

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Please advise how to - I'd like to give my mrs the same because she didn't wash my undies yesterday.




I'm from Donegal, I think you're the most thoughtful child I've ever come across.

I love you too, Mummy

JackTaylorFan

annascott wrote: »

How horrid of you to even consider trying to trick your mother into believing that she did not get the flowers when she is already experiencing memory problems.
Go and buy a new vase and some flowers- they do not have to lillies. If your mother asks, tell her you dropped the others and the vase broke. No need for her to know you have anger management issues.
Make sure you clear up all of the broken glass to save animals and birds getting injured.
Get therapy.

I'm sorry, sis.

gitzy16v

I cant get over the fact you sent your mother away for mothers day...though i get the feeling she was glad of the break!

misstearheus

Think I'll have a gawk of the O.P's other posts for the lols and the bants.

~bebostunnah2k17~


Don't know why I just said all that. No idea. But am too lazy now to go to the trouble of arrowing-up and backspacing it all so it's staying in.

JupiterKid

You have issues OP. Whether your story is real or fake.

Surreptitious

The whole thing stinks.

fearrchair

annascott wrote:

How horrid of you to even consider trying to trick your mother into believing that she did not get the flowers when she is already experiencing memory problems. Go and buy a new vase and some flowers- they do not have to lillies. If your mother asks, tell her you dropped the others and the vase broke. No need for her to know you have anger management issues. Make sure you clear up all of the broken glass to save animals and birds getting injured. Get therapy.

If this is true then this is probably the best solution.

You should have tried not to smash the vase tho. Would only tell people that there's must be more wrong than an allergy to Lillies.

JackTaylorFan

fearrchair wrote: »

If this is true then this is probably the best solution.

You should have tried not to smash the vase tho. Would only tell people that there's must be more wrong than an allergy to Lillies.

The vase was ugly though. Didn't match any of the other decor. 'Tis really for the best, really

JackTaylorFan

JupiterKid wrote: »

You have issues OP. Whether your story is real or fake.

Thank you for your help, my friend x

Glenster

***COMMIT NO CRIMES***

JackTaylorFan

Glenster wrote: »

ignore this.

You need to find a scapegoat to pin this on. Are there any immigrants/single mothers living in your area?

Break into their house and steal samples of their hair and skin and scatter them around the broken vase.

Hack their computer and create a file called "I hate MOTHERS NAME and will smash her flowers"

Smash some windows and chairs in your house, possibly start a small fire in the kitchen.

Lastly and most importantly get a knife and give yourself a fleshwound in the shoulder or thigh, This is important because you need to show you did everything you could to protect the vase and were wounded in the struggle.
Try to fall on the knife or drop the knife from a great height onto your thigh/shoulder as the CSI forensics will investigate the wound.

Now lie on the shards of the vase, bleeding out with the house on fire, and when your mother returns in 4-5 days you will have an airtight alibi.

My neighbour is a single mother.

Glenster

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

My neighbour is a single mother.

Perfect.

Optimalprimerib

True or not true, the fact you broke the vase instead of just throwing out the flowers means that you are beyond any help I can give you.

Badly Drunk Boy

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

The vase was ugly though. Didn't match any of the other decor. 'Tis really for the best, really

Buy a new vase and some plastic lilies. (Why break it in the first place?) Your mother mightn't notice, and there would be no allergy issue either.

Barry Badrinath

Zaph wrote: »

Once upon a time AH was fun. Now we're being subjected to this?

It's "d1ckhead drivel" at its worst. The place is getting worse as the Millennials are at opinion age.

Yknow...the ones that think they have life experience and are desperate for attention all the time.

Chancer3001

Awful awful awful attempt at being a funny troll.

gramar

Did you make this up all by yourself OP?

whoopsadoodles

Chancer3001 wrote: »

Awful awful awful attempt at being a funny troll.

One things for sure - whether he's winding people up because they actually believe the story, or whether he's winding people up because they're annoyed at the lack of effort - he's still winding quite a few people up! sooooo....job done?!

Take a dump where the vase was. Tell your mother that someone broke in, stole the vase, and shat where it was.

fizzypish

Deleted User wrote: »

Take a dump where the vase was. Tell your mother that someone broke in, stole the vase, and shat where it was.

I concur with this thoroughly. One addition. Radically alter your diet so your **** is not of the normal variety. Your mother may be well versed in identifying your stools and this will throw her off the scent. Don't just go on the razz. She'll see the hungover head on ya and know you shat on the table! I recommend all bran in orange juice.

Widdershins

That's what happens when you let things fester too long. Just tell her you're sorry that you knocked the vase by accident and it broke. It's a bit early to pick some more flowers but you could buy her some that aren't pollen riddled. I'm surprised as your mother that she isn't mindful of your hayfever but maybe it's her age. Is this some sort of joke post? What's copying and pasting got to do with it?

JackTaylorFan

Widdershins wrote: »

That's what happens when you let things fester too long. Just tell her you're sorry that you knocked the vase by accident and it broke. It's a bit early to pick some more flowers but you could buy her some that aren't pollen riddled. I'm surprised as your mother that she isn't mindful of your hayfever but maybe it's her age. Is this some sort of joke post? What's copying and pasting got to do with it?

Sorry, I don't understand how to joke.

JackTaylorFan

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

It's "d1ckhead drivel" at its worst. The place is getting worse as the Millennials are at opinion age.

Yknow...the ones that think they have life experience and are desperate for attention all the time.

After hours was fun?

KERSPLAT!

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

Sorry, I don't understand how to joke.

We know

JackTaylorFan

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

We know

Thank you, my friend. You seem lovely too x

JackTaylorFan

gramar wrote: »

Did you make this up all by yourself OP?

Why would I make a story up? That's not right in the head.

Pac1Man

What's a sextuagenarian?