What Do I Tell My Mother?

JackTaylorFan

So I am hoping some sextuagenarians can advise me here...

On mother's day, just gone, somebody got mine a pretty bouquet of white Lilies that she placed proudly on the kitchen table - much to my dismay (as you can only begin to imagine).

Anyways, one of my issues is, well, thus: I suffer terribly from allergies this time of the year, every year (I blame my father really - it's his fault - he's the one who gave me hayfever) - and I find the pretty pollen that is on the dreaded lilium extremely aggravating to my sense of well-being.

I also have a theory as to why Lilies are so popular at funerals: they make us cry even when we are not all that upset that the person who has died.

So anyways, I sent my mother away for a few days - to Donegal or somewhere - I don't know - I just picked the cheapest deal I could find on booking.com and helped her pack her bags. I needed a break - seriously, you have no idea. So I have been housesitting since about Sunday evening - but those flowers! I can't even begin to describe how much I despise the stench of them; it's like when you walk into one of those mystic newage hippie shops and everything stinks of potpourri or whatever and it gets caught in your nostrils and on your clothes for hours and hours. The flowers have been affecting me quite badly the last few evenings - and I know, I know, I should really stop being so sensitive about stuff. And blah... blah... blah... - but I can't help it if nature has it in for me.

I've had a headache for the last three days and my eyes have been red and I've been drunk a lot! And this evening, I just kinda lost it.

I'd really just had enough, really.

Anyways, I'm not proud of what i done next: I picked the vase up and took it outside - then I smashed it on the neighbours wall. It felt good, to be honest. I felt very calm afterwards - I believe it's what Arjuna experienced all those Christmases ago - and when I went back inside for my evening tea, the tension I was experiencing between my eyes had almost completely dissipated. I'll probably get up extra early tomorrow (round 11ish)and clean up the broken vase - throw the flowers in the trash and go back to bed until 2pm. It's been a hard week.

But, I suppose, I do feel a small bit guilty for what I did - now that I can think clearly again. I've been sitting in the kitchen near the window for the last 10 minutes or so - and as I type this I can still see the broken shards, and the dead flowers just lying out there whenever the neighbour's security light comes on. My neighbours like to sit out their back with a fag on and talk about things - I sometimes hear them talking about me. There is no puddle though, it has been raining like cats and dogs since I woke up yesterday.

Anyways, my mother will be home on Saturday (I think) and I'm not sure what to tell her, really. A part of me hopes she just forgets she ever got them - she has been forgetting things recently - but I probably shouldn't get my hopes up too soon. The doctor told me it is way too early to say for sure.

Anyways, I'm not really sure what to do if she asks. Maybe I should just pretend nobody ever gave her a present on Mother's day. Yeah, she might actually believe that with a little persuasion - I mean, I know I didn't get her anything.

Well, there was the trip to Donegal (I think?) - but that was more a present to myself, really.

coffee_cake

Tell her you don't know how to copy paste properly

Dyr

Your mother is the least of your worries, ya bleedin space cadet ye

Scraggs

That's a pretty long winded way to say you acted like a brat.

JackTaylorFan

bluewolf wrote: »

Tell her you don't know how to copy paste properly

Sorry, I've not been sleeping well

rtron

So anyways tell her you can't copy and paste properly.

JackTaylorFan

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

Sorry, I've not been sleeping well

rtron wrote: »

So anyways tell her you can't copy and paste properly.

Sorry, Sorry, I've I've not not been been sleeping sleeping well well

vicwatson

Does your mammy have Brennans bread on the counter?

dee_mc

Go back in time, put the vase of flowers in her bedroom, then fast forward to Saturday and tell her you had to move them as they trigger your hayfever.
Or, you know, make up a ridiculous story and troll away. Whatever works for you.

KERSPLAT!

I was hoping for another doggy stun gun thread... instead I got this.

PARlance

Here's the tl;dr

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

So I am hoping some sextuagenarians can advise me here...

On mother's day, just gone, somebody got mine a pretty bouquet of white Lilies that she placed proudly on the kitchen table - much to my dismay (as you can only begin to imagine).

Anyways, one of my issues is, well, thus: I suffer terribly from allergies this time of the year, every year (I blame my father really - it's his fault - he's the one who gave me hayfever) - and I find the pretty pollen that is on the dreaded lilium extremely aggravating to my sense of well-being.

I also have a theory as to why Lilies are so popular at funerals: they make us cry even when we are not all that upset that the person who has died.

So anyways, I sent my mother away for a few days - to Donegal or somewhere - I don't know - I just picked the cheapest deal I could find on booking.com and helped her pack her bags. I needed a break - seriously, you have no idea. So I have been housesitting since about Sunday evening - but those flowers! I can't even begin to describe how much I despise the stench of them; it's like when you walk into one of those mystic newage hippie shops and everything stinks of potpourri or whatever and it gets caught in your nostrils and on your clothes for hours and hours. The flowers have been affecting me quite badly the last few evenings - and I know, I know, I should really stop being so sensitive about stuff. And blah... blah... blah... - but I can't help it if nature has it in for me.

I've had a headache for the last three days and my eyes have been red and I've been drunk a lot! And this evening, I just kinda lost it.

I'd really just had enough, really.

Anyways, I'm not proud of what i done next: I picked the vase up and took it outside - then I smashed it on the neighbours wall. It felt good, to be honest. I felt very calm afterwards - I believe it's what Arjuna experienced all those Christmases ago - and when I went back inside for my evening tea, the tension I was experiencing between my eyes had almost completely dissipated. I'll probably get up extra early tomorrow (round 11ish)and clean up the broken vase - throw the flowers in the trash and go back to bed until 2pm. It's been a hard week.

But, I suppose, I do feel a small bit guilty for what I did - now that I can think clearly again. I've been sitting in the kitchen near the window for the last 10 minutes or so - and as I type this I can still see the broken shards, and the dead flowers just lying out there whenever the neighbour's security light comes on. My neighbours like to sit out their back with a fag on and talk about things - I sometimes hear them talking about me. There is no puddle though, it has been raining like cats and dogs since I woke up yesterday.

Anyways, my mother will be home on Saturday (I think) and I'm not sure what to tell her, really. A part of me hopes she just forgets she ever got them - she has been forgetting things recently - but I probably shouldn't get my hopes up too soon. The doctor told me it is way too early to say for sure.

Anyways, I'm not really sure what to do if she asks. Maybe I should just pretend nobody ever gave her a present on Mother's day. Yeah, she might actually believe that with a little persuasion - I mean, I know I didn't get her anything.

Well, there was the trip to Donegal (I think?) - but that was more a present to myself, really.

OP did you make all of that up? You can come clean. We understand.

colm_mcm

Is there anything to be said for burning the house down?

misstearheus

My eyes are sore trying to follow that and keep my attention. Will someone give me a quickie synopsis please and t.i.a.

EndaHonesty

It's a trap!

KERSPLAT!

misstearheus wrote: »

My eyes are sore trying to follow that and keep my attention. Will someone give me a quickie synopsis please and t.i.a.

Its absolute shyte, and I didn't even finish it!

dee_mc

OP had a vivid dream brought on by a combination of antihistamines and a bacardi breezer. In the dream, he smashed a vase of flowers given to his mother by her other, secret child. Now he needs to conceal his heinous (though imaginary) actions before Saturday, and that's where we come in.

RobbingBandit

Long story short OP is Norman Bates.

La.de.da

misstearheus wrote: »

My eyes are sore trying to follow that and keep my attention. Will someone give me a quickie synopsis please and t.i.a.

Someone bought his ma lillie flowers for mothers day.

His ma went away to Donegal or somewhere and the op discovered he doesn't like lillies.(cause they most likely stank of piss)

He fùcked the flowers out when his ma was gone.

OP feels guilty.
His mammy will be sad.

End.

freshpopcorn

If the vase is easily replaced I'd just buy a new one and say nothing!

Zaph

Once upon a time AH was fun. Now we're being subjected to this?

Totofan99

Why did you break the vase? You could have just thrown out the flowers and told your mother that they died.

infogiver

Totofan99 wrote: »

Why did you break the vase? You could have just thrown out the flowers and told your mother that they died.

Throwing out things is not as cathartic as smashing them and then watching the broken pieces lying there as unfixable as your shattered existence

Glenster

Long story short; OP is acting out because he misses his mammy.

riffmongous

I don't believe anyone would get lilies for mothers day, 2/10

gitzy16v

Ban this ****e.

Surreptitious

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

So I am hoping some sextuagenarians can advise me here...

On mother's day, just gone, somebody got mine a pretty bouquet of white Lilies that she placed proudly on the kitchen table - much to my dismay (as you can only begin to imagine).

Anyways, one of my issues is, well, thus: I suffer terribly from allergies this time of the year, every year (I blame my father really - it's his fault - he's the one who gave me hayfever) - and I find the pretty pollen that is on the dreaded lilium extremely aggravating to my sense of well-being.

I also have a theory as to why Lilies are so popular at funerals: they make us cry even when we are not all that upset that the person who has died.

So anyways, I sent my mother away for a few days - to Donegal or somewhere - I don't know - I just picked the cheapest deal I could find on booking.com and helped her pack her bags. I needed a break - seriously, you have no idea. So I have been housesitting since about Sunday evening - but those flowers! I can't even begin to describe how much I despise the stench of them; it's like when you walk into one of those mystic newage hippie shops and everything stinks of potpourri or whatever and it gets caught in your nostrils and on your clothes for hours and hours. The flowers have been affecting me quite badly the last few evenings - and I know, I know, I should really stop being so sensitive about stuff. And blah... blah... blah... - but I can't help it if nature has it in for me.

I've had a headache for the last three days and my eyes have been red and I've been drunk a lot! And this evening, I just kinda lost it.

I'd really just had enough, really.

Anyways, I'm not proud of what i done next: I picked the vase up and took it outside - then I smashed it on the neighbours wall. It felt good, to be honest. I felt very calm afterwards - I believe it's what Arjuna experienced all those Christmases ago - and when I went back inside for my evening tea, the tension I was experiencing between my eyes had almost completely dissipated. I'll probably get up extra early tomorrow (round 11ish)and clean up the broken vase - throw the flowers in the trash and go back to bed until 2pm. It's been a hard week.

But, I suppose, I do feel a small bit guilty for what I did - now that I can think clearly again. I've been sitting in the kitchen near the window for the last 10 minutes or so - and as I type this I can still see the broken shards, and the dead flowers just lying out there whenever the neighbour's security light comes on. My neighbours like to sit out their back with a fag on and talk about things - I sometimes hear them talking about me. There is no puddle though, it has been raining like cats and dogs since I woke up yesterday.

Anyways, my mother will be home on Saturday (I think) and I'm not sure what to tell her, really. A part of me hopes she just forgets she ever got them - she has been forgetting things recently - but I probably shouldn't get my hopes up too soon. The doctor told me it is way too early to say for sure.

Anyways, I'm not really sure what to do if she asks. Maybe I should just pretend nobody ever gave her a present on Mother's day. Yeah, she might actually believe that with a little persuasion - I mean, I know I didn't get her anything.

Well, there was the trip to Donegal (I think?) - but that was more a present to myself, really.

So you got her nothing but sent her on a break? Which is it?
Paranoia.
And you want your mother to be unwell? What kind of twisted sister sh!t is this of a Thursday nuit.

gitzy16v

Surreptitious wrote: »

So you got her nothing but sent her on a break? Which is it?

Sent her away to suit himself!!!
Not nice!

JackTaylorFan

Surreptitious wrote: »

So you got her nothing but sent her on a break? Which is it?
Paranoia.
And you want your mother to be unwell? What kind of twisted sister sh!t is this of a Thursday nuit.

I'm very worried about her

Surreptitious

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

I'm very worried about her

So you go around smashing stuff up and sending her off without knowing exact dates?

JackTaylorFan

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

I'm very worried about her

My mother, I mean