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What Do I Tell My Mother?

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    #62
    Insect Overlord
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,859 Mod ✭✭✭✭Insect Overlord


    Pac1Man wrote: »
    What's a sextuagenarian?

    A person aged between 60 and 69.

    Like the OP's ma.


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    #63
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    Pac1Man wrote: »
    What's a sextuagenarian?

    It's like a professor.


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    #64
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 11,614 ✭ [Deleted User]


    PARlance wrote: »
    Here's the tl;dr

    That tl;dr is still pretty long. Can someone give me a brief synopsis?


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    #65
    TheBlock
    Registered Users Posts: 596 ✭✭✭TheBlock


    Deleted User wrote: »
    That tl;dr is still pretty long. Can someone give me a brief synopsis?

    OP's a roaster.


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    #66
    sharkfox
    Registered Users Posts: 87 ✭✭sharkfox


    Why not just put the vase and flowers outside when she left instead of sitting in the house for days with it? Maybe the lilies were a trap from your brother....


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    #67
    Cee-Jay-Cee
    Registered Users Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    You should make a small cut on the palm of your hand and claim it happened when you lifted the case to dust underneath it, it just shattered in your hand causing the cut/injury. You can tell her you then threw the debris outside as you weren't in a position to clear it up properly given the serious injury to your hand. Then sue your mother for negligence and injury. At today's rates you'll get €30k easily. Insist that she pays your full costs too. That'll teach the aul bag for allowing flowers to be displayed in her own home in which I assume you are merely a lodger.

    Oh yeah OP you sound like a real cünt.


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    #68
    infogiver
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,505 ✭✭✭infogiver


    JackTaylorFan wrote: »
    Sorry, I don't understand how to joke.

    As Spandau Ballet would say, this much is true.


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    #69
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    infogiver wrote: »
    As Spandau Ballet would say, this much is true.

    I like 80s references - we should be friends :)


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    #70
    ytpe2r5bxkn0c1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    JackTaylorFan wrote: »
    That's not right in the head.

    Oh, so right.


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    #71
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    So, there's actually a really easy way to resolve this.

    Lilies stink. And you know why? Pollen. I'm not even allergic and I've felt the irritation that can be cause by lilies.

    Look inside the flower of the lily and you see a few stalks with these dusty things on the end that look like elongated beans. They're called the stamen. That's the pollen. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilium#/media/File:Lillium_Stamens.jpg

    Take a piece of kitchen roll, grab one and pull it. It will pop right off in a single piece, with little or no effort. The kitchen roll is to stop the pollen staining, you'll never get that out of anything.

    Take out all of the stamen, throw them in the bin.

    Et Voila, you have Lilies that don't stink and burn your eyes, and no longer have to send your OAP mother into exile and smash vases against walls.


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    #72
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    seamus wrote: »
    So, there's actually a really easy way to resolve this.

    Lilies stink. And you know why? Pollen. I'm not even allergic and I've felt the irritation that can be cause by lilies.

    Look inside the flower of the lily and you see a few stalks with these dusty things on the end that look like elongated beans. They're called the stamen. That's the pollen. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilium#/media/File:Lillium_Stamens.jpg

    Take a piece of kitchen roll, grab one and pull it. It will pop right off in a single piece, with little or no effort. The kitchen roll is to stop the pollen staining, you'll never get that out of anything.

    Take out all of the stamen, throw them in the bin.

    Et Voila, you have Lilies that don't stink and burn your eyes, and no longer have to send your OAP mother into exile and smash vases against walls.

    Thank you so much - this really helps, really ;)


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    #73
    the_syco
    Registered Users Posts: 37,295 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    Why the funk did you smash the vase? It could have been your mammys favourite vase. You really are a spanner, aren't you!?!


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    #74
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    the_syco wrote: »
    Why the funk did you smash the vase? It could have been your mammys favourite vase. You really are a spanner, aren't you!?!

    Have you never experienced the pure joy of smashing pottery?


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    #75
    ytpe2r5bxkn0c1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    JackTaylorFan wrote: »
    Have you never experienced the pure joy of smashing pottery?
    To quote yourself...
    That's not right in the head


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    #76
    ytpe2r5bxkn0c1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    seamus wrote: »
    So, there's actually a really easy way to resolve this.

    Lilies stink. And you know why? Pollen. I'm not even allergic and I've felt the irritation that can be cause by lilies.

    Look inside the flower of the lily and you see a few stalks with these dusty things on the end that look like elongated beans. They're called the stamen. That's the pollen. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilium#/media/File:Lillium_Stamens.jpg

    Take a piece of kitchen roll, grab one and pull it. It will pop right off in a single piece, with little or no effort. The kitchen roll is to stop the pollen staining, you'll never get that out of anything.

    Take out all of the stamen, throw them in the bin.

    Et Voila, you have Lilies that don't stink and burn your eyes, and no longer have to send your OAP mother into exile and smash vases against walls.
    Bad news, I'm afraid. The scent does not come from the Stamen but from a oil in the petals.


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    #77
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    True that. The irritation though comes from the stamen. The thing that makes watery eyes and itchy noses.


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    #78
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    Jensen Defeated Vigilante wrote: »
    To quote yourself...

    Ah, you're no fun.


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    #79
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    seamus wrote: »
    True that. The irritation though comes from the stamen. The thing that makes watery eyes and itchy noses.

    And migraines


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    #80
    DoozerT6
    Registered Users Posts: 2,589 ✭✭✭DoozerT6


    Whatever about the lillies, this whole thread stinks. Six pages of this shyte?


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    #81
    harry Bailey esq
    Registered Users Posts: 4,814 ✭✭✭harry Bailey esq


    Has anyone suggested burning the house down?


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    #82
    EndaHonesty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭EndaHonesty


    harry Bailey esq wrote: »
    Has anyone suggested burning the house down?

    Post no. 13 of the thread. On the first page...


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    #83
    DoozerT6
    Registered Users Posts: 2,589 ✭✭✭DoozerT6


    harry Bailey esq wrote: »
    Has anyone suggested burning the house down?

    Page 1.


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    #84
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    harry Bailey esq wrote: »
    Has anyone suggested burning the house down?

    I believe it has been suggested, yes. Try being original next time :)


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    #85
    ToddyDoody
    Registered Users Posts: 4,421 ✭✭✭ToddyDoody


    JackTaylorFan wrote: »
    My neighbours like to sit out their back with a fag on and talk about things

    They listen to Al Porter's radio show?


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    #86
    JackTaylorFan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    ToddyDoody wrote: »
    They listen to Al Porter's radio show?

    I believe it was Nigel Farage's show.


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    #87
    Peregrine
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 26,399 Mod ✭✭✭✭Peregrine


    JackTaylorFan wrote: »
    I believe it has been suggested, yes. Try being original next time :)

    Try Personal Issues. You've gone and destroyed someone's property and want to manipulate her into believing it never existed. We can't help you.


This discussion has been closed.
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