Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

What Do I Tell My Mother?

2»

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,058 ✭✭✭whoopsadoodles


    Awful awful awful attempt at being a funny troll.

    One things for sure - whether he's winding people up because they actually believe the story, or whether he's winding people up because they're annoyed at the lack of effort - he's still winding quite a few people up! sooooo....job done?!


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Take a dump where the vase was. Tell your mother that someone broke in, stole the vase, and shat where it was.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,000 ✭✭✭fizzypish


    Take a dump where the vase was. Tell your mother that someone broke in, stole the vase, and shat where it was.

    I concur with this thoroughly. One addition. Radically alter your diet so your **** is not of the normal variety. Your mother may be well versed in identifying your stools and this will throw her off the scent. Don't just go on the razz. She'll see the hungover head on ya and know you shat on the table! I recommend all bran in orange juice.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,633 ✭✭✭✭Widdershins


    That's what happens when you let things fester too long. Just tell her you're sorry that you knocked the vase by accident and it broke. It's a bit early to pick some more flowers but you could buy her some that aren't pollen riddled. I'm surprised as your mother that she isn't mindful of your hayfever but maybe it's her age. Is this some sort of joke post? What's copying and pasting got to do with it?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    That's what happens when you let things fester too long. Just tell her you're sorry that you knocked the vase by accident and it broke. It's a bit early to pick some more flowers but you could buy her some that aren't pollen riddled. I'm surprised as your mother that she isn't mindful of your hayfever but maybe it's her age. Is this some sort of joke post? What's copying and pasting got to do with it?

    Sorry, I don't understand how to joke.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    It's "d1ckhead drivel" at its worst. The place is getting worse as the Millennials are at opinion age.

    Yknow...the ones that think they have life experience and are desperate for attention all the time.

    After hours was fun?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 31,152 ✭✭✭✭KERSPLAT!


    Sorry, I don't understand how to joke.

    We know


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    KERSPLAT! wrote: »
    We know

    Thank you, my friend. You seem lovely too x


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    gramar wrote: »
    Did you make this up all by yourself OP?

    Why would I make a story up? That's not right in the head.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,394 ✭✭✭Pac1Man


    What's a sextuagenarian?


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,933 Mod ✭✭✭✭Insect Overlord


    Pac1Man wrote: »
    What's a sextuagenarian?

    A person aged between 60 and 69.

    Like the OP's ma.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    Pac1Man wrote: »
    What's a sextuagenarian?

    It's like a professor.


  • Posts: 11,614 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    PARlance wrote: »
    Here's the tl;dr

    That tl;dr is still pretty long. Can someone give me a brief synopsis?


  • Registered Users Posts: 596 ✭✭✭TheBlock


    That tl;dr is still pretty long. Can someone give me a brief synopsis?

    OP's a roaster.


  • Registered Users Posts: 87 ✭✭sharkfox


    Why not just put the vase and flowers outside when she left instead of sitting in the house for days with it? Maybe the lilies were a trap from your brother....


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    You should make a small cut on the palm of your hand and claim it happened when you lifted the case to dust underneath it, it just shattered in your hand causing the cut/injury. You can tell her you then threw the debris outside as you weren't in a position to clear it up properly given the serious injury to your hand. Then sue your mother for negligence and injury. At today's rates you'll get €30k easily. Insist that she pays your full costs too. That'll teach the aul bag for allowing flowers to be displayed in her own home in which I assume you are merely a lodger.

    Oh yeah OP you sound like a real cünt.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,505 ✭✭✭infogiver


    Sorry, I don't understand how to joke.

    As Spandau Ballet would say, this much is true.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    infogiver wrote: »
    As Spandau Ballet would say, this much is true.

    I like 80s references - we should be friends :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    That's not right in the head.

    Oh, so right.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    So, there's actually a really easy way to resolve this.

    Lilies stink. And you know why? Pollen. I'm not even allergic and I've felt the irritation that can be cause by lilies.

    Look inside the flower of the lily and you see a few stalks with these dusty things on the end that look like elongated beans. They're called the stamen. That's the pollen. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilium#/media/File:Lillium_Stamens.jpg

    Take a piece of kitchen roll, grab one and pull it. It will pop right off in a single piece, with little or no effort. The kitchen roll is to stop the pollen staining, you'll never get that out of anything.

    Take out all of the stamen, throw them in the bin.

    Et Voila, you have Lilies that don't stink and burn your eyes, and no longer have to send your OAP mother into exile and smash vases against walls.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    seamus wrote: »
    So, there's actually a really easy way to resolve this.

    Lilies stink. And you know why? Pollen. I'm not even allergic and I've felt the irritation that can be cause by lilies.

    Look inside the flower of the lily and you see a few stalks with these dusty things on the end that look like elongated beans. They're called the stamen. That's the pollen. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilium#/media/File:Lillium_Stamens.jpg

    Take a piece of kitchen roll, grab one and pull it. It will pop right off in a single piece, with little or no effort. The kitchen roll is to stop the pollen staining, you'll never get that out of anything.

    Take out all of the stamen, throw them in the bin.

    Et Voila, you have Lilies that don't stink and burn your eyes, and no longer have to send your OAP mother into exile and smash vases against walls.

    Thank you so much - this really helps, really ;)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 37,314 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    Why the funk did you smash the vase? It could have been your mammys favourite vase. You really are a spanner, aren't you!?!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    the_syco wrote: »
    Why the funk did you smash the vase? It could have been your mammys favourite vase. You really are a spanner, aren't you!?!

    Have you never experienced the pure joy of smashing pottery?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    Have you never experienced the pure joy of smashing pottery?
    To quote yourself...
    That's not right in the head


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    seamus wrote: »
    So, there's actually a really easy way to resolve this.

    Lilies stink. And you know why? Pollen. I'm not even allergic and I've felt the irritation that can be cause by lilies.

    Look inside the flower of the lily and you see a few stalks with these dusty things on the end that look like elongated beans. They're called the stamen. That's the pollen. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilium#/media/File:Lillium_Stamens.jpg

    Take a piece of kitchen roll, grab one and pull it. It will pop right off in a single piece, with little or no effort. The kitchen roll is to stop the pollen staining, you'll never get that out of anything.

    Take out all of the stamen, throw them in the bin.

    Et Voila, you have Lilies that don't stink and burn your eyes, and no longer have to send your OAP mother into exile and smash vases against walls.
    Bad news, I'm afraid. The scent does not come from the Stamen but from a oil in the petals.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    True that. The irritation though comes from the stamen. The thing that makes watery eyes and itchy noses.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    To quote yourself...

    Ah, you're no fun.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    seamus wrote: »
    True that. The irritation though comes from the stamen. The thing that makes watery eyes and itchy noses.

    And migraines


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,589 ✭✭✭DoozerT6


    Whatever about the lillies, this whole thread stinks. Six pages of this shyte?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,814 ✭✭✭harry Bailey esq


    Has anyone suggested burning the house down?


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭EndaHonesty


    Has anyone suggested burning the house down?

    Post no. 13 of the thread. On the first page...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,589 ✭✭✭DoozerT6


    Has anyone suggested burning the house down?

    Page 1.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    Has anyone suggested burning the house down?

    I believe it has been suggested, yes. Try being original next time :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,417 ✭✭✭ToddyDoody


    My neighbours like to sit out their back with a fag on and talk about things

    They listen to Al Porter's radio show?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭JackTaylorFan


    ToddyDoody wrote: »
    They listen to Al Porter's radio show?

    I believe it was Nigel Farage's show.


  • Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 26,403 Mod ✭✭✭✭Peregrine


    I believe it has been suggested, yes. Try being original next time :)

    Try Personal Issues. You've gone and destroyed someone's property and want to manipulate her into believing it never existed. We can't help you.


This discussion has been closed.
Advertisement