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Christmas Issues
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The one thing I'm getting from this is you haven't actually communicated any of this to her. You had plans, then your nan deteriorated so you decided to go to your parents for Christmas Day, then your gf decided to go to her family home first thing Christmas Eve and come back late Stephen's Day.. You're disappointed with this and hopes she might decide to stay a little later on Christmas Eve, but you haven't actually said it to her?
She's not a mind reader! She can't know you're upset about something if you don't tell her you are and instead tell her that it's fine and to do whichever she prefers. Now, some people might tell you to suck it up and say nothing, because apparently around here discussing anything with your partner that upsets you is classed as "manipulation"(?) And you should not tell her you're upset because it will be an attempt to manipulate her into doing what you want her to do.
In a grown up world though, people do discuss things. People communicate and compromise and come to a decision on what's best for everyone. If you don't tell her you're disappointed, she doesn't know you're disappointed. (Although, I think I remember you saying you argued about it, so you must have said something to her about it?) Now, on the other hand, sometimes you have to pick your battles. And maybe this is a time where you pick your battle and decide to not bring it up and just let whatever happens happen.
But in future you do need to learn how to have healthy communication. There's no point in either of you tip-toeing around each other not saying something and hoping the other person will magically know exactly what you're thinking. It might lead to a few rows at first, but as you get more used to that way of communicating you will realise it's not about arguing, it's about discussing and coming to an agreement.
Good luck, OP, whatever happens it a minor issue in a lifetime together.0 -
OP you seem fixated on a few hours on Christmas and are not seeing the bigger picture. You are going away for a weekend before Christmas and a week after Christmas. In the grand scheme of things those few hours are not important and in a years time you won't even remember the disappointment you are feeling now. You mentioned previously that you suffer from anxiety, could your reaction to this issue stem from it. Do you see a counselor for your anxiety maybe you could speak to them about this.0
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Big Bag of Chips wrote: »The one thing I'm getting from this is you haven't actually communicated any of this to her. You had plans, then your nan deteriorated so you decided to go to your parents for Christmas Day, then your gf decided to go to her family home first thing Christmas Eve and come back late Stephen's Day.. You're disappointed with this and hopes she might decide to stay a little later on Christmas Eve, but you haven't actually said it to her?
She's not a mind reader! She can't know you're upset about something if you don't tell her you are and instead tell her that it's fine and to do whichever she prefers. Now, some people might tell you to suck it up and say nothing, because apparently around here discussing anything with your partner that upsets you is classed as "manipulation"(?) And you should not tell her you're upset because it will be an attempt to manipulate her into doing what you want her to do.
In a grown up world though, people do discuss things. People communicate and compromise and come to a decision on what's best for everyone. If you don't tell her you're disappointed, she doesn't know you're disappointed. (Although, I think I remember you saying you argued about it, so you must have said something to her about it?) Now, on the other hand, sometimes you have to pick your battles. And maybe this is a time where you pick your battle and decide to not bring it up and just let whatever happens happen.
But in future you do need to learn how to have healthy communication. There's no point in either of you tip-toeing around each other not saying something and hoping the other person will magically know exactly what you're thinking. It might lead to a few rows at first, but as you get more used to that way of communicating you will realise it's not about arguing, it's about discussing and coming to an agreement.
Good luck, OP, whatever happens it a minor issue in a lifetime together.
Nope sorry if that hasn't come across but we have talked about all this stuff . after chrismas last year we dcided to do our own thing this year with the notion being it might be one of very few we get to have just us , what with the wedding next year and hopefully a baby by by the following christmas.
When in june it became clear nana really wasn't well we talked about it again , i said i thought i probably should spend christmas with my nana just in case,. But at that stage we'd decided it was just christmas day and we would spend most of christmas eve and stevens day together and i would stay in the apartment on my own christmas eve because christmas morning isn't a big deal in my parents and we didn't want to put the Kittens in the vets given we were going away so soon after.
Then my ma was giving out about me not staying at home so we talked again and decided to put the kittens in just to keep the peace and id stay at home but we were still doing christmas eve and stevens day as planned, just now minus kittens who had to be dropped at 12 hence why we were talking about just heading into town after for a bit of the buzz for a few hours.
On Saturday she came back up from Kildare and told me that she had araanged stuff with her Ma and Sister all day christmas eve and stevens day , i made crystal clear i wasn't happy about that and was pretty hurt and disappointed that she would just ditch our plans and leave me to sort the kittens out and stuff on my own (not a big job but still helps to have two of us there to do it) hence the row. The way i left it i told her im not happy that she just decided to change plans without even talking about it first but its up to her what she does if she goes she goes and i wont be happy about it , if she stays it'l be totally forgotten will move on and just do what we had planned on doing anyway.0 -
OP I'm sorry but your follow up is littered with fallacies:
"I'm not trying to control her. I told her to do what she wants."
...with the added caveat that if she doesn't do what you want, you'll probably sulk and throw it back in her face down the line. And if you say "but I didn't say that!" then that's the height of passive-aggression and you're fooling nobody, no doubt her included.
So yes, you are kinda trying to control her. You're not genuinely on-board with her right to go home to her family at all. You want her to do what you want and are angry she's not. THAT'S controlling! Right there! Whether she's your fiancee/wife/girlfriend, whatever she is to you, she's also an independent person who can still do what she wants without being subjected to guilt trips because it doesn't suit you! You need to get your head around that concept fast.
Again: her life shouldn't have to get worse for yours to get better. If you're unhappy with an aspect of your life, that's YOUR problem to fix, not hers. And that doesn't change once you get married either.
"We do loads of things apart. Therefore I'm not clingy."
Again, another fallacy. It doesn't matter what you do apart, you ARE being clingy here. You've a wedding, honeymoon and, am I right, another holiday coming up all within the next year? You're going to be living in each other's pockets! You should be happy for the free time, or if your family won't have a good Christmas, then at least happy for her that she'll get to have a good time with her family. Instead you expect her to give some of that up to make your Christmas better, when it's not her fault or problem that your family don't do Christmas and she gives you more than enough of her time as is.
OP you can try logic all the stuff me and others are saying here away with fallacies all you want, but this stuff is going to catch up with you eventually. This issue is revealing problems within your relationship and within you personally, and you can be stubborn and go into denial, but don't think your fiancee isn't seeing this all for herself and judging you accordingly. So I'd recommend you open your mind to the possibility that you might be wrong here and don't be one of those people who ends up getting dealt a much worse hand down the line and thinking, "I should've listened."0 -
Walter H Price wrote: »Nope sorry if that hasn't come across but we have talked about all this stuff . after chrismas last year we dcided to do our own thing this year with the notion being it might be one of very few we get to have just us , what with the wedding next year and hopefully a baby by by the following christmas.
When in june it became clear nana really wasn't well we talked about it again , i said i thought i probably should spend christmas with my nana just in case,. But at that stage we'd decided it was just christmas day and we would spend most of christmas eve and stevens day together and i would stay in the apartment on my own christmas eve because christmas morning isn't a big deal in my parents and we didn't want to put the Kittens in the vets given we were going away so soon after.
Then my ma was giving out about me not staying at home so we talked again and decided to put the kittens in just to keep the peace and id stay at home but we were still doing christmas eve and stevens day as planned, just now minus kittens who had to be dropped at 12 hence why we were talking about just heading into town after for a bit of the buzz for a few hours.
On Saturday she came back up from Kildare and told me that she had araanged stuff with her Ma and Sister all day christmas eve and stevens day , i made crystal clear i wasn't happy about that and was pretty hurt and disappointed that she would just ditch our plans and leave me to sort the kittens out and stuff on my own (not a big job but still helps to have two of us there to do it) hence the row. The way i left it i told her im not happy that she just decided to change plans without even talking about it first but its up to her what she does if she goes she goes and i wont be happy about it , if she stays it'l be totally forgotten will move on and just do what we had planned on doing anyway.
I changed the plan and that was grand because it suited me.
I changed the plan again and that was grand because it suited me.
She changed the plan once to suit her and that's totally unacceptable!0 -
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Meauldsegosha wrote: »OP you seem fixated on a few hours on Christmas and are not seeing the bigger picture. You are going away for a weekend before Christmas and a week after Christmas. In the grand scheme of things those few hours are not important and in a years time you won't even remember the disappointment you are feeling now. You mentioned previously that you suffer from anxiety, could your reaction to this issue stem from it. Do you see a counselor for your anxiety maybe you could speak to them about this.
Yeh i absoloutly considered that and i spoke to my therapist at length about it on Tuesday. My therapist totally agreed with me actually that my OH had been pretty unfair and could totally understand why i was a bit p!ssed off about it.
My anxiety is long term issue but well managed , it stems from genetic OCD which i've had all my life and so well used to my triggers and how to handel it at this stage.0 -
Walter H Price wrote: »The way i left it i told her im not happy that she just decided to change plans without even talking about it first but its up to her what she does if she goes she goes and i wont be happy about it , if she stays it'l be totally forgotten will move on and just do what we had planned on doing anyway.
"If you do what I want: I will forget about this moment of silliness completely and it will never be brought up again.
If you don't do what I want: I will not be happy. I will not physically stop you (wow, you gentleman!), however I'm not offering you the same forgive and forget insurances so be warned and scared of future consequences...
But no, seriously, do what you want. This is a totally free choice. With consequences."
Yeah OP, you are a bit controlling.0 -
I changed the plan and that was grand because it suited me.
I changed the plan again and that was grand because it suited me.
She changed the plan once to suit her and that's totally unacceptable!
First change yes i made it , she fully agreed it was the right decision i'm very close to my nan and i know if i was here and didn't have a last Christmas with her that i would regret it . we talked about it and both decided it was the right decision.
Kittens going in me staying in my Ma's , that's on her i wanted to tell my Ma to fcuk off to be honest i didnt want to put them in , but my OH wanter to keep the peace , so we talked and came up with a new plan Kittens go in , Christmas eve breakfast and present , drop kittens , go into town. so you're way off the mark on point two , that change was far from my call.
Yeh on the third point she changed plans again on a whim no talking , no agreement just oh ve decided my mam and sister want me to x and y so i'm going down now first thing you sort the cats out and head to your mams. So yeh i disagreed with that and felt it was a bit unfair to ditch our plans to accommodate her ma and sister. as in point 2 when my ma looked for our plans to change i told her i told her where to go , my OH talked me into it to keep the peace.
The character assassination stuff in this thread is gas to be honest.0 -
Walter H Price wrote: »The way i left it i told her im not happy that she just decided to change plans without even talking about it first but its up to her what she does if she goes she goes and i wont be happy about it , if she stays it'l be totally forgotten will move on and just do what we had planned on doing anyway.
So if she stays, you'll do what you had planned anyway.. as in stay together? You won't go to your mam's?
So if she goes you'll be angry, but if she stays it'll be all forgotten about? OP, I really am doing my best to help you here but you are not helping yourself. You are stressing yourself and her out over a few hours. What if your nan dies next year and this ends up being your last Christmas with her? You're staying to spend more time with your nan. So use the opportunity to spend more time with your nan. Yes, your parents' house might be miserable at Christmas but if you're there to be there for your nan then you will put up with a couple of days, probably only 48 hours, 12 of which you'll probably be asleep, to spend time with your nan
You're stressing yourself out, and your gf.0 -
"If you do what I want: I will forget about this moment of silliness completely and it will never be brought up again.
If you don't do what I want: I will not be happy. I will not physically stop you (wow, you gentleman!), however I'm not offering you the same forgive and forget insurances so be warned and scared of future consequences...
But no, seriously, do what you want. This is a totally free choice. With consequences."
Yeah OP, you are a bit controlling.
No not at all how it went and i'm not a controlling person but if you've decide i am cool go you.
I told i wasn't happy to change plans we'd made , i was pretty clear about that but i told her it was her call , she'll be disappointing someone either way up to her like.
If she stays happy days if she goes i wont be happy about it why would i , but i'm not going to hold some sort of grudge against her il be a bit dissappointed and kinda hurt that our plans and only bit of Christmas meant less to her then whatever ever her ma and sister want to do.0 -
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This thread is actually melting my head now.
1. YOU changed the plans not her. So stop saying she changed them at the drop of a hat.
2. She is saying she will leave at 1pm on Xmas eve and come home early on Steven's Day; what more do you want? Why are you still not happy?
3. You are going on holiday with the girl a week later. There is no need for you to be sulking over the sake of about 6hrs together.0 -
Crikey, OP. If she does what you want you'll forget all about her wanting to do something else. But if she doesn't do what you want you won't be happy.
That's VERY controlling. It's not physically controlling but there's a multitude of other ways you can control someone - through your moods, through how you make them feel, through your behaviour.
Make no mistake, you are doing that here. I was with someone very like you for a very long time. I kept telling myself: "It's okay - he's just like that because he's insecure. He's just sulking because he gets anxious." But eventually it came to a point where there was just one sulk too many and I knew I couldn't bear it any more.
Please listen to what you're being told here. It's not a character assassination; it's good advice.0 -
OP keep in mind that I'm one of the few who agreed with you slightly here that she did take the piss with how she handled it, but still your responses since have revealed more about your attitude and THAT'S become the problem. I've no interest in character assassination, I don't know you from Adam and how your relationship goes doesn't affect me one bit, but you came on here looking for advice and are throwing your toys out of the pram now you're not hearing what you want to hear.
Are you completely sure your therapist agreed with you? Because that doesn't sound like what therapists do, their job is to let you reflect back your feelings and figure it out for yourself, they aren't supposed to editorialise.
I think you just see and hear what you want to suit your feelings. Fine. Be like that. And live with the consequences. But don't say you've never been told.0 -
Walter H Price wrote: »il be a bit dissappointed and kinda hurt that our plans and only bit of Christmas meant less to her then whatever ever her ma and sister want to do.
If it was next year, and you were married, and you weren't going to your parents' house anyway, then I'd say you have a point. For now, you're not married, you are going to your parents - to spend quality time with your nan, in the circumstances - so she's going home to spend quality time helping her family with whatever they need help with... Which will be a lot of they are expecting loads of people.
I've done all I can to support you on this OP. But now I'm on your gf's side.
Edit: my husband suffers with depression and anxiety. And while he doesn't physically control me in any way, there are lots of things I won't do, or have given up doing, or am nervous about bringing up with him because of how it makes him feel! My feelings almost always come second to him. I don't mind, mostly. But sometimes I'd like to be only able to consider what I'd like to do and be able to do it without worrying about someone else. He doesn't mean it, he can't help it, but it is about keeping him 'level' and ok, and not stressing him too much. Regardless of me.
Being the partner of someone with anxiety is a tough place to be. Just sayin'.0 -
Walter H Price wrote: »No not at all how it went and i'm not a controlling person but if you've decide i am cool go you.
I told i wasn't happy to change plans we'd made , i was pretty clear about that but i told her it was her call , she'll be disappointing someone either way up to her like.
If she stays happy days if she goes i wont be happy about it why would i , but i'm not going to hold some sort of grudge against her il be a bit dissappointed and kinda hurt that our plans and only bit of Christmas meant less to her then whatever ever her ma and sister want to do.
What SHE wants to do, OP. She's doing what she wants to do herself. And given you are going away together just before and just after Christmas I wouldn't begrudge her this.
You said in a previous post that if she decides to spend the extra time with you then you'll 'forget' about her wanting to do something different. But if she decides to spend the extra time with her family you won't be happy. She's between a rock and a hard place now. I don't envy her. I've been there and it's horrible.0 -
Big Bag of Chips wrote: »So if she stays, you'll do what you had planned anyway.. as in stay together? You won't go to your mam's?
So if she goes you'll be angry, but if she stays it'll be all forgotten about? OP, I really am doing my best to help you here but you are not helping yourself. You are stressing yourself and her out over a few hours. What if your nan dies next year and this ends up being your last Christmas with her? You're staying to spend more time with your nan. So use the opportunity to spend more time with your nan. Yes, your parents' house might be miserable at Christmas but if you're there to be there for your nan then you will put up with a couple of days, probably only 48 hours, 12 of which you'll probably be asleep, to spend time with your nan
You're stressing yourself out, and your gf.
Jesus christ this thread is circling the drain at this stage.
no if she stays we will do what we planned a few weeks ago when we agreed to put the Kittens in , not back to what we agreed last January. I will see my nan all three of those days i will make sure to really really enjoy my time with her regardless how much my parents and sister aren't into Christmas i have made the decision that i will make the absolute most of it this year.
All i wanted was a few hours to enjoy a small bit of it with my Faience too like we had agreed and was planned all the way up to Saturday , to do presents etc... like any normal couple, i know none of my mates in long term relationships who wont see their OH for the full 3 days over Christmas.
I'm not stressed about this not even in the slightest , a bit disappointed yes , a small bit hurt yes and i was angry but to be honest not even really anymore.0 -
Walter H Price wrote: »Jesus christ this thread is circling the drain at this stage.
no if she stays we will do what we planned a few weeks ago when we agreed to put the Kittens in , not back to what we agreed last January. I will see my nan all three of those days i will make sure to really really enjoy my time with her regardless how much my parents and sister aren't into Christmas i have made the decision that i will make the absolute most of it this year.
All i wanted was a few hours to enjoy a small bit of it with my Faience too like we had agreed and was planned all the way up to Saturday , to do presents etc... like any normal couple, i know none of my mates in long term relationships who wont see their OH for the full 3 days over Christmas.
I'm not stressed about this not even in the slightest , a bit disappointed yes , a small bit hurt yes and i was angry but to be honest not even really anymore.
You're more than stressed, you're completely obsessed. And if you've worn your fiancé down half as much as the posters feel on here then I really feel sorry for her. Nothing worse than having to give in to someone over sheer upset and frustration.0 -
This is such a big hoo-ha about nothing. Can nobody change their plans in this relationship without it turning into some sort of competition or battle of wills? It's only right that you spend time with your nan because of her dementia. But equally, why can't your fiancée spend time with her family who she is close to. You are coming across as excessively needy. Can you not survive a few short days without her?0
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Walter H Price wrote: »I'm not stressed about this not even in the slightest , a bit disappointed yes , a small bit hurt yes and i was angry but to be honest not even really anymore.
You're angry about it. That can be compared to stressed.
And she most certainly will be stressed about it. I don't know if you've read my edit above about living with someone with anxiety, but it might be worth a look for you.0 -
What SHE wants to do, OP. She's doing what she wants to do herself. And given you are going away together just before and just after Christmas I wouldn't begrudge her this.
You said in a previous post that if she decides to spend the extra time with you then you'll 'forget' about her wanting to do something different. But if she decides to spend the extra time with her family you won't be happy. She's between a rock and a hard place now. I don't envy her. I've been there and it's horrible.
and i didn't put her there , we had made plans like every couple do im not talking about last January now im taking about a few weeks back when we agreed our plan for Christmas eve. Why should i be jumping for joy that she's decided to change those plans on a whim ?
I've been there too made plans had an other offer come along you have to accept your gonna let someone down.
I'm failing to see your point here at all , she'll make he call i'll be dissapointed if she dosn't stay given i was really looking forward to it , whats not normal there ?0 -
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Walter H Price wrote: »and i didn't put her there , we had made plans like every couple do im not talking about last January now im taking about a few weeks back when we agreed our plan for Christmas eve. Why should i be jumping for joy that she's decided to change those plans on a whim ?
I've been there too made plans had an other offer come along you have to accept your gonna let someone down.
I'm failing to see your point here at all , she'll make he call i'll be dissapointed if she dosn't stay given i was really looking forward to it , whats not normal there ?
You've ignored me the last few times I've asked this question, so I'll ask it again.
She is willing to leave at 1pm on Xmas eve and come back early for you on Steven's Day like you have asked her to. Why are you still not happy?0 -
Walter H Price wrote: »and i didn't put her there , we had made plans like every couple do im not talking about last January now im taking about a few weeks back when we agreed our plan for Christmas eve. Why should i be jumping for joy that she's decided to change those plans on a whim ?
I've been there too made plans had an other offer come along you have to accept your gonna let someone down.
I'm failing to see your point here at all , she'll make he call i'll be dissapointed if she dosn't stay given i was really looking forward to it , whats not normal there ?
You're putting her there when you say you'll be grand if she does what you want, but you won't be happy if goes with what she wants.
Everyone has the right to change their mind - multiple times! Things aren't set in stone. You changed your plans (for a very good reason) and she has changed her side of things (her reason is as valid).
What are you looking for from here? You seem determined not to listen to anything that's being said, except from the people who agree with you. Did you just want everyone to tell you that you were right....and then what?
The fact that you are absolutely determined not to consider that your own attitude might be causing problems is frightening. It's wilful blindness which is dangerous.
And you've LOADS of other plans - you're going away to Christmas markets together and then on another holiday just after Christmas. Surely you can spend quality time together, be romantic, look at Christmas lights and drink hot chocolate then?0 -
Turn this into a positive. Use the extra time to spend extea time with your nan. You know, the reason the original plans changed?
Or do you just want to spend a token amount of time and do your 'duty' and then be gone?
You made plans, they're not going to work out, this year. So use that now to make other plans. Don't worry about other friend or other couples. They are irrelevant. They don't have a sick granny. Spend as much time as you can with your nan this year. She might not be at your wedding.0 -
Walter H Price wrote: »Jesus christ this thread is circling the drain at this stage.
no if she stays we will do what we planned a few weeks ago when we agreed to put the Kittens in , not back to what we agreed last January. I will see my nan all three of those days i will make sure to really really enjoy my time with her regardless how much my parents and sister aren't into Christmas i have made the decision that i will make the absolute most of it this year.
All i wanted was a few hours to enjoy a small bit of it with my Faience too like we had agreed and was planned all the way up to Saturday , to do presents etc... like any normal couple, i know none of my mates in long term relationships who wont see their OH for the full 3 days over Christmas.
I'm not stressed about this not even in the slightest , a bit disappointed yes , a small bit hurt yes and i was angry but to be honest not even really anymore.
But that hasn't worked out. Your granny's dementia has sadly meant that your plan is no longer workable and now totally unfair on your gf. You get to see your granny 3 days (and you're right for that, good on you)...but because your girlfriend lives further away, she won't get to see her family for 3 days now. So she has to sit at home alone or get public transport so you don't have to.
It sucks when plans for good Christmases get spoiled. I had the exact same attitude last year when I was in a relationship. Then my grandad got sick and passed away close to Christmas time and put a dampener on the whole thing. I made the best of it but tbh life happens sometimes and when circumstances aren't ideal you just have to write these off and hope for the best next year. It sucks but it's life.
Your girlfriend has a chance to still enjoy and have a happy Christmas because the circumstances don't affect her as they do you. Don't try take that away from her to accommodate these now-unworkable, idyllic plans you have. Just suck it up and forget about it and blame bad luck instead of her. Let her go off and be happy for her getting to have a good Christmas. In the future the two of you will have the great ones you're dreaming of.
Or you can just ruin it all by letting your own issues get the better of you now and cause her to question everything because you're being a bit clingy, manipulative and controlling.0 -
You're more than stressed, you're completely obsessed. And if you've worn your fiancé down half as much as the posters feel on here then I really feel sorry for her. Nothing worse than having to give in to someone over sheer upset and frustration.
Nope 100% disagree , it hasnt even been mentioned with my fiaence since Saturday , has not been brought up once .
Im not putting preassure on her she knows where am at it with it up to her what she chooses , i certainly wont be throwing it back in her face for forever and a day0 -
Walter H Price wrote: »Nope 100% disagree , it hasnt even been mentioned with my fiaence since Saturday , has not been brought up once .
Im not putting preassure on her she knows where am at it with it up to her what she chooses , i certainly wont be throwing it back in her face for forever and a day
You don't have to mention things outfight to feel there's something not right. Tension and passive aggressive atmosphere speaks volumes.0 -
Just to give a little bit of perspective, especially with your wedding coming up and your nan being so ill.
A neighbour of ours dad died, suddenly and unexpectedly 2 days before her wedding day. Her wedding day that was only going to happen once in her entire life (Christmas happens every year). The morning her father was buried, they got married in the sacristy of the church, just the 2 immediate families and then went out to a full church for their father's funeral mass and burial.
That's plans changing. Everything changed for her that day. Everything. She had no wedding day. She had no function/meal/party. She didn't wear her wedding dress. Instead she stood beside her fathers grave wearing black.
Plans change. It happens. And you deal with it when it does. Life will always get in the way, especially when you factor in other people (your nan, her family). Plans change. And if plans changing cause you so much upset then you, and your wife to be are in for a very difficult life.0 -
I can't help but suspect your not doing yourself any favours in the long run with making an issue of this.
If your fiance's family notice shes irritated when she gets home and she says something about the whining you were at over her wanting to spend 2 days at home over Christmas, they will end up thinking of you as the contrary, problem spouse.
Realistically, she is family orientated and this isn't going to suddenly cease once your married. You would really want to be building bridges with her family at this stage, not tearing them down.0 -
Big Bag of Chips wrote: »Turn this into a positive. Use the extra time to spend extea time with your nan. You know, the reason the original plans changed?
Or do you just want to spend a token amount of time and do your 'duty' and then be gone?
You made plans, they're not going to work out, this year. So use that now to make other plans. Don't worry about other friend or other couples. They are irrelevant. They don't have a sick granny. Spend as much time as you can with your nan this year. She might not be at your wedding.
Straight up just <Mod Snip> for even suggesting that , i make a serious effort to spend allot of time with my nan all out of love and respect never duty , i believe that has come across in spades in this thread so genuinely <Mod Snip> for even suggesting that.
I gave up a christmas i was really really looking foward to or the first time in a very long time in order to make sure i get one last one with her and i will make every minute of it count believe me i will make it count. all i wanted was a small few hours to enjoy a little bit of christmas eve with my fience too.
I don't feel remotely bad for attacking the poster here i feel its a nasty post and well deserving if i'm infracted, banned or the thread closed i couldnt give two short ones , i feel that was a totaly out of line accusation.0 -
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Jesus Christ op no need to be so aggressive and nasty. I am bowing out of this thread because you've still not answered my one question that I've asked 3 times, but also you are just so unwilling to see that YOU ARE WRONG and are trying to exhaust everyone into agreeing with you. You have major issues and I'm glad to read you are seeing a therapist. I feel sorry for your fiancé marrying you. Good luck.0
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