No Best Man Speech

IBB1983

Hi all, my wedding is coming up and the best man who is not a good public speaker is not comfortable about doing a speech. Frankly he's terrified. But its fine with me if he doesn't want to do one. I told him there's no pressure to do one. Just out of curiosity, has anyone experience of the best man not doing a speech?

The Sidewards Man

Give him a few brandy's to settle his nerves before the speech.

endacl

The Sidewards Man wrote: »

Give him a few brandy's to settle his nerves before the speech.

He advises,missing the point of the question. :rolleyes:

No best man speech is no big deal, OP. if he doesn't want to do one, don't have one. From the POV of the guests, one less speech can only be a good thing.

ElleEm

Our best man was the same but ended up doing a speech in the end. We were planning on just mixing up the other speeches, like having one at the drinks reception and one after dinner. It is great that you are so understanding. I am sure it makes him feel much better.

IBB1983

The Sidewards Man wrote: »

Give him a few brandy's to settle his nerves before the speech.

Usually I would say yes, but I've seen enough drunken best man speeches to last me a life time!

kandr10

We only had a grooms speech. No one cared. Not a big deal at all. People prob wouldn't bat an eyelid.

Sam Kade

That isn't such a bad thing because when some of them start they never shut up, some believe they are comedians for the day :rolleyes:

uck51js9zml2yt

We had my speech, best man, my mother, my wife and my father in law ( through a translator).
The only rule is, there are no rules:)

micar

It's your wedding.

Are you bothered if he doesn't do one?

If so, why would you stress him and yourself put?

IBB1983

Thanks all, good to hear some of your experiences!

IBB1983

Sam Kade wrote: »

That isn't such a bad thing because when some of them start they never shut up, some believe they are comedians for the day :rolleyes:

Very true Sam!

fineso.mom

I was at a wedding last week, no best man speech. The groom, his father and bride's father made a short speech each. It didnt make the slightest difference to the enjoyment of the day.
Your wedding so your call.
Enjoy.

funkey_monkey

I'm in the same position as the best man in this siutation. I do not want to give a speech. Most of them are a load of nonsense, boring waffle or even worse bordering on offensive humour.

If omitting a best mans speech what role does the best man have to perform after the actual wedding - i.e. at the reception?

ElleEm

funkey_monkey wrote: »

If omitting a best mans speech what role does the best man have to perform after the actual wedding - i.e. at the reception?

The best man's role is to be a support to the groom, and usually acts as a witness on the register. People might give him gifts to mind.

gifted

I was at a wedding where the bride was texting all through the speeches....families didn't get on and a horrible vibe in the air all day and evening....didn't bother me, wasn't related to either family. had a great day. And yes there was punches thrown at the end of the night between the families lol lol

Sugar Free

funkey_monkey wrote: »

If omitting a best mans speech what role does the best man have to perform after the actual wedding - i.e. at the reception?

Help hoard people for photos, accept gifts/cards to look after, possibly pay some of the vendors on the day etc. Just be available to help if needed and not be off somewhere downing drinks

OP, I've done a speech as 'co-best man' if you want to call it that, where the real best man (the groom's brother) was too nervous to do it. No one cared nor noticed. I've also been at a wedding where the bride spoke but the groom didn't as he too wasn't up to it. Really no big deal at all.

funkey_monkey

Yeah, but does the best man at least have to introduce the speech makers?

Is there a minimum to be said?

ElleEm

funkey_monkey wrote: »

Yeah, but does the best man at least have to introduce the speech makers?

Is there a minimum to be said?

No, you can do what you want. There is no minimum/ maximum. The hotel or DJ can introduce people. We didn't have any introductions. Best man started, gave my dad the mic then my dad gave it to my husband. There is no need for introductions. It just adds more time onto the speeches which noone wants!

lalababa

Whenever I go to weddings and listen to the priest talk about a committed and lawfull partnership made in public, I have to laugh when I think of all the nonsense that happens after the ACTUAL ceremony. Esp. the 'big' hotel the fancy cars and the dreaded photoshoot. The speeches fall into this category aswell. In Ireland and I suppose other countries ( I don't know) If you don't do a thing the way everybody else does it (and bigger) then you're not doing it right.:rolleyes:

salmocab

I told my best man he didn't have to make a speech as I knew he wouldn't be keen and Ive been to enough weddings to know they are rarely worth listening to, just told him to make a quick toast, just after dinner started he announced that he was ****ting himself and couldn't do it, we laughed at him and my groomsman did the toast. Great craic slagging him about it now and nobody cared because I suspect nobody cares about the speeches in general.

Toots

It's no big deal if he doesn't want to do the speech. At my bro in law's wedding my husband was best man and he was the only one who made a speech. Groom and dads didn't want to do it, so my hubby just did a short one thanking people on the b&g's behalf, and then a toast to them as a couple. Less than 5 minutes. Sometimes it's really hard to watch someone make a speech if they obviously aren't comfortable doing it and stumble through the whole thing.

baby and crumble

Neither of my brothers wedding contained speeches, and nobody cared- if anything it was a slight relief. I'm planning on saying something at ours but mostly to acknowledge how many people in attendance (both gay and straight) went out last year and campaigned for my right toget married. We wouldn't be able to do this if it wasn't for them so I personally feel it's important. Otherwise we probably wouldn't bother.

tuisginideach

Long long time ago - we all looked forward so much to a particular best man's speech, as he was a total 'character' but groom's brother's speech came first (his dad was deceased) and was absolutely hilarious (None of us would ever have even met this brother as he was 28 yrs older than groom!) - I can't remember a word of the best man's speech but I can still remember the unexpected speech!

lazygal

I'd skip the speeches entirely if I was getting married again. They're really not necessary and it can put undue pressure on people.

eviltwin

We didn't have one at our wedding, I don't think it was missed.

neris

I know someone who was doing best man got a phone call from the groom few days before the wedding to say there would be no best mans speech but only the groom,father of the groom (who wasnt meant to be doing any speech), father of the bride and bridesmaid (who was also the brides sister) would speak. Grooms parents were not impressed at this and on the day made sure there was a best mans speech.

Eugene Norman

The forced jokiness of the best mans speeches has always bugged me.

As a guest I prefer a groom to stand up and thank people. Then someone else toasts the groom. Then we eat.

Zaph

I was at a wedding once where it would have been better had there been no best man's speech. The poor guy was as nervous as your best man sounds, and despite having a couple of drinks beforehand (and to be fair he did limit himself to just a couple) his speech consisted of a few incoherent mumbles and a toast, and was all over in about 30 seconds. Iirc he couldn't even eat his dinner he was so nervous. But if you're happy not to have a best man speech then who's to tell you otherwise? And even though it's not his big day, it will certainly let your best man enjoy the event an awful lot more!

NIMAN

I was at a wedding once when the best man didn't do a speech.
Read out a few cards, said a few thank you's and sat down again.

To be honest, it won't bother many people. Most of the content has been heard many times over, and people simply do fake laughs.

Spanish Eyes

The best speechy (or not) wedding I was at was where the Groom thanked everyone and hoped everyone would have a great time.. The Bride said thanks too, and toasted absent friends RIP and the like, The Best Man just stood there grinning like a Cheshire Cat, and said he had no telegrams, cards and snail mail were like dinosaurs, and Facebook messages were too risque, cue laughter all round. He wished everyone well, and that was that!. Five minutes tops for it all.

And the MOST important thing was, the speeches (such as they were) were done at the drinks reception before the dinner. All over, now for the grub! Brilliant.

howamidifferent

When I married last I insisted on no prayers and no speeches from anyone. Hotel staff were shocked on the day and kept asking various family members if they would like the hotel manager to say a few words. Both families knew my wishes and declined. Just straight in, grubs up and ate away. ;-) People probably thought it odd but it was our day and I didn't care.

Spanish Eyes

howamidifferent wrote: »

When I married last I insisted on no prayers and no speeches from anyone. Hotel staff were shocked on the day and kept asking various family members if they would like the hotel manager to say a few words. Both families knew my wishes and declined. Just straight in, grubs up and ate away. ;-) People probably thought it odd but it was our day and I didn't care.

I'd say everyone was fekkin delighted! Everyone knows you are getting married because you love one another. No speeches will make that any different IMO.

What else is there to say except thanks. And that can be done in other ways after the event, when people might appreciate it more!

Well done on your individuality. I really like that.

fits

The groom and I both said a few words. father of groom welcomed me to family and best man rose a toast to us. All over in five minutes. grannd.

Spanish Eyes

fits wrote: »

The groom and I both said a few words. father of groom welcomed me to family and best man rose a toast to us. All over in five minutes. grannd.

Sounds good to me. Speeches are always betted upon by the guests, to see how long they last.

Just goes to show how much interest the guests have in the actual content when all they are thinking about is "when am I getting me Dinner", LOL.

I usually fekk off to the loo for the duration if I can get away with it.

So formulaic, but then again it's TRADITION!! And some B+Gs like it or think it HAS to be done.

Each to their own.

Ursus Horribilis

I'd love to know if anyone who has ever attended a wedding enjoyed the speeches? They're the most contrived, boring, cringe-worthy abominations known to mankind. Well, maybe not quite but they're up there.

Spanish Eyes

Odus fell down wrote: »

I'd love to know if anyone who has ever attended a wedding enjoyed the speeches? They're the most contrived, boring, cringe-worthy abominations known to mankind. Well, maybe not quite but they're up there.

I agree. Everyone hates them, and dreads how long they will last.

But it is tradition. That few care about now I think.

In fairness, me being a bit of a wimp I am always concerned for the speechmakers in case they are nervous or drunk or WTF.

But honestly There should just be a bit of a big screen there, with thank you recorded in this day and age, and let everyone get on with the grub, the chat, the craic.

Xaracatz

I attended the wedding of my (now ex's) best friend. The ex was the best man, and himself and the groom had been mates forever.

The speech was long, brilliant, and hilarious - for those of us who knew those buddies. But there were a lot of distant relatives there who didn't have a clue what was going on, and didn't get a lot of the references.

Each to their own really. This was a speech made by one friend to another, basically recapping the awesome journey the groom took, which culminated in his meeting, and marrying his now wife. If I get married, I'd love to have a best friend stand up and do the same.

I think that's the purpose of a best man's speech, but let him off if he's not comfortable and if you're ok with that.

Maireadio

Odus fell down wrote: »

I'd love to know if anyone who has ever attended a wedding enjoyed the speeches?

I've really enjoyed lots of speeches. If they are touching, heartfelt and succinct, they can be great.

Having said that, there is certainly no big deal about not having a best man speech or any speeches. Guests will think "Oh, that's new" and then quickly get back to chatting.

cocoman

No big deal if there's no best man speech.
Fair play to you for not putting any pressure on him. It's a very daunting task for some people.
We had speeches before the meal as everyone can really enjoy the meal then without their stomach being in knots.

If he wants to do something (apart from all the other usual duties) what about him putting together some sort of power point presentation (pics, short stories, video clips from people who couldn't be there, etc) and stick it on a couple of monitors/tv's around the place that people can view after the meal.

ChewChew

I've always enjoyed the speeches (that don't go on forever and a day) but can I remember them? No! Op, I wouldn't worry about there not being a best mans speech one bit

ChampagnePop

Odus fell down wrote: »

I'd love to know if anyone who has ever attended a wedding enjoyed the speeches? They're the most contrived, boring, cringe-worthy abominations known to mankind. Well, maybe not quite but they're up there.

I love the speeches, the last wedding I was at had four and although it was long, it was so heartfelt and I thought very special. The ceremony can be very routine, the speeches tend to be far more personal.

If you don't want speeches or they're not possible, then I agree that your better off leaving them out, but they're one of the highlights for me at weddings. Judging by the comments here I'm in the minority

_Brian

funkey_monkey wrote: »

Yeah, but does the best man at least have to introduce the speech makers?

Is there a minimum to be said?

No , no minimum. It's all open to whatever works for you. I got drafted in to be best man at. Wedding years ago only knowing the groom in passing and having never met the bride before, two weeks before the day the actual best man was hospitalised. None of the grooms mates were willing to step in at short notice and I was very friendly with the best man who asked would I help out.

No speech, I introduced other speakers and did grace before/after. Then drifted off into the background at the reception.

Do what suits you and honestly no one will notice or care too much. The only thing you'll ever hear about speeches is if there are too many or they are too long.

Sunny Dayz

I think the formalities of wedding speeches have eased off considerably. There is no requirement for the best man to speak. Would one of the other groomsmen speak instead?
I've been to weddings over the last few years where the bride has made a speech, even a bridesmaid made a speech at one. I've been to a wedding where there was a bit of worry as to what the best man would say (expected a pure pi$$ take of a speech, but it was actually ok). I think at this stage it's just whomever at the top table wants to speak, decide amongst themselves who thanks who so that everyone has been covered and thanked. If the best man really had to speak, would he do the reading the cards from those who could not attend bit

JoeDubMan

I'm kind of in the same situation as the OP's bestman. I have a wedding coming up soon for which I am bestman. I recently lost my father and have been suffering from anxiety and depression since his death. But the groom is a good friend of mine and I am determined to go but I am really not looking forward to giving a speech either as I am mentally not in a good place. Should I tell the groom?

Sapphire

I only remember the details of the awful speeches. The good ones, I remember I laughed but could not tell you now what the content was.

lazygal

JoeDubMan wrote: »

I'm kind of in the same situation as the OP's bestman. I have a wedding coming up soon for which I am bestman. I recently lost my father and have been suffering from anxiety and depression since his death. But the groom is a good friend of mine and I am determined to go but I am really not looking forward to giving a speech either as I am mentally not in a good place. Should I tell the groom?

I'd hate to think a friend of mine was stressing out so I'd tell the groom. I'm sure any half decent mate would completely understand if you didn't want to do a speech.

stinkle

JoeDubMan wrote: »

I'm kind of in the same situation as the OP's bestman. I have a wedding coming up soon for which I am bestman. I recently lost my father and have been suffering from anxiety and depression since his death. But the groom is a good friend of mine and I am determined to go but I am really not looking forward to giving a speech either as I am mentally not in a good place. Should I tell the groom?

So sorry for your loss. Definitely talk to the groom about this, a problem shared is a problem halved and all that. If any of our speech-givers had an issue I would totally have preferred to know that's how they felt and would have been 100% fine if they wanted to opt out.

Our best man is no stranger to being outgoing or public speaking or speaking his mind, but he had a wobble in the run-up and asked my OH to meet up so he could go through it with him in advance. Would that be an option for you? You could even write something and get someone else to read it on the day on your behalf. Good friends will want to support you and not have anyone feel uncomfortable on the day.

funkey_monkey

Is there a listing of defined duties at the meal that the Best Man usually does?

The only ones I know of are:
Toast to B&G
Reading telegrams(?)
Compering the other speakers

Toots

Sometimes the B&G would give the best man envelopes with cash/cheques to pay vendors/priest/church musician etc on the day. Also the best man will usually get handed wedding cards by guests throughout the day.

mikeymouse

there's nothing worse than one of those templates from "bestmanspeechesdotcom" or "fatherofthebridedotcom"

Jasper79

I'm getting married in September, knew my best man wouldn't be up for doing a speech so no probs.

Fear of public speaking myself too, so will just be a quick thanks to bride/wedding party/guests and on with the party.

Don't see the point in causing unnecessary stress for those involved on what's meant to be a day of celebrating.