No Best Man Speech

IBB1983 · 02-05-2016 12:46PM #1

Hi all, my wedding is coming up and the best man who is not a good public speaker is not comfortable about doing a speech. Frankly he's terrified. But its fine with me if he doesn't want to do one. I told him there's no pressure to do one. Just out of curiosity, has anyone experience of the best man not doing a speech?

The Sidewards Man · 02-05-2016 12:50PM

Give him a few brandy's to settle his nerves before the speech.

endacl · 02-05-2016 12:53PM

The Sidewards Man wrote: »

Give him a few brandy's to settle his nerves before the speech.

He advises,missing the point of the question. :rolleyes:

No best man speech is no big deal, OP. if he doesn't want to do one, don't have one. From the POV of the guests, one less speech can only be a good thing.

ElleEm · 02-05-2016 12:54PM

Our best man was the same but ended up doing a speech in the end. We were planning on just mixing up the other speeches, like having one at the drinks reception and one after dinner. It is great that you are so understanding. I am sure it makes him feel much better.

IBB1983 · 02-05-2016 12:55PM

The Sidewards Man wrote: »

Give him a few brandy's to settle his nerves before the speech.

Usually I would say yes, but I've seen enough drunken best man speeches to last me a life time!

kandr10 · 02-05-2016 12:56PM

We only had a grooms speech. No one cared. Not a big deal at all. People prob wouldn't bat an eyelid.

Sam Kade · 02-05-2016 12:56PM

That isn't such a bad thing because when some of them start they never shut up, some believe they are comedians for the day :rolleyes:

uck51js9zml2yt · 02-05-2016 12:58PM

We had my speech, best man, my mother, my wife and my father in law ( through a translator).
The only rule is, there are no rules:)

micar · 02-05-2016 01:01PM

It's your wedding.

Are you bothered if he doesn't do one?

If so, why would you stress him and yourself put?

IBB1983 · 02-05-2016 01:02PM

Thanks all, good to hear some of your experiences!

IBB1983 · 02-05-2016 01:05PM

Sam Kade wrote: »

That isn't such a bad thing because when some of them start they never shut up, some believe they are comedians for the day :rolleyes:

Very true Sam!

fineso.mom · 02-05-2016 01:10PM

I was at a wedding last week, no best man speech. The groom, his father and bride's father made a short speech each. It didnt make the slightest difference to the enjoyment of the day.
Your wedding so your call.
Enjoy.

ElleEm · 02-05-2016 01:36PM

funkey_monkey wrote: »

If omitting a best mans speech what role does the best man have to perform after the actual wedding - i.e. at the reception?

The best man's role is to be a support to the groom, and usually acts as a witness on the register. People might give him gifts to mind.

gifted · 02-05-2016 01:40PM

I was at a wedding where the bride was texting all through the speeches....families didn't get on and a horrible vibe in the air all day and evening....didn't bother me, wasn't related to either family. had a great day. And yes there was punches thrown at the end of the night between the families lol lol

Sugar Free · 02-05-2016 01:41PM

funkey_monkey wrote: »

If omitting a best mans speech what role does the best man have to perform after the actual wedding - i.e. at the reception?

Help hoard people for photos, accept gifts/cards to look after, possibly pay some of the vendors on the day etc. Just be available to help if needed and not be off somewhere downing drinks

OP, I've done a speech as 'co-best man' if you want to call it that, where the real best man (the groom's brother) was too nervous to do it. No one cared nor noticed. I've also been at a wedding where the bride spoke but the groom didn't as he too wasn't up to it. Really no big deal at all.

ElleEm · 02-05-2016 01:57PM

funkey_monkey wrote: »

Yeah, but does the best man at least have to introduce the speech makers?

Is there a minimum to be said?

No, you can do what you want. There is no minimum/ maximum. The hotel or DJ can introduce people. We didn't have any introductions. Best man started, gave my dad the mic then my dad gave it to my husband. There is no need for introductions. It just adds more time onto the speeches which noone wants!

lalababa · 02-05-2016 02:13PM

Whenever I go to weddings and listen to the priest talk about a committed and lawfull partnership made in public, I have to laugh when I think of all the nonsense that happens after the ACTUAL ceremony. Esp. the 'big' hotel the fancy cars and the dreaded photoshoot. The speeches fall into this category aswell. In Ireland and I suppose other countries ( I don't know) If you don't do a thing the way everybody else does it (and bigger) then you're not doing it right.:rolleyes:

salmocab · 02-05-2016 02:22PM

I told my best man he didn't have to make a speech as I knew he wouldn't be keen and Ive been to enough weddings to know they are rarely worth listening to, just told him to make a quick toast, just after dinner started he announced that he was ****ting himself and couldn't do it, we laughed at him and my groomsman did the toast. Great craic slagging him about it now and nobody cared because I suspect nobody cares about the speeches in general.

Toots · 02-05-2016 02:42PM

It's no big deal if he doesn't want to do the speech. At my bro in law's wedding my husband was best man and he was the only one who made a speech. Groom and dads didn't want to do it, so my hubby just did a short one thanking people on the b&g's behalf, and then a toast to them as a couple. Less than 5 minutes. Sometimes it's really hard to watch someone make a speech if they obviously aren't comfortable doing it and stumble through the whole thing.

baby and crumble · 02-05-2016 04:28PM

Neither of my brothers wedding contained speeches, and nobody cared- if anything it was a slight relief. I'm planning on saying something at ours but mostly to acknowledge how many people in attendance (both gay and straight) went out last year and campaigned for my right toget married. We wouldn't be able to do this if it wasn't for them so I personally feel it's important. Otherwise we probably wouldn't bother.

tuisginideach · 02-05-2016 04:33PM

Long long time ago - we all looked forward so much to a particular best man's speech, as he was a total 'character' but groom's brother's speech came first (his dad was deceased) and was absolutely hilarious (None of us would ever have even met this brother as he was 28 yrs older than groom!) - I can't remember a word of the best man's speech but I can still remember the unexpected speech!

lazygal · 02-05-2016 06:09PM

I'd skip the speeches entirely if I was getting married again. They're really not necessary and it can put undue pressure on people.

eviltwin · 02-05-2016 06:14PM

We didn't have one at our wedding, I don't think it was missed.

neris · 02-05-2016 07:57PM

I know someone who was doing best man got a phone call from the groom few days before the wedding to say there would be no best mans speech but only the groom,father of the groom (who wasnt meant to be doing any speech), father of the bride and bridesmaid (who was also the brides sister) would speak. Grooms parents were not impressed at this and on the day made sure there was a best mans speech.

Eugene Norman · 02-05-2016 08:04PM

The forced jokiness of the best mans speeches has always bugged me.

As a guest I prefer a groom to stand up and thank people. Then someone else toasts the groom. Then we eat.

Zaph · 02-05-2016 08:13PM

I was at a wedding once where it would have been better had there been no best man's speech. The poor guy was as nervous as your best man sounds, and despite having a couple of drinks beforehand (and to be fair he did limit himself to just a couple) his speech consisted of a few incoherent mumbles and a toast, and was all over in about 30 seconds. Iirc he couldn't even eat his dinner he was so nervous. But if you're happy not to have a best man speech then who's to tell you otherwise? And even though it's not his big day, it will certainly let your best man enjoy the event an awful lot more!

NIMAN · 02-05-2016 08:15PM

I was at a wedding once when the best man didn't do a speech.
Read out a few cards, said a few thank you's and sat down again.

To be honest, it won't bother many people. Most of the content has been heard many times over, and people simply do fake laughs.

Spanish Eyes · 02-05-2016 08:15PM

The best speechy (or not) wedding I was at was where the Groom thanked everyone and hoped everyone would have a great time.. The Bride said thanks too, and toasted absent friends RIP and the like, The Best Man just stood there grinning like a Cheshire Cat, and said he had no telegrams, cards and snail mail were like dinosaurs, and Facebook messages were too risque, cue laughter all round. He wished everyone well, and that was that!. Five minutes tops for it all.

And the MOST important thing was, the speeches (such as they were) were done at the drinks reception before the dinner. All over, now for the grub! Brilliant.

howamidifferent · 02-05-2016 08:41PM

When I married last I insisted on no prayers and no speeches from anyone. Hotel staff were shocked on the day and kept asking various family members if they would like the hotel manager to say a few words. Both families knew my wishes and declined. Just straight in, grubs up and ate away. ;-) People probably thought it odd but it was our day and I didn't care.

Spanish Eyes · 02-05-2016 08:46PM

howamidifferent wrote: »

When I married last I insisted on no prayers and no speeches from anyone. Hotel staff were shocked on the day and kept asking various family members if they would like the hotel manager to say a few words. Both families knew my wishes and declined. Just straight in, grubs up and ate away. ;-) People probably thought it odd but it was our day and I didn't care.

I'd say everyone was fekkin delighted! Everyone knows you are getting married because you love one another. No speeches will make that any different IMO.

What else is there to say except thanks. And that can be done in other ways after the event, when people might appreciate it more!

Well done on your individuality. I really like that.

fits · 02-05-2016 08:50PM

The groom and I both said a few words. father of groom welcomed me to family and best man rose a toast to us. All over in five minutes. grannd.

No Best Man Speech

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