Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

whatismyname

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Fair play to you, i hope those resources serve you well..

Thanks. I'd been very unwell, and have come a long way in the past couple of months.

The natural instinct is to act out on these negative emotions, but I've come so far and am terrified of things going back to like they were, so have to give my utmost to getting through it.

I have a friend coming to stay tonight so that's a good focus

Hugo Stiglitz

Man, this Friday evening is really kicking my arse.

Joya

sup hugo

Hugo Stiglitz

Joya wrote: »

sup hugo

Am wrecking my head thinking about the relation between having depression and also a ****ty personality. Not sure if one caused the other or if both happened separately.

Joya

ah i know what you mean hugo i ask that myself sometimes too..
sometimes due to depression i tend to be very sensitive so have to count to ten figuratively speaking.. it did not work every time though in the past but im trying to get on top of that..

Hugo Stiglitz

Joya wrote: »

ah i know what you mean hugo i ask that myself sometimes too..
sometimes due to depression i tend to be very sensitive so have to count to ten figuratively speaking.. it did not work every time though in the past but im trying to get on top of that..

The mind is so powerful. Often at our own expense.

Joya

ya, its not just the mind, its nerves too..i did become too sensitive but would not want to become less sensitive just to be able to handle it better..
maybe this sounds confusing...

Hugo Stiglitz

Joya wrote: »

ya, its not just the mind, its nerves too..i did become too sensitive but would not want to become less sensitive just to be able to handle it better..
maybe this sounds confusing...

No, it's how I feel exactly. Not a different person, just a more capable person.

Hugo Stiglitz

I hope you come back, Joya.

Turtle_

Hm. Waking up feeling rubbish... I got a huge raise yesterday... Why am I not happy?

Lady is a tramp

I slept last night! First night since coming into hospital a week ago. I feel amazing!

It probably helped that they gave me my own room yesterday (a lovely, big, en-suite - the biggest room on the ward!) and also put me on a lower risk level, so I'm free to leave the ward whenever I want, as long as I stay on hospital grounds. It's nice they're starting to trust me. (I have "prior form" in this hospital and others that would mean they'd be perfectly justified in keeping me in a shared room in a locked ward for the duration of my stay!)

They also let me choose to stay on an all-female general psychiatric ward ... I won't go into my reasons for wanting that, but I explained my reasons to them and they were SO kind and understanding and made an exception for me. And they're very gently easing me into the program so I'm not overwhelmed with the intensity of group therapy etc. They are actually being so flexible and tailoring everything to my needs. It's so good of them.

I finally feel people are getting me and listening to me ... maybe, this time, it'll finally all work out.

Hugo Stiglitz

Turtle_ wrote: »

Hm. Waking up feeling rubbish... I got a huge raise yesterday... Why am I not happy?

That's what this bastard condition does to us. It totally messes with our heads and can turn good things bad, and bad things good.

Congratulations on getting the huge raise, T. You're totally worth it! x

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

I slept last night! First night since coming into hospital a week ago. I feel amazing!

It probably helped that they gave me my own room yesterday (a lovely, big, en-suite - the biggest room on the ward!) and also put me on a lower risk level, so I'm free to leave the ward whenever I want, as long as I stay on hospital grounds. It's nice they're starting to trust me. (I have "prior form" in this hospital and others that would mean they'd be perfectly justified in keeping me in a shared room in a locked ward for the duration of my stay!)

They also let me choose to stay on an all-female general psychiatric ward ... I won't go into my reasons for wanting that, but I explained my reasons to them and they were SO kind and understanding and made an exception for me. And they're very gently easing me into the program so I'm not overwhelmed with the intensity of group therapy etc. They are actually being so flexible and tailoring everything to my needs. It's so good of them.

I finally feel people are getting me and listening to me ... maybe, this time, it'll finally all work out.

That's fantastic to hear, Lady!

get a room

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

I slept last night! First night since coming into hospital a week ago. I feel amazing!

It probably helped that they gave me my own room yesterday (a lovely, big, en-suite - the biggest room on the ward!) and also put me on a lower risk level, so I'm free to leave the ward whenever I want, as long as I stay on hospital grounds. It's nice they're starting to trust me. (I have "prior form" in this hospital and others that would mean they'd be perfectly justified in keeping me in a shared room in a locked ward for the duration of my stay!)

They also let me choose to stay on an all-female general psychiatric ward ... I won't go into my reasons for wanting that, but I explained my reasons to them and they were SO kind and understanding and made an exception for me. And they're very gently easing me into the program so I'm not overwhelmed with the intensity of group therapy etc. They are actually being so flexible and tailoring everything to my needs. It's so good of them.

I finally feel people are getting me and listening to me ... maybe, this time, it'll finally all work out.

Well done

Gremlinertia

Turtle, it's weird but a raise won't always make you feel proud, it's nearly the definition of 'money can't bring you happiness' it can mean less pressure if you struggled with bills before.. Well done on it all the same, do something nice for yourself today that you usually wouldn't, you have earned that..

Lady, delighted you got some sleep, it's so important to get enough when down, even better that you are being well looked after there. Hope it does wonders for you.

Lady is a tramp

I am in flying form! Up since 7am for an ice-cold shower, had breakfast, reading my book, going to mass in an hour (god knows why, I'm atheist as they come), then an AA meeting, and then I get to see my baby for the afternoon!!!!11!1!1!!!!! Soooo excited.

In general I'm in fantastic form. I think the nurses and other patients are wondering what I'm doing in here at all. But still having the odd mental mood swing. Oh and I had a nightmare/flashbacks of being raped a couple of weeks back, so not a great nights sleep. I really do need to begin to accept and deal with that whole incident. I'm meeting my counsellor tomorrow so I guess she'll want to talk about it.

Anyways right now I'm feeling good and I'm going to have a great day.

lukesmom

Can anyone offer me some encouragement or reassurance. Had a few arguments with my husband and it started up my anxiety again so I've had it a week and low mood. I am on meds but got Valium to take x3 a day. Went to hypnosis on Friday and have a reinforcement session on Tuesday. Please tell me this will end and I'll start to feel better again I'm exhausted with it just need my spark back.

bridgettedon

lukesmom wrote: »

Can anyone offer me some encouragement or reassurance. Had a few arguments with my husband and it started up my anxiety again so I've had it a week and low mood. I am on meds but got Valium to take x3 a day. Went to hypnosis on Friday and have a reinforcement session on Tuesday. Please tell me this will end and I'll start to feel better again I'm exhausted with it just need my spark back.

Just remember you have gotten through every single day of your life so far and you are still here. That is amazing even if we don't acknowledge it enough. I hope this passes soon for you. You were doing well before this fight? Sometimes a small trigger can bring back all those old, familiar feelings but it will pass. Try and be kind to yourself for the next few days. Treat yourself to something nice like a walk, a film you wanted to see for ages or some comforting food.

lukesmom

bridgettedon wrote: »

Just remember you have gotten through every single day of your life so far and you are still here. That is amazing even if we don't acknowledge it enough. I hope this passes soon for you. You were doing well before this fight? Sometimes a small trigger can bring back all those old, familiar feelings but it will pass. Try and be kind to yourself for the next few days. Treat yourself to something nice like a walk, a film you wanted to see for ages or some comforting food.

Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes I was great before our arguments which have been resolved now but of course I'm left with the anxiety and low mood. I'm going to be kind to myself today and try and think positively. I'm looking forward to the hypnosis on Tuesday it did amazing stuff for me last year.

trixychic

Soooo sick of being told to "stop worrying" or "don't stress out" or "calm down. It'll all be grand"..... Some ppl have no idea of the meaning of Anxiety Disorder. >:(

Gremlinertia

trixychic wrote: »

Soooo sick of being told to "stop worrying" or "don't stress out" or "calm down. It'll all be grand"..... Some ppl have no idea of the meaning of Anxiety Disorder. >:(

No truer words typed. You don't tell someone to shake off a broken arm. While mental health has become a less taboo subject i guess the education and understanding that comes with that is a way off yet.

trixychic

Gremlinertia wrote: »

No truer words typed. You don't tell someone to shake off a broken arm. While mental health has become a less taboo subject i guess the education and understanding that comes with that is a way off yet.

It can't come quick enough. I was talking to an immediate family member about the elections and how stressed I am about them and I just keep being told "but sure where is the point in worrying?" To which i said I can't help it. I have GAD... hate it but that's how it is. They just replied "ah yea but the elections are out of your control. Relax". Driving me nuts!!!!

Gremlinertia

If you could find some explanation of anxiety online and mail it to them to read?. Has to be short and sweet though to keep them interested..

trixychic

Gremlinertia wrote: »

If you could find some explanation of anxiety online and mail it to them to read?. Has to be short and sweet though to keep them interested..

No point. Sick of explaining it to them.

Ps congrats on the mod, grem. I only just noticed!!!! Well deserved!!!! *applause*

Gremlinertia

That's a pity Trixychic, then again some people just won't understand no matter how things are explained. Hope the anxiety itself gives you a break though..

Thanks, still getting used to it myself!.

Turtle_

I'm thinking of getting into mindfulness... I've noticed that I've been worrying a lot lately about my meds dose, and what I'm going to say when I see the doctor. Ideally I don't want to increase the dose, but I also don't think that I'm on enough of this, so I'm worried that I should say it but she'll want to increase the dose and ideally I don't want to do that and oh look, I'm in a loop.

I just don't know what to do, but I really think that it's the GAD coming out to play. I'm worrying about worrying.. Which I guess is very telling. It's just so frustrating.

So I think mindfulness might be a good idea. Does anyone know some decent online resources for it? Ideally not guided meditation on YouTube, I find sounds coming from my phone very distressing..

Gremlinertia

Personally I've found various mindfulness exercises very useful however it's a big subject so you may be best off reading reviews of books about the subject to get a feel for the subject and what may work for you.

Hugo Stiglitz

Turtle.

There's an app called Headspace. It's a subscription service though.

I bought an audiobook called Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world. Like the DBT books, I haven't listened to it really yet. It's got great reviews though.

La.de.da

Not in the best of places.
Quiet and even more so withdrawn than usual.
Binge eating......14hr sleeps.
Trying to break the cycle.

carzony

Gonna go to the doctor this week, for the first time in months and demand something be done for me. Hopefully he can atleast give me something to dull the panic sensation so I could atleast start working again.

I would really love to be able to do a 40 hour week without putting up with my own bull****.. More angry than anything else at this stage..

Gremlinertia

Hi La, you're down, not out - sleeping a lot isn't damaging to you thankfully and perhaps you just need a bit extra right now. Be nice to yourself while in a slump it'll pass in time..

Gremlinertia

Carzony i hope the doc can help you out and i little bit of anger is no harm once it doesn't control you. Fingers crossed for you.

playedalive

Hey. Kinda of a lurker to this so I'll post. I'm playedalive, mid 20s and suffer with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and associative depression. It has been there since my early teens and mental health has not been healthy to my family genes. Got unmanageable since I was in college as I developed very black and white thinking and habits when managing college work and everything.

Rolling onto my mid 20s, I still struggle with my nerves and it is just so annoying and distressing. Was on anti-depressants for it with a GP but began to figure out it wasn't a long term solution. Off them now but I've just started counselling and I'll see how it goes. Unemployed atm (was working in a call centre which was not the best idea mental health wise) but trying to keep busy and not let self defeating thoughts get the better of me is a constant struggle.

Hugo Stiglitz

Car & La,

Really sorry to hear that ye are both suffering at the moment there.

I hope things turn around soon.

I can't offer any advice as I'm in a similar situation. Damn this condition to Hell.

Hugo Stiglitz

playedalive wrote: »

Hey. Kinda of a lurker to this so I'll post. I'm playedalive, mid 20s and suffer with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and associative depression. It has been there since my early teens and mental health has not been healthy to my family genes. Got unmanageable since I was in college as I developed very black and white thinking and habits when managing college work and everything.

Rolling onto my mid 20s, I still struggle with my nerves and it is just so annoying and distressing. Was on anti-depressants for it with a GP but began to figure out it wasn't a long term solution. Off them now but I've just started counselling and I'll see how it goes. Unemployed atm (was working in a call centre which was not the best idea mental health wise) but trying to keep busy and not let self defeating thoughts get the better of me is a constant struggle.

Keep up the good fight, man. You can get out of the rut.

In the meantime, keep posting here. It's a great spot for advice and company.

Gremlinertia

Welcome aboard Playedalive as Hugo said you'll find a listening ear and moral support here.. Hope you make progress with counselling Grem

Turtle_

carzony wrote: »

Gonna go to the doctor this week, for the first time in months and demand something be done for me. Hopefully he can atleast give me something to dull the panic sensation so I could atleast start working again.

I would really love to be able to do a 40 hour week without putting up with my own bull****.. More angry than anything else at this stage..

Hey C

I'm really glad you are going back to the doctor... If I recall correctly, we both initially went around the same time and came out with the default first option for GPs of lexapro...

It feels so much longer than a year ago, it's been a long road and it's not over yet. I guess one of the biggest lessons I learned since then is that nobody is going to advocate for you, and actually most of the time you have to fight hard just to be seen. It's so tiring, and it's exactly the sort of thing that gets to be the hardest when you're suffering like this. It might be worth talking to the GP about a referral to the mental health services so that you can access treatments like cbt if you can't afford to pay for it privately.

Good luck at the doctor, you're worth fighting for. Don't diminish how bad it's been. You deserve to get better.

get a room

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Turtle.

There's an app called Headspace. It's a subscription service though.

I bought an audiobook called Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world. Like the DBT books, I haven't listened to it really yet. It's got great reviews though.

I was always an avid reader as is everyone else in the family. But since "this" kicked in, I cant listen to the radio or pick up a book.

get a room

get a room wrote: »

I was always an avid reader as is everyone else in the family. But since "this" kicked in, I cant listen to the radio or pick up a book.

Would you be able to do some gentle meditation for a few minutes? No listening or reading. Just your eyes focused on the light of a candle and your attention focused on your breath.

carzony

Turtle_ wrote: »

Hey C

I'm really glad you are going back to the doctor... If I recall correctly, we both initially went around the same time and came out with the default first option for GPs of lexapro...

It feels so much longer than a year ago, it's been a long road and it's not over yet. I guess one of the biggest lessons I learned since then is that nobody is going to advocate for you, and actually most of the time you have to fight hard just to be seen. It's so tiring, and it's exactly the sort of thing that gets to be the hardest when you're suffering like this. It might be worth talking to the GP about a referral to the mental health services so that you can access treatments like cbt if you can't afford to pay for it privately.

Good luck at the doctor, you're worth fighting for. Don't diminish how bad it's been. You deserve to get better.

The GP won't be able to fob me off this time round. I know the score by now and the GP just sees anxiety as inconvenient so i've told him that I can't leave the house and he'll have to make a house call to see me. Hopefully that'll be enough for him to start taking the situation a little bit serious and actually seek other avenues and not just medication..

lukesmom

Have my second hypnosis session tomorrow morning. Slept for a few hours this afternoon and felt absolutely awful when I woke up. Can't believe I still have this anxiety and low mood a week later when I've been doing so damn well for a year. It's so hard with three kids and a husband who works hard. Hoping for some relief tomorrow. I've made an appointment with my gp for Wednesday. I have a bad habit of catastrophising how I feel but I guess that's part of the GAD. Need to shake this off and get my mojo back.

mickstupp

buh

StripedBoxers

Glad this thread is back

Had a rough-ish weekend with a friend and today my mood has been up and down.

Have occupational therapy this week which I am really looking forward to

Gremlinertia

Lukesmom I've never been near hypnotherapy stuff, let me know what you think.

Mickstup, havin a bad day?

Boxers i hope your appointment is good to you.

On a personal note I'm finding it very hard to keep nerves at bay. Finishing dbt and panic is setting in..

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

On a personal note I'm finding it very hard to keep nerves at bay. Finishing dbt and panic is setting in..

Sorry to hear that, Grem. Fingers crossed it'll recede soon.

carzony

GP never even called me back or made a visit ...

Gremlinertia

carzony wrote: »

GP never even called me back or made a visit ...

A firm complaint in the morning so.. That's pretty crap treatment from what you've said of your situation. Try not to let it get to you too much tonight if you can.

Lady is a tramp

Time for a new GP carzony?

mickstupp

@Gremlinertia - it's that feeling where your face is all heavy and you can't pick it up. Like nothing that happens can bring a smile to the face. Then after a few days of that you start feeling even more dead to the world. And exhausted. And a new thing is now happening where I can only handle 20-30 minutes of my actual real and genuine friends who I love deeply. I gotta take a break from them for five or ten minutes, from being around humans. So much tension. And today I got real disturbed in the canteen with all the noise. Thought it got rapidly louder but my friend didn't notice anything. Had to get out into the quiet and fresh air. Bizarre.

With nerves, as well as repetitive thoughts and rumination, I've been finding it oddly helpful to just talk out loud to myself, to list off the things I'm feeling, get them out of my head into the world so my ears can hear them. e.g. "I'm feeling really tense, jaw won't unclench, sweating. Why am I feeling this? I have no idea. I've not felt like this before so I won't feel like this forever. So it will pass eventually. What can I do in the meantime? Have a shower, real cold or real hot. Have a bath. Drink something cold and fizzy. Eat something spicy as hell. Wash face with really cold water a few times. Run. Cycle."

So by speaking it out loud and then doing something physical, I can sometimes get myself out of the nerves. Not always! But sometimes. The physical change of temperature or environment often helps. And exercise helps me get rid of that nervous energy that normally just reinforces the tension.

/whateverworks

Gremlinertia

Mickstup, how's the support from your doc? When I'm anxious i find sounds can seem louder or lights brighter so you're not alone there. The numb/heavy face it ringing bells too. I hope you manage some decent rest tonight so you can plan your approach to things tomorrow..

badboyblast

get a room wrote: »

I resurrected my account now the new forum is back up and running.
Male 50, recovering from broken back, broken legs (surgery 3 times), Prostatitis, Prostatectomy, wife and child hit by car outside the house, 3 stents a couple of weeks ago, two revenue audits, 4 immediate relatives dying within 4 weeks, father mother and sibling in Lukes with cancer, child with auto immune disease, loss of 50% vision in right eye (accident). And other stuff, (all in the last 18/20 months.) - culminating with breakdown before Christmas.

Doing therapy, on meds, ssnri for A and D, blood pressure, cholestrol, blood thinners, ciallis, xanax, oxycontin, zolpodine.

Constant fatigue.

God its a relief posting this in A&D instead of after hours

You are very brave and keep it up.