etiquette of visiters in someone elses home

SAMTALK

handlemaster wrote: »

It was a bit like you should come over sometime. So they were invited. Not looking for my esb bill to be paid just a recognition that it's not all free. Thats what I.would do..

I think some people are being a bit hard on OP.
If I was invited to someones house for dinner I wouldnt arrive empty handed. Id make a dessert or bring a bottle of wine. Its just basic courtesy really,
6 days free lodgings... think a token gesture isnt asking too much. But I wouldnt be giving up my bed for them for that long

People with kids dont give a ****

handlemaster

bear1 wrote: »

Ok now I'm confused.
Did the family visiting invite themselves or did you casually throw it out there that they should visit and subsequently they dropped by for 6 days?
You must have agreed to this beforehand?

Offer was made to stay yes.

Not an issue with the time of the stay really that was their choice. I agreed.

galljga1

I could do with a break.
Whereabouts are you.
I won't even stay myself, just the kids.

handlemaster

galljga1 wrote: »

I could do with a break.
Whereabouts are you.
I won't even stay myself, just the kids.

LOL. ..

bear1

handlemaster wrote: »

Offer was made to stay yes.

Not an issue with the time of the stay really that was their choice. I agreed.

Are they from abroad?

Knex*

whiskeyman wrote: »

I get the feeling you don't like this visiting family OP?
If you did... you probably wouldn't even be posting here as you'd enjoy their company and 'oversee' any stinginess.
However, you probably don't like them and the fact they never made an offer to help / pay / show any appreciation has made things worse...
I think your OH got the say to invite them in! Would I be right?

What's any of this conjecture got to do with anything, though?

The only relevant part is you calling the visiting family, "stingy".

galljga1

BrownFinger wrote: »

People with kids dont give a ****

I stay with my inlaws and my own siblings and they stay with me because our kids are similar ages, give or take. If I am staying more than two nights, I rent a local house which I actually prefer as you have your own space. I actually prefer people to stay with me than me stay with them but six days is overkill.

Graces7

Reminds me of an old saying, "Fish and guests stink after three days..." Do you ever stay with or visit them OP? I have stayed eg two weeks with friends abroad who have stayed with us...

josip

Svakog gosta, tri dana dosta.

Elmo

1. Holiday: the house is a base, you might cook dinner once but really they should be heading out for dinner, and you should go to dinner at least once.
They get spare room, Kids get the living room/pull out.
2. Place to Stay when their house is being renovated: they are in charge of their own dinners, they'll be in the way.
They get spare room, Kids get the living room/pull out.

fatknacker

If you put 5 people up for 6 days and they didn't offer anything even a small gesture by way of a thanks, then they are arseholes.

handlemaster

Just basically wondered what the right thing is to expect . . One two days wouldnt worry me .. But after I think an effort by the guest should be made in some form

RhubarbCrumble

If I had someone staying for a night or a weekend then I wouldn't expect them to provide/pay for food, but an entire family for a week is a different matter.
I stayed with my friend in London for a week last year. She invited me over and certainly didn't expect me to pay for anything, but I did chip in towards a grocery shop and paid for a couple of meals. I also brought her over some Irish food that she can't get there.
Personally I wouldn't expect to stay for a week in someone elses house for nothing.

meeeeh

I have my family over every so often. My father usually goes to the shop and buys some groceries and we go out for a meal sometimes. I tried to do the same when we are over but the last time I found money for my shopping in the bag so I stopped trying. I do bits and pieces but not much. In fairness we eat out a lot. When my brother and his wife were over they left some money which really annoyed me, I didn't expect anything.

I think some thank you gesture is nice but guests are guests, I certainly prefer to cook and shop myself.

If I was visiting anywhere else but my old home I would certainly expect to contribute in some way.

Knex*

handlemaster wrote: »

Just basically wondered what the right thing is to expect . . One two days wouldnt worry me .. But after I think an effort by the guest should be made in some form

If you had started the thread by saying, "held door open for someone, and they just walked through without even acknowledging me", you'd have nearly everyone saying how much of a twat that person is.

There's no real excuse for taking people for granted and not showing appreciation for good deeds, in any form. What you did, housing a couple and their kids for 6 days, regardless of their circumstance, is more than the average kind gesture, really.

The least they should to is offer some small gesture of appreciation, and make it known how much they value your space, hospitality, etc.

AlanG

Staying that long they should have done a few decent shops - bread milk etc and also brought you out to dinner or got in take away at least one night. Unless of course, you regularly stay with them and work the same way.

Calibos

Knex. wrote: »

If you had started the thread by saying, "held door open for someone, and they just walked through without even acknowledging me", you'd have nearly everyone saying how much of a twat that person is.

There's no real excuse for taking people for granted and not showing appreciation for good deeds, in any form. What you did, housing a couple and their kids for 6 days, regardless of their circumstance, is more than the average kind gesture, really.

The least they should to is offer some small gesture of appreciation, and make it known how much they value your space, hospitality, etc.

The bolded is a bad example. I've been here long enough to see that exact thread multiple times down through the years and amazingly half the respondents will call the OP a weirdo for expecting thanks or acknowledgment, because, "Sure the person didn't ask You to hold the door open for them so they shouldn't have to say Thank You..."

DSN

Its pretty tight of them unless they very hard up - we'd bring drinks/treats & offer to pay for take -away or meal one night & 3 nights would be by limit having anyone stay or staying anywhere else & unless it was for our parents no way would I give my bed!

I rem before we had kids we had this couple to stay for the w/e. I'd never met them they were friends of other half he'd worked with in Australia & we catered for them all w/e etc. Anyway I though well least when they came he produced this really good expensive bottle of whiskey he'd bought at the airport we opened that had had a couple of glasses of it. one of the nights. So I popped it in the cupboard assumed it was FOR us & anyway as we were driving them to the airport he says 'oh crap I forgot my whiskey' he was really upset about it! LOL too bad we couldn't turn around or they'd miss their flight. We never saw or heard from them again!

Buona Fortuna

Personally, I'd have taken you all out for a meal.

If money was tight - and it very often is -a Take Away, Fish and Chips all round. Failing that I'd get the ingredients and cook at least once.

I don't think much of your guests OP.

Mr. CooL ICE

Fake your death and pretend to haunt them

handlemaster

Money not an issue with the guests they said themselves a few times they are very well paid .

SAMTALK

handlemaster wrote: »

Money not an issue with the guests they said themselves a few times they are very well paid .

Money shouldnt be an issue with them if they can get free holidays like that:rolleyes:

Knex*

handlemaster wrote: »

Money not an issue with the guests they said themselves a few times they are very well paid .

Even worse so.

Funnily enough, out of all my friends, the one who would be by far the worst in terms of being conscientious and appreciative about things like this, is the one that blabs on about money, and how well he is doing, the most too.

Mr. CooL ICE

handlemaster wrote: »

Money not an issue with the guests they said themselves a few times they are very well paid .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8Kum8OUTuk

ablelocks

I don't visit AH often, but 4 pages in in and no-one asked the important question?!

the other woman who slept in your bed - is she hot?

PARlance

ablelocks wrote: »

I don't visit AH often, but 4 pages in in and no-one asked the important question?!

the other woman who slept in your bed - is she hot?

Fairly safe to assume she wasn't. There wouldn't be a thread if she was.

Dial Hard

osarusan wrote: »

It depends on the context, but most of the time it's on the host to look after the guests.

There's etiquette required on both sides when you have visitors, not just the host's.

I would never, ever arrive to someone's house with my arms swinging, even if I was only invited over to dinner. To stay in someone else's house for a week with full bed and board and not contribute a single thing is the absolute height of stinginess and bad manners.

The Op sounds like a very considerate host, making sure his guests were comfortable to the extent that he gave up his own bed for their benefit. That's extremely thoughtful.

Your guests, however, are another story. They're under no obligation to do anything if you invited them, but manners dictate they at least show some appreciation for everything you've done for them.

Don't invite them back, be deaf to hints, be blunt if they ask bluntly. Life is too short to entertain the unappreciative.

sbsquarepants

Knex. wrote: »

I never understand this type of logic.

Its not an easy thing to do, nor should it be taken for granted, for people to put you up in their home for 6 days, let alone when you include a partner and three kids.

Whenever I stay with mates that I know from college, even if only for a weekend, I'll buy the dinner or the drinks for at least one of the days.

I find it pretty obnoxious to take over a house for 6 days and not at least offer to totally take care of dinner one evening, or at least show your appreciation in some way.

Good actions should not be taken for granted, no matter your relationship to the person.

Edit: Just seeing you gave them your bed too. Jesus. I'd be mortified to do that to anyone. Unless it was a space issue whereby the three kids were squeezed into the bed with them?

I personally would have bought the grub or brought everyone out or something like that out of basic decency, but if you invite people to your house you should expect to provide for them once they're there.
I have a couple of inlaws who are always inviting the family over for dinner or the likes but specify can someone bring a dessert can someone bring wine and so on - it's just fúcking meanness with them. They want the name of having people over but not the bother or expense. Most people would bring something out of decency but don't say "would you like to come for dinner, by the way bring dinner" that's just tight!

I also wouldn't take anyones bed off them, but that's just me.

handlemaster wrote: »

That wasnt what I said. They basically decided to come for a holiday. We paid for everything for them and their kids with not even a offer to cook any evening etc I think its not been fair. It wasnt a one night stop. So we provided for 5 people.

Don't make offers you don't want to be held to. If you're going to extend an invite of that scale you better be prepared to have it accepted. Sounds to me like your bluff was called!