Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

jim-mcdee

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Whilst the above example is classic wankery can I just ask the panel can a man credibly drive a mini in their eyes?

My other half has one and I drive it on occasion and tbh I love driving it.

I don't and never have owned a gilet however, I don't understand them. How can you decide you need to keep your main body warm but your arms can fend for themselves?

Please note I also don't wear sunglasses on my head whilst driving or otherwise.

Gilets are great. Keep ya warm but you're arms are free not restricted. Don't knock it till u try it.

ToddyDoody

Shannon757 wrote: »

That's not even a word.

Its barely even a post

foxy farmer

Try this
http://i.imgur.com/fp7KFgM.png

Shannon757

That's not 50 euros worth of damage. Give him a tenner.

Crimsonforce

When your on a plane and its landed and there's about 5 people trying to get off before its even pulled into the gate. Looking to make that extra 2 feet..

armaghlad

Crimsonforce wrote: »

When your on a plane and its landed and there's about 5 people trying to get off before its even pulled into the gate. Looking to make that extra 2 feet..

Guilty your honour.

In my defence I've been sitting for 2+ hours and I need to stretch!

Brendan Bendar

armaghlad wrote: »

Guilty your honour.

In my defence I've been sitting for 2+ hours and I need to stretch!

Don't tell me, you are 6' 6" when in reality you are 5' 41/2"

Wes Palmer Lee

People who applaud when the plane lands.

Pac1Man

Anyone who refers to themselves in the third person.

Ol' Donie

Wes Palmer Lee wrote: »

People who applaud when the plane lands.

Oh, jesus yeah.

Or worst still, the gimp who followed the clapping when the flight landed in Lanzarote with a stomach churning "Hail Hail the Celts are here..."

Bet that was the best holiday ever.

Dipstick was at least in his 40s.

Brendan Bendar

Ol' Donie wrote: »

Oh, jesus yeah.

Or worst still, the gimp who followed the clapping when the flight landed in Lanzarote with a stomach churning "Hail Hail the Celts are here..."

Bet that was the best holiday ever.

Dipstick was at least in his 40s.

I think I know him..

Dick phelan

People who insert "Sinn Fein, IRA" into the Fields of Athenry.

Ol' Donie

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

I think I know him..

Really?

Kill him, will you?

foxy farmer

Shannon757 wrote: »

That's not 50 euros worth of damage. Give him a tenner.

He's not getting a cent. Called again on Saturday and got quite cranky. Eventually told me to stuff my €50 and give it to charity and went on about being badly treated. Pathetic shoite really.

Noodles81

Dick phelan wrote: »

People who insert "Sinn Fein, IRA" into the Fields of Athenry.

Always bugged me that. Haven't heard anyone at it since I left college. The lyrics don't need any "additions". Ruins the poignancy of it for me.

Ninap

micar wrote: »

them young lads on mountain bikes cycling on footpaths who decide when there's a audience around to do a wheelie and travel a bit with one wheel off the ground...no need to impress me cos I'm not gay.

Them other cyclists when at a traffic light decide to rather than clip out decided to try an balance the bike on the spot. ffs...just clip out like the rest of us. Came across one guy at leeson st bridge doing this.....was looking at him think "what a #anker!!!" and then he fell off.....what an eejit

I actually love seeing someone pull a good wheelie. And I'm jealous cos i can't do them

jim-mcdee

Ninap wrote: »

I actually love seeing someone pull a good wheelie. And I'm jealous cos i can't do them

Jealously probably accounts for a lot. I wish there were more 'tossers' and less 'scumbags'. I can imagine the negative vibes off yer man stuck at the lights looking at cyclists. Live and let live.

EagererBeaver

Wes Palmer Lee wrote: »

People who applaud when the plane lands.

People who rush to queue for boarding on flights with assigned seating.

OldNotWIse

EagererBeaver wrote: »

People who rush to queue for boarding on flights with assigned seating.

People who haven't copped yet that instead of fighting with the airline staff about having your hand luggage stowed underneath, you can smile sweetly and allow them to tag your bag, then just remove the tag (and the sticker from your boarding pass) before you get to the plane.

People who use the overhead bin that's not directly above their seat. Whoever is the first fúcker to do this sets off a chain reaction so that everyone else has to do it to.

People who cannot go two hours without getting up and queuing to use a fúcking airplane toilet.

People who stand up while the plane is still moving as if they'll be able to jump off as soon as it stops. Then they stand like knobs in the aisle for half an hour while I sit looking at them.

People who change their babys nappy on an airplane seat. Specal breed of disgusting wánkers.

Chips Lovell

OldNotWIse wrote: »

People who haven't copped yet that instead of fighting with the airline staff about having your hand luggage stowed underneath, you can smile sweetly and allow them to tag your bag, then just remove the tag (and the sticker from your boarding pass) before you get to the plane.

People who use the overhead bin that's not directly above their seat. Whoever is the first fúcker to do this sets off a chain reaction so that everyone else has to do it to.

Do you not see how these two may be connected?

EagererBeaver

OldNotWIse wrote: »

People who haven't copped yet that instead of fighting with the airline staff about having your hand luggage stowed underneath, you can smile sweetly and allow them to tag your bag, then just remove the tag (and the sticker from your boarding pass) before you get to the plane.

People who use the overhead bin that's not directly above their seat. Whoever is the first fúcker to do this sets off a chain reaction so that everyone else has to do it to.

People who cannot go two hours without getting up and queuing to use a fúcking airplane toilet.

People who stand up while the plane is still moving as if they'll be able to jump off as soon as it stops. Then they stand like knobs in the aisle for half an hour while I sit looking at them.

People who change their babys nappy on an airplane seat. Specal breed of disgusting wánkers.

I sense some empathy here.

I'll be even broader. Basically any human beings other than ones I'm travelling with that I encounter from when I enter the airport at the origin until I leave the airport at the destination, is an enormous ****ing wanker. Every last one of them.

The bag drop girl moaning about 0.1 of a kilo - wanker.

The security guy who needlessly directs me to the longest line - wanker.

The people queuing for the flight that isn't due to board for another half hour - ****.

The inevitable student who brings on a McDonald's or Burger King - wanker.

The people who won't ignore instructions about bags in overhead bins or cabins - ****.

The pilot - absolute wanker.

OldNotWIse

Jep Gambardella wrote: »

Do you not see how these two may be connected?

Yes. I spotted that but was too lazy to take it out. I still think they are wánkers though, for all of the other reasons. You're the first guy, aren't you?

OldNotWIse

EagererBeaver wrote: »

I sense some empathy here.

I'll be even broader. Basically any human beings other than ones I'm travelling with that I encounter from when I enter the airport at the origin until I leave the airport at the destination, is an enormous ****ing wanker. Every last one of them.

The bag drop girl moaning about 0.1 of a kilo - wanker.

The security guy who needlessly directs me to the longest line - wanker.

The people queuing for the flight that isn't due to board for another half hour - ****.

The inevitable student who brings on a McDonald's or Burger King - wanker.

The people who won't ignore instructions about bags in overhead bins or cabins - ****.

The pilot - absolute wanker.

Why is the pilot a wanker? Poor guy, not even getting paid as much as a luas driver

Chips Lovell

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Yes. I spotted that but was too lazy to take it out. I still think they are wánkers though, for all of the other reasons. You're the first guy, aren't you?

Nope. The second.

osarusan

Two printers on this floor - we should print to the closest one, but the other is available as a back up.

When one is offline for whatever reason, people switch to the other printer, but they NEVER remember/bother to cancel the initial order to the offline printer.

So when the printer comes back online, the first thing that happens is a sh!tload of printing of documents that people don't need anymore as they already printed it off the other printer.

Tossers!

OldNotWIse

Jep Gambardella wrote: »

Nope. The second.

If you're the second, presumably you know who the first is. Please tell him he's a wánker :P

jackwigan

Wes Palmer Lee wrote: »

People who applaud when the plane lands.

Do people still do that?

Haven't witnessed it myself in years.

JustShon

jackwigan wrote: »

Do people still do that?

Haven't witnessed it myself in years.

Have you flown Ryanair recently? It's usually on Ryanair flights.

Maybe people are cheering and clapping because they can finally get off the god-awful sardine-can of a plane?

jackwigan

JustShon wrote: »

Have you flown Ryanair recently? It's usually on Ryanair flights.

Maybe people are cheering and clapping because they can finally get off the god-awful sardine-can of a plane?

No, haven't flown with them in a while but I will be next month.

ronjo

jackwigan wrote: »

No, haven't flown with them in a while but I will be next month.

My 5 year old does it even if the flight is late..... Best part of the flight for her.