when culchies get mixed up...

dollyk

My Husband lifts his finger to every single other motorist we pass.
Ill never for the life of me understand why ?
And says hello cuz to everyone we meet on the town.
Im pretty sure hes not related to all of them.:o

Reggie.

dollyk wrote: »

My Husband lifts his finger to every single other motorist we pass.
Ill never for the life of me understand why ?
And says hello cuz to everyone we meet on the town.
Im pretty sure hes not related to all of them.:o

Nice to be polite

foxy farmer

Oh dear God only after seeing this thread now. My eyes are sore from laughing😂!
Anyway back in 03 I was building the house and 2 cousins- mother and daughter had me pestered to take them shopping when looking at appliances etc for the house.
Landed in Jj O Dwyers Electrical outside Cork City this evening to look at washing machines cookers etc. I had the measuring tape out as usual being totally practical as ever but the women were talking colours and trendy stuff.
Walking around i spotted a Whirlpool American style fridge freezer with the ice and water dispenser on the door. Huge thing. Of course the 2 women saw me looking at this fine fancy thing and over they came. A saleswoman saw her opportunity and landed on too. Thechat starts.
"Thats the job for the kitchen. Lovely colour. Showpiece. How much is that? "Etc
Foxy opens the 2 doors wide and with the measuring tape in his hand looks into the freezer section sizing up the shelves. Takes a step back scratches his head and ponders out loud " I don't know. Would a turkey fit into that?"
The 2 cousins are in hysterics the saleswoman thinks I've dropped from Mars and Im thinking about being able to close the door on a big turkey.
That story always gets a laugh in this house.

Justjens

Many years ago a bunch of us were coming home from a rural wedding in convoy in the middle of the night, only one of us knew the way, we all tore through a village with the local Guard standing outside having a fag.

We must have raised his curiosity because there was one lad lagging behind so the Guard stepped out onto the road and stopped him.

'Where you from' (it was obvious from the reg plate)

'Limerick' (we were far from home)

'What are you all doing up here at this time of night'

'Going home from a wedding'

'Was it a good wedding?'

'Errrr, yes it was, a great night'

'Well you drive safe now'..................

dollyk

Its not just the culchies, Im a Dub and when i moved to the country
over 20 years ago, my neighbour down the lane asked me if i could mind his 2 lambs for a week or so.
I was all excited telling the kids, thinking they never got to even see lambs
when we lived in Dublin
Imagine my shock, when he came with the two poor lambs
all ready to be given out to family and neighbours
as xmas meat hampers.:eek:
I then found out the shed down the bottom of the garden
was a small walk in freezer.
I seriously have never ate lamb chops since.:P

Sam Kade

dollyk wrote: »

Its not just the culchies, Im a Jackeen and when i moved to the country
over 20 years ago, my neighbour down the lane asked me if i could mind his 2 lambs for a week or so.
I was all excited telling the kids, thinking they never got to even see lambs
when we lived in Dublin
Imagine my shock, when he came with the two poor lambs
all ready to be given out to family and neighbours
as xmas meat hampers.:eek:
I then found out the shed down the bottom of the garden
was a small walk in freezer.
I seriously have never ate lamb chops since.:P

fixed

ganmo

dollyk wrote: »

Its not just the culchies, Im a Dub and when i moved to the country
over 20 years ago, my neighbour down the lane asked me if i could mind his 2 lambs for a week or so.
I was all excited telling the kids, thinking they never got to even see lambs
when we lived in Dublin
Imagine my shock, when he came with the two poor lambs
all ready to be given out to family and neighbours
as xmas meat hampers.:eek:
I then found out the shed down the bottom of the garden
was a small walk in freezer.
I seriously have never ate lamb chops since.:P

we need to go back selling lamb dressed as mutton

dollyk

it actually happened that way.
My kids bring it up now and again.
My house was on the n2 and the fridges and
porto cabins were used to make and store sandwiches.
That were delivered to centras.

Willfarman

New Dublin neighbours built near here. They moved in and were finishing the house and decor as moved in.
Husband left for work leaving wife waiting for a laminate floor and carpet crowd to call and measure floors and bring samples..

Now who happened to call in only Johnny Connors. Who I'd say couldn't quite believe the positive reception he got cold calling with a few mats and bits of carpet . Had been in drinking tea at the kitchen table and had to return to depot for a more comprehensive display of his wares as he had come sparsely supplied for what was a bigger contract than he expected to find.
Hours later the real appointed fitter arrived with van with full sign writing. Much confusion ensued as the woman explained about his colleague being there already, measured up and returning with full compliment of samples the next day!

deise08

Only discovered this thread... Absolutely brilliant!!

Muckit

If it made you laugh and forget your troubles for a while, mission accomplished.

carrollsno1

Out in new zealand walking back to my house just down from the farmers house i was just finished milking this was during calving i was rough looking enough unshaven hair a bit wild tired looking and full waterproofs on a few **** stains here and there on them and then i met the farmers wife so she asks how im doing etc i said great im just back from the parlour there now love going in there great set up and ill know the run of it in no time! She gave a funny look and said oh alright and walked away muttering, it took a few weeks before she copped that we called the milking shed a parlour and for me to cop that parlour is the word for a brothel there. There were several instances where i mentioned i was heading/coming the parlour before we realised.

arctictree

Willfarman wrote: »

New Dublin neighbours built near here. They moved in and were finishing the house and decor as moved in.
Husband left for work leaving wife waiting for a laminate floor and carpet crowd to call and measure floors and bring samples..

Now who happened to call in only Johnny Connors. Who I'd say couldn't quite believe the positive reception he got cold calling with a few mats and bits of carpet . Had been in drinking tea at the kitchen table and had to return to depot for a more comprehensive display of his wares as he had come sparsely supplied for what was a bigger contract than he expected to find.
Hours later the real appointed fitter arrived with van with full sign writing. Much confusion ensued as the woman explained about his colleague being there already, measured up and returning with full compliment of samples the next day!

Reminds me of the time we were getting in a new septic tank and I was waiting at home for the engineer to arrive to take photos, measurements etc.

So there's a Knock on the door and I invite him in, sit him down and put on the kettle. Then out come the Jehovah's witness books.....

malinheader

Brilliant thread. Cant wait to get the feet up this evening and have a laugh. Brilliant.

I says

Just seeing this thread now reminds of a story from work with one of the auld lads.
In a hotel for the dinner one day getting the carvery dinner and he was getting a gammon steak when the girl serving puts the pineapple slice on it he tells her he normally gets his dessert on a separate plate. Still laugh thinking of it now.

foxy farmer

Distant relation of mine back around 2000 man was close on 70 at the time got a mobile phone. Wouldn't be clued into technology. He got right addled one day over a call he got. Later that day he was venting his frustrations on his relations about this call.
He said that some woman rang just telling him he had a message in his mailbox. Thinking it was some new notification service from An Post he went out to his letterbox for his post but it was empty when he checked. Started giving out about an post not having a clue what they were talking about. When it was explained that it was a voice message on his phone he nearly blew a gasket asking how in the fook would you leave a phone call in a letterbox.

Limestone Cowboy

There's a fella a few miles away that deals in scrap and old cars and stuff like that. He'd have a fella with him that's a bit harmless and isint able to read or write and had never been out of the country. Anyway they were going to Kerry to pick up some stuff and got the ferry from moneypoint to tarbert but they told him they were going to England and he was none the wiser. Sent him into the shop after they landed in Kerry and he was asking if they took euro Was back in the local pub that night telling everyone he was gone to England for the day.

patsy_mccabe

Like the story my brother told me. Sitting down one day for lunch at work and they are talking about the new Limerick Tunnel. 'Ya, it'll be great' says one of the boys 'We can drive the whole way to England now'.........And he was dead serious. Same young fella spent most of his time with his head stuck in video games.

gozunda

My favourite one was the fella that went to Dublin in the 60s and stopped at Clearys in O'Connell Street. Thinking he would pick up something before he headed home, he went downstairs to the homewares department.

One of the very first thing he spots is a big display of Thermos Flasks. So he calls over a salesperson and pointing to one asks - 'what in the name of god is that'? The salesperson explains that it was a 'Thermos Flask' and that 'it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold'. Impressed with this new technology, he decides to buy one and gets it wrapped up to take home on the train.

The next week he is cutting turf with a couple of neighbours and whips out his new Thermos Flask. His nearest neighbour asks him 'what in the name of god is that?' So he tells them it's a 'Thermos Flask and it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold' Obviously impressed he is then asked 'what have you got in it? To which he replies - 'a mug of tea and a Choc Ice'! :pac:

Aravo

Few yrs back the dog got a kick of a cow. Broken leg, so father called the vet and she said that she would sort out and send the dog in for treatment. I had something on so father asked my brother to bring the dog to the vet and vet would sort out. Brother queried the availability of a manure bag. Father asked what he wanted the bag for. He said to put the dog into once the vet had put the dog down. Good job we rang the vet beforehand otherwise things may have turned out differently.

Albert Johnson

Like some of the above back many years ago there was a harmless sort of a lad in this townland too. He had lived his entire life within a few square miles of the home place and knew of nothing beyond it. The day's were spent farming and doing an odd days work here and there, it was a simple life style but he was contented with it.

Eventually he was offered a day out to Athlone with a neighbour to collect something or other and the offer was accepted. They hit off on the appointed morning and the trip passed off with any issues. Our man returned that evening and regaled the few regulars in the local with tales of his travels, the new things he'd seen and how it was great to be back on "Irish soil".

Another lad used to sweep the floor and put on his good shirt before turning on the television in case the people within would think of him as untidy. My father and others used to congregate in his house as children as he had the only TV in the townland. He had a habit of constantly flicking between channels and could never settle on watching anything for long, another neighbour eventually came up with a plan to curb this habit.

He was duly informed that the batteries in the remote control required frequent charging and this was achieved by leaving the remote on the top of the TV for extended periods. Of course the poor man knew no different and it was now possible to watch the chosen programme without interruption.

Upon the advent of colour television he upgraded from a black and white set to full colour. My father happened to call in the evening it was delivered and witnessed the new owners first impressions. Our man was flicking between the news on RTE and a music program on BBC. He kept exclaiming as to how much nicer looking the British girls were compared to the duller Irish ones. The British girls on BBC were broadcast in colour while the Irish girls on RTE were still broadcast in the older black and white format.

coolshannagh28

The first thresher came to our country maybe 70 years ago and got set up in our neighbours Haggard in the evening for the threshing the next day , the thresherman left and a couple of nosey cubs naturally started poking round her and accidently started her , cue pandemonium as they had never seen one going before, belts and noise flat out and damned if they could turn it off till the smarter one had a brainwave and pronounced " let her chap away till she chaps herself out "

Pod123

A family set off for a weekend in a ford cortina back in the 80s to Dublin. Car packed and left limerick,A neighbour spotted them in Newport co.tipperary have their flask of tea and sandwiches ..went over to them ,and asked if they were alright. Paddy rolled down the window and said”we are grand just letting the car cool down “Newport was only about 20 minute drive from Limerick,still had a long way to go !!!!

Cattlepen

Country chap I know went up to see an ac/dc tribute band in the Olympia. Didn’t know where he was goin so happened to ask this gurrier on the street where it was. The gurrier gave him good precise directions. Thanks very much replied my pal, “no problem at all muckers “ said tha gurrier!!

beertons

That mug of tea and choc ice one, nearly caused an accident on the N7.

Joe Daly

Mother had a shop on a Saturday night once a month it used to be packed, two brothers used to ring there brother in London the two of them thought the further away the person was away from them they had to shout all the biddies around the town used to congregate in the shop while the two poor devils were outside in the phone box. The pair of them used to be hoarse for a week after it`somebody told them it was infection they got out of the phone complain to Frank hall on halls pictorial weekly seemingly they used to write the letter .






















t out in the pub the locals used to adding

Neyite

This is my favourite culchie story.

gozunda

Neyite wrote: »

This is my favourite culchie story.

Lol at first I thought you were being ironic! link wasn't appearing. Fixed?

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=98592014&postcount=55

feargale

50 years ago a London restaurant promised to supply any meal/dish on demand, and to pay £5 in the event of failure to do so. (The pound was worth 20 shillings in those days.) A Connemara man went in and ordered elephant's balls on toast. The waiter took the order, went to the kitchen, but returned after five minutes waving a fiver, saying "I'm sorry, sir. We've run out of bread."

mf240

Heard of a woman was only married three months when she went in to have a baby. Her mother was wondering if the child would live. :D