Should I help my sister despite not being in the bridal party?

Reputable Rog

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-uajE4iXC_I
You should arrange for something like this to happen.

LusciousOis

Just tell her that you feel hard done by by not being a part of the bridal party yet being asked to play the MOH role at the same time.

Crazy stuff from your sis tho!!

Gatica

Living Off The Splash wrote: »

But I get the feeling that things have progressed much further and the Op is trying to exit now.
The only question that she needs to ask is why she wasn't chosen as one of the bridal party and to explain to her sister face to face and not by text why she just wants to be invited as a guest.

We must be reading different threads... The OP hasn't done anything that she's commented on here that would imply she's done things to progress the wedding thus far. She only checked with her work whether she could take a whole week off work before selfish-sister's wedding. Thankfully, they couldn't give her a full week off as it was their busy time, and OP can better use that leave at another time.

The OP may want to ask why she's not part of the bridal party, but it seem that she's not bothered about being in it in the first place. She just doesn't want to do all the labour the selfish-sister's bridal army could be doing.

The attention given to OP is entirely selfish-sister's doing... she's the only one being excluded by selfish-sister and selfish-sister is the one ringing around telling people OP won't be her wedding-slave.

Plus the current bridal party all have the same smaller dress size and likely non-bright coloured hair, and OP's already suggested that that may have to do with selfish-sister's picking them and not OP. If that was the case, I think it's right to write selfish-sister off as a kn0b. I mean who so obviously excludes a single member of the family over size or hair?!

Flippyfloppy

True, as far as I knew the ops sister is only looking into her wedding & it's a surprise at the moment, happening in about a year!

Gatica

ha ha... I hope it's not a surprise to the groom! :P

Geniass

Gatica wrote: »

ha ha... I hope it's not a surprise to the groom! :P

Lets hope the sister is safely married off by then!!! :eek:

gsi300024v

This is all your version, there will be her version too and also a version someone who knows you both will have too.
Would you prefer she had asked you to do nothing for her wedding?
Are you awkward ? Are you in a long term relationship too?
Could you not ask her to have a chat about this all.
Possibly pointing out what you are not happy with but also lessen the blow for saying sorry for anything you might have done to get her annoyed over the years, this usually helps. Calms things, there is no way it's all one sided.

Geniass

gsi300024v wrote: »

saying sorry for anything you might have done to get her annoyed over the years, this usually helps. Calms things, there is no way it's all one sided.

Her sister has stolen the OP's boyfriends in the past.

Although, I get the whole 'two sides to every story', we can only go on what we have been told.

gsi300024v

See it's all very loaded language, stole a bf, he's not a painting, he can't be stolen unless he decides he's actually be in a relationship with someone else who happens to be his current gf's sister.

Gatica

no one is saying he's blameless. Takes 2 to cheat, both are doing something wrong. Only the selfish-sister though was hurting her own sister. The guy probably just thought it was his luck to get more than one girl...

Geniass

gsi300024v wrote: »

See it's all very loaded language, stole a bf, he's not a painting, he can't be stolen unless he decides he's actually be in a relationship with someone else who happens to be his current gf's sister.

The OP said the sister that is getting married stole her and their younger sister's boyfriends from them.





Men can be very fickle (mea culpa) and are not without fault in the scenario, but how many people here would be impressed if their sister/brother hooked up with current boyfriends or even exes. Not many I'd wager.

NSAman

So you are awkward, get over it. Let the B... organise her own wedding. Best thing that you could do, is spend the time and energy on yourself. Get a makeover, hair extensions, fabulous WHITE dress, toned body and a killer guy on your arm, attend the wedding and make the cow jealous as hell...;)

gsi300024v

OR forget getting bf killer body etc and do some counselling to invest in yourself and feel more ok in your own skin, you might stand up to your sister more and demand respect.

raydar

m sorry to say but Your sister may not change and she may never be concerned about how you feel and it may continue and it may get worse as time goes on , i have seen these behaviour patterns in other familys its a shame that our nearest and dearest allways press our buttons , you have to admit she has placed insensitive changes in your relationship with her so now you will have to act and create new rules to protect yourselve and this involves new choices and boundries , practice and learn to say no and this gets easier if you write down a little bit every day in a private diary about your relationships , also you may grow apart over time You could go to the wedding and stay calm and cool and try not to drink too much , there will be lots of other spectators at it that will enjoy your company , keep a little distant from the wedding group , and try not to say too much or get drawn into it , create other little goals seprerate from this , try and create something special for you to look forward to after the wedding , you will have come out the otherside with more awareness and better choices , use your phone notes app to write out anything thats doing your head in oh and keep your phone on lock

haveringchick

My husband's brother was married last year and every single family member was given a role to play except my husband (his brother) and our daughter (his niece).
We didn't give a tuppeny ****. It was the crappiest wedding I ever was at and I've been at some crappy ones.

Reputable Rog

Has she come back to you? Have you been upgraded?

Perpetual Student

After the excitement and ups and downs of cupcake/standmixer-gate, I wasnt sure if we would have another thread to capture our attention....it appears we have a contender!

OP, you owe your sister nothing. Continue to politely decline her invitations to do lots of work for her lazy ignorant bottom, its her day which she and her fiance have to be responsible for.

Flood

Blood is thicker than water, families should stick together.

gsi300024v

Good point earlier, you won't change others, but you can change how you yourself deal with things, but having done the latter myself, some family member will always blame you for the not so great interactions, it's just something you've to live with.

The J Stands for Jay

groovyg wrote: »

She has chosen the bridesmaids, why are they not organising everything ??

Graciously accept the role of wedding organiser and fail to take the same meaning of the role as your sister has. Fulfil your role by organising each of the bridal party to take on one of the tasks.

TimeToShine

Flood wrote: »

Blood is thicker than water, families should stick together.

Do you know what that originally meant?

Gatica

McGaggs wrote: »

Graciously accept the role of wedding organiser and fail to take the same meaning of the role as your sister has. Fulfil your role by organising each of the bridal party to take on one of the tasks.

It still involves being responsible for the running of the wedding and having to coordinate all the delegation... It's still a wedding organiser's job, which they get PAID for. No way the OP should do this for her selfish-sister, unless she really wants to and loves doing that.

Neyite

NSAman wrote: »

So you are awkward, get over it. Let the B... organise her own wedding. Best thing that you could do, is spend the time and energy on yourself. Get a makeover, hair extensions, fabulous WHITE dress, toned body and a killer guy on your arm, attend the wedding and make the cow jealous as hell...;)

While I get your point about looking great on the day, wearing a white dress will make her the centre of attention for all the wrong reasons. To every single person there it will scream jealousy of the bride and attention seeking and only the OP will come off looking unhinged.

CaraMay

Op where are you?

Reputable Rog

CaraMay wrote: »

Op where are you?

Busy organising her sisters wedding I'd say.

MadDog76

Flood wrote: »

Blood is thicker than water, families should stick together.

Tell that to the Op's sister!!!!

Geniass

Reputable Rog wrote: »

Busy organising her sisters wedding I'd say.

Looks like the OP has caved like a cheap sponge wedding cake or maybe folded like a poorly constructed three tiered cake. :pac:

NSAman

Neyite wrote: »

While I get your point about looking great on the day, wearing a white dress will make her the centre of attention for all the wrong reasons. To every single person there it will scream jealousy of the bride and attention seeking and only the OP will come off looking unhinged.

Would a BLACK dress and veil suit the occasion? Sense the tone..;)

didntgotoplan

Sorry have been busy in the last few days.

My mom calls me every few days and she was the one that told me about my sister texting them all. My sister called me on Wednesday and told me what she has done so far. She also ask if I would help with a few of the things as she has one less in her bridal party as one of my brothers was dropped in the bridal party due to some fight with his partner. I told her I can't help her plan as I didn't have the time and said she had 6 other in her bridal party to help. She just said I couldn't be in her bridal party as she cannot afford to cover another girl and I won't fit in in pictures with the others (wouldn't elaborate on this, just kept saying that I know what she is talking about).

My sister has her venues and food in the reception for the day booked. She also has a list of places she wants to try on dresses but hasn't made any appointments yet. That's what she told me on Wednesday.

I also wasn't congratulated for helping my other sister, she couldn't afford a planner or a bridal party and I offered to help because I had the time and this was part of my gift to her. This sister didn't ask me to help, she announced at a large family thing that my way to be involved the wedding is to help her plan it.

As for dyng my hair, I wouldn't want that sort of attention at the wedding so I'm going to change my hair colour for it. I've done it for all other weddings in the past so if I didn't, it would look like I did it on purpose.

I couldn't care less about being a bridesmaid but I do care about how one of her own family is being treated like an unpaid wedding planner and his family are getting everything paid for and looked after.

gsi300024v - I know you only have my version. I would prefer if she asked people for help and I wouldn't offer if this happened. I'm awkward at big occasions like this due to people I don't know. It takes me a while to trust people so I come off as quiet. I'm in a relationship for nearly a year. As for stealing my bf, he wasn't a good one and I dodged a bullet.

As for what to wear, I'm going to wait to hear what colour the bridesmaid dresses are so I can find another colour that compliments them and doesn't clash - no black or white for me...if you can't tell, I'm more interested in wearing the same colours as my hair!

NSAman

didntgotoplan wrote: »

if you can't tell, I'm more interested in wearing the same colours as my hair!

50 Shades of Grey?..:)

Seriously, just tell her you have not got the time and be done with it.