X date rule before jiggy jiggy

RonanP77

This is an odd one, I never set a rule on it but then I suppose not many lads do. Girls seem to differ massively on it.

One girl (I never caught her name) in particular seemed to think no dates or even much conversation was required. Our buddies hooked up and went off together, she asked if she could stay in my place, because it was only a few minutes walk away. We got back, I showed her the spare room, a few minutes later she climbed in beside me and said "any chance of a ride". She got very angry when I said no and told her to go to sleep.

A girl I was with for years made me wait 8 months.

Peist2007

strobe wrote: »

There's nothing men want more in a girlfriend than a girl that seems not that bothered about sex or that will deliberately deny herself it for alternative reasons. They fvcking love that. It's been proven again and again. It's the most self apparent thing in the world. Ask men anywhere and they'll tell you, "that girl that appeared sex adverse for any number of unattractive reasons, I just knew she was the one for me". You can read these and many other tips in chapters such as "Men Love The Chase" and "Make Yourself Unavailable" in the upcoming e-book by famous middle aged single childless female spinster Clarissa Lonely Neverfcked, founder of the 'Cats for Strong Independent Nuns Foundation (CSINF)'.

Christ i couldnt disagree with that any more if i tried!

Peist2007

RonanP77 wrote: »

This is an odd one, I never set a rule on it but then I suppose not many lads do. Girls seem to differ massively on it.

One girl (I never caught her name) in particular seemed to think no dates or even much conversation was required. Our buddies hooked up and went off together, she asked if she could stay in my place, because it was only a few minutes walk away. We got back, I showed her the spare room, a few minutes later she climbed in beside me and said "any chance of a ride". She got very angry when I said no and told her to go to sleep.

A girl I was with for years made me wait 8 months.

Wow what a guy

bb1234567

Conall Cernach wrote: »

Americans do "dating" while we Irish generally do something entirely different. The Americans find nothing strange about asking a complete stranger to dinner and a movie and that being the entire "date". There might not be too many intimate moments in the evening so waiting a few of those types of events would be considered sensible for the woman to decide whether she really fancies the fella or if she just likes his taste in restaurants.

The Irish approach seems to be to cop off with someone in a nightclub while both of you are legless so most people will have worked out fairly quickly if they are into each other or not.

Lots of people go on dinner and movie dates with strangers in ireland too...

UCDVet

bb1234567 wrote: »

Lots of people go on dinner and movie dates with strangers in ireland too...

I went to uni in the US - and almost all of my 'dates' where just the result of being completely pissed at a house party. Dinner and movie always seemed to happen *after* people were a couple. At least, the people I knew.

The_Valeyard

We are all agreed though...

Jiggy jiggy good.

UCDVet

Holsten wrote: »

Waiting is a waste of time, nothing more or less.

Women and men bond through sexual intercourse, if you want a lasting bond then sex a must.

I'd disagree with this a lot.

Sex, particularly with a new partner is one of the most risky activities regular people do. STDs are a real and valid concern, some of those STDs are incurable and even life threatening. More likely though, an unexpected pregnancy can have huge, huge, huge consequences - particularly if it's with someone you can't stand.

My older sister hooked up with some dude she hardly knew and - oops - they had a baby. Don't get me wrong, I love my nephew - but they can't stand each other, they've since split up, they fight constantly, they have constant legal battles over ridiculous stuff with each other. It's an absolute nightmare.

Had she waited a few weeks before she slept with him, she'd have realized that her and him don't get along at all. Both of their lives could have been very different.

From my own perspective, when I find a girl physically attractive - I'll put up with just about anything. It's not even something I'm aware of, I just don't mind things or don't notice them.

I met one girl at a party - she was attractive (more attractive than girls that would usually be interested in me). I drove her home, we started messing around in my car. Amazing night for me. It took me a handful of dates before I realized she was actually quite a bad person. No sense gambling your life on someone you don't know/don't trust.

If you just want sex and you want it fast - better off just getting a hooker as it's legal in Ireland and comes with more reasonable terms.

Venus In Furs

strobe wrote: »

There's nothing men want more in a girlfriend than a girl that seems not that bothered about sex or that will deliberately deny herself it for alternative reasons. They fvcking love that. It's been proven again and again. It's the most self apparent thing in the world. Ask men anywhere and they'll tell you, "that girl that appeared sex adverse for any number of unattractive reasons, I just knew she was the one for me". You can read these and many other tips in chapters such as "Men Love The Chase" and "Make Yourself Unavailable" in the upcoming e-book by famous middle aged single childless female spinster Clarissa Lonely Neverfcked, founder of the 'Cats for Strong Independent Nuns Foundation (CSINF)'.

I dunno though. There are guys who say they don't have respect for women who "put out" early. I don't agree with this if the guy has no issue with accommodating said early "putting out" but if either one would prefer to wait a short while in certain situations and scope things out (not obviously to manipulate, tease, play games etc) I don't think that's necessarily something to be maligned.

Micky Dolenz

If the chemistry is right, it's right. first night fcuk or not, if the spark is there, it will continue.

Venus In Furs

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

If the chemistry is right, it's right. first night fcuk or not, if the spark is there, it will continue.

I agree with just going for it on the first date if you want to, but I don't know that the spark will necessarily last. Brilliant if it does, but I don't think it's a guarantee.

djflawless

Making sure she's not hopping off everything else on the menu is key...

Saipanne

Never had a one night stand that was better than a good ****.

Maybe there's something in waiting a little. Let the tension build.

Lau2976

I don't think id ever sleep with someone on a first date. Not for a few weeks at least. That's personal preference though not some crazy rule I've set for myself or others. I do know a couple girls who wait til after the 3rd to see if "he'll work for it" and a couple of lads who said they'd never marry a girl who the slept with on he first date. But their all idiots in general.

osarusan

Venus In Furs wrote: »

There are guys who say they don't have respect for women who "put out" early.

Indeed. It's all well and good to go on about how sex shouldn't be an issue, and nobody should be judged on their sexual activity, but there are people who will see it as an issue and who will judge others.

Maybe that attitude shouldn't exist, but there's no point pretending that attitude doesn't exist.

Micky Dolenz

Venus In Furs wrote: »

I agree with just going for it on the first date if you want to, but I don't know that the spark will necessarily last. Brilliant if it does, but I don't think it's a guarantee.

Chemistry, it's all about chemistry. Sparks go out all the time.

creolebelle

A lot of people "hook up" in the states, meaning to go out with friends , drink + fall in bed with someone.
Personally no marriage license=no bumping uglies which means I will probably die alone with my cats

strobe

Venus In Furs wrote: »

I dunno though. There are guys who say they don't have respect for women who "put out" early. I don't agree with this if the guy has no issue with accommodating said early "putting out" but if either one would prefer to wait a short while in certain situations and scope things out (not obviously to manipulate, tease, play games etc) I don't think that's necessarily something to be maligned.

Those guys exist, certainly, but they're an ever dwindling minority. And just from a woman's perspective, is the guy that you sleep with who then think "wow, lost all respect for her just there" despite having just done the same thing he's apparently lost respect for her for, really the guy women grow up dreaming of growing old with? Some women I'm sure, absolutely, but they are also I'd imagine an ever dwindling minority. I've no problem with either viewpoint, and hopefully those two minorities can meet and not fvck until the second half moon of the year or whatever other way point they choose, and live happily ever after together.

It's the whole female PUA-esk, the way to a man's heart is sexual abstinence, puritan snake oil nonsense I find hilarious.

For the vast majority of men, the following is not a conversation they will ever be involved in:

Bob: So John, how's the girlfriend hunt going? Anything on the horizon?

John: Oh man, I was on a date last night actually. And this girl... she's something else. When I saw her, genuinely I was looking round for movie cameras. She's the most stunning women I've ever seen. Just beautiful. The most amazing body in the world, perfect face, great dresser, even her hair is somehow sexy.

Bob: Wow, lucky guy.

John: That's not all man. We hit it off so well. She's really intelligent, can actually hold a great conversation ye know? And so funny at the same time. I don't think I've ever laughed so much on a date. Great fun too. She's just really sound, ye know what I mean? It was like we'd known each other for years.

Bob: Delighted for you John my man.

John: And the sex! I mean, I don't know if I've been doing it wrong all these years or what... But it was never that amazing before. Just.. mind blowing.

Bob: Oh... sex... ?

John: Yeah man, the date went so well, that we went back to mine and had really really great sex all night long. Such a shame... I really thought there might have been something there, ye know?

Bob: hang in there man, you'll meet the right girl some day.

AndonHandon

What is this "dating"?

kylith

It weeds out the guys who are genuinely interested in going out with you from those who are only interested it getting into your knickers.

I briefly went out with a guy a few years ago and even though I told him more than once that if it was just sex to tell me he insisted that he was interested in a relationship. What happened? Broken dates, being stood up, and only hearing from him when he wanted a shag. I have no problem with a purely sexual relationship or a one night stand, but I can't stand blokes who lead you on by pretending that they want to go out with you only until the next woman takes their eye. Honesty is key.

These days I'd never sleep with a guy on the first date unless I was happy to never hear from him again. If a guy genuinely likes you waiting to have sex for a couple of weeks won't kill him.

Hoop66

If a woman isn't going to let me come, not just on her face, but IN HER EYES on a first date, then I'm not interested.

suicide_circus

Slept with a girl about 2 hours after meeting in a bar. Together over 3 years now.

Shrap

kylith wrote: »

These days I'd never sleep with a guy on the first date unless I was happy to never hear from him again. If a guy genuinely likes you waiting to have sex for a couple of weeks won't kill him.

I think that's key for me too these days. Spent a lot of years just in it for the sex and that's fine, but I was flattered when I met my OH, really liked him and he was the one who wanted to wait to make sure he didn't end up just in it for the sex (he only ended up waiting 2 days, but it was still flattering!).

Now, if I had to go back to being single, I'd make damn sure I actually liked a fella first these days. Unless I only wanted a ride - but even then, I had too many issues with being pursued for more than a ONS when I'd been perfectly clear that I wasn't looking for a relationship of any kind. No strings sex can create entitlement issues in some people.

strobe

kylith wrote: »

It weeds out the guys who are genuinely interested in going out with you from those who are only interested it getting into your knickers.

Sorry Kylith, no offense but that's just incredibly naive... Ask any guy that's had a friend that was 'a bit of a player' as I think the kids are calling it these days, and they'll tell you just how frequently the guy continued to date/go out with girls where sex wasn't immediately on the cards, for weeks or more even. Because, firstly they 'liked the chase' and sooner or later you get tired of only playing the easy computer games, and secondly, it's not exactly like they were going without sex during that period of time.

The flip side of the coin as well is that if a guy ends things after they sleep with a girl, it's because they were only interested in 'getting into their knickers' or 'a bit of a player', and I'm sure some of the time that was the case, but, in my experience when this tended to be the case with friends etc, the most common reasons were that, well the sex was a bit of a let down, and they weren't mad enough about the girl to go through the whole 'learning period'. Or, after going out with them for a while they'd decided they just weren't the one for them, and we're planning on ending things anyway. Or, despite liking the girl a lot, the apparent lack of desire for sex, for whatever reason, ultimately put them off them too much.

The fact is the only thing that postponing sex ever guarantees, is postponed sex.

up for anything

For me I'd like to get to know someone a bit before jumping into bed with him, not least because the safe sex that people practise these days isn't in the least bit safe. Condoms are good to a certain extent but you can still catch Herpes, Chlamydia and Genital Warts while using them. People don't like to use protection during oral sex it seems - kind of ruins the buzz. :rolleyes:

Waiting a while is no guarantee that you'll be able to suss out whether the other person is lying when you query their sexual health but it does help and means you don't make a mistake that isn't ever going to go away in the heat of the moment.

Saralee4

strobe wrote: »

Sorry Kylith, no offense but that's just incredibly naive... Ask any guy that's had a friend that was 'a bit of a player' as I think the kids are calling it these days, and they'll tell you just how frequently the guy continued to date/go out with girls where sex wasn't immediately on the cards, for weeks or more even. Because, firstly they 'liked the chase' and sooner or later you get tired of only playing the easy computer games, and secondly, it's not exactly like they were going without sex during that period of time.

The flip side of the coin as well is that if a guy ends things after the sleep with a girl, it's because they were only interested in 'getting into their knickers' or 'a bit of a player', and I'm sure sole of the time that was the case, but, in my experience when this tended to be the case with friends etc, the most common reasons were that, well the sex was a bit of a let down, and they weren't mad enough about the girl to go through the whole 'learning period'. Or, after going out with them for a while they'd decided they just weren't the one for them, and we're planning on ending things anyway. Or, despite liking the girl a lot, the apparent lack of desire for sex, for whatever reason, ultimately put them off them too much.

The fact is the only thing that postponing sex ever guarantees, is postponed sex.

Usually you should spot some red flags during the time given for 'the chase' like them cancelling dates with little notice or whatever because they are 'playing easy computer games'

Spend a bit of time with someone like that and don't give them what they want and soon enough their true colours start to show or you'll get little hints at least anyway!

Miss Demeanour

up for anything wrote: »

For me I'd like to get to know someone a bit before jumping into bed with him, not least because the safe sex that people practise these days isn't in the least bit safe. Condoms are good to a certain extent but you can still catch Herpes, Chlamydia and Genital Warts while using them. People don't like to use protection during oral sex it seems - kind of ruins the buzz. :rolleyes:

Waiting a while is no guarantee that you'll be able to suss out whether the other person is lying when you query their sexual health but it does help and means you don't make a mistake that isn't ever going to go away in the heat of the moment.

You mean you're not up for anything?

Saralee4

up for anything wrote: »

For me I'd like to get to know someone a bit before jumping into bed with him,
.

I reckon you give mixed signals to the poor blokes since your supposed to be 'up for anything' haha

Conall Cernach

bb1234567 wrote: »

Lots of people go on dinner and movie dates with strangers in ireland too...

While I have no doubt that they do I have never encountered it. I'm 42 btw and with my partner 19 years now so maybe it's a generational thing.

strobe

Saralee4 wrote: »

Usually you should spot some red flags during the time given for 'the chase' like them cancelling dates with little notice or whatever because they are 'playing easy computer games'

Spend a bit of time with someone like that and don't give them what they want and soon enough their true colours start to show or you'll get little hints at least anyway!

I'm sure some women are able stay objective enough and to read things that well (and more power to them) and some guys of that nature are that, eh, incompetent, at being of that nature successfully. But as general advice to give to young girls (Which is how I tend to think of this conversation usually) I just don't think it's very useful really, and would go as far as to say it's counter productive and could cause them unnecessary issues.

kylith

strobe wrote: »

Sorry Kylith, no offense but that's just incredibly naive... Ask any guy that's had a friend that was 'a bit of a player' as I think the kids are calling it these days, and they'll tell you just how frequently the guy continued to date/go out with girls where sex wasn't immediately on the cards, for weeks or more even. Because, firstly they 'liked the chase' and sooner or later you get tired of only playing the easy computer games, and secondly, it's not exactly like they were going without sex during that period of time.

The flip side of the coin as well is that if a guy ends things after the sleep with a girl, it's because they were only interested in 'getting into their knickers' or 'a bit of a player', and I'm sure sole of the time that was the case, but, in my experience when this tended to be the case with friends etc, the most common reasons were that, well the sex was a bit of a let down, and they weren't mad enough about the girl to go through the whole 'learning period'. Or, after going out with them for a while they'd decided they just weren't the one for them, and we're planning on ending things anyway. Or, despite liking the girl a lot, the apparent lack of desire for sex, for whatever reason, ultimately put them off them too much.

The fact is the only thing that postponing sex ever guarantees, is postponed sex.

Oh, I know all that. There's no guarantee that a guy won't hang on until ye do have sex then bail anyway, but it does take care of the guys who wouldn't be bothered to put in a few weeks of effort. And if a guy does hold off and then, after sex, decides that he's not that into you for whatever reason then so be it.

However, a guy who would write off a woman because she didn't want to hop into bed with him on what was very possibly the first or second time they'd met is, in my opinion, a knobhead and the lady in question has dodged a bullet.

If a guy, or a woman, actually likes you then they will wait for you to be comfortable enough with them to have sex. If they can't handle not getting laid for a month then they weren't worth it in the first place.

And I too have a relative who got knocked up on the first date by a guy who turned out to be a useless skiving wastrel who messed her and the kid about before vanishing into the ether. If she'd said no the first night she almost certainly wouldn't have had the stress and heartache that having sex on the first date caused her.