Is there "something wrong" with a guy if he...

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Macavity. wrote: »

I'm embarrassed for both of you tbh.

You know what, you're right. That poster is just infuriating though, and was worth the ban. Peace kids!

DoYouEvenLift

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Eden, I hate to burst your bubble but you look like a rejected member of one direction. You're not gods gift to women. Far from it. I'd laugh in your face if you came near me on a night out. And FYI, personality > looks. There'll be a time those chinos won't fit you and you start losing your hair.


(Ps, why on tinder if you're such a hit with the ladies?)

Ah, so that's how some guys pull a lot easier and more often in clubs than most men when the music is so loud you can't even hear the other person.

And how do you know he won't fit in his chinos and will start losing his hair? Do you assume every man doesn't practice a healthy lifestyle and exercise? And are you a dermatologist that has given his scalp a close up?

Sauve

Mod

Cut out the off-topic bickering.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

paddy1990 wrote: »

You need to be physically attracted to someone in order for personality to matter. A balding 50 year old 20 stone man might have the greatest personality in the world, would you date him?

I'd personally date an okay looking guy who was sound, funny, smart, deadly craic, than a guy who's hardest graft was doing his hair, and had a personality of a wet dishcloth. So definately personality over looks, for me anyway.

EdenHazard

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Ah, so that's how some guys pull a lot easier and more often in clubs than most men when the music is so loud you can't even hear the other person.

And how do you know he won't fit in his chinos and will start losing his hair? Do you assume every man doesn't practice a healthy lifestyle and exercise? And are you a dermatologist that has given his scalp a close up?

Sorry brah for derailing your thread. Completely agree with you on everything.

Shakespeare's Sister

When people say "Looks don't matter" they mean a person doesn't have to be stunningly gorgeous for them to be attractive. It's not true that looks don't matter (for either gender) so it's not a great phrase, but "Personality is ultimately more important" is true.
It doesn't mean someone is saying they'd therefore go out with someone whom they don't find physically attractive, it just means the person doesn't have to be amazing looking.

paddy1990

EdenHazard wrote: »

LMAO I just get messages saying 'omg zac efron' (solid main picture, i wished I looked like the GOAT Zac) and then I just say thanks lol. I'm not bothered with hook ups like I said.

On a serious note, Why are you not interested in hookups?

EdenHazard

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I'd personally date an okay looking guy who was sound, funny, smart, deadly craic, than a guy who's hardest graft was doing his hair, and had a personality of a wet dishcloth. So definately personality over looks, for me anyway.

But on the previous page suggested that she would would laugh in someones face for approaching her....women logic not even once

DoYouEvenLift

Can I ask also: If a woman has a high number and the man doesn't ask then that's fine. If the man asks and the woman explains that she simply doesn't want to talk about it then that's also fine (the man can take from that what he wants and he can end/continue the relationship if he feels he should for not receiving a straight answer or other reasons and she can also end/continue the relationship if she feels she doesn't wish to be with someone who finds her past important). But if the man asks and the woman disregards both of the previous points I've made and decides to answer with a lie, how is that justifiable as the past isn't any of his business and it's just all history? Should she not be totally honest and either accept that the man finds the topic important and if he feels her number is too high then he's obviously entitled to end the relationship and she is now free to try to find another man who will, but if he doesn't she will know that he is okay with her true number and she has found a partner who she can now be totally secure in at least one more part of her relationship with him knowing at least he hasn't/won't leave her based on her past?


This can be applied with the genders reversed also, for anyone that feels I may be holding double standards. Wouldn't following a system similar to this make everybody happy?

beks101

This is the most "what the fcuk?" thread I've read on boards in a long time.

I couldn't tell you the last time someone in the real world asked me my 'number', be it a boyfriend or a friend or even a random idiot on a night out. I wasn't aware I had to keep a live tally. Should I also have a list with names, places, marks out of ten etc?

I've had sex with people I've simply been attracted to and/or I've had strong feelings for over the years. All of those experiences, even the totally crap ones, have thought me things about myself, my preferences, my sexuality, what makes me comfortable and what is personally sexually fulfilling.

Doubt I could have learned those things or come to a place of openness and absolute self-confidence in my sexuality by sitting at home with my 'will power' or my 'master lock' (it's called a fcuking vagina, lads, and is designed for sexual intercourse just like your penis is, among other functions),

I don't have a pig's notion how many women my boyfriend has slept with, nor would it occur to me to ask. All I know is he has a healthy sexual appetite, is open and adventurous, has a keen interest in my orgasm but values sex as an intimate means to get closer to me and not just a sport - a value I've also developed over the years.

To try to summarize all of that which defines a human being's sexuality, attitude and appetite for sex, the morality of their character and their relationship 'value' using a number is more than a little autistic.

Wompa1

beks101 wrote: »

This is the most "what the fcuk?" thread I've read on boards in a long time.

I couldn't tell you the last time someone in the real world asked me my 'number', be it a boyfriend or a friend or even a random idiot on a night out. I wasn't aware I had to keep a live tally. Should I also have a list with names, places, marks out of ten etc?

I've had sex with people I've simply been attracted to and/or I've had strong feelings for over the years. All of those experiences, even the totally crap ones, have thought me things about myself, my preferences, my sexuality, what makes me comfortable and what is personally sexually fulfilling.

Doubt I could have learned those things or come to a place of openness and absolute self-confidence in my sexuality by sitting at home with my 'will power' or my 'master lock' (it's called a fcuking vagina, lads, and is designed for sexual intercourse just like your penis is, among other functions),

I don't have a pig's notion how many women my boyfriend has slept with, nor would it occur to me to ask. All I know is he has a healthy sexual appetite, is open and adventurous, has a keen interest in my orgasm but values sex as an intimate means to get closer to me and not just a sport - a value I've also developed over the years.

To try to summarize all of that which defines a human being's sexuality, attitude and appetite for sex, the morality of their character and their relationship 'value' using a number is more than a little autistic.

Not necessarily...A persons actions speaks to their character. If I go to the bookies three times a week and drink every night, a lady might see me as a relationship risk. If I f**ked hundreds of women, a lady might also see me as a relationship risk. It's risk taking behavior...it's simple statistics.

If you've had s*x with 4 or more guys in your life time, even if they used a condom, odds are you've got HPV (Unless they were virgins). It'll be less of a problem going forward with girls getting the vaccine, hopefully they come up with something for men too but right now that's where we stand. My own generation is likely riddled with it, we were promiscuous bunch. Unfortunately, many women will never find out they actually have it and some will develop cervical cancer from it....

That's part of the risk, obviously without using protection the risks increase ten fold though even with say a condom, if the guy has any sort of yoke on him at all, it won't cover all of it. Also, some disease can be spread to the guy from the ladies vaginal fluids...

Removing pregnancy and STD's from the equation. There's so many crazy f*ckers in the world. Men and Women, so at the same time you put yourself at risk in that sense. A date is in a public place, you get to know each other. A f*ck is in one of your places. For a man or a woman to partake in that kind of risk taking behavior either suggests they are not aware of the risks or they are and they are willing to take the risk. If the later, what else will that person take risks with and how could that present itself in your relationship. Also, if s*x is not an intimate action to them, you'd imagine to many promiscuous singles, that might translate into the fact that cheating in a relationship is not such a big deal.

With all of that said. I'm not interested in how many guys my girlfriend banged. I'm not interested in telling her how many girls I've banged. I'm putting my faith in the fact that even if she was promiscuous that she has changed now and trust that if she says she's committed to our relationship that she is. That's all that should really matter, there's a trust. BUT as per the above, it's always possible if she has been promiscuous that risk taking behavior may present itself in other ways...part of the fun is finding out!

beks101

Wompa1 wrote: »

Not necessarily...A persons actions speaks to their character. If I go to the bookies three times a week and drink every night, a lady might see me as a relationship risk. If I f**ked hundreds of women, a lady might also see me as a relationship risk. It's risk taking behavior...it's simple statistics.

If you've had s*x with 4 or more guys in your life time, even if they used a condom, odds are you've got HPV (Unless they were virgins). It'll be less of a problem going forward with girls getting the vaccine, hopefully they come up with something for men too but right now that's where we stand. My own generation is likely riddled with it, we were promiscuous bunch. Unfortunately, many women will never find out they actually have it and some will develop cervical cancer from it....

That's part of the risk, obviously without using protection the risks increase ten fold though even with say a condom, if the guy has any sort of yoke on him at all, it won't cover all of it. Also, some disease can be spread to the guy from the ladies vaginal fluids...

Removing pregnancy and STD's from the equation. There's so many crazy f*ckers in the world. Men and Women, so at the same time you put yourself at risk in that sense. A date is in a public place, you get to know each other. A f*ck is in one of your places. For a man or a woman to partake in that kind of risk taking behavior either suggests they are not aware of the risks or they are and they are willing to take the risk. If the later, what else will that person take risks with and how could that present itself in your relationship. Also, if s*x is not an intimate action to them, you'd imagine to many promiscuous singles, that might translate into the fact that cheating in a relationship is not such a big deal.

With all of that said. I'm not interested in how many guys my girlfriend banged. I'm not interested in telling her how many girls I've banged. I'm putting my faith in the fact that even if she was promiscuous that she has changed now and trust that if she says she's committed to our relationship that she is. That's all that should really matter, there's a trust. BUT as per the above, it's always possible if she has been promiscuous that risk taking behavior may present itself in other ways...part of the fun is finding out!

I judge people as I find them.

It's entirely possible for someone who fcuked around during their single youth to be a wonderful committed partner in a relationship. It's also possible for someone who cheated in the past to devote themselves resolutely to one person if they so choose. Some people learn by doing, sometimes by doing wrong. And some people never learn.

When I met my boyfriend the sexual chemistry was like a smack in the face, it would've been laughable to deny it. But I wanted more and didn't want to fall into bed before more emotional intimacy had developed. No bother to him. When it got down to it and ever since he's never been anything but sexually responsible, safe and concerned for both of our physical and mental well-beings. Condoms or screenings and pill and nothing less was acceptable to either of us.

If he's fcuked left right and centre for the thirty years prior to me meeting him, good enough for him. Doubt it's the case knowing the guy as I do and how his brain ticks, but it wouldn't bother me very much. All I need to know now is that he's responsible, healthy, open, honest, confident and adventurous sexually, and not hung up on his or my past.

RDM_83 again

beks101 wrote: »

This is the most "what the fcuk?" thread I've read on boards in a long time.

I couldn't tell you the last time someone in the real world asked me my 'number', be it a boyfriend or a friend or even a random idiot on a night out. I wasn't aware I had to keep a live tally. Should I also have a list with names, places, marks out of ten etc?

I've had sex with people I've simply been attracted to and/or I've had strong feelings for over the years. All of those experiences, even the totally crap ones, have thought me things about myself, my preferences, my sexuality, what makes me comfortable and what is personally sexually fulfilling.

Doubt I could have learned those things or come to a place of openness and absolute self-confidence in my sexuality by sitting at home with my 'will power' or my 'master lock' (it's called a fcuking vagina, lads, and is designed for sexual intercourse just like your penis is, among other functions),

I don't have a pig's notion how many women my boyfriend has slept with, nor would it occur to me to ask. All I know is he has a healthy sexual appetite, is open and adventurous, has a keen interest in my orgasm but values sex as an intimate means to get closer to me and not just a sport - a value I've also developed over the years.

To try to summarize all of that which defines a human being's sexuality, attitude and appetite for sex, the morality of their character and their relationship 'value' using a number is more than a little autistic.

I'm sure this post will garner a lot of thanks particularly by the woman on this thread, BUT cant you see the dichotomy of your argument, your basically saying that MY SEXUAL PAST SHAPED ME ME INTO THE PERSON I AM TODAY AND HOW I ACT IN A RELATIONSHIP but also saying MY PAST IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, PERSON I EXPECT TO GET TO KNOW AT THE MOST INTIMATE LEVEL POSSIBLE AND BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH ME.

RDM_83 again

Actually Beks your a hypocrite, you do judge peoples relationship suitability on their sexual past. What you don't like is people judging you on your past.

Mod snip

Ps before you pull the stalker card whenever you gave that post I was certain you'd replied in that thread with something different

Edit:Perhaps hypocrite is a bit harsh but it definitely indicates the issue i mentioned earlier that posters in these types of threads don't seem to be aware of the value judgements they make while critising others for being judgemental

Alf Veedersane

Wompa1 wrote: »

With all of that said. I'm not interested in how many guys my girlfriend banged. I'm not interested in telling her how many girls I've banged. I'm putting my faith in the fact that even if she was promiscuous that she has changed now and trust that if she says she's committed to our relationship that she is. That's all that should really matter, there's a trust. BUT as per the above, it's always possible if she has been promiscuous that risk taking behavior may present itself in other ways...part of the fun is finding out!

Allll of me
Loves
Allll of this.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I've asked people in the past, and been asked. Moreso because I was curious rather than to judge. What's done is done after all. It wouldn't be worth causing a fight over, it wouldn't matter that much.

Penny Tration

EdenHazard, not to be cheeky, but matches on tinder mean nothing.

When I was doing online dating, i got more than 50 messages a day. I'm no stunner. I'm short and chubby. I have an attractive face, that's about it. And yes, I had full body shots on my profile.

If you're not interested in casual sex, I'd wonder why you're on tinder, which is primarily a hook up app?

beks101

RDM_83 again wrote: »

Actually Beks your a hypocrite, you do judge peoples relationship suitability on their sexual past. What you don't like is people judging you on your past.



Ps before you pull the stalker card whenever you gave that post I was certain you'd replied in that thread with something different

Edit:Perhaps hypocrite is a bit harsh but it definitely indicates the issue i mentioned earlier that posters in these types of threads don't seem to be aware of the value judgements they make while critising others for being judgemental

That's a bit unfair, don't you think? Pulling up a post I wrote more than a year ago without adding any of the context of the thread at the time in order to personally attack me? Nothing better to be doing?

And actually no, I'm not saying "my past is none of your business". I've talked about ONS and flings and fcuk buddies and sexual adventures quite openly with my OH and vice versa. I'm saying "the sum of my very worth as a woman and as a sexual being cannot be accurately depicted via a number".

But feel free to trawl through my post history and find some more evidence to use as ammunition against me, I've been posting since 2008, knock yourself right out.

skallywag

It's probably not fair to hold someone accountable for what they may have written some time back, people should be given the freedom to adapt and change anyway over time. Jeez, in my own case I could respond completely differently depending on whether I've eaten lunch yet or not :-)

Mike747

A friend of mine is seeing a girl aged 24. She told him she's had 40 previous sexual partners. For me that is a deal breaker. I don't care if I'm being an evil slut shamer,that's just too much.

This thread is the usual mix of angry women, politically correct robots and white knights. As others have said there is a 'correct' opinion that the majority of posters will express, while a few dissenters will give more realistic views.

Ave Sodalis

Mike747 wrote: »

A friend of mine is seeing a girl aged 24. She told him she's had 40 previous sexual partners. For me that is a deal breaker. I don't care if I'm being an evil slut shamer,that's just too much.

This thread is the usual mix of angry women, politically correct robots and white knights. As others have said there is a 'correct' opinion that the majority of posters will express, while a few dissenters will give more realistic views.

It's not so much people's preferences that people have a problem with, it's the degrading comments directed towards woman who sleep with multiple men.
Also, realistic? I don't see how accepting that women like sex as much as men is unrealistic.

Mike747

sup_dude wrote: »

It's not so much people's preferences that people have a problem with, it's the degrading comments directed towards woman who sleep with multiple men.
Also, realistic? I don't see how accepting that women like sex as much as men is unrealistic.

The less sexual partners a woman has had the more attractive I'll find her. Is that fair or logical? No, but the world isn't fair.

I don't know why this is. I suspect there's an evolutionary aspect to it.

Blacktie.

Mike747 wrote: »

The less sexual partners a woman has had the more attractive I'll find her. Is that fair or logical? No, but the world isn't fair.

I don't know why this is. I suspect there's an evolutionary aspect to it.

I suspect a cultural aspect.

Barely There

Mike747 wrote: »

The less sexual partners a woman has had the more attractive I'll find her. Is that fair or logical? No, but the world isn't fair.

I don't know why this is. I suspect there's an evolutionary aspect to it.

And how do you know how many sexual partners a woman has had?

Mike747

Mike747 wrote: »

The less sexual partners a woman has had the more attractive I'll find her. Is that fair or logical? No, but the world isn't fair.

I don't know why this is. I suspect there's an evolutionary aspect to it.

And before I'm banned for the crime of sexism, I also think it's better for men to get into a ltr asap.

Mike747

Barely There wrote: »

And how do you know how many sexual partners a woman has had?

I find women tend to very frank about these things.

Ave Sodalis

Mike747 wrote: »

The less sexual partners a woman has had the more attractive I'll find her. Is that fair or logical? No, but the world isn't fair.

I don't know why this is. I suspect there's an evolutionary aspect to it.

Which is fine. Personally, I think it's silly but it's up to you. But if you, like nearly everyone else, seen the woman with more sexual partners as somehow disrespectful of their bodies, have less self control more likely to cheat and basically less of a human being, then there would be more backlash. Or, alternatively, if you go out and ride all around you and it's a deal breaker if a woman does, then there's also going to be a problem.

Alf Veedersane

Mike747 wrote: »

I also think it's better for men to get into a ltr asap.

I disagree.


I wouldn't have appreciated what a good long-term relationship should be without the several short-lived relationships.

Barely There

Mike747 wrote: »

The less sexual partners a woman has had the more attractive I'll find her. Is that fair or logical? No, but the world isn't fair.

I don't know why this is. I suspect there's an evolutionary aspect to it.

Just a follow up question on this.

Why does the number of partners matter so much.

If Girl A has had three long terms partners, she'll have had sex a lot of times, probably 100's of times in a lot of different ways.
Girl B with 40 ONS will have had sex 40 times - probably a lot of those times the actual sex will have been pretty ordinary.

Not to be crude, but Girl A's had a lot more dick in her than Girl B - she's probably experimented a lot more sexually than Girl B because couples in a long-term relationship are going to be more comfortable with each other sexually.

I don't get in this scenario why Girl A is consider relationship/wife material, but Girl B isn't?

Mike747

sup_dude wrote: »

Which is fine. Personally, I think it's silly but it's up to you. But if you, like nearly everyone else, seen the woman with more sexual partners as somehow disrespectful of their bodies, have less self control more likely to cheat and basically less of a human being, then there would be more backlash. Or, alternatively, if you go out and ride all around you and it's a deal breaker if a woman does, then there's also going to be a problem.

From what I've seen women with very high lay counts tend to have drug/alcohol or mental health issues. Those with more 'average scores' are a lot more stable.