Single life as a guy...

smash

smash wrote: »

In fairness, what exactly did you expect would happen? That's like expecting a Nissan Leaf to beat a Ferrari in a race because it's more efficient.

I'm not suggesting you're a nissan leaf. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I think it was just to prove the whole "Oh looks aren't that important!" brigade as full of bull****.

Freak Midget

smash wrote: »

In fairness, what exactly did you expect would happen? That's like expecting a Nissan Leaf to beat a Ferrari in a race because it's more efficient.

I'm not suggesting you're a nissan leaf. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I expected more attention than I got. It just seems kind of pointless going down the online route if you're a man and not blessed in the looks department. Seems far better to meet women in real life. That's just me. If online dating is working for you, stick with it.

Wibbs

Deleted User wrote: »

I think it was just to prove the whole "Oh looks aren't that important!" brigade as full of bull****.

Online on a site like tinder they most certainly are. Offline they're still in play, but not nearly so much. At least for men.

Sham Squire

Deleted User wrote: »

I think it was just to prove the whole "Oh looks aren't that important!" brigade as full of bull****.

There's two things to bear in mind here:
1. Looks matter to everyone
2. Looks don't matter to women anywhere near the amount that they matter to men.

The two sexes are worlds apart and it can be easy to forget.
If you're shopping via profiles you're going to go for the best looking ones, why would you not? But in real life, guys will simply not date unattractive looking girls, girls will DEFINITELY date unattractive men. Women can see past the looks if you've got other things going on (charm, confidence, sense of humour, success) but, in general, guys will never get over the fact that a girl is unattractive. Doesn't matter what else she's got going on. We (the men) are a pretty shallow bunch to be fair.

Dickie10

is there a tinder website or is it just for your mobile? my i phone needs updating to get t tinder app, just wondering is there a tinder site. what are the best dating websites, proper ones not a scam site that wants a monthly fee to open messages!

Wibbs

Sham Squire wrote: »

There's two things to bear in mind here:
1. Looks matter to everyone
2. Looks don't matter to women anywhere near the amount that they matter to men.

The two sexes are worlds apart and it can be easy to forget.
If you're shopping via profiles you're going to go for the best looking ones, why would you not? But in real life, guys will simply not date unattractive looking girls, girls will DEFINITELY date unattractive men. Women can see past the looks if you've got other things going on (charm, confidence, sense of humour, success) but, in general, guys will never get over the fact that a girl is unattractive. Doesn't matter what else she's got going on.

I agree 100% with you up to this part;

We (the men) are a pretty shallow bunch to be fair.

Nope we're not. That's just Right On "aren't we men such silly billies" speak IMH. Women are/can be just if not more shallow in more ways. Just in different ways and often more socially "acceptable" ways. EG Short men are often derided, even in polite company but it's best to duck in the same polite company if you were to say similar of fat women.

johnnyskeleton

Phat Cat wrote: »

It also grinds my gears that men who come out of relationships are sometimes deemed as 'damaged', as in; "Hmmm, why did she dump him? There must be something wrong with him", where as on the flipside, when a woman becomes single, potential suitors seem to come out of the bloody woodwork and she literally swatting them off!

Thats probably true of good looking people rather than being a man/woman thing.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

I agree 100% with you up to this part;

Nope we're not. That's just Right On "aren't we men such silly billies" speak IMH. Women are/can be just if not more shallow in more ways. Just in different ways and often more socially "acceptable" ways. EG Short men are often derided, even in polite company but it's best to duck in the same polite company if you were to say similar of fat women.

Exactly this.


Just on another note about general "single" life and expanding on what I said earlier, I was never particularly "successful" at the real life stuff, still am not. I'm less successful online (single digit matches on tinder out of thousands, and half of them were when I was abroad for a few days :P ) but the lessons learned apply to real life pretty well. A friend of mine moved abroad and comes back every couple of months for a bit. He moans about not pulling over there (never goes out) and he doesn't speak the native language and wonders why the women over there are hard to pull. :P For the first while he had an ex who he still hooked up with now and then. When he comes home now he still hooks up with another ex now and then. Sometimes it doesn't happen. So when he is home he either isn't bothered because he thinks he has something lined up or else he becomes pretty desperate. There's a balance to be found somewhere. I expect nothing and am not too worried if nothing happens. In my opinion it's a good substitute for "confidence".

silverharp

There is nothing shallow about a woman rejecting a man over something like height. The woman rightly is probably thinking about the future kids and a taller dad means taller kids. Likewise there is no issue with men rejecting obese women for example because there are potential problems and complications having kids.
I heard it put that there are 2 types of women , gold diggers and confidence diggers , the former should obviously be detected and avoided while the second is perfectly fine. Only someone who has an entitlement complex can expect female attention if they are overweight neckbeards whose only hobby is playing computer games.

silverharp

silverharp wrote: »

There is nothing shallow about a woman rejecting a man over something like height. The woman rightly is probably thinking about the future kids and a taller dad means taller kids. Likewise there is no issue with men rejecting obese women for example because there are potential problems and complications having kids.
I heard it put that there are 2 types of women , gold diggers and confidence diggers , the former should obviously be detected and avoided while the second is perfectly fine. Only someone who has an entitlement complex can expect female attention if they are overweight neckbeards whose only hobby is playing computer games.

There's plenty of ways of wording it and justifying it but in the end it is shallow and I don't see why people can't just admit that.

um7y1h83ge06nx

This is a fascinating thread.

For better or worse I'm pretty much married now but I have observed some things over the years as a man.

Yes, looks are important to women but as long as you're anyway average having a good personality and being a decent conversationalist/flirt is much more important.

I used online dating before (POF and Ok Cupid). They are fine for when you're bored but definitely avoid getting hooked on them. People (both male and female) can be shallow on them and I find the whole thing a little stilted, hard to convey emotion correctly or get things mis-interpreted via messages. If you do use them then definitely put some effort into a profile, some profiles were almost blank, very hard to break the ice without generic intros if the other person doesn't give you anything to work with.

I'm much better face to face. Mainly because I'm not a male model (nothing wrong with me but I'm relatively average) but I'm much better than most at conversations and going with the flow and improvising. For want of a better phrase I felt I could "punch above my weight" more in real-life than online. It just seemed much better fun to be chatting with someone in real-life than via text, even if nothing happened.

One thing that did amaze me was what the difference working out made to my success. I'm not sure was it because it gave me greater confidence, did it make me more attractive, or both. Now I wasn't some muscle-bound hulk at the time and spending more morning, noon and night in the gym, just a bit more bulked and carrying a lower body fat percentage. I was doing about 4 sessions a week to a plan and eating a better diet. Unfortunately I'm now back to my usual, tall and skinny physique (new year's resolution time! ).

Being single sometimes can be a great laugh and not so fun at other times. Always exciting to meet someone new and being curious to see where things would go. Less exciting when I would go through a bit of a drought.

smash

silverharp wrote: »

There is nothing shallow about a woman rejecting a man over something like height. The woman rightly is probably thinking about the future kids and a taller dad means taller kids.

I don't think it really has all that much to do with potential children.

Confucius say

smash wrote: »

I don't think it really has all that much to do with potential children.

I would have though a lot of attraction has something to do with children at some biological level. I would have probably been wrong too though.

Freak Midget

silverharp wrote: »

There is nothing shallow about a woman rejecting a man over something like height. The woman rightly is probably thinking about the future kids and a taller dad means taller kids. Likewise there is no issue with men rejecting obese women for example because there are potential problems and complications having kids.
I heard it put that there are 2 types of women , gold diggers and confidence diggers , the former should obviously be detected and avoided while the second is perfectly fine. Only someone who has an entitlement complex can expect female attention if they are overweight neckbeards whose only hobby is playing computer games.

That's fair as long as the same woman doesn't freak because men don't want fat women.

Potatoeman

OnTheCouch wrote: »

Yep, would definitely agree with this. I've even had this conversation with several female friends. Like perhaps a cute enough but not stunning girl if single probably has maybe ten men wanting to go out with her. Whereas a similar looks wise man might have one or two females after him. And this can be increased/decreased depending on how attractive the person is.

Yet it seems to be that often, out of the ten guys that are interested, the girl doesn't feel any attraction at all for any, or the vast majority of them. Or she would much prefer someone else, but he hasn't shown any clear sign of being keen on her.

So whereas girls may have more options than we do, this doesn't mean that they are satisfied with any of those options.

It also depends on what she is looking for. Half of the guys might be interested in her but not for a serious relationship. If she picks one guy over the others and he doesn't want a relationship the remaining guys are more likely to look at this initial rejection and put her into the short term/hook up category.

We were talking about this in work a while ago. I worked closely with a player and none of his conquests met their long term partner through work. Sleeping with the office player attracted them more attention but it never seemed to develop into anything serious. Most of the people that ended up in long term relationships didn't date around the office.

silverharp

Freak Midget wrote: »

That's fair as long as the same woman doesn't freak because men don't want fat women.

I'd fully agree, only feminists are pushing the landwhale as being attractive. obviously some guys wont have a problem with it but see no reason why guys should be guilted into fighting their biology on this

silverharp

smash wrote: »

I don't think it really has all that much to do with potential children.

penis size? could be , height also correlates to income and general leadership qualities so its the male equivalent of the .7 waist to hip ratio

PucaMama

silverharp wrote: »

I'd fully agree, only feminists are pushing the landwhale as being attractive. obviously some guys wont have a problem with it but see no reason why guys should be guilted into fighting their biology on this

Do you enjoy talking about people in such a ****ty way?

fits

Agreed. Studied engineering and the male classmates were complete ****s when talking about what they considered to be unattractive women. (young, but still)

Pocoyo

PucaMama wrote: »

Do you enjoy talking about people in such a ****ty way?

I would pick an overweight weight woman all week over an underweight woman actually i would pick an overweight woman over a muscular woman a size 12 would be my preference,The poster has a point though condoning obese woman and pretending its beautiful is nonsense,The market for a size 16+ is a small space.

Wibbs

silverharp wrote: »

I'd fully agree, only feminists are pushing the landwhale as being attractive.

"Landwhale"? What the… No more of that schoolyard level insulting stuff please. Well below the expected standard around here. If you can't come up with less odious terms then don't post. Thanks.

smash

Pocoyo wrote: »

The poster has a point though condoning obese woman and pretending its beautiful is nonsense,The market for a size 16+ is a small space.

But they're "real women"... :rolleyes:

PucaMama

Pocoyo wrote: »

I would pick an overweight weight woman all week over an underweight woman actually i would pick an overweight woman over a muscular woman a size 12 would be my preference,The poster has a point though condoning obese woman and pretending its beautiful is nonsense,The market for a size 16+ is a small space.

Women are not property on a market

smash

PucaMama wrote: »

Women are not property on a market

Did he say they were? He's expressing his opinion on preference if he was to be offered a choice. Don't try turn this in to something sexist when it's not.

Daisy78

fits wrote: »

Agreed. Studied engineering and the male classmates were complete ****s when talking about what they considered to be unattractive women. (young, but still)

Ha same here! And there were few oil paintings among them too although they certainly fancied themselves as such...

Potatoeman

PucaMama wrote: »

Women are not property on a market

We are all property on the sexual market and just like the property market you should clean the bathroom before you hold any viewings.

tomwaterford

Potatoeman wrote: »

We are all property on the sexual market and just like the property market you should clean the bathroom before you hold any viewings.

WTF???

GFT

smash wrote: »

Did he say they were? He's expressing his opinion on preference if he was to be offered a choice. Don't try turn this in to something sexist when it's not.

Didn't you get the email? Men aren't allowed preferences. :rolleyes:

Azalea

dissed doc wrote: »

A woman can have sex basically whenever she wants, it requires zero effort. A man has to actually do something. It is not double standards, as women control 100% who has sex with them.

A woman can decide she will go to a bar or Tinder hook up whenever she likes, careless or not.

A man cannot.

Some men can. And not every woman can.

Wibbs wrote: »

I don't buy this to nearly the same degree that most appear to. Yes a woman has it easier all things equal, as it is to a degree a sellers market. However IMH and IME it's more a male fantasy/imagining that it's so simple.

1) women generally have to at least appear passive, as most men are put off by women being too "forward" and yes even for a ONS. Ask women they'll tell you this.

2) Quality of choice. If I just wanted to get laid over the next few days/nights as a man I could, if I lowered my standards to the floor(and before anyone has right on knicker bunches, we ALL have standards). So sure an average woman is more likely to get a proposition, but she will have to lower her standards 9 times outa 10. Again ask women they will tell you this.

Exactly. And it's certainly not "zero effort" for a woman to get sex with a guy she has some bit of physical attraction to.

I think it does men a disservice to depict them as happy to have sex with anyone female with a pulse, and women as able to have sex with anyone male with a pulse (as if either is living the dream) and only helps perpetuate the myth that men can't or shouldn't have preferences/standards.

ancapailldorcha

Potatoeman wrote: »

We are all property on the sexual market and just like the property market you should clean the bathroom before you hold any viewings.

There's no need for this at all. Cut it out.