Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

veganrun

Feeling a bit low this evening. I was home for Christmas and came back to Dublin a couple of days ago but I'm already kind of wishing I was back at home. Waiting to hear back about a job I applied for which is nearer to home, hoping I get it. I have a small medical condition which isn't serious but flared up a bit which triggers my depression and anxiety.

Gongoozler

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Hope it passes soon G. Anything you wanna talk about?

I'm tired of not knowing my own mind. I don't know how to feel about anything. There's too many things to fix. And I just can't seem to achieve anything. I think I'm doing good, but then another thing comes up and I just feel overwhelmed again. I'm so sick of feeling like a problem to people. I don't feel loved, at best I feel tolerated.

Hugo Stiglitz

Gongoozler wrote: »

I'm tired of not knowing my own mind. I don't know how to feel about anything. There's too many things to fix. And I just can't seem to achieve anything. I think I'm doing good, but then another thing comes up and I just feel overwhelmed again. I'm so sick of feeling like a problem to people. I don't feel loved, at best I feel tolerated.

*hugs*

I'm sure a lot of here can relate to what you're saying there G. Our minds seem to be less equipped at times to handle the stresses of life that other people seem to brush off so easily. It is shitty, no doubt about that.

greenfrogs

Gongoozler wrote: »

I'm tired of not knowing my own mind. I don't know how to feel about anything. There's too many things to fix. And I just can't seem to achieve anything. I think I'm doing good, but then another thing comes up and I just feel overwhelmed again. I'm so sick of feeling like a problem to people. I don't feel loved, at best I feel tolerated.

I feel like that too sometimes. Sometimes I am plodding along thinking yes I am doing well, I am making improvements and things can only get better. Then the smallest thing can throw me off track. I have a long list of things I want to do to improve my life really. To someone else this list would be simple. To me it is like Mount Everest. My life won't get better until I do these things yet I am struggling.

Call Me Jimmy

What gets me is I feel so close to being able to turn it all around... if only I hadn't started going bald! Madness. Some hairs fell out and because of the way my mind works, going to the very end of every thread of thought, it means I can't live. But if it didn't happen, or by magic I woke up and it was fixed, instantly I would call up psychologist and fix the internal damage of the years of isolation. I'd sort it all out and do everything.

I can sit here and say that's mad but it has all effected me deeply. Maybe I'm not being honest with myself. Some moments I feel 'just pull yourself up by the bootstraps ffs, this is nothing, you've lost some hair, you're not physically attractive, that's ridiculous, get the **** up outta that', but on the other hand, when someone feels genuinely unable to be attractive in someone elses eyes, or even worthy of being liked or loved in any way, that's a serious problem.

So I swing back and forth lately

greenfrogs

I don't think losing your hair makes you unattractive. I think it is common that going bald can affect a man's self-esteem. So you are not alone in that regard. I know men who are going bald who have partners. I used to think before that I was really fat and if I wasn't fat then everything would be great in my life. Unfortunately that didn't work. For a long time I used be self conscious walking down a street because in my head everyone was saying how ugly I was. I thought being pretty was the most important thing and what's the point in living if you aren't pretty. I still tend to focus in on my flaws but I have for the most part accepted the way I look.
Lastly don't underestimate the importance of personality. I think it is more important than any other trait in a person both in relation to relationships and friendships.

Hugo Stiglitz

I like to think that if I wasn't fat, that all my troubles and difficulties would disappear. I seriously doubt it'll work out like that unfortunately. :-/

Call Me Jimmy

Yezzir most likely right, it just feels like because so much of my energy (almost all) is focused on it, if that energy could be channelled towards getting better or doing anything at all I'd be laughing.

I try to be more accepting and humble and 'zen' but if ye happen to interact with someone attractive it still hurts knowing that you're basically a grandad to them, a completely non-sexual person, completely off their radar. It still hurts like

Hugo Stiglitz

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Yezzir most likely right, it just feels like because so much of my energy (almost all) is focused on it, if that energy could be channelled towards getting better or doing anything at all I'd be laughing.

If only! That'd be the magic wand that we all so much desire.

Call Me Jimmy

My moanmoir: The Audacity of Being Young When You're Young

Hugo Stiglitz

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

My moanmoir: The Audacity of Being Young When You're Young

Well said.

Gongoozler

The last thing I needed today was to have to face work with less sleep than I need. My housemate is an inconsiderate retard and I fcuking hate her.

loveisdivine

I also didn't sleep well. It's a bit TMI but I've had a flare up of athletes foot and the itching and burning is keeping me awake at night!

Anyone else struggle with lazyness? Every day I tell myself I will get up earlier and do some yoga or meditation in the morning. Then when the alarm goes off I just can't seem to get up. But when I finally do get up (at the last possible minute) I'm kicking myself for not getting up earlier and doing what I wanted to do.

The odd occasion I do manage to get up, I always feel so much better for it. It improves my mood drastically. Yet its still not enough for me to actually bother my hole most of the time.

Its something I really hate about myself. I've lost quite a lot of weight recently and I know that if I put the effort in with yoga, I would the figure I want in no time. But you guessed it, thats still not motivation enough

Hugo Stiglitz

loveisdivine wrote: »

Anyone else struggle with lazyness? Every day I tell myself I will get up earlier and do some yoga or meditation in the morning. Then when the alarm goes off I just can't seem to get up. But when I finally do get up (at the last possible minute) I'm kicking myself for not getting up earlier and doing what I wanted to do.

That is me in a nutshell right there LID

greenfrogs

loveisdivine wrote: »

Anyone else struggle with lazyness? Every day I tell myself I will get up earlier and do some yoga or meditation in the morning. Then when the alarm goes off I just can't seem to get up. But when I finally do get up (at the last possible minute) I'm kicking myself for not getting up earlier and doing what I wanted to do.

The odd occasion I do manage to get up, I always feel so much better for it. It improves my mood drastically. Yet its still not enough for me to actually bother my hole most of the time.

Its something I really hate about myself. I've lost quite a lot of weight recently and I know that if I put the effort in with yoga, I would the figure I want in no time. But you guessed it, thats still not motivation enough

Yes I know exactly what you mean. I too have lost weight recently yet I am still unhappy with the way I look. I know it will take exercise to give me the figure I want yet I am too lazy to get out of bed to do it. Today I got up at half 1. Half the day is gone at that stage. I think I will sign up for exercise classes. Maybe then I will have the motivation to get out of bed.

L.Jenkins

I'm suffering from an inability to motivate myself. Granted, I'll clean around the house, I can get up early, but my focus and concentration is shot to shít. My medication may need to be upped, as I can't focus on my job when I'm in work.

Gremlinertia

Difficult times. Anniversary mass yesterday evening, today being the actual anniversary, plus psych appointment today which was very, very hard.. I'm in bits mentally and physically also due to sheer muscle tension.

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Difficult times. Anniversary mass yesterday evening, today being the actual anniversary, plus psych appointment today which was very, very hard.. I'm in bits mentally and physically also due to sheer muscle tension.

Sorry to hear that Grem. I hope you get physically better fast so that you can better tackle the mental and emotional pains there. *hugs*

Gremlinertia

At work now and tomorrow night but when I'm off I'll try look after myself.. Thanks Hugo.. How are you?

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

At work now and tomorrow night but when I'm off I'll try look after myself.. Thanks Hugo.. How are you?

I'm ok thanks Grem. Gets a few little waves of the blues but they fade fast enough thankfully.

Gremlinertia

Yeah that's something I was trying to explain to doc today. The inevitable "how is your mood lately" question came up and I just said you kinda can't ask that because it bounces from despair so intense I get a pain in my chest and head to just numb to hyper and back in only hours.

Mycroft H

Talked to my GP today. Got refered to CIPC. Feel better already.

Hugo Stiglitz

Mycroft H wrote: »

Talked to my GP today. Got refered to CIPC. Feel better already.

Well done sir! I hope it goes well for you!

Hugo Stiglitz

I got a feeling of terrible resignation earlier but I think it has passed now thankfully. Anyone get like that sometimes?

is mise spartacus

I haven't got more than 3 hours sleep in 5 days
The pressure in school is piling on even though we're just back.
It's all about the mocks and orals and projects and finding time to study and complete homework on time...
My depression isn't making things any better because I have no motivation.
*sigh*
I'm tired
I apologise for always moaning about the leaving cert but it seems to be taking it's toll on my mental health.
Hope you are all having a good night.

CZ 453

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

I got a feeling of terrible resignation earlier but I think it has passed now thankfully. Anyone get like that sometimes?

Resigned to having anxiety? Or is it acceptance of your position mentally?

Hugo Stiglitz

CZ 453 wrote: »

Resigned to having anxiety? Or is it acceptance of your position mentally?

A bit of both actually. A sort of throwing in the towel, just not trying to get better etc.

L.Jenkins

Arrrrggghhhhh!!!!! Anxiety. I'm having palpitations again and worried about heading back to work tomorrow! I literally got work I needed to do, done tonight. My job is a rolling contract and it's causing me stress. I know I'm on contract until April, but I want a permanent job and I don't know if I'll be let go between now and then.

So I'm on the job hunt to find something permanent. That and I'm finding it difficult to communicate effectively and my concentration/focus is gone to shít, so it's hindering my job. I've taken a gerax to settle me and have some for tomorrow.

I hate feeling anxious and having Bipolar 1 sometimes.

Hugo Stiglitz

CZ 453 wrote: »

It's the little changes that need to be done. No running before you can walk malarky. A walk here and there. Small steps. Small risks if you want to call it that.

Well said sir

Wilberto

Oh well, so much for my optimism last week. Feeling absolutely horrible today. It's like I just can't function properly at work at all because of this. I actually feel so physically sick. Even the bit of fruit I had for lunch today I felt I was struggling to keep down. Also, when I went out for dinner with a few friends tonight I could only eat half of the dinner, and even that half was a struggle. Couldn't even finish the Pavlova, and that's ridiculously light for a dessert.

I can't see myself managing to stay on at work after the year is out in March (not that I'll be given the option to stay anyway I'd say:rolleyes::().

I think what makes it worse, bizarrely, is having such a great Account Manager (I'm sorry, I know I said that before on several occasions). I mean it's so frustrating to know that I'm can't perform to the standards that she needs me to be at, and I know myself it's not down to lack of ability (I don't mean to toot my own horn or anything but it's not.) I just don't know what to do anymore.