Honest answer please re the money issue... MOD WARNING POST#53

Toots

mozattack wrote: »

Okay if you didn't think of profiting how could you have been married without availing of the charity from the parents? You saved for a year but still needed assistance and then banked the €6k.

Profit.

I'm not sure if you're being overly cynical or just trolling, at the moment I'm leaning towards the latter - considering the warning I already gave on thread, you're pushing it.

You asked for honest answers from people, they are giving them. Just because you feel differently doesn't mean it's ok to accuse people of lying.

Frigga_92

meeeeh wrote: »

Actually I really dislike the invitations with "your presence is enough". Almost everyone ignores it and shows up with a gift and then there is one couple who actually stick to the wording on the invitation and end up looking really stingy.

Then maybe everyone should just respect the wishes of the couple.

meeeeh

26sdrawkcab wrote: »

Then maybe everyone should just respect the wishes of the couple.

Gift giving is much more elaborate social concept (Malinowski and Mauss and others in athropology) and that is why the wishes of the couple are ignored. They go against social practices and most people feel uncomfortable breaking with them.

Thomas D

mozattack wrote: »

To those who dont understand my point is that to go to a wedding you need a "ticket" (invite) and those tickets costs money, maybe €75 - €100.

So id prefer to go to a good wedding and get value from the ticket price than a "chicken wedding", for example.

Alternative would be a small wedding with no ticket prices.

And no it isnt a gift, it is a ticket price... why would I give a gift on someone to get married... someone to which I have to travel countless miles, maybe take a day off work and to sit there listening to how "in love they are" etc. Really... i should be paid to go so no way is it a gift, I am just buying a ticket.

If it's a consumer decision then €100 for a shocking meal and horrible band is terrible value.

Toots

meeeeh wrote: »

Gift giving is much more elaborate social concept (Malinowski and Mauss and others in athropology) and that is why the wishes of the couple are ignored. They go against social practices and most people feel uncomfortable breaking with them.

Also I'm sure in the back of their minds some people would be worried that everyone else would give a present and they'd end up being the only person who didn't, and would offend the B&G (despite the fact that they had requested no presents)

Thomas D wrote: »

If it's a consumer decision then €100 for a shocking meal and horrible band is terrible value.

But does anyone ACTUALLY view going to a wedding as a consumer decision?

brendanf

mozattack wrote: »

Okay if you didn't think of profiting how could you have been married without availing of the charity from the parents? You saved for a year but still needed assistance and then banked the €6k.

Profit.

It wasn't charity - it was wedding presents from our parents and we choose to put it towards the cost of the wedding.... charity is something completely different

you are correct in saying it was a profit...i didn't say anything to the contrary.....

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo

mozattack wrote: »

I would prefer that weddings are lavish because it will justify my "ticket price". If they cheapen the wedding the ticket price will stay the same (as we wont know in advance) so everyone is worse off then again, apart from the bride and groom.

I dont mind spending €75/€100 if the hotel is nice, there are canapes, a meal (which is not beef or salmon), some drink etc but not if we are getting chicken, vegetable soup and apple tart for dinner.

Either a "free" wedding, like mine (but that will have to be small) or a good wedding (so the ticket price is fair value) seem to be the only fair way.

[side point; attendance at a wedding recently, including hotel, kids clothers, woman's dress, attendance to stag and hen etc cost almost as much as our day - crazy stuff and a real pain because the whole wedding scene is so lame anyway]

If you deem beef, salmon and chicken as unacceptable for the meal what would you deem as appropriate? Its playing it safe not to have less popular meats or fish on the menu, the last thing you need are a proportion of your guests saying they don't eat duck or whatever and they are only served a few potatoes and carrots for the main meal.

rainbowtrout

mozattack wrote: »

I would prefer that weddings are lavish because it will justify my "ticket price". If they cheapen the wedding the ticket price will stay the same (as we wont know in advance) so everyone is worse off then again, apart from the bride and groom.

I dont mind spending €75/€100 if the hotel is nice, there are canapes, a meal (which is not beef or salmon), some drink etc but not if we are getting chicken, vegetable soup and apple tart for dinner.

Either a "free" wedding, like mine (but that will have to be small) or a good wedding (so the ticket price is fair value) seem to be the only fair way.

[side point; attendance at a wedding recently, including hotel, kids clothers, woman's dress, attendance to stag and hen etc cost almost as much as our day - crazy stuff and a real pain because the whole wedding scene is so lame anyway]

I'm fairly horrified at your attitude. I'm surprised you get any invites when you see them as business transactions and expect value for money for your gift.

Give the gift you can afford. The problem does not lie with the bride and groom providing you with a 'chicken wedding' or something more lavish. It lies with you and your perception that you must cover the costs of your place at the wedding, and the fact that as a result you expect to get your money's worth.

Not all couples can afford a lavish wedding, and not all want them. The cost of your gift shouldn't be determined by what they have chosen to spend on their wedding. It's a gift not an invoice.

One of my closest friends is getting married this weekend and I can't go. I have still given her a gift, the same gift I would have given her if I was able to attend. I'm giving it because i want to give them a gift to celebrate their marriage, not because I see it as a transaction where I feel like I'm getting my money's worth in food, drink and entertainment.

marieholmfan

mozattack wrote: »

Okay, be honest but given that wedding invites are basically an expensive ticket nowadays how many people run their wedding like a business?

For example €140 guests and €100 per person present = €14,000 less hotel, less photos = €2,000 profit, Yippie?

I ask because I am having a small ceremony but it happens to be in a castle and with canapes, drink or three, meal of our choice, cake etc it will cost around €60-€70 per person for the entertainment alone and despite us having no money we are making a point to the guests that no presents are welcome' "your presence is present enough"

We could easily invite another 80 guests and probably break even whereas now we will "down" €1,500 or so on the meal etc.

Nobody runs their wedding like a business. Your question is impertinent.