Honest answer please re the money issue... MOD WARNING POST#53

mozattack

Okay, be honest but given that wedding invites are basically an expensive ticket nowadays how many people run their wedding like a business?

For example €140 guests and €100 per person present = €14,000 less hotel, less photos = €2,000 profit, Yippie?

I ask because I am having a small ceremony but it happens to be in a castle and with canapes, drink or three, meal of our choice, cake etc it will cost around €60-€70 per person for the entertainment alone and despite us having no money we are making a point to the guests that no presents are welcome' "your presence is present enough"

We could easily invite another 80 guests and probably break even whereas now we will "down" €1,500 or so on the meal etc.

michellie

I am not running mine like a business, if we get cash presents it will be a bonus, we are not going to be depending on them. We are by no means loaded with money but are saving hard for it.

Milly33

Ohh yours sounds nice can I go.. I think the presence is the present is lovely to say to guests as some have really cut the budget tight to make it on your day so it is nice to know that the offer is there. We done it for a two big parties for my parents last year and they still ended up getting a few quid from it.

At the beginning I would never have counted the gifts people give into the scenario, hated the thought of thinking we were guessing how much people would give.. But in the plans it has actually come up. Saying well we are inviting this many people they will at least give €100 or something each but I still hate thinking like that...

More on the lines of im paying what to feed people haha but then your inviting them and planning the food so that's each to their own

Faith

We haven't given a second's thought to gifts, and I hate the assumption that all couples do factor that in. We're paying €99 per head at a minimum for drinks and food, and we're doing it because we can afford to and it's within our budget - not because we'll make it back. We want our guests to have as great a day as we do, not to feel like they're being milked as cash cows.

kkcatlou

You almost sound like you've come on here for praise, for everybody else to say how great you are, but really you're just lucky to be in a financial situation where you can afford to do the above.

We're in a similar situation to you, but I'd never gloat about it. We've 160 people coming to our wedding, and will spend about €35k on it, so no chance we would "make back" or "make a profit" on the wedding, and would never want or intend to.

That said, for a lot of couples in Ireland now, that is the reality of the situation. And come with all the moral arguments you want, in our culture it's accepted to give €100 or equivalent as a wedding gift, so if you aren't in a position to be able to save €20k+ over the space of a year or two, then it's not greedy/ selfish/ stupid to assume that you will be able to pay off some of the costs with gift money. For a lot of people, they would wonder what is the point in having excess cash the day after, when the scarified some big elements on the day itself just cos they didn't want to assume they would get gifts?!

Personally, it's not my style, and I'd feel very nervous banking on cash from individual guests to pay for my wedding, but for the majority of people I know who have gotten married (especially in their 20s) this was a reality they had to face....to have the day they wanted! It seems a bit unfair to say only those earning over a certain level or with rich parents should be able to have all their friends and family and a nice meal at their wedding!

Also, I have never heard of any couple making a profit from their wedding!! I can't logistically see how you would! I think that was an Eddie Hobbs myth from the Celtic Tiger days!

drumswan

kkcatlou wrote: »

I can't logistically see how you would!

Not spending 35k would be a good start

kkcatlou

drumswan wrote: »

Not spending 35k would be a good start

If making a profit was your goal...

NashD

I can't see how anyone could make a profit from their wedding - whether that is the aim or not. Between dresses/suits/entertainment.... and I would hate to think anybody had that motive...

I was shocked at the amount of people who told us the done thing was to open the cards the morning after the wedding to pay the hotel. We did not plan our wedding that way. Whilst presents are somewhat inevitable - we planned the wedding we could afford to pay for. We were fortunate to be in such a position.

ronjo

kkcatlou wrote: »

If making a profit was your goal...

but isnt that what you asked?

kkcatlou

ronjo wrote: »

but isnt that what you asked?

No!

Typer Monkey

We have to pay 90% of the hotel bill before the wedding day. Most of the suppliers have been paid a deposit with the balance payable on the day. The honeymoon has to be paid in full 2 months before the wedding as does my dress and the fella's suit so not having the money available in advance is a non runner.

You do sound like you're fishing for a big old pat on the back there though OP so here ya go...fair play, you're morally superior to those people hoping for cash gifts

Berty

I do run my wedding like a business, but a non profit business.

We've saved every cent for our wedding, received two gifts already totalling a good few €k but we'd still be able to pay for the wedding without that money.

That's just how we wanted to have it, no loan and not hoping to get money from anybody to help pay for it.

eviltwin

I didn't end up in profit from my wedding, never even considered that tbh, is this something people actually do? :eek:

rainbow kirby

We're saving beforehand and not spending the earth, also most likely going to have our honeymoon 3 months after the wedding. Gifts are gifts, we're not relying on them to pay for the wedding!

Chattastrophe!

As far as I know it costs €200 to get married in Ireland.

Anything over that is just embellishment. If it's your thing, fine, fair enough, but don't be expecting your guests to be covering any part of the cost of your party!

ABajaninCork

You expect a profit from your wedding??? I thought the day was to celebrate the joining of two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together with a bit of a party (if you want) afterwards with your mates and family...

Perhaps I got that wrong then!

Typer Monkey

No basically the OP is saying he doesn't expect to make a profit and doesn't that make him brilliant altogether. No one is saying they want to make a profit

theteal

This crap bugs me about weddings and it's why we're explicitly stating that we don't want gifts of any sort, we just want people to be there. I'd hate to be the root source of one of those 'how much should we give?" threads.

drumswan

theteal wrote: »

This crap bugs me about weddings and it's why we're explicitly stating that we don't want gifts of any sort,

Have you given gifts of cash to other people when they had a wedding?

emzolita

I don't think anyone is sayin they're relying on presents.

However I hate the attitude of some people towards couples spending thousands on their wedding. If you wanna spend a lot on your wedding and you have the money, Go for it, it's your day, do what you want.

Milly33

His just putting it out there, cant say it hasn't crossed everyones mind.... it is all up to you what you do but it is a given that people give gifts. Now I am not saying I am waiting on the millions to come pouring in from guests I just want a great fun day with swing ball.. But it is just one of those things..

Chattastrophe!

Milly33 wrote: »

His just putting it out there, cant say it hasn't crossed everyones mind.... it is all up to you what you do but it is a given that people give gifts. Now I am not saying I am waiting on the millions to come pouring in from guests I just want a great fun day with swing ball.. But it is just one of those things..

So you'll be cool with it if everyone gives photo frames and toasters and lovely thoughtful homemade gifts?

eviltwin

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

So you'll be cool with it if everyone gives photo frames and toasters and lovely thoughtful homemade gifts?

The best gift I got in my life ever was a relationship scrapbook given to me on my wedding day, money and gifts are much appreciated but something unique and thoughtful like that can't be beat.

PlainP

Where's OP going with his €100 pp?

€100 per couple?! Or am I just really stingy?

.jacksparrow.

NashD wrote: »

I can't see how anyone could make a profit from their wedding - whether that is the aim or not. Between dresses/suits/entertainment.... and I would hate to think anybody had that motive...

I was shocked at the amount of people who told us the done thing was to open the cards the morning after the wedding to pay the hotel. We did not plan our wedding that way. Whilst presents are somewhat inevitable - we planned the wedding we could afford to pay for. We were fortunate to be in such a position.

Most hotels wouldn't allow that.

ABajaninCork

No, I don't believe that either. A. No venue will take payment after the event. B. What happens if you come up short??

kkcatlou

PlainP wrote: »

Where's OP going with his €100 pp?

€100 per couple?! Or am I just really stingy?

Check this for your answer http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057197788

Berty

ABajaninCork wrote: »

No, I don't believe that either. A. No venue will take payment after the event. B. What happens if you come up short??

My hotel has so far been paid 50% of the minimum and will expect to be settled upon check out. They're a big hotel, do lots of weddings and it standard practice for them. So in some cases it is possible for people to open the cards for paying the morning after.

kkcatlou

Milly33 wrote: »

His just putting it out there, cant say it hasn't crossed everyones mind.... it is all up to you what you do but it is a given that people give gifts. Now I am not saying I am waiting on the millions to come pouring in from guests I just want a great fun day with swing ball.. But it is just one of those things..

I don't think you're unique Milly33, I think it's just something a lot of people are afraid/ embarrassed to admit to (especially here anyway). I think if the wedding day you dreamed of is important to you and you can figure out a way to pay for it (even if that includes adding in expected gift money), then that's your prerogative, and it's not right for other people to judge or look down their noses! It's really saying that only rich people should have fancy weddings!

Teyla Emmagan

Your wedding sounds lovely OP and I am sure your guests will appreciate the sentiments on the invite.

35k on a wedding though *eeek*

MadDog76

PlainP wrote: »

Where's OP going with his €100 pp?

€100 per couple?! Or am I just really stingy?

Any wedding myself and my wife attended we gave 200 euros minimum ......... is that not standard these days?

PlainP

MadDog76 wrote: »

Any wedding myself and my wife attended we gave 200 euros minimum ......... is that not standard these days?

Probably is going by the other thread, still think it's too much though when you factor in the rest of the expenditure for the day.

Yes I am a bit stingy I suppose.

Tarzana

mozattack wrote: »

Okay, be honest but given that wedding invites are basically an expensive ticket nowadays how many people run their wedding like a business?

For example €140 guests and €100 per person present = €14,000 less hotel, less photos = €2,000 profit, Yippie?

Dangerous strategy for anyone banking on it - I'd say you can't guarantee 100 per person these days. The max I give is would be 75 personally, and 150 if going with my BF, 100 between us if things are tight.

mozattack

kkcatlou wrote: »

You almost sound like you've come on here for praise, for everybody else to say how great you are, but really you're just lucky to be in a financial situation where you can afford to do the above.

We're in a similar situation to you, but I'd never gloat about it. We've 160 people coming to our wedding, and will spend about €35k on it, so no chance we would "make back" or "make a profit" on the wedding, and would never want or intend to.

That said, for a lot of couples in Ireland now, that is the reality of the situation. And come with all the moral arguments you want, in our culture it's accepted to give €100 or equivalent as a wedding gift, so if you aren't in a position to be able to save €20k+ over the space of a year or two, then it's not greedy/ selfish/ stupid to assume that you will be able to pay off some of the costs with gift money. For a lot of people, they would wonder what is the point in having excess cash the day after, when the scarified some big elements on the day itself just cos they didn't want to assume they would get gifts?!

Personally, it's not my style, and I'd feel very nervous banking on cash from individual guests to pay for my wedding, but for the majority of people I know who have gotten married (especially in their 20s) this was a reality they had to face....to have the day they wanted! It seems a bit unfair to say only those earning over a certain level or with rich parents should be able to have all their friends and family and a nice meal at their wedding!

Also, I have never heard of any couple making a profit from their wedding!! I can't logistically see how you would! I think that was an Eddie Hobbs myth from the Celtic Tiger days!

I am gloating about spending €1,500 on a wedding says the hypocrite spending €35k!!!

Crazy post

C.K Dexter Haven

OP, a year or so after the wedding you'll look back and say something like, "Probably could have spent a bit more on the wedding" or "Why was I worrying about money back then- we had a great day, that's all that counts". In other words, the costs per head will leave your mind shortly after the day is over but the good memories will live on.


If there's one or two items you'd really like for your wedding as presents, let people know and if they want to contribute towards these items then fine- some people feel they have to give "something" regardless of what the bride/groom say, so make it easy on them by saying, if pushed, "look, we don't need anything but your "presence"- we're saving for X item so if you want to donate a very small sum towards that, we'd be delighted but really, we're not asking for anything as we appreciate the times we live in etc etc

Frigga_92

We specifically told everybody invited to our wedding (13 guests and a few extra in the evening when they were finished work) that we did not want any gifts, not because we're loaded but because our friends are not.
One friend bought us a hoover but we were always borrowing his and I think he just used it as an excuse to buy us one :P
Our friend who designed and made our rings made us keepsake jewellery with the wedding date on it and it was given as a group gift from her, her bf, her sister and her sister's husband, who are also our friends.
My sister got us a few cute little keepsake items that have sentimental value more than anything else.
Our friend's parents (who my husband has known his whole life) bought us a george foreman grill even though they weren't even at the wedding (I think they just come from that generation that think you always have to give something).
We got cards from everyone and they were very much appreciated and I have made them into a sort of collage which I have framed.
We had exactly the wedding we wanted, cost was never a factor for us as this is how we wanted to get married.

I can't quite find the strongest words possible to say that people really need to stop giving cash gifts at wedding if they are not in a position to. The "how much should I give?" threads on here sometimes drive me a bit crazy, give what you can afford, if you can afford nothing, give a card and spend the day with the couple, which is what they have invited you to do, nothing more.

When my brother got married a good few years ago now, there was about 250-300 people at the wedding (and he would've gotten more cards in the post and handed to him in the weeks after the wedding) and the minimum cash gift he received was €100, my granny and grandma gave him €1,000 each. Absolute madness! Definitely made more money from the wedding than they spent as my brother's father-in-law and our father paid for a good portion of the wedding so I suppose you could say they ran it like a business.

One thing I say about every wedding is, no matter what goes wrong, no matter how much it costs, no matter who can't make it or refuses to go, it's the day you get married, nothing could make it a horrible day.

mozattack

Just to clarify, a side point is about the whole inviting loose relatives to ramp up the cash is my issue with it. No one can be close to 180 people unless close means "thanks the cheque ".

Frigga_92

mozattack wrote: »

Just to clarify, a side point is about the whole inviting loose relatives to ramp up the cash is my issue with it. No one can be close to 180 people unless close means "thanks the cheque ".

As per my post above my brother had a huge wedding, among the invitees were:
old babysitters from when we were all children,
a couple of ex-employers of my mum and dad,
neighbours that had not been our neighbours in over 15 years,
every aunt and uncle (my parents have 10 brothers and sisters each), all of their partners, all of the nieces and nephews associated with the aunts and uncles, a sister of my mum has 5 kids and a sister of my dad has 4 kids alone,
grandaunts, granduncles and first cousins,
They drew the line after first cousins generally but a few distant cousins that my parents are close to got invited,
all of my parents current neighbours,
my brother invited nearly everybody from his job (some of whom didn't even know his wife's name), fellas he used to play football with, same goes for his wife, people she went to college with but no longer friends with etc.,
the list just seemed endless!
Thinking back I'd say there was more than 250-300 people there tbh and it might sound cynical but I think there was a little bit of cheque hunting going on there.

Milly33

250 - 300 wow that's big!! Id love to even know that many people. And yes I would love homemade gifts still love one pressie I got from a friend was a twirly photo frame with pictures of my family who rock and of times with them thought it was lovely as they put the effort into it..Now toasters there I would be fussy twud have to go with the décor then wed have to send a list of wanted items haha..

The whole wedding bliss there is a long list of do's and don'ts but as said many times tis all about what the couple want on the day!! In Ireland have to say top of list has to be sunshine

emzolita

mozattack wrote: »

I am gloating about spending €1,500 on a wedding says the hypocrite spending €35k!!!

Crazy post

How is she a hypocrite?

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo

26sdrawkcab wrote: »

As per my post above my brother had a huge wedding, among the invitees were:
old babysitters from when we were all children,
a couple of ex-employers of my mum and dad,
neighbours that had not been our neighbours in over 15 years,
every aunt and uncle (my parents have 10 brothers and sisters each), all of their partners, all of the nieces and nephews associated with the aunts and uncles, a sister of my mum has 5 kids and a sister of my dad has 4 kids alone,
grandaunts, granduncles and first cousins,
They drew the line after first cousins generally but a few distant cousins that my parents are close to got invited,
all of my parents current neighbours,
my brother invited nearly everybody from his job (some of whom didn't even know his wife's name), fellas he used to play football with, same goes for his wife, people she went to college with but no longer friends with etc.,
the list just seemed endless!
Thinking back I'd say there was more than 250-300 people there tbh and it might sound cynical but I think there was a little bit of cheque hunting going on there.

That's hilarious. Its one thing having people as Facebook friends, its another thing to invite every one of them to what's suppose to be one of the most special and intimate days of your life.
Different strokes I guess.

MadDog76

I don't think there's much money to be made from a wedding at all ........... wedding's can cost anywhere from 70 euros to 120 euros per person and up, the average gift from an individual is 100 euros (200 euros per couple) and sometimes less (if they give anything at all) ............. if you're lucky the gift might just about cover the cost of the meal/venue so you still have all the other expenses to cover ........ the more people you invite the more money gifts you might receive but the cost price will go up.

And I wouldn't be expecting anything other than a smile from the Evening Guests ......... I certainly don't/won't give anything if I'm invited to the "Afters"!!

In my opinion it will always cost you to get married ......... and so it should!!

mozattack

emzolita wrote: »

How is she a hypocrite?

Saying I was gloating being able to spend €1,500 on a wedding without presents while she mentioned spending more than twenty times on the wedding

Sala

26sdrawkcab wrote: »

One friend bought us a hoover but we were always borrowing his and I think he just used it as an excuse to buy us one :P

Love it!!! Practical and thoughtful!

We are having a wedding abroad and while flights are a big expense, accommodation etc is smaller so its doable. I have spoken to a few people who I know are cash strapped and tried to communicate that I would love them to come if they can afford it, and while there is no pressure if they can show up that is all I ask for and no presents are necessary, but they disagreed with me. I know in their heads they are calculating a gift into the cost but there seems to be no way of telling people you are serious, if they show up that is their gift, please don't give us money, etc. If anyone has an advice on how to make it absolutely clear that the expense of the flight is a gift I would like to know it

bee06

mozattack wrote: »

Saying I was gloating being able to spend €1,500 on a wedding without presents while she mentioned spending more than twenty times on the wedding

Her point was that you seemed to be looking for praise for the fact that you had specified no presents rather than anything to do with the cost of your wedding.

Boskowski

This whole Irish big wedding thing is a bit mad to be honest. The money aspect being one of the madder bits. Actually puts me off getting married.

lazygal

Boskowski wrote: »

This whole Irish big wedding thing is a bit mad to be honest. The money aspect being one of the madder bits. Actually puts me off getting married.

Don't bother with an expensive wedding. To get married costs €200. But if people want the whole shebang and can pay for it, who cares?

Frigga_92

Sala wrote: »

Love it!!! Practical and thoughtful!

We are having a wedding abroad and while flights are a big expense, accommodation etc is smaller so its doable. I have spoken to a few people who I know are cash strapped and tried to communicate that I would love them to come if they can afford it, and while there is no pressure if they can show up that is all I ask for and no presents are necessary, but they disagreed with me. I know in their heads they are calculating a gift into the cost but there seems to be no way of telling people you are serious, if they show up that is their gift, please don't give us money, etc. If anyone has an advice on how to make it absolutely clear that the expense of the flight is a gift I would like to know it

We just made sure we drummed it into people. Obviously with so few guests, it was easier to make sure everyone knew.
The first time we said anything was when we told everyone the date, we said "no gifts at all and there's an all night taxi service from the venue so there's no obligation to stay".
When we sent invites we put on them "no gifts please". About a month before the wedding we dropped into conversation with a few people "we hope everyone respects our wishes about no gifts". That seems to have worked, we were very happy to open our cards and just find all the lovely wishes from everyone.

RealExpert

I think any couple considering getting married should seriously consider getting married abroad. The last thing newlyweds need is a 30k bill for the wedding day, its just not a great start to married life. Go to some country, get married and spend a couple of weeks there on honeymoon and when you return home you could always have a party in the local if you feet guilty for not asking friends. I know I probably seem like a cheapskate but Id prefer to have the money for a deposit on a house or put it to better use than spend it in a hotel, maybe the newlyweds already have a family and thats where it should be spent. Good Luck on the big day. (Sorry if this is already posted I just read the first page)

mrsbyrne

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo wrote: »

That's hilarious. Its one thing having people as Facebook friends, its another thing to invite every one of them to what's suppose to be one of the most special and intimate days of your life.
Different strokes I guess.

If your image concious and you want a big "fcuk you" wedding you would invite 300 guests in the hope that 150 to 200 would come so that the whole town would be talking about THAT wedding for months. The fact that almost everyone came was even better. They must have looked like the most popular couple in Ireland that day. The fact that they couldn't identify half their guests wouldn't be a concern to an image conious couple.

mozattack

RealExpert wrote: »

I think any couple considering getting married should seriously consider getting married abroad. The last thing newlyweds need is a 30k bill for the wedding day, its just not a great start to married life. Go to some country, get married and spend a couple of weeks there on honeymoon and when you return home you could always have a party in the local if you feet guilty for not asking friends. I know I probably seem like a cheapskate but Id prefer to have the money for a deposit on a house or put it to better use than spend it in a hotel, maybe the newlyweds already have a family and thats where it should be spent. Good Luck on the big day. (Sorry if this is already posted I just read the first page)

Faur enough but what if you want your patents there and the expensive is a lot for them, ditto siblings. Costs mount abroad too cos invariably you need a planner to help