Honest answer please re the money issue... MOD WARNING POST#53

Toots

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

You say that on all the best threads Toots :-)

And I usually do end up regretting it not too long after, when the reported posts start flooding my inbox .........:(

Teyla Emmagan

Toots* wrote: »

And I usually do end up regretting it not too long after, when the reported posts start flooding my inbox .........:(

I for one promise to be good then

Gatica

kkcatlou wrote: »

I don't think you're unique Milly33, I think it's just something a lot of people are afraid/ embarrassed to admit to (especially here anyway). I think if the wedding day you dreamed of is important to you and you can figure out a way to pay for it (even if that includes adding in expected gift money), then that's your prerogative, and it's not right for other people to judge or look down their noses! It's really saying that only rich people should have fancy weddings!

Yes, actually I think people should have weddings proportionate to their means.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye had a massive wedding costing millions. Doesn't mean the rest of us now feel like we should have an extravagant wedding like that. We can't afford millions, so we spent what we could afford on our wedding. Only rich people can afford millions on a wedding.

We both work and were able to afford an average nice wedding, but if we were on the dole, then we'd have had a wedding at home with cocktail sausages and buck's fizz. I don't get this sense of entitlement when it comes to weddings. You're not any more married if you spent millions than if you spend 10 quid. You can still have a nice party and celebration without spending thousands.
I don't know if the OP has been counting how many people answered their question as to how many people run their wedding like a business. Dangerous thread in this forum However, from reading this thread it seems to me lots of posters here said they didn't and neither did we. It's a little presumptuous of kkcatlou to say we're not being honest in saying that. Sure, I'll be honest and say it was nice to have the bonus of some cash after the wedding, as we'd been living like hermits coming up to it. However, that certainly didn't pay for it and we didn't bank on it (no pun intended).

Milly33

Oh man haha im Im on the dole or well was but now no more..Im fecked..

Haha too true, were at the middle really we don't exactly have money to spare but have booked a great venue which we both love but after that it is up to us as such what to do with it..We could go mad take out loans but think cocktail sausages is a great idea!!! Its hard to get away from what is the norm set up at weddings which has a lot to do with the way the budget spirals out of control. Kind of looking forward to the saving part of it make working for something we both want, will be back to basic work your ass of for it if tis the day you want..

mozattack

I would prefer that weddings are lavish because it will justify my "ticket price". If they cheapen the wedding the ticket price will stay the same (as we wont know in advance) so everyone is worse off then again, apart from the bride and groom.

I dont mind spending €75/€100 if the hotel is nice, there are canapes, a meal (which is not beef or salmon), some drink etc but not if we are getting chicken, vegetable soup and apple tart for dinner.

Either a "free" wedding, like mine (but that will have to be small) or a good wedding (so the ticket price is fair value) seem to be the only fair way.

[side point; attendance at a wedding recently, including hotel, kids clothers, woman's dress, attendance to stag and hen etc cost almost as much as our day - crazy stuff and a real pain because the whole wedding scene is so lame anyway]

eviltwin

mozattack wrote: »

I would prefer that weddings are lavish because it will justify my "ticket price". If they cheapen the wedding the ticket price will stay the same (as we wont know in advance) so everyone is worse off then again, apart from the bride and groom.

I dont mind spending €75/€100 if the hotel is nice, there are canapes, a meal (which is not beef or salmon), some drink etc but not if we are getting chicken, vegetable soup and apple tart for dinner.

Either a "free" wedding, like mine (but that will have to be small) or a good wedding (so the ticket price is fair value) seem to be the only fair way.

[side point; attendance at a wedding recently, including hotel, kids clothers, woman's dress, attendance to stag and hen etc cost almost as much as our day - crazy stuff and a real pain because the whole wedding scene is so lame anyway]

Now that I can't understand. A gift is a gift, if your giving it in expectation of getting value for your money its not a gift anymore.

Frigga_92

noodler wrote: »

It doesn't matter what it says on the invitation for me.

I'd always try and give 100e (I once suggested a lesser amount amongst a group of ex-college friends when we were all going to a classmate's wedding but I was in the minority).

If the invitation says something like no presents required then it would just make me a little happier giving my present than if it asked for gifts or specified amounts etc.

Can I just ask why you would insist on giving something? Why not just respect the wishes of the couple?

CorkClaire82

mozattack wrote: »

I would prefer that weddings are lavish because it will justify my "ticket price". If they cheapen the wedding the ticket price will stay the same (as we wont know in advance) so everyone is worse off then again, apart from the bride and groom.

I dont mind spending €75/€100 if the hotel is nice, there are canapes, a meal (which is not beef or salmon), some drink etc but not if we are getting chicken, vegetable soup and apple tart for dinner.

Either a "free" wedding, like mine (but that will have to be small) or a good wedding (so the ticket price is fair value) seem to be the only fair way.

[side point; attendance at a wedding recently, including hotel, kids clothers, woman's dress, attendance to stag and hen etc cost almost as much as our day - crazy stuff and a real pain because the whole wedding scene is so lame anyway]

I don't understand ... You come on asking people if they are running their wedding like a business (and most people are saying no) and are quite judgmental of people who are having a large or expensive wedding but then you are annoyed when people don't give you "value for money", that is really unfair. So the two options are that people say they don't expect presents or they spend enough on the wedding that YOU feel you got enough out of it?? Again, I don't understand.

Gatica

Milly33 wrote: »

Oh man haha im Im on the dole or well was but now no more..Im fecked..

I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said to be taken quite so literally and I'm sure how people do their wedding differs depending on what they can afford or who they can rope in to help out. I'm sure it can be much more than just cocktail sausages (twas a bit of an exaggeration). I just meant that if our budget had been smaller, we'd have just cut back from standard wedding to a cheaper version with probably home-made stuff.
My mum had a community hall wedding a few years ago, and all our friends did a fantastic job helping to decorate it and lots had cooked for it. It was buffet style, and delicious. It was a brill and fun wedding, but certainly didn't cost as much as a traditional one.

mozattack

To those who dont understand my point is that to go to a wedding you need a "ticket" (invite) and those tickets costs money, maybe €75 - €100.

So id prefer to go to a good wedding and get value from the ticket price than a "chicken wedding", for example.

Alternative would be a small wedding with no ticket prices.

And no it isnt a gift, it is a ticket price... why would I give a gift on someone to get married... someone to which I have to travel countless miles, maybe take a day off work and to sit there listening to how "in love they are" etc. Really... i should be paid to go so no way is it a gift, I am just buying a ticket.

Gatica

mozattack wrote: »

I would prefer that weddings are lavish because it will justify my "ticket price". If they cheapen the wedding the ticket price will stay the same (as we wont know in advance) so everyone is worse off then again, apart from the bride and groom.

To be honest, we'd give same present irrespective if we were invited to what we'd perceive to be a lavish wedding versus a "cheap" wedding. The craic at weddings is mostly to do with our friends and that's the same irrespective of cost. Sure you might have better band at one than another or the food might be better. However, if the B&G get some money off me as a present, I am not going to begrudge them putting it away for themselves for a rainy day, rather than "covering" the cost of the party they threw out of their budget for my and others' sake. At the end of the day, the gift is for them to spend how they choose. My only qualms would be if they were presuming on my gift, might seem contradictory but that's just how I feel about it.

Teyla Emmagan

mozattack wrote: »

To those who dont understand my point is that to go to a wedding you need a "ticket" (invite) and those tickets costs money, maybe €75 - €100.

So id prefer to go to a good wedding and get value from the ticket price than a "chicken wedding", for example.

Alternative would be a small wedding with no ticket prices.

And no it isnt a gift, it is a ticket price... why would I give a gift on someone to get married... someone to which I have to travel countless miles, maybe take a day off work and to sit there listening to how "in love they are" etc. Really... i should be paid to go so no way is it a gift, I am just buying a ticket.

*bites tongue so hard remembering promise to Toots*

CorkClaire82

mozattack wrote: »

To those who dont understand my point is that to go to a wedding you need a "ticket" (invite) and those tickets costs money, maybe €75 - €100.

So id prefer to go to a good wedding and get value from the ticket price than a "chicken wedding", for example.

Alternative would be a small wedding with no ticket prices.

And no it isnt a gift, it is a ticket price... why would I give a gift on someone to get married... someone to which I have to travel countless miles, maybe take a day off work and to sit there listening to how "in love they are" etc. Really... i should be paid to go so no way is it a gift, I am just buying a ticket.

Well I still don't get it - I go to weddings because I really like the people who are getting married and I want to see them happy and starting on a new journey in their lives. I don't see the invite as a summons or as a "ticket". I go if I can and because I want to go, also I give what I can afford and I give it because I want to.

Milly33

not at all Gatica I was only messing!!

Queen-Mise

mozattack wrote: »

To those who dont understand my point is that to go to a wedding you need a "ticket" (invite) and those tickets costs money, maybe €75 - €100.

So id prefer to go to a good wedding and get value from the ticket price than a "chicken wedding", for example.

Alternative would be a small wedding with no ticket prices.

And no it isnt a gift, it is a ticket price... why would I give a gift on someone to get married... someone to which I have to travel countless miles, maybe take a day off work and to sit there listening to how "in love they are" etc. Really... i should be paid to go so no way is it a gift, I am just buying a ticket.

Are you for real? My words are failing me.

I am going to be good for Toots also, otherwise this post would just turn into abuse.

You invite people to attend your WEDDING, to CELEBRATE the day with you. It is not a world cup final, or a raffle.

emzolita

mozattack wrote: »

To those who dont understand my point is that to go to a wedding you need a "ticket" (invite) and those tickets costs money, maybe €75 - €100.

So id prefer to go to a good wedding and get value from the ticket price than a "chicken wedding", for example.

Alternative would be a small wedding with no ticket prices.

And no it isnt a gift, it is a ticket price... why would I give a gift on someone to get married... someone to which I have to travel countless miles, maybe take a day off work and to sit there listening to how "in love they are" etc. Really... i should be paid to go so no way is it a gift, I am just buying a ticket.

mozattack wrote: »

I would prefer that weddings are lavish because it will justify my "ticket price". If they cheapen the wedding the ticket price will stay the same (as we wont know in advance) so everyone is worse off then again, apart from the bride and groom.

I dont mind spending €75/€100 if the hotel is nice, there are canapes, a meal (which is not beef or salmon), some drink etc but not if we are getting chicken, vegetable soup and apple tart for dinner.

Either a "free" wedding, like mine (but that will have to be small) or a good wedding (so the ticket price is fair value) seem to be the only fair way.

[side point; attendance at a wedding recently, including hotel, kids clothers, woman's dress, attendance to stag and hen etc cost almost as much as our day - crazy stuff and a real pain because the whole wedding scene is so lame anyway]

What food do you consider worthy for your "ticket" price?
I'm so confused in this thread. are you expecting money as gifts?

Gatica

mozattack wrote: »

So id prefer to go to a good wedding and get value from the ticket price than a "chicken wedding", for example.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4WGQmWcrbs

mozattack wrote: »

why would I give a gift on someone to get married... someone to which I have to travel countless miles, maybe take a day off work and to sit there listening to how "in love they are" etc. Really... i should be paid to go so no way is it a gift, I am just buying a ticket.

:eek:

eviltwin

mozattack wrote: »

To those who dont understand my point is that to go to a wedding you need a "ticket" (invite) and those tickets costs money, maybe €75 - €100.

So id prefer to go to a good wedding and get value from the ticket price than a "chicken wedding", for example.

Alternative would be a small wedding with no ticket prices.

And no it isnt a gift, it is a ticket price... why would I give a gift on someone to get married... someone to which I have to travel countless miles, maybe take a day off work and to sit there listening to how "in love they are" etc. Really... i should be paid to go so no way is it a gift, I am just buying a ticket.

That's a very strange way of looking at it if you don't mind me saying so. A wedding is a celebration of a major life event for a couple, to me its not all that different to a birthday, anniversary, retirement, new baby, new house etc...its something that is special to the people involved and you mark with it a gift, you don't go into debt for it but you make a small effort. Why is it that its only with weddings that some people feel they need to get their value or moneys worth? Is the day out celebrating with people you know and the couple themselves not enough?

brendanf

we saved hard for a year and we were in the position of having 2 sets of generous parents which meant the event was paid for before we walked down the aisle. We had about 140 guests and we genuinely did not think of 'turning a profit'

Opening the cards the next day was a shock to the system - aside from presents we had over €6000.00 in cash - mad stuff! made for a stress free honeymoon to be honest - We genuinely wouldn't have cared if we had received 50 kettles and 50 iron but not going to lie to you I was flipping delighted with peoples generousity...am I bad????

Sligo1

brendanf wrote: »

we saved hard for a year and we were in the position of having 2 sets of generous parents which meant the event was paid for before we walked down the aisle. We had about 140 guests and we genuinely did not think of 'turning a profit'

Opening the cards the next day was a shock to the system - aside from presents we had over €6000.00 in cash - mad stuff! made for a stress free honeymoon to be honest - We genuinely wouldn't have cared if we had received 50 kettles and 50 iron but not going to lie to you I was flipping delighted with peoples generousity...am I bad????

Yea we were the same as ye. 150 people. And recieved around €8k presents and a lot of other gifts. Gave the majority of the cash back to the parents and kept a couple grand for a honeymoon. Was delighted.

Tarzana

mozattack wrote: »

I would prefer that weddings are lavish because it will justify my "ticket price". If they cheapen the wedding the ticket price will stay the same (as we wont know in advance) so everyone is worse off then again, apart from the bride and groom.

I dont mind spending €75/€100 if the hotel is nice, there are canapes, a meal (which is not beef or salmon), some drink etc but not if we are getting chicken, vegetable soup and apple tart for dinner.

Either a "free" wedding, like mine (but that will have to be small) or a good wedding (so the ticket price is fair value) seem to be the only fair way.

[side point; attendance at a wedding recently, including hotel, kids clothers, woman's dress, attendance to stag and hen etc cost almost as much as our day - crazy stuff and a real pain because the whole wedding scene is so lame anyway]

Well, you're charming.

kkcatlou

mozattack wrote: »

To those who dont understand my point is that to go to a wedding you need a "ticket" (invite) and those tickets costs money, maybe €75 - €100.

So id prefer to go to a good wedding and get value from the ticket price than a "chicken wedding", for example.

Alternative would be a small wedding with no ticket prices.

And no it isnt a gift, it is a ticket price... why would I give a gift on someone to get married... someone to which I have to travel countless miles, maybe take a day off work and to sit there listening to how "in love they are" etc. Really... i should be paid to go so no way is it a gift, I am just buying a ticket.

I know you're already getting slated all over the place, but just to remind you of your original post which was asking whether people operate their weddings like a business....it looks as though you see going to a wedding as a business transaction. You pay a price, you get value for money! That to be me seems far more selfish and ridiculous than the people out there, who end up using some of their gift money to pay for parts of their wedding!

Back to your comment calling me a hypocrite for spending an amount we can afford on treating the people we care about to a special day that cements our commitment to one another...I honestly can't see what you see as hypocritical about that. I didn't come on here to gloat about that, I merely made the point in reference to the OP, and it's not something the two of us have shared with anybody else.

We are lucky to be in a position where we can save that amount of money over the 9 months we will be engaged. Yes, it means a lot of sacrifices, but our families and friends are important to us, and we want to give them a great day that shows that....and represents us as a couple and what's important to us. We are cutting out on things that "we" benefit from such as cars, expensive outfits, fancy cakes, etc. and spending that money on a really cool venue and lots and lots of great food and drink. I would rather people gave us no gifts, but if they do, I would definitely hate to think they would feel they need to give us more than somebody who has a "chicken" wedding as you call it, just cos we spent more on the day. You give a gift as a gift, not an entry price!

Not that I should feel the need to answer to you or anybody else on this thread that feels it is their duty to tell people how they should spend their own hard earned cash!!

mozattack

Okay so I am wrong then in think there is protocol to follow when invited to a wedding vis a vis gifts?... don't be so naive, it is common knowledge what the market rate is that market rate is essentially a ticket in the door.

mozattack

brendanf wrote: »

we saved hard for a year and we were in the position of having 2 sets of generous parents which meant the event was paid for before we walked down the aisle. We had about 140 guests and we genuinely did not think of 'turning a profit'

Opening the cards the next day was a shock to the system - aside from presents we had over €6000.00 in cash - mad stuff! made for a stress free honeymoon to be honest - We genuinely wouldn't have cared if we had received 50 kettles and 50 iron but not going to lie to you I was flipping delighted with peoples generousity...am I bad????

Okay if you didn't think of profiting how could you have been married without availing of the charity from the parents? You saved for a year but still needed assistance and then banked the €6k.

Profit.

eviltwin

mozattack wrote: »

Okay so I am wrong then in think there is protocol to follow when invited to a wedding vis a vis gifts?... don't be so naive, it is common knowledge what the market rate is that market rate is essentially a ticket in the door.

Some people are like that, my brother was married two years ago and actually made a point of putting a post on FB telling his guests how much the rate per head was, a gentle reminder if you will of how much was expected in a gift. The way I look at it though they have chosen to spend that much money so its not up to the guests to pay for it. As has been proven on this board multiple times in the past it is possible to have a wedding that doesn't break that bank by keeping it small and simple, now if a couple want to go big and elaborate then that is their business but don't be relying on your guests to cover your costs.

Sligo1

mozattack wrote: »

Okay if you didn't think of profiting how could you have been married without availing of the charity from the parents? You saved for a year but still needed assistance and then banked the €6k.

Profit.

Sure how were they to know what they were going to get? My entire side gave us monetary gifts. OH entire side gave us other gifts. We got like 10 sets of glasses and candle sticks and 20 frames etc. we honestly couldn't have predicted what we were going to get be it money or gifts from people...

eviltwin

mozattack wrote: »

Okay if you didn't think of profiting how could you have been married without availing of the charity from the parents? You saved for a year but still needed assistance and then banked the €6k.

Profit.

A lot of people start off with a budget in mind, if family are in a position to give money then it allows them to do more on the day.

Gatica

I don't think the 6k was profit. Profit would be saving 10k for a 10k wedding, then getting > 10k in gifts and anything over the 10k could be called a profit.
If they had 6k after the wedding but spent 10k, you could say it was a loss of 4k...
In any case, why are you asking people whether they're turning a profit if you don't approve?

kkcatlou

mozattack wrote: »

Okay so I am wrong then in think there is protocol to follow when invited to a wedding vis a vis gifts?... don't be so naive, it is common knowledge what the market rate is that market rate is essentially a ticket in the door.

Cultural norms or social etiquette in Ireland may mean that people generally give cash or a gift to a certain value when attending a wedding, either because they are happy to share in the couple's special day, or like you, they feel under pressure to do so.

That does not, in any way, equate to saying that every bride and groom expects this when inviting people to their wedding, is planning to use that to pay for their wedding, or will deny people entry if they don't arrive with that! I'm not even sure where or how you are coming to that conclusion?!

meeeeh

mozattack wrote: »

Okay so I am wrong then in think there is protocol to follow when invited to a wedding vis a vis gifts?... don't be so naive, it is common knowledge what the market rate is that market rate is essentially a ticket in the door.

Actually I really dislike the invitations with "your presence is enough". Almost everyone ignores it and shows up with a gift and then there is one couple who actually stick to the wording on the invitation and end up looking really stingy.