Honest answer please re the money issue... MOD WARNING POST#53

PlainP

MadDog76 wrote: »

Any wedding myself and my wife attended we gave 200 euros minimum ......... is that not standard these days?

Probably is going by the other thread, still think it's too much though when you factor in the rest of the expenditure for the day.

Yes I am a bit stingy I suppose.

Tarzana

mozattack wrote: »

Okay, be honest but given that wedding invites are basically an expensive ticket nowadays how many people run their wedding like a business?

For example €140 guests and €100 per person present = €14,000 less hotel, less photos = €2,000 profit, Yippie?

Dangerous strategy for anyone banking on it - I'd say you can't guarantee 100 per person these days. The max I give is would be 75 personally, and 150 if going with my BF, 100 between us if things are tight.

mozattack

kkcatlou wrote: »

You almost sound like you've come on here for praise, for everybody else to say how great you are, but really you're just lucky to be in a financial situation where you can afford to do the above.

We're in a similar situation to you, but I'd never gloat about it. We've 160 people coming to our wedding, and will spend about €35k on it, so no chance we would "make back" or "make a profit" on the wedding, and would never want or intend to.

That said, for a lot of couples in Ireland now, that is the reality of the situation. And come with all the moral arguments you want, in our culture it's accepted to give €100 or equivalent as a wedding gift, so if you aren't in a position to be able to save €20k+ over the space of a year or two, then it's not greedy/ selfish/ stupid to assume that you will be able to pay off some of the costs with gift money. For a lot of people, they would wonder what is the point in having excess cash the day after, when the scarified some big elements on the day itself just cos they didn't want to assume they would get gifts?!

Personally, it's not my style, and I'd feel very nervous banking on cash from individual guests to pay for my wedding, but for the majority of people I know who have gotten married (especially in their 20s) this was a reality they had to face....to have the day they wanted! It seems a bit unfair to say only those earning over a certain level or with rich parents should be able to have all their friends and family and a nice meal at their wedding!

Also, I have never heard of any couple making a profit from their wedding!! I can't logistically see how you would! I think that was an Eddie Hobbs myth from the Celtic Tiger days!

I am gloating about spending €1,500 on a wedding says the hypocrite spending €35k!!!

Crazy post

C.K Dexter Haven

OP, a year or so after the wedding you'll look back and say something like, "Probably could have spent a bit more on the wedding" or "Why was I worrying about money back then- we had a great day, that's all that counts". In other words, the costs per head will leave your mind shortly after the day is over but the good memories will live on.


If there's one or two items you'd really like for your wedding as presents, let people know and if they want to contribute towards these items then fine- some people feel they have to give "something" regardless of what the bride/groom say, so make it easy on them by saying, if pushed, "look, we don't need anything but your "presence"- we're saving for X item so if you want to donate a very small sum towards that, we'd be delighted but really, we're not asking for anything as we appreciate the times we live in etc etc

Frigga_92

We specifically told everybody invited to our wedding (13 guests and a few extra in the evening when they were finished work) that we did not want any gifts, not because we're loaded but because our friends are not.
One friend bought us a hoover but we were always borrowing his and I think he just used it as an excuse to buy us one :P
Our friend who designed and made our rings made us keepsake jewellery with the wedding date on it and it was given as a group gift from her, her bf, her sister and her sister's husband, who are also our friends.
My sister got us a few cute little keepsake items that have sentimental value more than anything else.
Our friend's parents (who my husband has known his whole life) bought us a george foreman grill even though they weren't even at the wedding (I think they just come from that generation that think you always have to give something).
We got cards from everyone and they were very much appreciated and I have made them into a sort of collage which I have framed.
We had exactly the wedding we wanted, cost was never a factor for us as this is how we wanted to get married.

I can't quite find the strongest words possible to say that people really need to stop giving cash gifts at wedding if they are not in a position to. The "how much should I give?" threads on here sometimes drive me a bit crazy, give what you can afford, if you can afford nothing, give a card and spend the day with the couple, which is what they have invited you to do, nothing more.

When my brother got married a good few years ago now, there was about 250-300 people at the wedding (and he would've gotten more cards in the post and handed to him in the weeks after the wedding) and the minimum cash gift he received was €100, my granny and grandma gave him €1,000 each. Absolute madness! Definitely made more money from the wedding than they spent as my brother's father-in-law and our father paid for a good portion of the wedding so I suppose you could say they ran it like a business.

One thing I say about every wedding is, no matter what goes wrong, no matter how much it costs, no matter who can't make it or refuses to go, it's the day you get married, nothing could make it a horrible day.

mozattack

Just to clarify, a side point is about the whole inviting loose relatives to ramp up the cash is my issue with it. No one can be close to 180 people unless close means "thanks the cheque ".

Frigga_92

mozattack wrote: »

Just to clarify, a side point is about the whole inviting loose relatives to ramp up the cash is my issue with it. No one can be close to 180 people unless close means "thanks the cheque ".

As per my post above my brother had a huge wedding, among the invitees were:
old babysitters from when we were all children,
a couple of ex-employers of my mum and dad,
neighbours that had not been our neighbours in over 15 years,
every aunt and uncle (my parents have 10 brothers and sisters each), all of their partners, all of the nieces and nephews associated with the aunts and uncles, a sister of my mum has 5 kids and a sister of my dad has 4 kids alone,
grandaunts, granduncles and first cousins,
They drew the line after first cousins generally but a few distant cousins that my parents are close to got invited,
all of my parents current neighbours,
my brother invited nearly everybody from his job (some of whom didn't even know his wife's name), fellas he used to play football with, same goes for his wife, people she went to college with but no longer friends with etc.,
the list just seemed endless!
Thinking back I'd say there was more than 250-300 people there tbh and it might sound cynical but I think there was a little bit of cheque hunting going on there.

Milly33

250 - 300 wow that's big!! Id love to even know that many people. And yes I would love homemade gifts still love one pressie I got from a friend was a twirly photo frame with pictures of my family who rock and of times with them thought it was lovely as they put the effort into it..Now toasters there I would be fussy twud have to go with the décor then wed have to send a list of wanted items haha..

The whole wedding bliss there is a long list of do's and don'ts but as said many times tis all about what the couple want on the day!! In Ireland have to say top of list has to be sunshine

emzolita

mozattack wrote: »

I am gloating about spending €1,500 on a wedding says the hypocrite spending €35k!!!

Crazy post

How is she a hypocrite?

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo

26sdrawkcab wrote: »

As per my post above my brother had a huge wedding, among the invitees were:
old babysitters from when we were all children,
a couple of ex-employers of my mum and dad,
neighbours that had not been our neighbours in over 15 years,
every aunt and uncle (my parents have 10 brothers and sisters each), all of their partners, all of the nieces and nephews associated with the aunts and uncles, a sister of my mum has 5 kids and a sister of my dad has 4 kids alone,
grandaunts, granduncles and first cousins,
They drew the line after first cousins generally but a few distant cousins that my parents are close to got invited,
all of my parents current neighbours,
my brother invited nearly everybody from his job (some of whom didn't even know his wife's name), fellas he used to play football with, same goes for his wife, people she went to college with but no longer friends with etc.,
the list just seemed endless!
Thinking back I'd say there was more than 250-300 people there tbh and it might sound cynical but I think there was a little bit of cheque hunting going on there.

That's hilarious. Its one thing having people as Facebook friends, its another thing to invite every one of them to what's suppose to be one of the most special and intimate days of your life.
Different strokes I guess.

MadDog76

I don't think there's much money to be made from a wedding at all ........... wedding's can cost anywhere from 70 euros to 120 euros per person and up, the average gift from an individual is 100 euros (200 euros per couple) and sometimes less (if they give anything at all) ............. if you're lucky the gift might just about cover the cost of the meal/venue so you still have all the other expenses to cover ........ the more people you invite the more money gifts you might receive but the cost price will go up.

And I wouldn't be expecting anything other than a smile from the Evening Guests ......... I certainly don't/won't give anything if I'm invited to the "Afters"!!

In my opinion it will always cost you to get married ......... and so it should!!

mozattack

emzolita wrote: »

How is she a hypocrite?

Saying I was gloating being able to spend €1,500 on a wedding without presents while she mentioned spending more than twenty times on the wedding

Sala

26sdrawkcab wrote: »

One friend bought us a hoover but we were always borrowing his and I think he just used it as an excuse to buy us one :P

Love it!!! Practical and thoughtful!

We are having a wedding abroad and while flights are a big expense, accommodation etc is smaller so its doable. I have spoken to a few people who I know are cash strapped and tried to communicate that I would love them to come if they can afford it, and while there is no pressure if they can show up that is all I ask for and no presents are necessary, but they disagreed with me. I know in their heads they are calculating a gift into the cost but there seems to be no way of telling people you are serious, if they show up that is their gift, please don't give us money, etc. If anyone has an advice on how to make it absolutely clear that the expense of the flight is a gift I would like to know it

bee06

mozattack wrote: »

Saying I was gloating being able to spend €1,500 on a wedding without presents while she mentioned spending more than twenty times on the wedding

Her point was that you seemed to be looking for praise for the fact that you had specified no presents rather than anything to do with the cost of your wedding.

Boskowski

This whole Irish big wedding thing is a bit mad to be honest. The money aspect being one of the madder bits. Actually puts me off getting married.

lazygal

Boskowski wrote: »

This whole Irish big wedding thing is a bit mad to be honest. The money aspect being one of the madder bits. Actually puts me off getting married.

Don't bother with an expensive wedding. To get married costs €200. But if people want the whole shebang and can pay for it, who cares?

Frigga_92

Sala wrote: »

Love it!!! Practical and thoughtful!

We are having a wedding abroad and while flights are a big expense, accommodation etc is smaller so its doable. I have spoken to a few people who I know are cash strapped and tried to communicate that I would love them to come if they can afford it, and while there is no pressure if they can show up that is all I ask for and no presents are necessary, but they disagreed with me. I know in their heads they are calculating a gift into the cost but there seems to be no way of telling people you are serious, if they show up that is their gift, please don't give us money, etc. If anyone has an advice on how to make it absolutely clear that the expense of the flight is a gift I would like to know it

We just made sure we drummed it into people. Obviously with so few guests, it was easier to make sure everyone knew.
The first time we said anything was when we told everyone the date, we said "no gifts at all and there's an all night taxi service from the venue so there's no obligation to stay".
When we sent invites we put on them "no gifts please". About a month before the wedding we dropped into conversation with a few people "we hope everyone respects our wishes about no gifts". That seems to have worked, we were very happy to open our cards and just find all the lovely wishes from everyone.

RealExpert

I think any couple considering getting married should seriously consider getting married abroad. The last thing newlyweds need is a 30k bill for the wedding day, its just not a great start to married life. Go to some country, get married and spend a couple of weeks there on honeymoon and when you return home you could always have a party in the local if you feet guilty for not asking friends. I know I probably seem like a cheapskate but Id prefer to have the money for a deposit on a house or put it to better use than spend it in a hotel, maybe the newlyweds already have a family and thats where it should be spent. Good Luck on the big day. (Sorry if this is already posted I just read the first page)

mrsbyrne

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo wrote: »

That's hilarious. Its one thing having people as Facebook friends, its another thing to invite every one of them to what's suppose to be one of the most special and intimate days of your life.
Different strokes I guess.

If your image concious and you want a big "fcuk you" wedding you would invite 300 guests in the hope that 150 to 200 would come so that the whole town would be talking about THAT wedding for months. The fact that almost everyone came was even better. They must have looked like the most popular couple in Ireland that day. The fact that they couldn't identify half their guests wouldn't be a concern to an image conious couple.

mozattack

RealExpert wrote: »

I think any couple considering getting married should seriously consider getting married abroad. The last thing newlyweds need is a 30k bill for the wedding day, its just not a great start to married life. Go to some country, get married and spend a couple of weeks there on honeymoon and when you return home you could always have a party in the local if you feet guilty for not asking friends. I know I probably seem like a cheapskate but Id prefer to have the money for a deposit on a house or put it to better use than spend it in a hotel, maybe the newlyweds already have a family and thats where it should be spent. Good Luck on the big day. (Sorry if this is already posted I just read the first page)

Faur enough but what if you want your patents there and the expensive is a lot for them, ditto siblings. Costs mount abroad too cos invariably you need a planner to help

MadDog76

Sala wrote: »

Love it!!! Practical and thoughtful!

We are having a wedding abroad and while flights are a big expense, accommodation etc is smaller so its doable. I have spoken to a few people who I know are cash strapped and tried to communicate that I would love them to come if they can afford it, and while there is no pressure if they can show up that is all I ask for and no presents are necessary, but they disagreed with me. I know in their heads they are calculating a gift into the cost but there seems to be no way of telling people you are serious, if they show up that is their gift, please don't give us money, etc. If anyone has an advice on how to make it absolutely clear that the expense of the flight is a gift I would like to know it

Maybe pay for their flights as a thank you for the gifts they will inevitably give you?? :rolleyes:

Toots

Folks, these money related threads always end up being a massive cluster fcuk but I'm going to leave this open (although I suspect I'll regret it) provided posters remain civil and respect other people's opinions, and don't soapbox/go on massive rants.

Report posts if it's warranted, don't start an argument on thread.

This will be the only warning on this thread.

mrsbyrne

Sala wrote: »

Love it!!! Practical and thoughtful!

We are having a wedding abroad and while flights are a big expense, accommodation etc is smaller so its doable. I have spoken to a few people who I know are cash strapped and tried to communicate that I would love them to come if they can afford it, and while there is no pressure if they can show up that is all I ask for and no presents are necessary, but they disagreed with me. I know in their heads they are calculating a gift into the cost but there seems to be no way of telling people you are serious, if they show up that is their gift, please don't give us money, etc. If anyone has an advice on how to make it absolutely clear that the expense of the flight is a gift I would like to know it

While you admit that he flights are expensive you reckon attending your wedding abroad is "doable".
But is that doable on your income, or the people you have invited? Surely when you pictured your wedding, sun
shiningon white sand balmy breeze blue ocean swaying palm trees you also pictured your loved ones barefoot and tanned and it might have occurred to you that Tony and Kate might find it too expensive as Tony's on a 3 day week now?It sounds as if your only realising now that your dream wedding is a bit beyond the finances of some of those you expect to turn up. This whole wedding thing is a bit crazy if you ask me.

noodler

It doesn't matter what it says on the invitation for me.

I'd always try and give 100e (I once suggested a lesser amount amongst a group of ex-college friends when we were all going to a classmate's wedding but I was in the minority).

If the invitation says something like no presents required then it would just make me a little happier giving my present than if it asked for gifts or specified amounts etc.

Teyla Emmagan

Toots* wrote: »

Folks, these money related threads always end up being a massive cluster fcuk but I'm going to leave this open (although I suspect I'll regret it)

You say that on all the best threads Toots :-)

Sligo1

drumswan wrote: »

Not spending 35k would be a good start

O god... Not this again...

Milly33

We are having a wedding abroad and while flights are a big expense, accommodation etc is smaller so its doable. I have spoken to a few people who I know are cash strapped and tried to communicate that I would love them to come if they can afford it, and while there is no pressure if they can show up that is all I ask for and no presents are necessary, but they disagreed with me. I know in their heads they are calculating a gift into the cost but there seems to be no way of telling people you are serious, if they show up that is their gift, please don't give us money, etc. If anyone has an advice on how to make it absolutely clear that the expense of the flight is a gift I would like to know it

Hoover is comical perhaps that was a hint alright!! mmm Well I suppose tis a given that some people will like to give something no matter how much you say that going is their gift. Mm you could try and make up some poem or rhym. And use it to explain that ye want no cash gifts as ye understand that they are travelling, but as people tend to like to give something no matter what ye do, could ask them to maybe pick and print their favourite picture of ye and write a little note about how ye meet, and put them all in a nice frame them later.. Or ask specifically for I don't know 1euro or 5euro that will be stashed for as long as possible for a fund.. something sentimental that people will feel like they have given soemthing

Sala

mrsbyrne wrote: »

While you admit that he flights are expensive you reckon attending your wedding abroad is "doable".
But is that doable on your income, or the people you have invited? Surely when you pictured your wedding, sun
shiningon white sand balmy breeze blue ocean swaying palm trees you also pictured your loved ones barefoot and tanned and it might have occurred to you that Tony and Kate might find it too expensive as Tony's on a 3 day week now?It sounds as if your only realising now that your dream wedding is a bit beyond the finances of some of those you expect to turn up. This whole wedding thing is a bit crazy if you ask me.

We fully expect some people won't be able to go and that's fine. I just know some people who are coming and have booked already have 5 or 6 weddings this year, hens and 30ths abroad etc, I just want them not to go to any more expense that's unneccessary.

Milly33

haha cluster ****!! I like it

eviltwin

Sala wrote: »

Love it!!! Practical and thoughtful!

We are having a wedding abroad and while flights are a big expense, accommodation etc is smaller so its doable. I have spoken to a few people who I know are cash strapped and tried to communicate that I would love them to come if they can afford it, and while there is no pressure if they can show up that is all I ask for and no presents are necessary, but they disagreed with me. I know in their heads they are calculating a gift into the cost but there seems to be no way of telling people you are serious, if they show up that is their gift, please don't give us money, etc. If anyone has an advice on how to make it absolutely clear that the expense of the flight is a gift I would like to know it

Just keep drumming it into them, our wedding was similar, we got married here but his family travelled from overseas so no way would I have accepted a gift on top of that. It wasn't just the money they paid to get here but they had to take time off work, use their holiday time which is very precious etc. I had to keep saying it too them so they knew we were serious. I don't know if it was different because we said that to everyone flying in, if you're only saying it to those you think might have money issues and not others that could be a bit embarrassing.