Inappropriate thoughts at funerals

TheDriver

Wondering do people feel all morbid at funerals or does your mind wander? Sometimes its hard to miss the fact that mourners could be fit or something in the funeral home is a bit Fr. Ted like and the mind gets a bit giggly.....or is it just me?

MadsL

TheDriver wrote: »

Wondering do people feel all morbid at funerals or does your mind wander? Sometimes its hard to miss the fact that mourners could be fit or something in the funeral home is a bit Fr. Ted like and the mind gets a bit giggly.....or is it just me?

Just you OP. Have you no respect.

kneemos

Black is sexy.Hard to avoid it.

MadsL

kneemos wrote: »

Black is sexy.Hard to avoid it.

Racist post reported.

TheDriver

sometimes the queue and the waiting around for the removal is a great time to get chatting to people. Managed to get a few dates in the past by the general meet up outside a funeral, people seem to be always up for a chat......

Nowadays I suss out funerals to see if the deceased lived in a nice area in the hope the house will be up for sale soon after....

Sauve

I PISS myself laughing at funerals. It's absolutely disgraceful, but all it takes is one sideways glance from a cousin, or a sly dig in the ribs from my brother and I fold into a full-on meltdown.

I'll usually crack a hugely inappropriate joke too, just to make it even worse. :rolleyes:

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

I was behind this queue of slow moving traffic one time. Thought there was a tractor or something holding us up. Long straight road, no oncoming.

Moved out, overtook. Of course, they were following a hearse. Felt like a dick for the whole day.

john the one

Do they put knickers on the corpses?

kneemos

TheDriver wrote: »

sometimes the queue and the waiting around for the removal is a great time to get chatting to people. Managed to get a few dates in the past by the general meet up outside a funeral, people seem to be always up for a chat......

Nowadays I suss out funerals to see if the deceased lived in a nice area in the hope the house will be up for sale soon after....

Do you go to cancer support meetings?

ColeTrain

TheDriver wrote: »

Wondering do people feel all morbid at funerals or does your mind wander? Sometimes its hard to miss the fact that mourners could be fit or something in the funeral home is a bit Fr. Ted like and the mind gets a bit giggly.....or is it just me?

There was some **** at my grandmothers funeral mass, he was about five seconds out with his responses and had this high pitched voice. Had to laugh but did my best to disguise it, sometimes we can't block out whats funny even if laughter is inappropriate.

Vito Corleone

You're only human OP, if I see an attractive lady my mind is more than likely going to wander no matter where I am. A lot of priests are kinda funny as well.

TheDriver

kneemos wrote: »

Do you go to cancer support meetings?

Holy cow batman....... now that's a whole new low.......

Ruu

FAAAAAATTTTTTTTHHHHHHHEEEEERRRR! *clenches fist* unhand me priest!

ambasite

i keep waiting for Ricky Schroder to appear - "Champ!!!"

St. Leibowitz

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

I was behind this queue of slow moving traffic one time. Thought there was a tractor or something holding us up. Long straight road, no oncoming.

Moved out, overtook. Of course, they were following a hearse. Felt like a dick for the whole day.

Did you get one ??

holystungun9

john the one wrote: »

Do they put knickers on the corpses?

Mmmm, corp....I mean, knnniiickkkerss.

orangesoda

No usually at a normal mass service, attractive women and their backsides should be banned from mass, some of us are trying to cleanse our souls

shopaholic01

john the one wrote: »

Do they put knickers on the corpses?

What are you planning? :eek:

Jamie2k9

When can I use my i phone
What food/drink will be free at the pub after
When will it be over
Why is everybody so quiet when the minute its over you won't give the person a seconds thought (I know its bad but its true for most people)

john the one

shopaholic01 wrote: »

What are you planning? :eek:

Necrophilia aint my bag baby

itac

I was devastated when my Gran died, as she was basically a second Mum to me.
But at her funeral, there was (iirc!) 14 priests, a bishop & 2 ex bishops on the altar con-celebrating the mass (she was very involved in the parish & very well known in Sligo town, so it was a large funeral in the Cathedral there.)

At the point where the priest blesses the bread, the rest behind him did so too....but they were all stood in a semi-circular line around the back of the altar, and the almost synchronised motions they made to bless the bread made it look like they were about to burst into a dance routine across the back of the altar. I suddenly had these mad visions of them being a part of Fr. Ted's Golden Cleric stage show!

It's mad how you can make a snigger can sound like a cough sometimes...:o

Grayditch

Ah that must be his sister. Jaysus, she's had to come back from Australia.

Some tan you get over there.

Wasn't planning on going to the afters.




Might head to the afters.

Thoie

A very distant, elderly relative turned up to a funeral a number of years back, wearing the most awful and obvious toupé. The bloody thing looked like an orange cat tied to his head. It in no way matched his original/natural colouring.

Myself and my cousins had all spotted it, and had all caught each other's eye, but were valiantly not looking or saying anything. We were managing very well until another elderly relative turned to us and said "oh there's your man, always thought he was a bit soft, but doesn't he have a grand head of hair still". That was it, we were all done for.

Davarus Walrus

I love the way The Wake has come back into fashion following a death. My Granny died a few years ago. An epic night talking, drinking and eating huge pyramids of sandwiches. It was a lovely and respectful way to send off a wonderful lady.

The Irish deal with death well.

TheDriver

Its when you notice the same people from the town at every afters of a funeral, they probably don't have a clue who has died....

The Backwards Man

If I wasn't going to a funeral to pay my respects I'd stay in the house and read a jokebook or something.

OS119

working out which of the women is wearing hold-up stockings.

you are, after all, going to see more women wearing black stockings and impossibly high heels at a funeral than at any other event - possibly excluding the filming of a porn movie..

MooShop

Ruubot2 wrote: »

FAAAAAATTTTTTTTHHHHHHHEEEEERRRR! *clenches fist* unhand me priest!

Love that show!

Tazio

At a close family funeral over 10 years ago my wife, brother and cousins were sitting on a seat two rows from front all very solemn etc.


This old man sat behind us and had a wheezing breathing problem... the church was dead quiet and you could really hear the hissing from yer man.


My brother whispered to us "I think he's leaking'......


Eight of us in a row were in convulsions.... two rows from the front!!!!


We all had to bend forward and stick our heads in hands... the seat was shaking while we tried not to breath nor laugh. It was terrible.


People outside the church after said we looked like we were very upset.. so sad to see.... I swear we just about got away with it... I felt so guilty.

Noxin

Spot sexy chick all in black in the isle across from you.
Brain goes into overdrive thinking those thoughts that you really shouldn't at the current time.
Entire church stands for various prayers.
Aww sheeeeeiit!!!

Penn

Once at a friend's grandfather's funeral, everyone was walking up to the grave. Another friend asked if I could see our friend, I said "There he is, dead ahead" while pointing towards the coffin (which he was on the other side of). Have never used the phrase "Dead ahead" before, or since. The one time I use it is at a funeral and pointing towards the coffin.

And twice last year I was driving past a church when I noticed there was a funeral. Once my radio was playing "For whom the bell tolls" by Metallica, and the other time it was "Get Better" by Dan le Sac Vs Scroobius Pip

Muise...

Sauve wrote: »

I PISS myself laughing at funerals. It's absolutely disgraceful, but all it takes is one sideways glance from a cousin, or a sly dig in the ribs from my brother and I fold into a full-on meltdown.

I'll usually crack a hugely inappropriate joke too, just to make it even worse. :rolleyes:

My sister knows by now not to catch my eye at a funeral or I'll have her in fits of giggles while I keep a straight face. She does a terrible job of turning laughter to "coughing". It's going to be hilarious when we're ancient and at the top of the receiving line.

.jacksparrow.

Tommy tiernan laughing at a funeral..

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Z43v54S_zPQ

TireeTerror

My girlfriend works in a hair salon. Just before a funeral was due to go past, an old man was going around all the businesses and telling them they had to turn off their lights, or shut the curtains as a mark of respect.

Needless to say the lights were left on and no curtains were shut. Stupid ridiculous request.

Muise...

TireeTerror wrote: »

My girlfriend works in a hair salon. Just before a funeral was due to go past, an old man was going around all the businesses and telling them they had to turn off their lights, or shut the curtains as a mark of respect.

Needless to say the lights were left on and no curtains were shut. Stupid ridiculous request.

That's the kind of gesture that is given, not requested. Usually in small towns members of staff will stand at the door of their business as the procession passes. However, I think the image of women with their heads stuck in those weird cone hairdryers would cheer up any cortege.

josip

I was at a funeral once where an elderly person tripped and fell onto/into the grave while the prayers were being said before the coffin went down.
It would have been a lot more serious if there hadn't been a covering over the grave, so she only went down about a foot into the grave.
While she was being helped back up, one of her children called out from behind, "Wait your turn Mammy!"

I always laugh at inappropriate times. I don't mean to like. Just happen and once it happens it's very hard do stop

Dartz

Met an army bugler once at a funeral when I was a child. Told me that sometimes when he plays, people can't help but smile or find it funny somehow in spite of themselves.

Of course, this is 20 years ago so I'm not sure if I'm remembering that right.

Plazaman

Sometimes my awkwardness knows no bounds and the simple procedure involved in hugging a person seems lost on me most times, if it's not banging heads or hover hugging. So I went to a funeral home to pay my respects to a friend who is quite a gorgeous looking girl. The family were all seated and so it was shake hands, shake hands, shake hands and when I came to her I said I'd lean in for a hug. Wrapping my arm around her, whatever move I made, I grabbed a full on handful of breastage. I'm sure it would have gone unnoticed only for when I stood back up I done some sort of weird jazz hands move and said "wayyhayyyy". Of course the room was nice and quiet at that time.

I avoided the family like the plague for the next month or so but eventually when I talked to her again and apologised she said she had a laugh due to the look of mortification on my face and awkward speedy departure.

Aglomerado

I was at a funeral (wake) last month, someone I knew quite well along with all the extended family, so I was talking to lots of people there. One of the neighbours was given a cup of tea and expressed extreme delight at it, to the amusement of some of us.

I told a story about a lady who used to come to my parents' house and exclaim "I'm dyin' for a cup of tae!" I made a joke about it saying "I wish I'd said to her - fúck off and die then." Then I realised that the grief-stricken husband of the deceased lady was within earshot.

Thankfully their daughter saw the funny side! :pac:

I also remember singing "I wanna be cremated" to the tune of the Ramones "I wanna be sedated" at some stage...

mikom

Anyone got a battery for a Sony Ericsson?

I think it is only natural it is a reaction to death, that's why people often want their funeral to be a party and a celebration of their life not a sombre occasion, however a lot of people cant handle that so if you want a whale of party at your funeral make sure you leave instruction saying that's how you want it to be. I have been at funeral where everyone has sung the parting glass I think its brilliant and so appropriate.


The Parting Glass


Of all the money that e'er I had
I've spent it in good company
And all the harm that e'er I've done
Alas it was to none but me
And all I've done for want of wit
To memory now I can't recall
So fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be with you all

Of all the comrades that e'er I had
They are sorry for my going away
And all the sweethearts that e'er I had
They would wish me one more day to stay
But since it falls unto my lot
That I should rise and you should not
I'll gently rise and I'll softly call
Good night and joy be with you all

A man may drink and not be drunk
A man may fight and not be slain
A man may court a pretty girl
And perhaps be welcomed back again
But since it has so ought to be
By a time to rise and a time to fall
Come fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be with you all
Good night and joy be with you all

The Princess Bride

At my grandad's funeral,my mother was seated in the front row with all of her siblings,as the congregation was queuing up to sympathise .
Mam looked up to see one of her previously totally bald neighbours-now sporting a spanking new big curly toupee -offering his condolences.

She nearly convulsed in the seat with trying to stop laughing.
It was like a domino effect,as the others did the same.
Grandad would've laughed too-sometimes,you just can't stop yourself.

Akrasia

I was at a funeral where the priest was doing a reading from the bible that went like this

A time to give birth, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to tear down, and a time to build up.
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance.
5 A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing.
6 A time to search, and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep, and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together; A time to be silent, and a time to speak.
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; A time for war, and a time for peace.

All I could think the whole way through this was these would all make excellent Steven Seagal movies

Professey Chin

Happened at my friends funeral to me.
Right in the middle of it I got a flashback of him falling face first of a footpath but somehow managing to spin enough to save his chips (drunken priorities). The giggles got me bad

The Master

Akrasia wrote: »

I was at a funeral where the priest was doing a reading from the bible that went like this

All I could think the whole way through this was these would all make excellent Steven Seagal movies

Or a great song by the recently deceased Pete Seeger

Lollipops23

At my (much loved) Granny's funeral 2 years ago the priest started prattling on about how she nurtured us all and our self esteem. Now, much as she was great, she never gave us any notions. Clothes/weight/school marks were routinely criticised as if it were nothing.


At that point in the mass, myself and my two cousins had to cram our fists into our mouths to stop from cackling. Felt so inappropriate, which just made it funnier.

WilyCoyote

This lady worried about how the paps see her during solemn ceremony.

What in the name of God was she thinking?



http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/entertainment/celebrities_gossip/Photos-of-Kate-Middleton-twirling-her-hair-ignites-outrage.html

stinkle

When my friend's mother died, the deceased's brother was plastered and gave a speech which was unintentionally hilarious. It involved a story about how the woman offered to make food for a relative but cooked some peculiar dish due to a misunderstanding. It wasn't all that funny really (kinda had to be there and know the family involved). But my friend had died some years previously and it was the sort of thing that would have had both of us in stitches as kids, which set me off and I was frantically trying to stop laughing but only making it worse. You could see the pew shaking like mad. Our old school principal was sitting right behind me which made me even more giddy as I'm sure she was terribly disapproving of my carry-on. I felt about twelve years old again

Real Life

One time i was at a funeral, just standing outside as the church was full. I took a quick look at Facebook on my phone and my friend sent me a video. I said i can't look at that now I'm at a funeral. He took a screenshot of the conversation and put it on Facebook

gazzer

josip wrote: »

I was at a funeral once where an elderly person tripped and fell onto/into the grave while the prayers were being said before the coffin went down.
It would have been a lot more serious if there hadn't been a covering over the grave, so she only went down about a foot into the grave.
While she was being helped back up, one of her children called out from behind, "Wait your turn Mammy!"

Ha Ha. Nearly choked on my tea reading that.